death by the bottle  The first song you hear on this blog is Whiskey Lullaby, performed by Brad Paisely and Allison Krauss. It an extremely moving and heartwrenching piece, and I feel a painful stab of sorrow in my heart each time I hear the song. I know how it feels to be broken so badly that all you wanted to do is "put that bottle to your head and pull the trigger". Such a simple and direct metaphor, but yet so excruciatingly poignant. I hope no one has to ever go through this, and that no matter what love does to you, you should never ever die by the bottle. Or by anything else for that matter. Life is short, so please....don't make it any shorter. Lyrics:She put him out like the burnin' end of a midnight cigaretteShe broke his heart, he spent his whole life tryin' to forgetWe watched him drink his pain away a little at a timeBut he never could get drunk enough to get her off his mindUntil' the nightHe put that bottle to his head and pulled the triggerAnd finally drank away her memoryLife is short but this time it was biggerThan the strength he had to get up off his kneesWe found him with his face down in the pillowWith a note that said, "I'll love her till I die"And when we buried him beneath the willowThe Angels sang a whiskey lullabyLa la la la la la la, la la la la la la laaLa la la la la la la, la la la la la la laaThe rumors flew but nobody knew how much she blamed herselfFor years and years, she tried to hide the whiskey on her breathShe finally drank her pain away a little at a timeBut she never could get drunk enough to get him off her mindUntil' the nightShe put that bottle to her head and pulled the triggerAnd finally drank away his memoryLife is short but this time it was biggerThan the strength she had to get up off her kneesWe found her with her face down in the pillowClinging to his picture for dear lifeWe laid her next to him beneath the willowWhile the Angels sang a whiskey lullabyLa la la la la la la, la la la la la la laaLa la la la la la la, la la la la la la laaLa la la la la la la, la la la la la la laaLa la la la la la la, la la la la la la laa© MR BUBBA MUSIC, INC.To learn more about the song, check out its story on Wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Whiskey_Lullaby Relationships are hard Artwork by *ReehBRRelationships are hard.I believe that humans are fundamentally selfish. More often than not, we tend to put ourselves first before others. What we feel. What we think. What we want. What we are looking for. What makes us happy. What makes us comfortable.That is why when two people enter a relationship, tension and conflict usually follow closely after the petals of love and romance have fallen off.No one realises that loving someone and being with someone can actually take so much out of you. It is not a simple equation of giving and receiving love in return. A lot of relationships require a hell lot of sacrifice, and an amazing level of tolerance. It demands that you forget your needs and desires sometimes, so that you can fulfil those of your partner. It expects you to be forgiving and understanding , even during the times when you think you have every right to be a bitch. It totally compels you at times even to turn away from who you really are, to be someone else he prefers you to be.One would like to assume when you love someone, these actions come naturally. You naturally want to be a better person for your partner. But as a human being like everyone else, I am not infallible. I am innately selfish and I cannot change that.That's why sometimes when the self becomes more important than the other person, conflict becomes inevitable. We can only hear ourselves. Our needs suddenly become more amplified, and nothing else matters but how we feel, what we want. It is so easy to slip back into that selfish state of mind, and how justified it felt at that point in time too.And it feels liberating to feel like that sometimes. I have always lived my life for others, and allowed them to make me feel guilty for doing otherwise. Even till today. Many times, I have wanted to shed that selfless facade, that all forgiving nature, and scream my lungs out. I want to lash out at all those who have hurt me, and be that selfish bitch who cares only for herself.I can hear myself screaming, but no one else can. I am too disciplined to let that happen. My upbringing has moulded me into a conformist.And maybe that's why relationships are so much harder these days. We are in conflict not only with the person we are with, but with ourselves as well. The war we fight internally rages on, even during the good times. Because deep inside, we want to live for ourselves. We want to be ourselves. But in a relationship, the couple should always take precedent over the self for it to last, and hence the self has to be locked away in the depths of our heart.It's for the greater good, they say.Relationships are hard. They are a beautiful dream to possess, but a harsh reality to live in.And for a person like myself, it may take me forever to come to terms with that. The Ugly Truth I watched The Ugly Truth today, and found it to be surprisingly refreshing and hilarious. Although rated crass and even crude by some critics, this movie cuts painfully close to reality.Gerard Butler plays a TV host who dishes out advice on dating, sex and relationships - and is brutally blunt about what men are looking for in a woman - tits and ass. In the show, he claims that men don't fall in love with personalities; they fall for what turns them on in the first instance. Men - according to his theory, cannot be trained. Their life lessons