Farewell It's been a pretty long journey and I'm at a turning point of my life.Perhaps its a transitional phase im goin throughPerhaps its the 30th Birthday thingPerhaps its jus an accumulation of things i have seen and been through to think i need to restructure my life.Well, whichever reason it is - I'm embarking on a new journey.Farewell my friends to all who had been faithfully reading.I'll see u guys around.Just a quote I had thought of when I was walkin home one day."The World is a stage for my chereography."Sounds pretty arrogant huh? Haha. Fatigue, Continue. Tired seems to be common phrase that is buzzing around my ears recently. I strongly credit the sudden promotion of the usage of this word to the upcoming NYP Musical which is due to kick off this coming friday.Perhaps in a good sense I cant see the opening show on Friday for I have to give make-up tuition lessons to my Pri 2 kid for his upcoming Maths Exam on 8th May. Besides, most people I know are also going to watch the Saturday show so we can all celebrate properly after the musical. I can only pray for all of the performers that they will maintain their best of health so that this musical will be a great success for all of them. So much hard work, so much tears. There were a few times when I did feel a slight pang of regret that I cannot share this burden with them but I guess being there as a supportive audience is the best I can do for now.As of my current state now I am also nursing a 39 degrees fever. I do believe it will do go down in a matter of hours after taking that panadol but it still feels odd to blog in this light-headed state of mind. I can't even be sure if I will remain coherent a while later when the drug effect kicks in and I start to roll my eyeballs and sway in my vision. Ever wondered how its like to continue blogging in a state when you are concious of yourself slowly losing conciousness and still struggle to finish up what you need to do? It's not the same as struggling to stay awake because staying awake simply requires a jolt to the body like a loud noise or an action like hitting your arm real hard so your brain registers an electric shock [somethin like that] and transmits new brainwaves to awaken the slowly deteriorating muscles. Kinda bio I suddenly sound. Hmmm, maybe the drug is starting to take effect and I am now just penning down whatever comes to mind. Funny thing is - I'm still concious and I'm definitely not just prattling off some inane nonsensical gibberish which will just seek to create a loss of interest in continued reading.Ok perhaps this direction is goin off-track. I do realise this sickness is an accumulation of past months of continous working on weekdays and some weekends as well. Not in the sense I stay in the office all day but I would burn my weekends just doing research for upcoming projects on my weekends just so that I can improve my product knowledge by a tremendous pace so that I can stabilise myself into the role as soon as possible. The results have finally started to show but so too are there results of fatigue being converted into sickness for my health. Felt a bit weird in tango today but I set down my determination and focused for just that 2 hours. I can only remember Yeeshan's words in my head," I have to want to perform."When I heard his short comment of saying I have improved my heart leaped. To hear his short sentence of praise I know it does not come easy because Yeeshan is never easy-going on compliments. I only wish I could find enough time to re-train myself properly in jazz and lyrical hiphop when my project really stabilises. Seeing the SA auditions for the new batch of juniors last saturday just made me feel that most of them do not know how lucky they to receive a structured training syllabus which will guarantee results although they have to learn to combat stress first.But I see good hopes for this new batch of juniors. Some of them already display energy when doing Peter's jazz chereo. Something which is not easy considering their age or amount of experience to proper jazz chereo.Sigh. Time to continue with my rest. My brain is slowly sinking into oblivion. Roads. Crossroads. As I contemplate over the latest product information that I have received with regards to my newest project, my mind drifted unconciously back to my last tango practise. It was.. enjoyable. Though I did feel mildly embarrased that I could not stop perspiring. My partner was concerned and consoled me because she thought that I was feeling very stressed.Truth is. I could not stop holding my breath because of my posture and its making me feel uncomfortable. Ah well, the ills of having too much to "spill" out just beneath my chest. Means I have to hold my breath to hold my tummy up silly.Guess I have to find some way to either breathe as I dance or I just have to find some way to hold up my framework like switching on some kitchen light. Just a simple flick and its done.My Convocation is this friday and I have just collected my graduation gown today. Thousands of thoughts flashed across my mind when I stood there while the boutique studio lady dressed me up properly with the graduation gown so that I can confirm that the size is fitting. The fact is - it fits to a T. Standing there, looking at myself in the mirror - How time flies. 4 years. Since I first embarked on this long and almost never ending journey of struggling for my studies at night while I work in the daytime. Not to mention the initial years of my studies I was basically maintaing a balance of clearing my bank loan debts [which I incurred during my 2 yrs of studies in NUS and that... is another story], tryin to accommodate a girlfriend who simply siphons off whatever financial means I could barely afford. Makes me wonder how did I survive that initial 1yr plus anyway.No matter, the thanks I have to give to her though was that I learnt to spend really little on myself. Which subsequently cultivated a very specific spending lifestyle which helped me pull through the undergrad years and even saved enough to accommodate my final yr of degree studies on a full-time basis.The point is - as I stood there looking at myself in the mirror a sudden sadness whelmed up inside me. For that fleeting moment I resisted the impulse to release the tears and simply shout out," I've finally done it!" I stood in silence for quite a while.. the stillness of the air-conditioning creating a sudden increase in the pressure of the surroundings. The boutique studio lady - Alice is her name - stood by my side sheepishly while she enquired gently,"Do you feel that it fits?"I smiled. Swiped the card. Collected the gown and left. High Spirits.Back in the office after work hours today my colleagues gathered in a small commotion congratulating me with beaming smiles and gentle cheers. I guess it's been awhile since they had some excuse to 'celebrate' something.. anything. The unexpected amount of attention I received caused a slight blush which only prompted them to tease me further. Making me put on the gown despite my clumsiness. Using the camera installed inside the mobile phones, proceeded to take snapshot of me.I almost felt like some mannequin being parodied on a runaway.As I left the office, my pace slowed to a stroll. My mind pondered over my past, present and the future. Of who, what, where and why. Of the times when I just wanted to take a holiday and get away from it all. Of the times where I simply didnt have a care in the world. I missed those times. To be truthful, I haven't had a holiday for at least 4yrs. And this holiday just wont happen anytime soon because I'm so close to stabilising my current job. This project has to take off successfully if I want to have sufficient free time for myself in the near future. As what the direct translation of the chinese saying goes,"Better to experience the initial bitterness and savour the sweet aftermath."As I reached left the pedestrian path and walked out to the main road, I stood at the crossroads. Pondering.Boarded a cab. With a smile stretching my lips from left to right. The lingering of a sweet aftermath.Life. Has just begun. My road. My path. One. Two. One comment to bring apart two sides of meOne of denial and refusalOne of torment and turmoilTwo sides to debateTwo sides to squabbleTwo sides of being inconsiderateTwo sides to juggleCome what may they sayIt helps to make you feel betterSo I chose to walk this wayand keep my emotions at baySo why does his comments disturb me?Despite my self-determined distance?Pricks and bleedsHurts indeedA silent scream rips my throatGushes out a ruby waveEyes glazed with liquid firePouring out from hollowed cavesTries to resist the musclestops in my tracksA shift of the backto conceal the vexedI chose this pathUpon which I walkFor now none shall waylayor even so much as to mockFor swift shall be my defenseIf restraints are not containedCome what may they saybut alas, so many things. so gray. Dual Intricacies Its amazing how I finally sat down in front of my laptop [yes I have written off my PC at zero disposal value] and decided I will update my blog after such a long hiatus.Basically my previous desktop is sitting in a small corner of my room jus waiting for bugs and moss to create a new habitat. Ok forget the bugs, I swear no bugs will come because I will personally ensure the cleanliness. Heaven forbid I come back one and find a cockroach crawling out of the PC. *Shudders*Much of my absence had been attributed to my sudden fervor in my work. My Boss apparently thinks highly of me. I guess partly on my side is my determination after a month of careful consideration about what I need to plan for my next 5-10 years of my career path. A decision was made therefore to attribute the next 5-10 yrs in permanently etching my presence in the world of IT-related marketing campaigns. Countless weekends had been burnt just for me to do research readings and understanding on IT products and the different companies which employs them right up to the different comparisons and how it relates to the marketing strategies they employ to showcase their strengths and low-profile their weaknesses.Alrite, this blog is not to further enhance my current addiction to my work.Apologies guys if my recent absence had been felt but no action taken for remedy. I miss you guys too trust me. Very much. To the extent the feeling of loneliness seeps in whenever I receive a praise from the Boss or client at the end of the day and I just wish I could relate this happiness to you guys but not making you guys confused at the same time or miscommunicating my pride in my work as an indirect attempt to show off my what-so-not-significant achievements. Nah, I know its a feeble achievement but the feelings relate to a baby that had just achieved its first step. Unsteady in knowing what to feel just knowing that someone had been giving smiles and praise and somehow oneself had done something great. Unfortunately, its not like this baby here can just share its uncertain happiness with another baby right?Club Crawl is coming fast and hard. All of my heart yearns to perform for this event together with DanZ InC. My Convocation happens to fall on the friday just the week before. In short, 13th April is my Convo and the following 18th & 19th April is NYP Club Crawl. Gonna have to talk to my Boss about me applying for almost 4 days of leave in one shot because he has approached me to take on this project for a IT Company which is gonna last for a yr. Most projects do not stretch more than 2-3mths max but a yr... it sounds big just from the timeframe alone. Him putting me in charge of this shows his level of confidence of me. How could I reject? But the same fact applies if I take up this project my commitment to dance will be severely affected because all the more I cannot allow this project to be done badly in my hands. A brother of mine in dance had told me before if he had to choose in my shoes he would choose the career because its a logical and practical choice. So its down to the war of choices between the head and the heart. Sigh.A recent close friend's ROM made me reflect slightly on how my personal life had progressed. I realised that many times I do miss my ex-girlfriend. However, I question my own feelings in the sense do I miss her because I am not over her? Or simply because I am feeling lonely and simply yearn for her company? As of right now I do not have an answer to my queries and therefore until I can sort my own feelings clearly I will not bow to the pressures of loneliness. I would rather suffer the coldness of being alone than suffer the partner who accompanies so that I can satisfy my own desires.Hurray, it does feel refreshing to pour out my thoughts after bottling it for the past few mths. I'm glad you guys missed my blog. Kinda makes me feel that you guys miss me too. O K A Y tat almost sounded gay. LOL.Till then, carpe diem. Yesterday. Tomorrow. It has been really some time since I have updated this blog. I guess we're all subjected to tendencies of being too caught up in self-fulfilling acts of priorities every now and then. What is meant in simple terms means - I'm just too busy at times.A quick look back at the past times I had gone through with Danz InC [which was often referred to as StageArts Dance] and I would think back on the times when I was still more carefree where it was shuttling between SIM and NYP. Times didn't seem so bad because it was just from one institution to another. The environment didn't seem to be that different although the study crowd might seem to be more mature in terms of dressing for the students at SIM. Trust me, some of the people you see in SIM dress like they're already prepared to go for a fashion shoot any moment. I'm not sure maybe it's just me singling out the people who tend to dress to get noticed.The working environment that I'm currently based at however has a world of difference when I step out of that company and fly down to NYP for training sessions on tuesdays and thursdays. My current colleagues are pretty decent people and my big boss seems to have a good impression of me - for now. I'm not sure of his exact reasons for him being nice to me but I will ask this from him when I do my performance appraisal with him [which is due very soon] because my probationary period of 3 months is comin to an end and if I have performed as expected of the level of commitment then a confirmation into my new post with a pay raise [hopefully one of much more than originally expected hehe] would be of much sweetness.The past week had been pretty uptight for a lot of Danz InC dancers I believe, with the Open House performances and the Hiphop Hunt. Not to mention we have a few people who are crossed members of the NYP Ballroom Dance Club called Le Ballroom En Masse as well. So we have people who are rushing for quick changes which to me is almost a demonstration of just quick people can be when attempting to slip into a costume which is almost a totally different one from the previous item. Think - to change from a salsa costume into a hiphop locking costume. Zelia - I applaud you. At least it ended on a good note with good performances, great crowd support [especially during the Hiphop Hunt where the crowd was just "wow-ing" at the senior team]. Sigh. Yes guys I'm proud of you all indeed. I'm sure we'll have other chances to compete together again.The sudden news of a colleague who used to be my supervisor when I first started with this company is now leaving. The news had left me rather saddened because she was really nice to me when I first came to this company. Kinda wishy-washy and not very serious about what I am doing. Allowing me to take leave whenever I wanted to even though I didn't have a concrete reason, the last thing I knew was I didn't do a good job for the project that she was entrusted with. However, the boss and the client was surprisingly happy with the results I produced which did kinda left me rather confused about whether did I really do a bad job or what. Anyway, shortly after the project I was selected to go for an interview with one of this company's client called AutoDesk. That client seemed rather interested in what I had done for my Supervisor's project and wanted to hire me to be based as in-house telemarketeer. A pilot project that promises unknown opportunities and to become a full-fledged Call Centre Team Leader in the near future should the project take off. Yes, the catch is Should.This current company wasted no time and offered me the terms of a permanent position instead. I knew that the terms that this Company were slightly lower than perhaps what AutoDesk could have offered but I took up the position as Project Team Leader with this company too because they're in the midst of expanding rapidly and they too can offer opportunities of an unknown scale as well. Perhaps delving into actual process management as well. As under such consideration - I accepted their current offer and threw myself into the work. And now - the performance appraisal looms near and this perhaps will determine just how am I viewed in terms of work performance in the corporate sector when previously my work standards were judged according to the Civil Service Sector. Cross my heart and hope to die, I can't wait for Wednesday to arrive.Tomorrow my new biggest and most intensive project starts.Tomorrow I shall receive my actual UOL Degree Certificate from RELC.Tomorrow I shall have some time to go shopping.Tomorrow I shall receive my pay cheque.Tomorrow I shall be able to reach the NYP Dance Studio by 6pm plus.Tomorrow - is going to be a hell of an exciting day.Wish me Luck. Yesterday. Tomorrow. Venus. Mars. Nursing a leg injury must made my mind wander unnecessarily these few days for I am actually feelin rather.. affected after I have read a posting from an old friend of mine.Please pardon me if I am not very good at explaining certain matters but I believe sometimes the best explanation is done when the raw facts are presented and the interpretation left to the freedom of the viewer.So here it is -When a guy calls you,he wants to be with youWhen a guy is quiet,He's listening to you..When a guy is not arguing,He realizes he's wrongWhen a guy says, "I'm fine, " after afew minutes, he means itWhen a guy stares at you, he wishes youwould care about him and wonders if you doWhen you're laying your head on a guy'schest, he has the worldWhen a guy calls you everyday,he is in loveWhen a (good) guy tells you he lovesyou, he means itWhen a guy says he can't live withoutyou, he's with you till your doneWhen a guy says, "I miss you, "he misses you more than you could haveever missed him or anything else++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++When a girl bumps into your armwhile walking she wantsyou to hold her handWhen she wants a hugshe will just stand thereWhen u break a girls heart,she still feels it whenu run into each other 3 years laterWhen a girl is quiet,millions of things are running throughher mind.When a girl is not arguing,she is thinking deeply.When a girl looks at you with eyesfull of questions, she is wonderinghow long you will be around.When a girl answers, "I'm fine, "after a few seconds,she is not at all fine.When a girl stares at you,she is wondering why you are sowonderful.When a girl lays her head on yourchest, she is wishing for you to behers forever.When a girl says that she can't livewithout you, she has made up her mindthat you are her future.When a girl says, "I miss you, "no one in this world can miss you morethan thatWhen a girl is mean to you after abreakup she wants you back, but she'sscared she'll get hurt and knowsyou're gone foreverAre we just really so different? Needed. Wanted. "This is the way I work - When you do not want me but need me I will not go. When you want me but do not need me, that is when I must go."The words of Nanny McPhee echoes in loops of echoes resounding within my head. How much of truth is not important, what is important is - What do we make of needs and wants?A need is something that must be around? Like the daily basic necessities?A want is a term commonly catalogued for desires? Like the indulgive luxury?What then do we make of needs that becomes a want? Under what circumstances does a need become a want?When we begin to take someone who had been always around with us helping us with matters big or small, through the hard and cold times, for granted.A matter of soul searching led my shuffling feet into the earthen box with a green light that reads, "Priest available""Bless me Father for I have sinned, I am not a regular church goer because I cannot find it within myself to stick to routines. I do not spend enough time with my family when they needed me and I do not contact old friends whom had stayed by me in the past when I had undergone depression.""My child, it is good that you are willing to conduct this self-imposed matter of soul searching at this time of the year. Come find me again at your disposal should you wish to tell me more."As I knelt in front of the statue that symbolises the very foundation of my beliefs in my religion, I questioned my very inner thoughts and asked myself,"How much of what I seek is what I want?" Can it be possible that my needs are mostly just.. wants? Like the uncurbed spending of the past 2 months. Majority - Clothes. Do I really "need" all of them? Yes of course! That's the thought I had been telling myself [unconciously] that I "needed" that jacket, that pair of shoes, that pair of track pants..And so Christmas has come and passed, with a toned celebration at Zelia's house comprising of simple food and simple chatter. Funny thing is - I enjoyed the simple fanfare tremendously. There was a round of gift exchange - speaking of which I felt really guilty because as I stepped into the office on the 22nd Dec (Friday) colleagues were going all round giving and exchanging gifts. This is the first time that I had experienced what it feels like to work in a small company. I hear part-timers complain that the job sucks. Well, maybe that's because they were not involved in the larger section of the backstage management where the actual bonding happens. Simple gifts were passed to me from different colleagues which I could only constantly mutter "thanks" because there was nothing else I could do at the moment.Even the annual countdown was passed me by amidst the quieter atmosphere of Lau Pa Sat. The rest of the group surged out onto the streets when the fireworks sounded to mark the beginning of a new year. Me? I was waiting patiently for the food I ordered to arrive. So when the group came back I greeted them with a simple feast that was meant as a gift to welcome in the new year. Guess I didn't need fireworks anymore, I needed something more tangible to mark a celebration. Food it seems, was the most obvious choice.Gained about 2 kg from all the constant feasting during the holiday seasons. Normal circumstances would have seen me possibly groan and moan in agony because it would take more hard work to re-tone back the excess baggage but