stopped at toilet training, and it's almost impossible to change or train them. They are simple, and their needs even more so.He revealed many other interesting tidbits - which I suspect many women already know, but are in denial and refusing to accept as what he calls the "Ugly Truth". Men love a woman with sex appeal. They are adverse to control freaks. They don't really care for your problems. Women don't need self help books - they need a stairmaster to get them in shape so that men would look at them, admire their shapely curves and imagine what it would be like to bed them. Flirt, play games, pretend to be someone you're not, wear sexy clothes that capitalize on your assets - if you plan to snare the guy you want.It's depressing I know - yet I hate to admit that the movie rings of so much truth. I have dated many men in my life, and maybe it's really my luck that 90% of the men I have met, kissed and dated, were exactly as what Gerard Butler has described in the movie. They are all visual creatures, loved to be seduced, not remotely interested in your sob stories, and would very much prefer to spend their time frolicking in bed then go picnicking in the park.Some women may say that this only applies to the bad boys we tend to fall head over heels in love for. But somehow, I have this nagging feeling that it applies to all men. They are who they are, and probably this is exactly how they are wired. We just didn't want to believe it because our desire to be romanced by Mr Right outweighs our ability to comprehend that men is far more simpler than we think they are.Like what my guy used to say,"The truth hurts, but it will set you free."Inspired by Steve Santagati, author of "A True Bad Boy Explains How Men Think, Date, and Mate--and What Women Can Do to Come Out on Top". Tribute for Michael Jackson, King of Pop BLACK OR WHITEA,B,C - it's easy as1-2-3And here's a short storyThat's oh so iffyAs a kid he and his brothers jivedTogether they were fiveAlmost instantlyAn icon came to lifeImbruing the universeLiving his ideated lieDiana Ross, she's his ingleInwardly, He wants to be herThe knife's cold The incisions swiftHis face rearrangedJust to look impishWhere the world used toIlluminate The MOONWALKER's nightThose colors have sincefaded into purely BLACK OR WHITENeverland kids' finally droveThe final nailBetrayed his loveand erected his tombSo the issue now isHe's BADHe's HISTORYSo BEAT ITJust beat it Starlitecafe's 10 Word Challenge: - icon - ideate - iffy - illume - imbrue - impish - incise - ingle - inward - issue To Michael - the biggest star of all time. Saving Charmaine Lim I was recently alerted to the case of Charmaine Lim, a 4-year-old girl who is suffering from neuroblastom , a most common form of cancer that afflicts young children. In Charmaine's case, the doctors discovered a tumor outside her liver on the lymph nodes and nerves - and other traces of cancer can also be found in her bone marrow.At this point in time, Charmaine's mother, Cynthia (a single mum) is trying hard to raise funds for the girl's cancer treatment in the US - which will give Charmaine a 40-50% chance of survival. The drug used for this treatment is unfortunately only available in clinical trials, which means the Singapore hospitals have no access to it. If Charmaine continues to stay here for treatment, her chances for survival would be very slim.The family is looking to raise USD 350,000 for the treatment - but as the amount is absolutely staggering (particularly in these times), their efforts in fund raising have been slow. I would like to appeal to anyone who is reading this to try and spread the message - and extend the beacon of hope to Charmaine and her family, who's trying their utmost to save her lifeApparently, her case has also been highlighted across various news platforms:Straits Times, March 24 The New Paper, June 14 You can also visit her website at http://www.ourfeistyprincess.com/ and blog http://ourfeistyprincess.blogspot.com/ which details her illness and gives the latest updates on her current status (she just got out of the operating theatre today). You can also read more about her illness and view her most recent photos in this powerpoint presentation. If anyone of you would like to make a donation, please click here for instructions. Family and friends of Charmaine will also be organising various fund raising activities to help raise the money required for her treatment - which you can participate in if you would like to help out in ways other than donating money. Thanks everyone for taking the time to read this - and just know that any form of help that you can give (fund raising, donation or simply spreading the word) - will go a really long way.Have a good day. everyone needs a slumdog it's a simple movie with no mindblowing effectsit's a simple story without the colourful villians we see in Gotham cityit's a simple man whom we would never have known if not for this movieit's a group of simple actors quite unlike the stellar cast of Ocean's 12it's shot in a simple country with no skyscrapers or fancy carsbut yet, despite this simplicityit proved that it was no underdogthe Academy bestowed upon the filmthe honour of 8 Oscarsthe beauty of this recognition is hopebecause the story goesno matter who you areno matter where you are fromno matter what you have (or don't have)slumdog or underdogdreams may come true after allin times like these where everything seems to go wrongeveryone needs a slumdog there's always a first time Artwork by *Nonnettai had my first job at 12my first kiss at 13I tried smoking at 14and found out i hate