this time, it didn't matter.Because I enjoyed every single moment of the feasting.Amidst the great company that I have. Drooping I am beginning to lose counts of how many times I have closed my eyes for short, quick periods of napping. Make that really short periods of naps like.. 10 seconds? My colleagues caught me in action for a few times and cautioned me to find some alternative to remedy the situation. Maybe I should start considering getting myself addicted to coffee as well. Seems that Lunch napping hours are beginning to be insufficient as well. In the first place they wouldn't really be effective for early mornin hours as I still have to struggle to keep myself awake till the lunch hours before I get some deserved rest for my dying brain cells.Events and Celebrations are comin up fast and furious [pls don't remind me of the Teriyaki Boyz song, I'll commit murder without hesitation] and so is the festive mood for everyone. My Company is having an extended lunch break this comin thursday. Seems like this carolling group for a home called GraceHaven will be putting up a short performance for us on thursday 11:30am and after the performance we'll be having a potluck session as well. Hmmm, I have volunteered to bring otah for the whole group of company's perm staff. At least it sounds like I don't have to bleed from this potluck. A certain colleague volunteered to bring chicken wings and nuggets. My God. Good luck if you're not plannin to cook or fry them yourself.In addition, seems that word has somehow spread amongst my colleagues about my dance background and now I have an all-guys team on my hands which I have to chereo a hiphop routine and let them perform on our Christmas cum Dinner & Dance Night on the 22nd December. My God [yes yes again I know] this is ridiculous. What do they expect me to do? Throw a song and just let them stand there and shake? These are guys who have no clue on how to even move properly and I only have like 10 days to get them to learn and remember steps and perform? Argggghhhh. Somebody just pass me a knife I'll perform the Japanese act of Hari-Kiri.I am not lamenting about the lack of routines or steps that I can come up with for the performance's chereography. I'm worried about how to teach them. Like I said how do you teach someone to "bounce" in like.. 5 sessions? And I'm not talkin about other real basic stuff like asking them to show strength when dancing.. Sigh. *Covers face in hands* Should not have said yes when the Big Boss shot me this arrow to implement this item. I'm already scratching my brains inside out on even what song to use to perform. There's no way I can use a fast song because they won't be able to keep up with the tempo. Tell me please someone, how do you use a medium to a slow speed song to come up with simple but nice moves that does not require any or very little techniques to perform perhaps a 2min song? *Screams in agony*I'm also surprised my brain is able to load so many different chereographies till now.. Hiphop [for SA and Jitterbugs.. oh and one for myself as well], Jazz [SA], Waltz.. V Waltz.. Salsa.. Rock & Roll.. [under Ballroom]. Oh yeah, surprise! Project Dance NYP has just been formalised into a club! Its called... Le Ballroom En Masse I think.. some french name which I have no idea how to spell it properly nor pronounce it properly yet. Bah, french. Should have just let me try to roll my R's properly first.Alrite, back to work. Admist the pending dark clouds brimming outside my office window and the strong winds that are picking up and threatening to blow away everythin in its path.A sign? You bet. Challenges ahead. Calculations It does not require much effort to realise that the rainy season is here again. During the ending months of the annual weather periods, occasional showers across the island favors the daily routines. Rain, rain go away. Come another day.Here I am back at home again. The result of a petition by a number of the night shift reservists who tried to liaise with the Head of the Reservist Unit claiming on grounds that the active units have gone back home thus the support side of the reservists would not be required. What had not been discussed or rather pondered upon is the fact the day shift reservists might debate in heated dissatisfaction as well. Which is the kind of response I got when I called a reservist friend and asked him about tonight's changes. Apparently the day shift people are unhappy that the night shift is not needed and thus we should come back tomorrow and serve as day shift so that the day shift people can rest instead. Hallo, so are you day shift calculative weasels prepared to come back at night and serve in our shifts or are you expecting us to simply sit back and serve a 24-hr shift? In the first place we [or rather myself] could always just kick back our legs and sleep in camp. I don't have to book out and make the long journey back home so as to lessen my sleeping hours. It's all because of a number of family-oriented night shift reservists who either drove or stay near the camp and wants to go back home at the slightest opportunity despite any possible repercussions. Why can't you anxious daddies just stay for one night and finish the damned shift? I mean, we've got a chance to slack legally in camp and you guys had to go wake up the commander and insist we book out despite that we have come back at 7am to sign out and eat breakfast? What a bunch of lard brains. I'm like almost 10yrs younger than you guys and I seem to be thinkin more logically than you old geezers.And what's this discontentment I hear going around the day shift people that we night shift people are getting more welfare than the day shift? Asses for mouths and faeces for hearts. Bunch of happy-go-lucky guys should stay back and watch how we test the system over and over again including preparing all the virtual units for immediate mobility throughout the night so you chessplayer-wannabes can just walk happily in with the active units and start pressing keyboard controls for movement and war games when you report for day shifts. Yeah tats right, try having your sleeping and waking hours turned upside down and still try to keep a sharp mind on units placement and re-allocation throughout the night so that they can re-group together as a battalion in preparation for the next day mission. You happily separate all the units and we're expected to come back in and pick up the pieces and now you're calculating on how we should serve the same number of hours as you guys.Kiss my ass.Alrite fine, enough of grousing. This is really unbecoming of my usual self. I'm surprised why do I bother so much about reservist anyway. It disrupts my work schedules, my personal commitment schedules, turns my biological clock timings upside down and the worst part is that I didn't volunteer for any of these.Coming saturday I'm also very worried that I might not be able to make it for the Viennesse Waltz class conducted by Michelle and Why Pong at 1:30pm. The last few workshops for waltz was really one of the key reasons that sparked my interest in social dances. I used to have a rather closed concept about partner dances because.. well I guess I'm not comfortable with someone being so close and moving together with me. Waltz changed all that [credits to Pauline, Wei Lin and Yeeshan for that LOL] and so it has now branched out into Salsa [or latin perhaps], rock and roll with other possible upcoming dances like jive, viennesse waltz and cha cha as well. Unfortunately the dark clouds looms over my head and the free saturday i had been hoping with abated breath is jus not realizing rapidly. With the active units dragging their mission timings again the part 2 of this exercise looks set to drag on for the whole saturday again and us reservist units are highly possible of being recalled back to "test and prepare for them"How wonderful. I'm absolutely tearing with unexpressed amounts of joy.Julian! Stop grousing! You sound like you're growing a long white beard and constantly stroking it while waving a crooked wrinkled finger at the sky and cursing in any possible manner at every other thing in this world that had caused you some form of upset. Direct or indirect.Had been pretty inspired by some youtube videos online and was particularly inspired by how a particular guy called Castro or something on how the song for Omarion's "O" was interpreted. Took a few parts of their chereo, modified it and whoppee a new chereo is actually formed. Credits to Yeeshan for introducing me to that video. Even Zelia nodded her head and said it is a slight breakthrough from my old style. Problem is I am not successfully incorporating this new style into mine yet so certain moves looked odd when I'm tryin to execute them. Was listening carefully to all the various beats and finally settled on a new 8 sets of chereo. Yup, this will be something new for me indeed. Getting a little excited myself here.Sigh, 20 minutes past midnight. Alrite folks. I'm putting my blog pen down for now. Wistful. Wishing. Getting a little sappy and a little wistful from listening to the few songs I found from the Princess Hours Soundtrack, credits to the introduction of the main track from Kelvin's Blog. I'm not sure what is the title of the song neither do I have a clue what is the meaning of the song about. Simply listening to the guy singing in the song raises a little part of me that suddenly feels.. needed. I guess from the mood of the song it's about someone who's wishing for something but just a little out of reach. I could be wrong but then again, aren't most ballads revolving around something that's out of touch? Be it unstarted or an ending? I do not need to specifically refer to the meaning to just boy-girl relationships [though like 80% of the ballads I listen to seems to be categorised in that area] because there are other exceptions like Corrine May's "Fly Away" which definitely tugged at my heart strings and brought the faintest trace of emotion flecked on the tiny corner of my eye. Is it any wonder given the massive ratio of guy-gal relationships being fed to us compared to other reasons for our sadness that is probably making people feel that without our personal counterpart life just seems so lifeless? Whatever happened to other Next-of-kin relationships that should contribute to our different emotions too? Perhaps my statement might be rather sweeping to assume that people only matter about what happens to their personal relationship but I place a certain share of the responsibility of this "mental conditioning" for our current state of mind on all the sappy love songs.Alrite I think I am getting a little over-reacting here. Julian! It's just a typical Korean Love Song!The last few days of reservist had been a major source of upset for me mainly because I'm very very pissed off with the way they coordinated their allocation of manpower. Rather, I'm upset because our Head didn't [or perhaps couldn't] fight for our welfare in the sense when the active units simply request to activate us reservists [despite our shift hours being planned in advance] they couldn't say no. Of course I am not encouraging them to display signs of insubordination [A General giving orders to a LTC does not possess the word of NO in their dictionary perhaps] but surely there should be cases where our Head can display sufficient reasons [be it rationing or possible logical grounds] to ensure we do not get activated at random like active units? I mean, we're reservists a.k.a. reserve troops. What is this thinking I've been hearing going around the camp mates that reservist camp lately that we're the fontline guinea pigs to be fed to the enemy when the war breaks out? Such rumours ought be clarified for it brings about unnecessary questioning not to mention a possible commotion amongst the reservists should this matter be publicly discussed. No matter, my queries stops here because I shall isolate this matter as according to specific circumstances. It's just less than a week more to the end of this exercise so yeah, get on with it and get on with life.Hung out with the dance peeps at Marina South Steamboat and they finally witnessed why I am called "Prawn King" a.k.a the King of Prawn Eaters. No I do not wolf down a Guiness Book of World Records time for the number of prawns I can eat within a minute but simply because I can eat the whole prawn. Lock, stock and barrel. Yes inlcluding the feelers as well. Pauline called me a monster when she heard about my feat - she was away in the ladies at that point of time when I was displaying my unique skill of prawn eating. Brian took down the video of me eating the prawn. Hmmm.. shall attempt to get it from him via MSN perhaps. I do wonder too how I look when I completely devour the whole prawn in within a few bites. Yeeshan was rationalising that my rate of digestion starts at the mouth thats probably why the prawn shells do not cut my throat when I swallow. Hello people, haven't you heard of chewing? You know, the grinding of the molars? Chomp Chomp? Then Gulp? You may add in a burp to personalise your styling if you wish should you ever want to try to imitate my feat as well. No worries, I'm not applying for any patent rights nor any attempts to trademark this feat. A nickname is sufficient for me.During the process of the steamboat dinner videos were taken with one memorable scene of Yeeshan attempting to cook a sambal prawn. Yan can cook, so can Yee? LOL. The scene of the two tables were basically separated into two zones - The War Zone and Post-War Zone as how Yeeshan described when he was sitting down with our table and peacefully sipping his soup from the steamboat mix. Mus admit my side is pretty quiet perhaps due to the different mixture of company. The War Zone table were people like Josh, Zelia, Kelvin, Pris, JingWei and Yeeshan so probably they were much more comfortable with each other in maximising the volume of noise. My table was a rag-tag mixture of Brian, Yang Yang, Pris, Evon, Anna, Wei Lin and Pauline including Peter who's actually in the centre of two tables so I guess they were more unsure of how to link topics at times. Well overall, we had fun which also lifted my spirits much more as compared to my totally disappointed being when I was cooped in that uniform of camouflage prints.The finale was staged at Marina Superbowl which we proceeded to attempt feats of scoring at knocking down pins with all the strength we could muster. Yes Pauline, no worries you jus need to learn to apply more strength appropriately. Same for Kelvin whom I see a good force being sent out but unable to control a consistent final release thus making his scores fluctuate wildly. A few crazy shots were also done on Wei Lin's camera and that my dear friends ended a simple dinner cum movie outing [I could not watch Happy Feet with them because of the infuriating call-back to camp to resolve shifts that my side could not have planned more properly]. The only blessing I could count was the review of the movie was rather unsatisfactory therefore I am spared from a un-needed expense of a movie ticket. Surprises now and then fuels my interestlike catching up on what who when of the latestLooking forward everytime to discover morethat character appeal which draws me and furthermoreThe gentle curve that winds up the corner of your lipsrebounds on my heartbeat and floats it like will-o-wispNo direct contact of communication just the short chattersimple, short and sweet yet of no significant mattersQuestions abound, reeling in uncertaintylike a dance chereo that greys in musicalitystyling of unconfirmed signals that blurs the eyescreating stage confusion and chaotic criesThe present is what thy significaniseFor no haste is needed to galvanisesip in the gentle company of thy presenceis already. the most significant present.Darn, no SA dance training for a whole week. Damn the night shifts. Sigh. Rain. Musings. Torrents of pelters.Warded by shelters.Obscured view by hazy mist.Musings. The Gist.Getting a break from the office is not exactly something I'd refuse but with a recent drive and interest in the project I'm involved in I'd say I wonder about what is goin on inside the office without me around to assist in the technical enquiries. The Office had allocated a technical specialist just before I left last Wednesday because my reservist started yesterday which was on a thursday. I just hope the tech guy can answer the relevant questions because not all of them are just purely technical in nature nor is it purely general enquiries in nature. I mean, if you're based in Singapore and someone asks you,"So what are the current upmarket brands of Computers that I can compare with in Malaysia with regards to your desktop?Damn. This ain't fair, man.The Reservist exercise didn't start yesterday as there were some system server problems [or so I heard] and so we ended up being able to book out relatively early in fact [ard 7plus pm close to 8pm] and my first instinct was to actually wave for a cab and fly down straight to NYP to train with SA people. It didn't matter to me that I had only 20 bucks left in my wallet and I might not have enough to eat later. It didn't matter that I might be already stiff and tired from waiting around all day for proper instructions in the Reservist Unit. It also didn't matter that I haven't had my dinner because of the long debriefing. And finally it didn't matter that my family didn't know I booked out of camp early. It just mattered that there's new chereo to be learnt and I wanted to learn it fast, learn it well and perform it.Am I detecting a slight sense of obsession here?The results are showing for my built being toned and my overall physique slimming down. Even the sleeveless quicksilver T-shirt that I didn't dare to wear for so long fitted me nicely when I donned it in front of my mirror this morning after my shower. Funny thing is I didn't get too concious about specifically trying to slim down. All I did was to catch up on sleep and eat fruits during lunch hours. One reason is because I would go straight to dance after work then practise till late hours [usually 10:30pm latest 11pm] then head straight home excluding the light supper because of the need to supress hunger pangs. And abadacabra, I lost weight! close to 5kg within weeks. The effects did feel good though for my pull-ups improved [perhaps due to less weight being required to lift LOL] and I do feel a slight improvement in speed. Not so sluggish as compared to months back.As the showers of rain increased in strength outside my window, my thoughts flitted unconciously back to the announcements for yesterday in SA. There'd be two teams being sent for DanceWorks in Mar next year - One team will carry the name of Chroma X [sigh, how I wish I was able to join] and the other is unconfirmed. Peter will concentrate on Chroma X while I will assist him in drilling the other team. Hmmm, maybe it is time to show the juniors how serious I take dance. Of course I'm not sure yet on how to drill them as detailed as how Peter would for Chroma X but.. I will find my way. I want them to improve and feel the same way as I do for competitions. Especially the ferocity of competitiveness for such inter-school events.The Music's made for us to moveNot just the definition of grooveThere's nothing really much to proveAkin to what attitude makes one seem aloofOf Latin, Waltz, Hiphop, Jazz and ContemporarySo transient. So fusion. So temporary.A goal is needed but alas not rewardedA pierce of pain and very disappointedPassion is what drives one to improveBut a goal is what makes one realise if there is improvementA new goal is neededAnd close advice to be heededPick up the pieces and continue to striveStage Presence should be the next targetFor events are just like auditionssimply to prove your value in the marketYes Sir, its time to strengthen my body's flow and my whacking. Not to mention my hands and leg coordination when handling different styles. Bishan Park Today marks the satisfactory ending of a week long tiring preparation for a rather big performance at Bishan Park. Apparently the Deputy Prime Minister [DPM] Mr Wong Kan Seng was also present thus the amount of fanfare generated was rather big indeed. Even the usual stage size had been expanded to almost twice or three times the normal size.StageArts Dance performed a total of 2 items. Namely Beyond Legends and a finale item that is a combination of the song Sexy Back, Buttons and Move Your Feet. Indirectly it means 4 items were performed today just that the last three had been packaged into short items mainly to showcase different styles and the unity of the club.But I had been very unsatisfied with my own performance.Mistakes aplenty and wrong timings. Missed a few counts and was slow in executing some steps. Although Peter had mentioned that the Beyond Legends item was rather rushed and he will not expect us to dance it 100% correct but as a very "senior" personnel in StageArts Dance I was very concerned that I should hit at least the 90% if not higher mark. Alas, the pressure of stage performances still claimed my nerves somewhat and the mistakes started showing one by one.From next tuesday onwards, a new chereo will be set into place. The song had not been confirmed but the choices are just a matter of whether its Ciara's "Get Up" or Janet Jackson's "Get it Out Me" and I'm really intrigued to see how Peter will interpret the music to create a new chereo for us to dance and learn while practising at the same time.The day for the performance did not start off well because it appears everyone had been more concerned about getting to Bishan Park but did not manage a thorough job of ensuring all the headcounts had been accounted for. The reaction from Peter was the same as the saturday [yesterday] outburst - He shouted. When we reached the destination he gathered the committee members and gave them a strict talking to. The characteristic about Peter is that he expects a very high and efficient standard of administration from the committee. He stressed that he can be patient with making us improve our dance standards but when it comes to administration he would expect the committee to be very clear about their jobscopes and required duties. Example, confirming a clear reply on what is the headcount, who is late, who is missing and what is the reason.The mood turned more jovial when Peter started announcing who wanted color on their hair. Yeeshan volunteered first and Peter started to spray white then red on his hair. Following that JingWei then myself and some others went up to Peter to get ourselves a new "hair dye" as well. Wow. my hair jus stood up like some porcupine spikes. Could have burst a balloon anytime. Looked pretty interesting though. I think I'm beginning to enjoy making myself look different. I was still initially reeling from shock when my hair was made to cut so short and styled furthermore.The actual performance... well I cant say too much till I have viewed the video properly from Peter's camera.Pastamania @ Bishan was