nicotinei found lipstick and perfume at 15was a hot clubber by 16held two jobs when i was 17met my ex in poly at 18 at 19 i was hired by mtvand saw my first celebrity at 20went on the plane for the first time at 21had an abusive relationship at 2223 i stood crying in the rainfell in love with someone three years younger at 24 had my first long distance relationship at 25and my heart broken a year later at 26started blogging at 27promoted to manager at 28graduated with 2nd upper class honours at 29and met my future beau at age 30he proposed when i was 31and gave me a home at 32i have yet to reach 33so here i shall end my blog cvthere's always a first time for everythingand that's what make life - so messy - the book, the blog and the movie Once upon a time 4 years ago, I found a really cool book and bought it for a girl friend who was having boy problems.Then I blogged about it here.Now they have made it into a movie.Maybe they will make it into a song soon.Or a talk show. (Any takers - Oprah? Tyra? Ellen?) All good things... ...must come to an end.Loyalty is underrated.In a relationship, respect precedes love. Always.Don't compromise. But if you do, live with it.What goes around doesn't always come around. Sometimes it just disappears completely.When things don't go your way, pray.If death can solve all problems, nobody will be alive to see the solutions.Nobody is perfect, but we can all learn to be a little less imperfect.Life is never fair. Suck it.The winner takes it all. That's a fact.YOU should never be more important than ME.I am not different. I am just unique.== Random thoughts on random space == Artwork by ~kponge The Long Awaited Update Image by SBA73It's been almost three months since I last blogged. Thanks to those who dropped me sweet caring messages to find out how I was doing, especially Richard. I am good now - emotionally raw but stabilised.So what has happened between my last blog and now? Thought I would give you guys a quick update:1) I have not lost any weight. The ballooning weight is making me depressed. I think I should start starving.2) I have just received a promotion. Before I was just managing marketing activities for the Singapore office, my portfolio has now been expanded to cover Malaysia, Thailand, Hong Kong and Greater China. That also means I get three direct reports now - which is fun! I love playing boss. :) 3) I am flying off to Bangkok tomorrow - but I doubt I have time to shop. My meeting schedule looks awfully tight. Might as well stay in the room...and read. Or I can go for a massage. Heard they are cheap and GOOD in Thailand.4) I will be flying off to Tokyo (AGAIN!) the week after my Bangkok trip. Oh yes - back to my "jet-setting" days (as if)! This time I have allocated time to shop, eat, shop again, eat again, then shop, then eat...you get the idea. I can't wait... ii-desu-ka!I just remembered that I have not posted the photos from my last Tokyo trip...I am indeed getting old.Old, fat and forgetful. No wonder I am depressed.5) Bought a new apartment some time ago - and the developers have finally finished building it. Got my keys recently and have been busy shopping for furniture and designing my dream flat. Now that killed 90% of my brain cells and definitely deserve a post on its own - which I hope I can get round to once I return from my business trips.So there you go - a sneak preview of my exciting life. Go ahead and envy me. Frank Lee Speaking FRANK LEE - MAY 28, 2008 Today I lost another friend. I don't even know how he died. Some said it was a disease. Whatever it was, it was too sudden.On May 12, 2008, Frank Lee added me as friend on Facebook. A couple of months before that, I bumped into him when I was out shopping. We chatted briefly - and I chirpily made one of those empty promises which now, I would never ever be able to fulfil. I said we should catch up for tea one of these days.I really like Frank. He's your Mr Nice Guy - patient, kind, softspoken and caring. He's a bit of a geek - but he's always very pleasant to hang out with.He was also my ex-colleague who had left the company barely a year ago. He is always smiling, always willing to help. He was such a bubbly and optimistic guy that we enjoyed teasing him. To us, he was "Frank Lee Speaking" (a pun on "frankly speaking"). Having worked with him for a while and interacted with him on a daily basis at work previously, his passing left me reeling with extreme shock...and a lot of pain.In a fatal stroke, everything was taken away from him. His wife-to-be, his future, his career, his life, his family...and our tea date. News of his death drowned me like a tsunami, paralysing my senses. I wanted to deny it so badly. For once in my life, I want to live in this lie.But the verdict is sickening and final. He's no longer around.I feel my heart plunging to my stomach. The sense of loss is overwhelming. Why him? Why now? Why does it have to end this way? He was only 32.Frank - I am so, so sorry. I wished we had met up for tea. I wished I had been more proactive and communicated with you more actively on Facebook. I wished I knew you more. I wished this wasn't real. I wished I was more of a friend than a colleague. I wished I could have done more.But I know now no matter how hard I wish, you are gone forever. Once again, I was too late.I really hate this.Artwork by *Miss-Rita ladies & gentlemen, this is my song Artwork by ~BlinnieI was surfing the world wide web when I came across this guy named Jerry Herman who wrote a song called "I Am What I Am". Sweet. His lyrics are pretty apt - and maybe I am bias, but it does speaks of how I