our lunching area and lots of merriment was happening there as well. Laughter, some teasing here and there. There were so many of us that we were close to tearing the whole place down with our potential noise volume. Pauline did surprise me a little with her quick thinking when I used the puzzle that Bryan posed to us during a lepak session at C.A.N cafe on saturday night. I managed to complete my Marina Linguine, so did Peishan and Pauline but Wei Lin's Meatball Sphagetti [I hope I got the name correct] went relatively untouched. Further asking revealed that the sphagetti was not really prepared well and the meatball was rather.. unchewable if my memory serves me correctly on their terms of description.After the Pasta lunch Yeeshan, Kelvin, Phoebe, Zelia, Rene, JingWei, Priscilla and myself went to Food Junction because Zelia wanted some hot soup and Phoebe wanted some desserts. Pauline and Wei Lin went shopping around the 4th level. Cant remember who was with them though. More jokes and merriment while I waited for time to reach 2:15pm so that I can watch the new dance move in town - Step Up.Tonite - I shall sleep early. Too tired to continue. Will discuss more abt Step Up in detail when I am more awake. Ciaoz. Waltz. Whether. So the weekend is here once again and I'm basking in the aftermath of a smile that had been imprinted onto my heart the moment I stepped into the dance studio. God, feels so good to feel the music of classical waltz flowing through my soul and letting feet glide across the studio floor. One little grouse though is I am beginning to find it is either the studio floor getting too slippery or my ballroom shoes are just not having enough grip.Was watchin the video that Rene sent me last night for my waltz practise with Anna. Seems alrite on video though surprisingly I felt some timing resistance when we were doin the actual chereo. Yang Yang commented my butt still sticks out when I move away from Anna sometimes. Sigh. I'll work harder on overcoming this mental barrier.So now I'm facing a crossroads - at my workplace the Manager has designated a new upcoming project to be under my charge in the near future probably several more months down the road. In other words, I might be promoted to Project Team Leader earlier than I thought. Recruitment, Training, immersing myself in product knowledge and being a walking dictionary for the Project I'll be handling while maintaining a level of service quality in addition to hitting sales targets. At my dance I have been getting more and more active involving myself in jazz, going for external hiphop classes, getting involved in classical waltz and possibly in the near future other forms like Latin, Cha Cha, Rock & Roll, Jive as well. *Stressed*It's surprising how time jus seems to fly without one knowing when the activities are packed back to back and small wonder given me trying to be all rounder. Hurray jus let me don my red cape and red underpants and push my hair back into a slick gel-combed hairstyle. Yes, I swear in order to achieve that hairstyle I would require gel, hair spray, erm possibly anythin that would give the kind of hold on my hair like what Ryan Conferido can do with his in the first season for So You Think You Can Dance. Imagine me flying at more than Mach 2 while attempting to maintain a near perfect hairstyle. Hurray.Some thoughts did float back to a slight nostalgia of the chereo drilling days I had with the rest of the gang [Chroma] and well, guess it wont be so soon when those days will come again. Initial was nightmare but as the time progressed down the road I realised I could have learnt so much more during that time. Developed this belief that the mind is a very powerful weapon and lots of matters can be handled much easier if the mental state of mind is strong.No matters. As a good brother of mine quoted - No point looking too much at the past. Indeed. Reminiscene of the sad past is only a thing for those who cannot move on. Look back to remember what should be avoided or what to be corrected. No to dwell on the matter and let history unconciously repeat itself because of an unwillingness to believe that the present will be any different. Concious. Or Subconcious.Walkin. Strolling. Browsing. Shopping.Munching. Teasing. Laughing. Aching.Smiling. Glancing. Talking. Discussing.Explaining. Understanding. Nodding. Beaming.Of characteristics and habitsOf Bus Stops and BusesWhether it means of any significanceWhether the point of understanding is commonIt does.Right, up up and away we go. Here I come Val. Next stop - Jitterbugs Hiphop Class. Conversant. The turnover rate at my workplace of late had been alarmingly high. People would quit their temporary job just after working for a few days. To think I had imagined the last job I held as Program Administrator at a US-based Manufacturing firm was the worst that I could have ever imagined.One separate factor that I have considered is that most of the staff on the ground operations are students from tertiary instituitions on short vacations, school-leavers waiting for results with the occasional graduates awaiting for a new and perhaps higher paying job. Most of these people have no idea how to start a proper conversation with no immediate topics in mind. Tough luck because a number of these projects are requiring the staff to be naturally conversant. Today a young boy sat next to me, with his wide innocent look and an expression that says, "Oh My God, how am I going to start talking to this person to ask him/her to give me their details of their job appointment and the answers to this survey?"Naturally it took me a while to explain a number of things to get him started on just the first phonecall.I had a short chat with my direct Supervisor today and my first question to her was "Are you planning to leave the company?" because I heard from a hearsay [donated from a colleague who had just finished her last day today] that my supervisor was attracted by a job offer as a Personal Assistant [PA] to a Director and the pay was quoted as 5K. In my heart I was thinkin "OMG, 5K. That is pretty high for a secretary or as the job title appointed, a Personal Assistant." thus thinkin as compared to what she is struggling now with her role in the company it might seem like a really attractive offer. By logical comparison, if you're doin the same tiring work [probably the amount of work would be slightly more at the offer as the PA] but get paid like almost 3 times more, why would you not get tempted?That's when I did her comparison to another colleague of mine who joined this company for approximately 7 months now. From my observation of how she works its obvious that she's a pretty capable person not to mentioned an experienced worker but why then would she accept such a "simple" job of simply taking incoming calls at a Call Centre? I had a brief chat with her once and she said she got tired of "Corporate Politics" and simply decided to leave. How then, does one measure the willingness to endure politics so as to put aside everythin in order to receive that coverted pay check at the end of every month?Is 5K enough to make sure you can endure all kinds of torturous work - physically and mentally? I'm thinkin along this path is because I'm assuming that the work as a Director PA is worse than a Call Centre Team Leader.That thought floated my thoughts back to my 2 month stint at the US-based Manufacturing Firm.The pay is indeed much better than this current job I'm holding but the amount of mental torture that was imposed on me was simply of unreasonable standards and despite my best efforts to endure and manage it, the amount simply kept increasing until one day the inevitable happened - I tendered.My parents got worried about me for a while because despite the job market picking up I tendered at a time where it's approaching the end of the year and this usually means companies are doing their financial year end closing accounts. This also means they're not prone to increasing their headcount for staff because this would mean unnecessary and unwelcomed work for both the accounts and the HR payroll section. So naturally these companies would put aside any recruitment till early next yr. Indirectly it meant if I do not get a job soon, I would remain unemployed till Feb or even March next year. Not going to reflect good on my resume if as a fresh graduate I do not try to secure a job within 3 months. Thankfully, my supervisor said no and laughed it off because it was meant as a joke to tease the colleague who's leaving.I took the explanation with a pinch of salt.I guess the effects of being an experienced worker made me a little critical indeed. Lesson number one - Do not trust your fellow colleagues lightly because you are all aiming for the same promotion. Unless you are from different departments whose jobscopes will never clash with one another then perhaps the trust is more easily placed. However, they won't be able to dish advice that is as effective as a colleague who is in the same department and knows more appropriately what is useful advice and what are simply words of consolation.Take advice from someone whom you can trust but knows little about what is exactly happening? Or take advice from someone who gives effective advice but unable to trust?The burning question would be - Is the effectivenes for you? Or the colleague? Efforts. Relief. A throbbing now resides evidently in my head, apparently from a slight dehydration caused today by a long period of perspiration without any H2O replenishment.Packed my bag and headed straight for NYP today to practise jazz and hiphop chereo. Mei Xian joined me in the early stage to recall some of the locking chereo based on the previous September performances. Finally I get to remember in detail what are the exact steps of the locking chereo. Also managed to recall in smoother sequence the current chereo based on Jennifer Lopez's "Still" and the rapid chereo based on originally Anastacia's "Love is a Crime" song but recently had been using PussyCat Dolls' "Buttons" song to practise instead. It's freakin fast.But I enjoyed the challenge. =)In the later stages - Wei Lin, Pauline and Treasa dropped by as well to practise. Partnered Pauline for waltz and to my surprise I finally managed to recall the entire sequence around the room and Pauline & myself actually managed to complete one round around the room without any major mistakes. Felt so relieved my efforts had slightly paid off. In addition, as we were both able to complete that one round around the room I believe Pauline felt more relieved as well.I guess what is left is to finally polish up my basics of my hiphop again. Based on the timing for Pat's wednesday class at Jitterbugs I believe with my work timing schedule I should not have any major problems. My first day of work at In-Call Systems starts officially on 01 November and Pat's first class wednesday nights will start on 15 Novemeber. Well, hopefully it will not run into major clashes because a colleague at my work place had cautioned me that sometimes we would be required to stay back for quite a while because we have to compile the statistics that the daily telemarketeers had made so after a while she stopped making any weekday plans. Goodness, I sure hope that wont mean I have to stay back for at least 2 or 3 hrs because that would mean no more dance practises with SA Dance anymore. Noooo...I'm gonna work even harder and hopefully I can even be included in the NYP Musical. Not sure if the NYP Management would make such