feel and how I view my life. Unfortunately I do not know how it sounds like, and some parts seem a bit gay. But what the heck. Enjoy.I AM WHAT I AMI am what I am, I am my own special creationSo come take a look, give me the hook or the ovationIt's my world that I want to have a little pride inMy world and it's not a place I have to hide inLife's not worth a damn 'til you can say, hey worldI am what I amI am what I am, I don't want praise I don't want pityI bang my own drum, some think it's noise I think it's prettyAnd so what if I love each feather and each spangleWhy not try to see things from a different angleYour life is a sham 'til you can shout out loudI am what I amI am what I am and what I am needs no excusesI deal my own deck sometimes the ace, sometimes the deucesThere's one life and there's no return and no depositOne life so it's time to open up your closetLife's not worth a damn 'til you can say, hey worldI am what I am 10 Things Women Look For In A Man Artwork by *JacquiJaxIt was on the morning show on radio today. The DJ was listing the 10 things women look for in a man, which includes normal stuff such as: Is he generous? Is he bitter about his past relationships? Does he pay attention and listen to you, even when he is talking about himself?Is he engaging?Does he have a sense of humour?How is he compared to her ex?...and the list goes on.Funny how such "most wanted" lists are always very one sided. A guy I once dated commented how girls are always checking the boys off their incredibly long "laundry" list. The criteria for their ideal man often runs the length of an expressway, and scales the height of the world's tallest skyscraper. "So..." my date asked, "What do girls do to ensure that they are perfect in every way possible should their "ideal" guy come by one day?"He continued, "I mean to be fair, if a girl expects so much of a man, she must look at herself first and go through the same mental checklist of what she should do to be the ideal woman for that perfect guy."That really got me thinking. And I finally realise why the wise guys said that "the truth hurts, but it will set you free."Women do expect a lot from their men. They want them to be strong and dependable, but yet be achingly romantic and emotionally sensitive to their needs. Their men gotta be financially dependent and preferably generous, with the ability to afford their lifestyles. They love smart guys who can engage them on an intellectual level, and who can say all the right things at the right time. The wishlist of a typical woman goes on to describe someone who is well-groomed and good looking, fiercely loyal but yet, has a little naughty "bad boy" streak in him at the same time. He must have ambition and drive, knows when to shower tons of love upon her and when to back off and give her that breathing space that she desperately needs.A peep into my girlfriends' wishlists for their "ideal man" reveals at least 75% of the criteria mentioned above. Some had even more specific requirements: "He must be at least 1.8m tall"; "He should at least have a university degree"; "He should come from a good family" ...yup, that list almost reads like a recruitment ad for a talent from Havard.Which leads me back to my date's question: How many similar requirements would a woman fulfil on this perfect man's "recruitment" ad should he have one? It's painful when the tables are turned upon you, isn't it? You start to look at yourself and realise that you are not a boobsy supermodel with shapely legs up to her chest. Neither are you a fantastic cook with legendary culinary skills that can entrap any man's heart. You are probably stuck with an awfully boring job that will not offer many stimulating conversations between you and your ideal man. You graduated from a normal school with average grades and like all women, you are also probably emotional and often fraught with mood swings. You nag, complain and whine a lot - and you find it hard to forgive and forget, especially when he does you wrong. And more often than not, you may be more caught up with how you are feeling than how you are making him feel.If the above sounds a lot like you, then maybe it's time to relook at your wishlist - and understand that every perfect man deserves a perfect woman. And if you are less than perfect, you need to be more realistic in the kind of man you are looking for. Go for the intrinsic qualities which would make a man someone who is worthy of your love and devotion. Sometimes you might discover that for such a man, the wishlist might not even exceed three key criteria. Every woman look for different things in their man. I can't tell you what your wishlist should look like, but what you can take away from today's post is - Start looking at the man-woman relationship from both sides of the toast: How you want to be loved, and how you want to love your man.When you learn to develop a wishlist that is not purely one-sided, you will find that your ideal man is really not that hard to find. my soccer jersey I must be really bored. I don't even watch the World Cup. The only thing I know about soccer is David Beckham, Michael Owen and Pele. So why the hell do I need a jersey?But I love the number 33 and I thought it would look really cool on a soccer jersey.Actually, what really got me all "excited" about this little boys' game was that I've been tasked to organise an inter-bank soccer tournament in May. The thought of 10 sweating men grunting and shoving each other on the field, trying to cajole a little black & white ball between the hairy legs of another grown man into a gaping net - is quite arresting indeed.So with that powerful image in my mind, I went about my day selecting trophies that will embellish their win, and reaffirm their mastery of The Ball & The Net.Then I tried to redesign the jersery, spending a brainless afternoon moving the tournament logo all over the shirt and trying to decide on the one perfect spot where it would look great, and not just "good". Yes, I am THAT anal.With that out of the way, I decided to take a break from all that testosterone stuff and design my own cute jersery. Which leads us to the beginning of this blog entry.I must be really bored. it's been a long week ..or rather a really long month.too much work. not enough sleep. brain dead. feeling a little lost. and i think age has something to do with the way i feel.physically and emotionally.getting fat. metabolic rate is declining faster than the US stock market. energy levels at all time low. water retention. feeling bloated.don't feel so good about myself. strange. I was never that self conscious. Somehow, people's remarks about how bad i look now are getting to me. I hate it and I am fighting it, but it's wearing me out.sometimes i wish people will leave me alone. People will always fail you... Artwork by ~DannyPhantomFreek ....and that's a fact.I am surrounded by quitters. It's so disheartening that I can't even bring myself to talk about it.I am not one to quit easily. I always believe that as long as we keep trying - things will work out the way we want it to. Having faith is so important - but I am slowly losing it. It's hard to cling on to faith when everyone seems to have no qualms hacking it away from you with their negativity and bitterness.Can't help feeling defeated. And sad. I have never felt this sad for a long time. And the feeling of sadness - feels like a disease that eats away at your heart, bit by bit, until it finally stops beating and begins to rot and fester.God am I tired. Elvinalogy 4.0 Time for more insights on Yours Truly. Speaking about time....check this one out. Snitched it from Richard's blog.What Time of Day Are You?You are 10:02 a.m.You are breakfasty, like a pile of pancakes on a Sunday morning that have just the right amount of syrup, so every bite is sweet perfection and not a soppy mess. You are a glass of orange juice that's cool, refreshing, and not overly pulpy.You are the time of day that's just right for turning the pages of a newspaper, flipping through channels, or clicking around online to get a sense of how the world changed during the night. You don't want to stumble sleepily through life, so you make a real effort to wake your brain up and get it thinking.You feel inspired to accomplish things (whether it's checking something off your to-do list or changing the world), but there's plenty of time for making things happen later in the day. First, pancakes.I feel delicious already....Which Movie Superhero Are You?You're SupermanYou sometimes feel like you're different from everyone else on the planet, but you don't mind, because you like these Earth people! You consider it your duty to keep them safe. Like Superman, you're comfortable wearing colorful, attention-grabbing outfits in public. If you see someone breaking the law, you'll swoop in and correct the problem. Your family, friends and coworkers appreciate how dependable you are, even if they don't realize the full extent of your powers.I do feel like him sometimes. Expected to save the world, yet grossly undervalued. Why do people always take me for granted? Failure Artwork by ~zurihI came across an article recently which asked these interesting questions:1. What would you do if you know that whatever you do, there will be absolutely no chance of failure?2. What kind of challenges/risk would you take on knowing that the element of judgement is removed?3. What is stopping you from pursuing this goal right now?The fear of failure, as you can see, is an overwhelming force. It paralyses you - and hinders you from reaching your potential. It stops you from reaching from your dream. Most of all, it compromises who you are - so that you left with "who you could have been".Now - they even have a name for this condition. Atychiphobia.Would the fear of failure lead to more failures? Because missed opportunities may not come by again. Because the consequences of not taking the leap of faith may outweigh whatever you are trying to save yourself from. Because you only live once.No one describes this state of mind better than Alexander Sergeievich Pushkin:I've lived to bury my desires,And see my dreams corrode with rust;Now all that's left are fruitless firesThat burn my empty heart to dust Heck. I could have so been a CSI. memories of London As promised, here are the long awaited photos from my London trip. It's a really lovely place, and I would like to visit it again sometime. Haven't had that much time for sightseeing this time, which explains why I didn't take that many photos. :P Click to view more photos from my London trip!"The best part of beauty is that which no picture can express." ~ Francis Beacon, Sr. Time Filler Artwork by =andariaA girlfriend of mine asked me today: "What do you make of a guy who messages you every day, calls you up to chat every night, but never ask you out?""He's bored at that point in time, and is probably taking a break from whatever has been taking up his time before he called/messaged. In other words, I think you are his time filler." I rationalised.So how do you tell when you someone is taking you as his time filler? Here are some tell tale signs...1/ He calls you at his convenience - even it that