an exception but.. it would be an experience that I'll never forget.December is the month for the Impresario competition and I'm looking forward to it. Not for the sense that the team I'll be based with will stand a good chance of winning but seriously I miss the old Chroma training days. Not to mean that I enjoy being drilled like an animal for engineering precision in moves clarity, timing and formation changes but I must admit that because of Funkamania my dancing did improve a lot. So many mistakes in my styling that was relatively unnoticed when I'm just doin classes and more classes with Patrick and Claire were ironed out with the occasional scoldings by other team members. Look beyond the scoldings and the essence of the corrections were noted.Tomorrow is the public holiday for Hari Raya and it seems a lot of my friends are being occupied with visitations for either their Malay relatives and close friends. An attempt to organise an outing was met with dismal failure due to the major unavailability of most people. Sigh, ah well, there'll be other chances I believe.Meeting with a few old friends tomorrow early morning around 11am. Gonna do some shopping after that heh heh. Finally been some time since I'd been in a mood to walk and shop around. Cross my fingers, let's wish for a good bargain to fall into my lap and allow my eyes to notice the bargain at the same be oblivious to everyone else till I've bought it! *Evil laugh*Hands up and chest upwards, I'm on a one-way track to seriously tone my physical appearance. Work hard I shall. Rest well I will. Relations. Pickings. An outing after my ballroom practise included a movie titled "The Prestige" at Cineleisure, a dinner at this food court somewhere in the midst of Cuppage Plaza vicinity and a coffee session at Starbucks [next to California Fitness Orchard] concluded with a chatting session at Boat Quay MacDonald's. The original finale was supposed to be TCC at Boat Quay but it was really packed and thus we decided to move to Mac's which luckily had a round sofa seating area and good aircon. Yes, lepak sessions should not be without aircon unless it's right after a dance session. Then perhaps places like CLC [ask me nicely and I will reveal it to you in due time LOL] would be pretty appropriate. By the way, for the peepz who knows wat CLC stands for kindly please do not spoil the fun of suspense.At Mac's Yang Yang proceeded to ask me the questions which she had seemed to be building up for quite some time with numerous prompts along the way. Well.. the questions were finally asked right amidst the company of Peter, Josh, Anselm, Priscilla, Yvonne and Loretta. Missing in action was Zelia and Yeeshan but oh well I guess they would have a good idea of what had been goin on around me.The discussion had set me thinking. How does one effectively treat a partner "well"? The word "well" sounded so subjective.. so.. ambiguous. Yang Yang mentioned that ladies would never tell their counterparts the direct answer but chose to drop clues and hints along the way. When the answer is presented to them, that is when they would enjoy the most. No wonder some people have compared the process of relationship to a cat and mouse game or perhaps hide and seek. Seek but do not search, ask but do not query, know but do not understand. Do we seek understanding in our knowledge all the time? When we finally know what our partner wants do we then strove to understand why? What happens when the understanding itelf is elusive?Through the discussion I did realise I can be a very stubborn person. Determination is termed as a positive trait but unwillingness to listen sets in at times when I made up my mind. I guess being understanding is something I would request. Yang Yang threw the question back at me - How much are you willing to compromise for this understanding then? Am I able to give a fair amount in return? Again the discussion routes back to the starting point - How do we give the measurement for what is considered fair? Setting aside a certain amount of time a day may not be the "right thing" to do because according to what she understands from women.. they need constant attention. Not in the sense you have to be around them physically but more like showing concern for them most of the time. No wonder some people claim of being tired of a relationship after a while. Do they then deserve to be branded as being uncaring? Is the reason of wanting to achieve something in career a valid reason? Or simply jus a convenient perspective that society has presented to us?Perhaps.. willing to listen.. is one factor that I need to work on. Being able to provide a listening ear might not equate to a willingness to listen because I believe we are all guilty of selective listening at one time or another. The only variance is perhaps the kind of topics that makes us more selective as compared to the rest.An announcement last friday from my company says that monday is closed as well thus fully extending our break till the comin wednesday. Finally, a couple of days to clear my room up properly before my Dad starts making changes to the house. My room in particular. So.. hopefully I can muster enough determination to spring clean my room properly before the workers set in and start messing things around.The patter of rain amidst the mistSets in a pensivenessLight grayness on window panesRandom rapid streams downwardsThe mood sets in. Pondering.Fingers dance lightly over the silverbrushing the numbersPondering.A vibration. A surprise.Forwarded. Anticipation.A reply. A smile.A short conversation. A happiness. How does one measure the sufficient amount of attention given? Relief And so marks the end of the StageArts Dance Assessment for the second term.To all the SA dancers who have taken the dance assessment today - Congratulations on your passing. From a heartfelt sincere regards I must really applaud the effort and to my delight a few hopeful potentials have emerged which I must say possess the ability to bring SA dance to a even higher level in the later years to come.As we embark on the third semester - greater challenges lies ahead which I could only have one advice - dun give up because I didn't give up despite battling with "physical limitations" for the past 1yr plus and if its any inspiration to and of you I sure hope it will. It drives me green with envy when others have much better physical ability but lacks even more than half of my drive.In-Call Systems has offered a permanent job for me as a Call Centre Executive with the prospects of becoming a Call Centre Team Leader. A quick check with a friend who is the Assistant Manager of an established Recruitment Agency cautioned me however that Call Centre Staff would not gain much recognition on their resume because their jobscope is too limited even in the fields of Customer Service. The alternative was to join the Recruitment Agency for the things I learn can be applied into related fields of sales and even HR in terms recruitment for future related jobs should I decide to have another career switch in the next 3 - 5 years to come. As for the Call Centre environment.. it's a really nice environment though - the current company that has offered me the permanent position though.Sigh. Choices.A bit hyped up now.. from dancing two chereographies for the SA Dance Assessment. It's been a really long time since I get to dance so much within a lesson. But I'm also glad so much time had been spent on building up the proper techniques and stretching the muscles because today I felt that my coordination in getting steps had somehow improved unconciously. A side disappointment though is that comments and feedback pointed to me that my hiphop styling is still very much concious when I perform jazz routines.Sigh.Ah well. At least I have a new target to achieve and I will make sure I improve enough to reach tat target. Grrrr.To Miss.... well you know yourself. Reminder ah - Outing not equals matchmaking ah. Happiness On this day of yours the smile is wideclasped in your arms the a whitish shade of hideemblazoned on the front the crest of Pridespells out the words "Converse" by which it abidesA sigh, a release of a sound of pityOpportunities lost of catching your expressiondespite torturous methods suggested wittyas you savour your present, exhilarationMay you be blessed with health and wealthAnd a pot of gold from the Rainbow's endThey say it contains treasures untoldfrom which sacred pleasures unfoldSo before the clock strikes twelveand the joyous occasion endsLet me wish you again a Happy BirthdayA sincere well-wishing - from a friendHappy Birthday Miss ShanNx =) Madness Yes indeed, madness is the word I would use to describe how my weekend had passed. Never did I imagine that an outing at Minds Cafe could generate so much madness. The amount of fun we had posing and trying to use our body actions to convey the message that was written on the cards was simply enough to drive everyone into hysterics. I guess the people who have the most fun though are those who see the words written on the cards of the opposing team and crack their sides till hyperventilation takes over in watchin how the person tries to use body language to communicate just one single word.What started out as a dinner at Thai Express slowly evolved into a full-swing non-stop heart-racing slew of activities that threatened to suck all essence of energy out from our very being leaving jus an empty shell of lifeless trance-like state.From the dinner at Thai Express, the symptoms were already in place with several tables combined. The alpha signs were distinct with the volume of laughter slowly rising, people teasing one another and jokes shared and crazy expressions being made by different people. Of course a major contributor goes to Mr Yeeshan with his four seasons expressions [a term coined by myself] under direct translations meaning "Joy, Anger, Sorrow and Happiness" not to exclude a final suggestion by Miss Zelia who shouted "Show us how you look when you strike lottery!" LOL.Price of a plate of Shrimp Paste Fried Rice : $8.90Price of a Nokia Handphone taking the clip : $700+Price of Yeeshan's expression in the clip : PricelessAnd in case you guys start thinkin my final quote is "For everythin else, there's MasterCard" think again because there is no one else who can put forth such comical expressions like Yeeshan.Based on comments and some other people's comments it would appear I have made some progress in waltz however it would appear I do have a lot to catch up with if I truly want to be included in the NYP 2007 Musical because the rest of the cast have already been subjected to almost 5mths extra of ballroom training while I have only attended abt 4 classes so far. Oh Heavens, please grant me the ability of photographic memory in addition to an extended size version of a SD memory card inside my brain. Make it the biggest size available so I can store the maximum amount of information within the shortest possible amount of time.Just a little update on my mundane and limited working life - I'm currently based at this Company called In-Call Systems where they have an operating premises located at Science Park Drive I. To those who are relatively unfamiliar with Singapore roads and streets Science Park Drive I is about 15mins walk away from the National University of Hospital [NUH]. An alternative venue of rest should one day I ran out of places to snooze during office hours. H e h.As I gazed at your side viewA swift glance, a teasing lookdirected at your directionBut