means in the middle of the night.2/ He is more caught up with updating you about his life than asking about yours.3/ He hardly asks you out, but when he finally does, it's out of the blue when he's got nothing else on to distract him.4/ When he's with you, he's only got one thing on his mind and it starts with S and ends with X.5/ He wants you to understand when he is busy, but he kicks up a big fuss when you have no time for him.6/ He wants to know who else you are seeing; but he keeps his dates a secret7/ He says he misses you whenever he calls - but his calls are so infrequent you wonder if that was true.8/ He calls you to chat when he is drunk.The list goes on - but these are the ones I always hear about.So ladies - if you don't wish to be taken as a time filler, recognise these signs and purge these men out of your life. They are toxic and detrimental to your emotional well-being.You definitely deserve better. My Resolutions for 2008 Artwork by ~MarendigellSomehow I find it easier to achieve the gruelling KPIs of my work, then my yearly personal resolutions. It's as though I have taken myself for granted.Fortunately for me, I am quite a goal-oriented person. Once I've set my mind on something, I will work towards gettting there. Maybe for personal goals, it will take me a while - but yeh, I will get there. :)And here are my resolutions for 2008. Check back again with me at the end of the year - and we will do an audit of how far I would have come.1. Exercise regularly.I have been pretty sickly last year - and have been told by my numerous concerned friends that maybe I should get out into the sun more and move my lazy ass. Exercise helps improve blood circulation and sleep, boosts the immune system, and of course, keeps my ballooning weight in check.I don't seem to have a choice if I want to reduce the number of days I have been on sick leave. So I resolve to take NO medical leave this year! Big Fat Hairy ResolutionOn to the treadmill!2. Lose 6 kg in 6 months.This is an unfortunate consequence of not exercising at all whilst I was stuffing my face with food. I will write more about this in my next post - but for now, I need to cut off some fats at strategic parts of my body, gain and tone some muscles and stop looking pregnant. This practically means, Resolution (1) is necessary for the successful completion of Resolution (2).Damn. 3. Blog regularly.My blog seemed to be frozen in time in 2007. Yes, I admit I had other distractions - but that shouldn't be an excuse. I absolutely love writing. Blogging helps to keep that rhythm, and disciplines me to materalise my thoughts, opinions and emotions in words. It oils the writing engine and more often than not, reduces the down time - more commonly known as writers' block.I want to be able to share like before and let my entries touch people in ways that I might not be able to do so in person. But most of all, I don't want to stop writing and lose sight of the one true passion of my life.4. Make a willLife is so fleeting - and totally unpredictable. I see people dying around me every day, and the fatalistic part of me sometimes wonder when will I be next to go. You would never know, would you?So I was thinking, if I do expire one day, I want to leave behind a legacy to bless those whom I care about. When there's a will, there's a way.How corny.5. Develop the outline of my book.That's pretty achievable, don't you think? I have to start somewhere you know - and writing that very first chapter seemed even harder than conquering Mount Everest. It seems that many writers are inflicted with this numbing disease called Writophobia - the fear of writing because one feels the finished work will never be good enough.I figured if I start working on the outline of my book and list the topics/chapters that I would be writing on, the next step to writing that first chapter would be less daunting.Or am I deluding myself?6. Clear my debts.Credit cards - the bane of all evil. I want to be debt free - or at least credit card debt free by end of 2008. Banks are legitimate loansharks. They seduce you to take their products, entice you to use them regularly (for everything and anything), and blind you with all sorts of promotions and member privileges. And suddenly, you are totally duped into using the money that you don't have in the first place.Behind the scenes, they start to pile up the interests, which escalate every month to alarming levels. And before you know it, you are neck high in a pile of shit and gotta try to stay afloat and not to drown in the tsunami of bills.So I am getting meself a mighty pair of scissors to cut away those plastics the moment I cleared the shit out of them. That's what me gonna do.7. Start saving.The lack of savings is an unfortunate consequence of servicing credit card debts. Which means Resolution (7) is dependent on the successful completion of Resolution (6). Don't you just hate it when your resolutions overlap like this?I want to be able to put aside a significant amount of savings each month. I want to be less dependent on plastics and loans and have a healthy amount of cashflow. I want to fatten my bank account and be able to swim in wads and wads of bills.Well I can dream, can't I?So there we have it - seven simple resolutions for the new year. Nothing fanciful - but extremely significant to me. I am hesitant to have more than seven resolutions because as it is, it takes a hell lot of determination and discipline just to achieve one. I am being Ms Realistic here - so that I will not be driving myself insane just to tick a laundry list of resolutions off my