unable to gain attentionAs I hovered near your presenceHoping to catch a whiffof any possible memory based onthe symbolic sense of smellChances unprovidedWondering again how does one leavea sense of lingering aboutthe what-ifs, the what-might-be(s)bundled into a shackle of possibilitiesThen attempt to realise itHurray, its Monday again and my mood is as the color of the clear October skies. Activities Much as I try to recollect what had happened for the past weekend the membrane simply does not co-operate with the cerebellum.My memories are suffering from short-term absence of presence. Fine I'm jus trying to be creative in saying I'm sufferin from short-term memory loss but the bare essence of the activities which transpired over the past 2 days are still ringing clear in my memory bank. Perhaps I simply do not recollect things that had happened for more than 5 days ago.Well in a nutshell - Saturday morning I was not awakened by my mobile phone's alarm till my mum woke up from her usual waking hours and knocked on my bedroom door to ask if I'm awake. To my horror, the time she woke me was already 6:45am when the ceremony is at 8am and my reporting time to 7:30am. 45mins to shower, get dressed and reach there to "warm up my voice" Thank heavens im still on time. Overall the ceremony went smoothly with jus a few timing clashes because some parts of the ceremony i got so nervous that my mind went blank a few times. Almost like I'm the bridegroom. Just for clarification, I'm the commentator so I'm responsible for leading the crowd in some prayers, singing and announcements.Saturday afternoon was the last lesson of the 4-part series of ballroom classes at Michelle and Why Pong [WM] DanceWorld. We had a pretty tiring time going through all the routines and details over and over again. I must admit Why Pong and Michelle are really really wonderful ballroom teachers and if I had the excess spending power I would love to have detailed lessons with them. Despite the quantity of just 4 lessons the quality of techniques, posture and even the "feel" have been made pretty clear to me. In just 4 mere lessons I have learnt the importance of posture in ballroom, from the first movement to the last finishing pose.After the class ended we presented the two lovely teachers with a bouquet each, gathering much surprise and laughter from them. Went for dinner and some bowling, felt so good to feel the ball flip from my palm once again. Amazed some of them, Rene in particular with the minor C-curve of my ball. LOL. effect would have been much more impressive if I had been using my favourite personal ball of 15lbs cos the ball I threw at the alley was jus 9lbs so the force of impact on the pins werent that strong. Sigh, felt nostalgic abt the previous times when I trained intensively in bowling with my JC mates and later my army mates. Was well-known for my montrously high backswing and lift. Alas, dun think I can even remember my 4 steps properly now.After the bowling session I rushed for the morning couple's wedding dinner. One note - the food at York Hotel sucks. Had a few drinks before flying off to meet Yeeshan, Zelia, Anselm and Kelvin at Paradiz Centre for a game of pool. I believe Zelia and Yeeshan including myself were really annoyed at Kelvin's apparent enormous luck in pool because his pool balls would somehow roll into the pool table holes despite his weird angles of entry and some inaccurate shots.Ended with a early morning "supper" of a nice dish called sampler platter @ this 24hr cafe called Mr Bean and lots of iced coffe.. iced cappucino as well. The sampler platter consists of calamari, prawn fritters, spring rolls and deep-fried chicken pieces. Nothing amazing in terms of igredients but the taste was simply superb. So good that we actually ordered a second serving in the later part of the conversation. With the good food, a deep conversation was also shared which included discussions abt what they actually felt abt me after knowing me all this while. Was kinda surprised that I gave the impression sometimes that I remind them of Peter in the sense I would also be very firm in decision making jus the methods of achieving that consent would be different. Ended the "outing" with a short nap in the open bench areas of SMU before catching the first MRT train home at 6am.Sunday. "Friendly" Soccer from 2-5pm [though I'm pretty sure some players' "over-enthusiasm" annoyed some people] while a simple dinner at Bishan J8.I'm beat. I have to sleep. I'm supposed to wake up at 6am. Damn. Questions. Fresh. So I have decided to re-write another chapter of my life. 2 months of experience with Sanmina has made me decide that I should move on and not continue to agree with their practises.Indeed a lot of matters have happened within these past 2 months and perhaps so much that for a moment to sit down and contemplate what to pen down in blogging requires a monumental effort that does not permit free flow of thoughts.Sometimes thoughts can be mis-interpreted if you choose selective thinking yourself.Did some self reflection on what some people commented that 2 months with a company does not permit you to see what your future can hold. Then the question can be countered - how can we be certain then being with a company for a few years can make you certain if your future lies with them? Especially since now that I'm nearing my significant first number of 3 in my age this becomes all the more omnipotent.Should I then be rather risking my comfort zone and settle myself into a company or an environment that promises me a learning environment with a willing mentor and a united team despite harsh customers and disfavourable jobscopes?That was precisely the case with MDA thus I was able to stay for a whole 3 yrs despite the harsh people we have to face everyday.Yes I do believe I must go back to express my proper thanks to my ex-colleagues. I do believe they have really done a lot to make the team stay together.Well.. I have to prepare to go out to give tuition.. More thoughts to be penned down when I am settling down another day this comin week.Over a cup of coffee I realisedthat I missed hearing your voiceYou didnt want to believe thatyou were entitled to commitmentsAnd I didnt want to believe thatI actually yearned for your companyTill then, wishing everyone good health. Self. Centred. Started work with a new Company called Sanmina-SCI. Mainly involved in admin stuff. Gotta be steady with tracking lots of items. It's a big lie when I say I dun need to work OT because I have already started working OT within my first week at Sanmina which is like on my 4th day of work?Went out last night with Daniel my best bud to just chill and we ended up hopping places till like 5am in the morning. Sure had been a long time since I stayed out for such a long period of time. Not sure if I really enjoyed what we were doing but I was glad I had his company. Didn't want to spend my time just feeling depressed at home. And just doing things till I can go home to knock myself out is one sure way of confirming I do not have any energy to waste on thinkin about unneccessary stuff especially those who do not contribute any positivism only negativity.Upcoming StageArts Performance @ Bishan Park on 2th September. Looking forward to it. Just hope nothing major comes up disrupt the practises. Think the items are about 60% ready just a little more chereo with minor touch-ups to formation, polishing and fine-tuning the traffic flow of formation changes. Anyway it is examination period for most of the NYP students so practises had been reduced to just once a week instead of the usual two with Hiphop and Jazz alternating around each other. In other words, it means we're now practising Hiphop/Jazz once every fortnight instead of the usual once a week. Think I'm gonna be realllll stiff when I get back to the next jazz stretching routine. Sigh~Gotta start getting ready for Pat's class at Jitterbugs. I do need that adrenaline rush to get my day going, period.A storm is brewing withinOf flashes of lightning and rumble of thunderAir gets sucked in and conformsTwirls faster and fasterIn the eye of the stormLies the heart already torn asunderBelittled, frayed, witheredCaged in this prison of whirlwindTouch it but can't touch itSee it but can't see itFeel it and you get sucked itWith no way of knowing when you stopHow long have I been in this stormso overwhelmed by the whirlwing's shapelessnessGround's getting harder to treadwith these torrents rushing around my head You do not have to worry about me. Just show more concern for the other person instead. I think that party probably wants your attention more. I'm used to being strong myself anyway.~ Its about yourself after all isn't it? No word of thanks for me bringing you to see the fireworks just a simple message of saying you didn't enjoy the 'whole thing' simply because your mentor scolded you for a mistake you made. My fault? Distant Responsibility Questions and more questions - How are you getting on with your life? Did you manage to catch ~~~? What's happening in your life right now?Hmm. Makes me feel like I'm responsible for all the answers that these questions posed. Truth is - I don't. Rather I should not be responsible for answers to all these questions. Just how often does someone really step into your life and change it? And makes it change it for the better? Or will you go one big circle and at the supposed "ending" realise we have never really moved much at all?Met up with an old friend last Sunday. It was a weird feeling because we've known each other for almost.. 6 years? Yet we have never met each other before. We chatted each other up on the IRC which was pretty much the rage back in year 2000 and even before that. What followed was emails, Yahoo Messengers and only more recently Hotmail Messenger. Recent months was the proposed meet-up but met with quite a few clashes in timings due to other committments like her work and my own activity schedules. So when we met up last sunday there was some slight apprehension on whether we would face each other with horrible silences. Thankfully, we chatted just like we normally do on MSN though the first time we gazed at each other there was this slight pause."Hi" She said"Hey, you're right on time." I replied.She laughed, ice broken and the conversation started flowing shortly.Just like so many MSN conversations.Had a short chat with my SA Junior last nite, spoke of family backgrounds and of what we prefer to do in our leisure times. Spoke of some sad moments and of friends. It was short though not too short but nevertheless, it did feel good. Warmth was the feeling I could describe and so was the temperature of my body which subsequently broke out into a small sweat. DAMN. NYP should really look into their infrastructure and build more cooling places for leisure chats. Or perhaps it was just the stillness of the air which did not make the best conditions for small chats.The feeling of responsibility becomes distantShould we simply commit because it is morally rightOr we simply follow the heartEven though it might not make the best decisionWhen the strands of attachments loosenand paths divergeWhen we are no longer able to stand stilland simply look at each otherObligated Obligations ObligatoryNot the most heartening decisionbut perhaps the most accepted choiceignorance of the feelingsI can't. I can't. I just can't. Choices 15 days since the 1st of July and it feels like I have not exactly remembered how those 14 days past have flown by. Like the