checkbox. Now - what are YOUR resolutions for 2008? New Year's Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time.” ~ James Agate happy birthday to me Artwork by ~polawatone year olderone year none the wiserforget the candlesscrap the cakeless is more, remember?from girl to womanlike a flower blossomedwhat's innocencewhere I'm fromit's literally non-existentso it's another yearanother dayanother reminderoh, come what mayso much love todayi feel faintgreetings poured inlike summer rainwell my friendsthank you for everythinglife's been greatabsolutely divinealmost heavenlyso just for todayhappy birthdayto me christmas in London Yes - I am in London!I have been invited by my HQ to visit the London office - and meet up with my marketing counterparts. It was also a perfect opportunity for me to attend our company's Christmas party that's happening in about 30 minutes time. I am blogging from the members' area at the Natural History Museum - a gorgeous work of art - where the black tie event is being held.Here's a sneak peek of this awesome architecture and the lovely skating rink outside it.London is freezing cold right now - and the average temperature in the night time hovers between 0 to 2 degrees. But it's great fun and absolutely quaint - and the weather...mmm..it is a wonderful change from the hot and humid Singapore. Just last night, I took a stroll down Oxford Street with a cup of warm steamed milk in one hand, and shopping bags in the other.I will put up some more pictures when I am back. Meanwhile, for all my friends in Hotel Solace - Happy holidays and have a blessed Christmas. I Am Not Going To Think About Her Break ups are hard - and I have seen different people cope in different ways. This guy however, has a really unique way of doing it. Extremely creative too. I totally dig the script.If you are going through a similar situation now, nurse your heart ache by watching this clip. Even if it can't heal you, I hope it would at least bring a smile to your face.However, if you are the one dying to get away, this dude gives you tips on How To Break Up With Your Girlfriend in 64 Easy Steps.I am beginning to think he may need a psychologist to untie all the knotted angst.For more of his wit, humor and cynicism, check out his webpage - Tales of Mere Existence.Quirky. my world of warcraft Thought I would show you guys an example of what I do on World of Warcraft. The little gnome -Sheerlock - in pink ponytails is me - killing an elite dragon boss with nine other members from my guild, each with different special abilities and powers.Have fun viewing! the three questions Artwork by ~sora-koOnce upon a time, there was a king, who is quite a philosophical man. He had three burning questions on his mind, which he had no answers to. The three questions were:1. Who is the most important person in the world?2. What is the most important thing to do in the world?3. When is the most important time to do it?The questions were posed to his ministers, but none, including his wise sages, could give him the answers he was seeking. Feeling frustrated, the king decided to venture out of the palace and take a walk in town.As night began to close in, the king decided to put up at a little hut, situated on the outskirts of town. The hut was owned by a hospitable old man who lived alone.In the middle of the night, the king was awakened from his deep slumber by a loud commotion. Someone was banging hard at the door and shouting for help. The King got up just in time to see the old man opening the door. A young man came rushing in, his clothes torn and stained with blood. More blood was dripping down his forehead and his eyes were filled with desperation and fear.The young man begged the old man to shelter him from his pursuers, who were hot on his heels. Without another word, the old man agreed and quickly hid the young man out at the back in a shack, where it was dark and isolated. Not long after, soldiers came storming into the house, demanding to know if the old man has seen anyone passing through his grounds.The old man denied and feigned ignorace, and the soldiers left him to continue their manhunt. The young man finally came out of his hiding place, washed and cleaned up his wounds, thanked the old man and went on his way.The King was stupefied at what unfolded before his eyes, but kept his composure. The next morning, he asked the old man:"Why did you agree to help the young man last night? Why did you not even bother to find out who he was? What has he done? Or where is he going?"The old man look the king in the eye and replied:"The most important person in the world is the one who needed your help most. The most important thing to do is to offer whatever assistance you can in his time of need. And the most important time to do it is right then and there - immediately."The king was stunned for a moment, and it finally dawned on him that the answers he has been searching for for so long, were actually right before his eyes. The old man had taught him the most important lesson he needed to know."You cannot teach a man anything; you can only help him find it within himself." ~ Galileo Galilei (1564 - 1642) enough is enough Artwork by ~RusRedwhy is it sowhen things go wrongthe burden to bear is always mineand when i've done rightyou, not meare the one who shinemaybe i am easymaybe i don't mindbut maybe, just maybeyou think i'd be finewhy does one thinkwhen friendship endsthey play no partin the tragedyand when pain sets init's all mewho caused the miserymaybe i am innocentmaybe i am nicemaybe, just maybei look like the bullying kindenough is enoughbetrayal is finitetake your cursesand beat itget the hell outta my lifeyour vile intentionsyour malicious liesenough is enoughgood riddanceand goodbye i am back it's been a while, a long while. i guess the chaotic pace of my work and other distractions - didn't help either.i was also going through a writer's block. i stared for hours on this screen, trying to pen my thoughts but i couldn't.not too long ago, i typed in Blogger's URL, but i was blocked. couldn't figure out why. since i have nothing i wanted to update, i gave up trying to log in.then came one mail. then two. then a couple more.friends of this blog started writing me, asking me if i am ever going to blog again. people i don't know emailed me telling me how my blog has impacted them in ways i cannot understand. long lost readers messaged me to say they missed my posts. everywhere i turn, someone will remind me of Hotel Solace.and i have to say -- i am indeed very touched. i am sorry i have been gone for so long. i do want so much to touch lives again, and i hope i can still remember how to do it.i have retreated into a space that doesn't need me to feel that much -- and that helped brought some stability and sanity back into my otherwise dysfunctional life. for a while, this blog has been that hotel solace for me, and many others. but the emotions that checked in here daily were mostly raw, and very, very real. i needed a solace of my own and i found it interestingly, by not blogging.but it feels good ...to be back.it feels wonderful to know u guys are still checking in.and it feels liberating to be able to crack the stupid privacy code that's preventing me from logging into blogger.and yes, i do miss you too. Got this in my email today... I should be feeling cheesed off, but on the contrary, i found it really amusing. Made me smile at least.... =)==========================================================================This was written by a guy... it's pretty damn smart. Girls -- Have a sense of humor!I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.FOR EXAMPLE:One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!"So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits.She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for each outfit."We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings.Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck.I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT?"I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.Alright girls. Repost this if you agree. Hell even if you disagree, repost it.Men, repost this because you have balls. bad tidings I have been thinking about many things.God. People. Love. Hate. Faith. Truth. Reality. Friendship. Work. Life.I get overwhelmed sometimes by the many things I know, the stories I hear, the actions I see. Sometimes I wish I wasn't aware...it would make life much easier.I guess there's a reason for everything - but I am not sure at this point what it is, or what it was.It has been an emotionally charged period - not so much for me, but for many of my friends. People I like, people whom I am fond of, people who I truly care about. I see and hear so much pain over the last few months, it felt almost like my own.They came to me - pouring their heart and soul out - seeking comfort, a listening ear or for some, maybe even a resolution. I don't have all the answers - and the burden of truth weighs so heavily on me some times, I am not sure what advice to give anymore so that I would not come across as merely paying lip service.The stories unfolded with heartwrenching scripts. Depressing to say the least.A woman who married her first boyfriend 20 years ago picked up her divorce papers today. A victim from years of child abuse, she is now undergoing treatment for manic depression. Her husband found love in the arms of a nightclub hostess recently and left her in shambles, in debt and in a big freaking mess. Of course, the plot goes much more complicated than that, but it takes a very cold, unfeeling heart to do what he has done to my friend.Someone who I hold very dear lost her baby last week. I couldn't hug her cos she wouldn't allow me near her. I understand she needed time alone, but it kills me inside knowing that she is going through hell alone without me by her side.My colleague had a nervous breakdown. I have always known him as a happy-go-lucky, optimistic and highly positive guy. I learnt once again not to judge a book by its cover when I saw the despair in his bloodshot eyes. No one knew but me. I wrote him a note to encourage him for I know not how else to help.A casual chat with an ex-colleague last week led to yet another counselling session. This time, money was the key perpetrator. Her desperation to have a better life for her family streamed down her face, and scorched my heart like acid. I could only listen - helplessly.There were more, and I try my best to take each one as they come. I listen. I speak with deliberation, tip-toeing over the raw sensitive areas. I offer my most sincere empathy, and whatever help within my means. But the obstacles surged like towering infernos, consuming and destroying everything within sight, and I felt nothing I do could put out the raging flames. I keep wondering why people come to me, even strangers - unloading their baggage and sad tidings with ease and trust, even though they know they may walk away with nothing to gain from me. Most of the time I can offer nothing more than me - and my time.I couldn't stop anything from happening.And I'm sorry I couldn't help more than I wanted to. I have never felt more helpless than I am now.