strong gale of wind that thrusts the torrent of ventilations whizzing past your face, the speed of events have whizzed by me giving me akin references to Lightning McQueen in the Movie "Cars" - Speed.Now the last recollection would probably be linked to the enjoyable night I had with Valerie and her Blast Peepz @ Butter Factory. After the offers I mentioned with AppleOrchard and the "supposed" interview at Fuji Xerox Towers, I attended a couple more interviews mainly with Educational Centres like Integrative Learning Corporation Pte Ltd and Guilford Training Centre Pte Ltd. Integrative's situated at Clarke Quay area while Guilford's located at Anson Road [Tanjong Pagar]. Both have offered me relatively attractive career prospects though they are a shadow of what Pathfinder Alliance [Fuji Xerox] have offered me. Can you imagine earning an income bracket of $100K per annum? Not exactly achievable for most people in their lifetime.That brings us to a little question which the Director Mr Raymond Tan posed to me during our final interview - How hungry are you? Reflections back to his question made me realise I'm hungry but not for money but for satisfaction. For success. Success to me is being able to fixate a stable income which can feed a family of four maximum. Having struggled through these years earning money to support my own living expenses and my University Fees have made me realise indeed the omniportance of financial freedom. It also made me realise the joy of a balanced worklife. Given a choice I would have wanted to travel back in time and correct a wrongs, I do carry a few regrets in my life but looking forward. I am also glad I have travelled this path for it brought me a whole new perspective which strengthened my communication skills tremendously. To be empathetic with most people because I can understand their difficulties in life yet at the same time understand myself well enough to know when I can help and when I need to push them to stand on their own.Success to me perhaps is being able to achieve financial freedom with an ease of mind.In theory it sounds absolutely tempting. In reality, we struggle like dogs for the bread and butter issues. Unless you are the talented few who have chartered your path well and focused on it from a young age then, when you have reached the dreaded 30, you will already have the next 30 years of your journey spread out on a red carpet. You might say we pay the price in our working years for the deviance of the years we spent during our education years be it University, Polytechnic, Junior Colleges or even Secondary School years. Is it any wonder why parents thus push their kids so hard to make them achieve the desired grades? Not for fear of loss of respect from other parents but simply from the fear that their children will spend the rest of their working years paying the price for their deviance of the education years as well.StageArts NYP have recently completed their assessment for the Juniors. Overall Peter seemed pretty pleased with their progress though there were misgivings about some juniors in particular. From the feedback I gathered I believed attitude plays an important factor. Well, its a general theory which applies everywhere. But there were a few who surprised me with their progress indeed. To name a few - Mei Xian, Paulin, Wei Lin and the "senior" juniors Joscelyn. Have gotten a lot closer to them since the assessment and the test of their chereography skills. No doubt they are still not able to show the chereography that can be put forth on competitions but they are at least showing the dance sense of it. Did stress them out slightly when on hiphop assessment I gave them the remark "I trained much more with you guys so I expect much more from you all than the new juniors" haha.Time to train myself to a new level. I should start going back to Dance Studios to learn new chereographies so I can have new ideas. Argh, with the new tuition jobs I have taken up the time is limited though. A little breakdown of the schedules -Monday ~ free dayTuesday ~ SA Hiphop Training [May soon juggle between DreamWerkz as well]Wednesday ~ Tuition at Edgefield Plains till 9:30pmThursday ~ SA Jazz TrainingsFriday ~ Tuition at Potong Pasir till 8:30pmSaturday ~ Perhaps practise in MorningsSunday ~ Tuition at 4pm and 7pm with the dance classes slotted in mornings.Hurray. When I start work. I will become the master of jugglers. Not to mention I have yet to register for my driving lessons. Butter Factory Oh man, that was one exhilarating night. Of grooving and pumping and wild whacking at times with the occasional clowning from me as well.. LOL.Weirdest thing is some guy actually came up to me and loudly screamed I'm cool and demanded to take a picture with me.. I was just totally bewildered and damn I didn't even take a look at the picture I took with him. Just hope he doesn't use it for some mass defaming joke. Hmm.. he seemed pretty sincere about the photo-taking thing so I'll just give him the benefit of doubt.Well.. to be honest. I guessed our group pretty much scared everyone else off the dance floor with our crazy antics and high energy moves. Hmm.. ironically I would be much happier if the dance floor had more people. I just get the feeling they seemed much happier watching us 'perform' because there were the occasional battles between Peter and myself. That man - is an alien. Sharpness, hyper energy and speed. If you think Rene [Hamtaro] has plenty of energy wait till you see Peter in battling. I think I can only win him with my chest isolation. That's about it - the sad pathetic truth. Argh.Congrats to the three 'musketeerettes' [lady version of musketeers i guess] who seemed to attract lots of attention as well with their continous grooving and waving of bodies. *Nose Bleed several times* though I was pretty shocked by their initial 'happiness' especially Valerie. LOL. Yes mi lady, I almost got drunk by chatting with you and absorbing your liquorous breath. Perhaps it's just me who have gotten pretty sensitive to the smell of liquor after not touching it for such a long time. Your loud laughter was another conviction you seemed to be enjoying yourself. No worries about the lack of glamour - its part and parcel of letting your hair down.Should do that more often.Another surprise for me was the ability of me rushing for 3 interviews today though the first interview was a total disaster. When I received the message from the lady yesterday my information given was venue Fujitsu Towers and look for unit #06-05 Orlando Go. My next two questions were "confirmed venue is Fujitsu Towers?" and "Company name is Orlando Go? Thats a weird name for a Company" which received answers "Yes" for both.Great. I arrived at Fuji Xerox which the cab driver told me that's the nearest named building. 6th storey - Prudential!! Surprise!! Initial curiosity turned into horror as i realised this couldn't be the company i applied for the postition of Management Executive. So this is their new method of recruiting financial planners? Management Executive? Anyway I started calling the number that was received via caller ID and no one picked up. For 60 freaking minutes while I was floundering around continously asking for directions on the building called Fujitsu Towers and calling SingTel Yellow Pages in the process as while.Second interview was excellent. AppleOrchard will be the outlet where I will be receiving my training should I be selected for the job. And I would like to forsee myself playing an active role in Apple products especially for Customer Service. A friend of mine advised me against it though because sometimes it's not about working in an MNC that will bring color to your resume but more importantly what jobscope had been that make you a much more valuable worker when you apply for a better paid job. She suggested that I take up Recruit Express offer for Business Development Corporate Executive. Sounds pretty big shot huh. Her explanation giving that I might actually learn more at Recruit Express given the highly stressed environment and the fast-paced working speed. I do hope I haven't disappointed her with my replies though. Gotta admit I didn't answer most of her answers directly because I never make any assumptions for any matter.Ah well, I just hope that Apple can match the offer I'm asking for the starting basic pay. If that really happends I would not have to bother with Recruit Express or even Prudential for any further matters.Cross my heart and clasp my hands. Heaven help me.Happy Val and Shell-shocked me. LOL Kiddin Val. Love the company you've brought to me so far. Honest and bare truth. Quality of Life A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got together to visit their old University of Notre Dame lecturer.Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life. Offering his guests coffee, the lecturer went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups - porcelain, plastic, glass, some plain-looking and some expensive and exquisite, telling them to help themselves to hot coffee.When all the students had a cup of coffee in hand, the lecturer said: "If you noticed, all the nice-looking, expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones.While it is but normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress."What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the better cups and are eyeing each other's cups."Now, if Life is coffee, then the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life, but the quality of Life doesn't change.""Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee in it."-----------------------------Cheers Hyun Joon Ever wondered how those robotic dancers move?Be amazed. Rollercoaster A resolution to complete all remaining assignments and essays due.Strengthened by the fact that I'm probably gonna be ignored a lot more often nowadays. Consolation? The strong beats of Fatboy Slim's "Renegade Master" and Deepest Blue's "Give it Away" accompanying my drooping eyelids whenever I attempt to paw through endless piles of notes and readings.My team for the World Cyber Games had made it through to the Semi-finals. *Wry smile* Given the number of teams present it would be disastrous if we could not even made it through the preliminary rounds. General praises were given for our chereo transitions and formation changes. Unfortunately, we have no highlights to speak of and our costumes were commented as "bland" by Patrick.I couldn't agree more.Sun shades to enhance our overall image giving us a more futuristic look. A jacket to replace our current colour T-shirts so that we look "bigger" on the dance stage in the Semi-final rounds. Fine-combing needed for chereography details.An online friend has given me a sudden beep to asked about my well-being. She sensed that I'm slowly sliding into mild depression. Of Sweetness and the Bitter Aftertaste. Of Clouds of Gray and restrained Contact and finally Of Moods, decisions, words and hurts. Even sent me a sketch of a young fair lady, gentle stirrings and sudden happiness, like a sudden glow amidst the gray shadows."When you think you're bad enough, there'll be others worse off than you."Though it might sound like I'm elevating my own misery at the expense of others, it did make me feel slightly better. The rollercoaster rides didn't seem so scary anymore.In addition, 2 other friends' good cheer and beaming messages did bring some good cheer back into my heart. Guess that's the power of friends.A step forward. Rejuvenation.A longer step.Encouraged.