Fri, 10 Oct 2008 15:37:43 +0000 u left 3 yrs ago, so whats with your “maybe start afresh” now? u think i’m still the innocent naive girl who still believes that true love really still do exists? u think i’ll cry running back into your arms, just becoz u asked me to? u think i’ll forget bout all the pain u’ve put me thru just becoz of what u said? man, i think i’m more than that. Pee-Ka-Boo!!! i wanted to upload pictures from my china trip. following what zalvata said “there’s a mountain icon”, i realised it doesnt search ur drives as it works in blogspot. i wanted to blog from office, but i couldn’t log in. the page kept prompting i had to enable cookies, and that my password is wrong. seriously, i have no idea what my password for this blog is. my password is saved on my laptop and everytime i click log-in, it directs me in automatically. so everyone, its been more than a month. how has everyone been doing? babe’s outta lah.cc, and i haven read her other blog cause i didn’t ask her bout it. ollie is forever busy with school. fatboylee is working/schling and happy with whatever he is doing now. zalvata is still irritating me with his chinese-words posts. kookabaru is back in sg.(erm is that right?!) sinmint is actively writing with lotsa pictures entries. this basically sums up my lah.cc reads. whilst it gives me financially security,  i loathe working. it makes me feel that my life is so boring, and i can never join my friends in whatever day activities they have. they have to specially schedule outings in the evenings, and i’m usually very tired out after a hard day’s work. hmm….and i’m still a half student. though not taking any lessons this sem, i’m still taking exams. caused i failed last sem lah!!! anyway this would be the first time i’m paying for my own exam fees, so i hope i would cherish my half a grand and pass these taunting papers once and for all. and, i’ve resumed my vocal lessons. feels damn good to be stretching my throat muscles after a long hiatus from my tonsilectomy operation. my classmates are damn good singers as well, and it makes lessons with them enjoyable. my friend sent me a song yesterday. its sang by jasmine trias, i’d rather. i’d rather have bad times with you, than to have good times with someone else….i’d rather have hard times together than to have easy times apart…i’d rather have someone who holds my heart… how many times had ppl in a bad relationship felt reluctant to let go held on? the resultant is always a split, because this love you shared is damaged.its like a vase, a glass. it has a crack. u can mend it, but u would forever be able to feel the scar. you can turn it the other way round and look and its perfect side. but the scar is still there. it can never be perfect again. the haze is back. and its irritating my eyes and nose and throat. very often as i look outta my office window, i though it was raining heavily but in fact, its just the haze. another end-result of uneducated and inconsiderate farmers who had done this repeatedly over the past few years. now i have a question for everyone… would you choose: 1. a job which u are happy at. you are comfortable and at ease with ur colleagues and bosses. people pamper you and you are alrights with the job scope u are given. 2. a job which gives u a higher pay, easily 600-1000 more each month, but you aren’t comfortable with the job scope and u feel uncertain bout the working environment. both companies are big. HOW? I SLEPT WITH A STRANGER!!!! got ur attention didn't i?! dirty dirty…if u are expecting something naughty and rauchy, sorry, i lure you here with my virgin experience title. but since u are here….just read on lah!!!  its 7.45pm now. rightfully, i should have finished dinner and enjoying whatever that is showing on my tv now. yes, i've taken dinner. no, i CAN'T watch tv. because i've been a bad girl and mommie decided to punish me my precious little brother is having his tuition. at 7, and it last till 9pm. the youth of the night gone~ so here i am, blogging, not that i don't like it, this just "made" time for me to resume blogging. and to learn jolin's new song 马德里不思议. everyone should love this song. very catchy tune. and its no easy feat. try singing the first paragraph, and if u can sing it without pausing and mistakes the very first time, er….erm…you're better than jolene jolin!!! it had been crazy the past couple months. from june exams to china trip to working to celebrating my 21st to changing to my new job to another short trip to malaysia, all back to back, i can shout out safely that i is still alive and kicking! perhaps the regular few who reads me will know, i was kinda mending a broken heart. i'm not really entirely over with this whole saga, but i'm not depressed and suicidal either. i still think of him, way too occasionally. speaking of which, i did this test which my colleague sent me today. its so old i bet everyone has done it before. but the results said to me, my ex-partner is forever right in my heart. perhaps, i guess its true. looking at the way he treated me, and how i couldn't even bring myself to hate him the slightest bit, i guessed he is really that perfect in my eyes. how silly of me… there were times when i asked myself, if i had given up when we met with so many obstacles, and chose the other guy who was so nice and attentive and gentle to my feelings, would i be happier today? the guy who was the best friend, the guy who stood silently by my side, the guy who is always the first to offer me a listening ear and dish out advice, the guy who i can learn to love, but gave up the chance to. i used past tense, cause he is no longer with us. he lost his life in a fateful accident. and such situations makes me hate myself all the more. i hate myself for letting chances slip by. i hate myself for not cherishing whats right before my eyes. i hate myself for lying that i do not love him. i dunno if i should tell everyone, "hey cherish whomever thats beside you right now." becoz my life is bitter-sweet itself. advice are easily said, but its never easy putting them into action. like what babe once told me, don't let such a friend slip by. i didn't heed her advice. i'm regretting, but its all too late. i'm missing you so terribly, why did u have to be in that car? Still kicking… …and i'm still alive. sinmint, sorry…tied up with work. i'll try super duper hard to blog something decent by this week k?! Am I GREATLY missed?! i hope the answer is yes!! turth is, i was back in singapore long long ago. but the day before i left for china, my com kanna that trojan win32.mt.rs. so i didnt really came online till i fixed it. not that my com is fixed now, but i needed to come online to settle some working stuff, so i figured i shd blog for those who missed my presence! i didn't buy the whole of china back like what my uncle said. but i bought like 4 pairs of shoes, 15 bags, 3 tshirts, 2 tops, 1 pearl necklace, 5 fashion necklaces, 8 pairs of earrings, 1 pair of shades, hairclips, rubber bands, lots of gifts…and i couldn't really recall the rest from the back of my mind right now. pheew~! it had been a hectic week since i arrived back. bosses ain't happy bout my extra week of leave, so i'm like looking for another new job. celebrated my 21st on 1st july too. it had been wonderful and i felt so loved! receieved almost 1k of red packets, a 4gb nano, and many other nice gifts. i WILL try to post the pics up after my com decides to get well soon. so sinmint, be patient alright?! hee 1 yr + worldcup + full house = very random post! 2 days ago…it marked our one year. thats if we were still together. past tense, and i’ve long learned to accept that. yesterday, was the start of world cup. who vs who? i seriously have no idea.　我真的不知道~! and since most people are so eager to catch the every 4-years once matches, i was very effectively neglected. hehe okies joking. but i was so bored, and i saw the stacks of unwatched vcds piling…and i decided to embark on my full house journey. 大错特错！i is very wrong! it was a journey of no return. i actually finished watching the entire serial of 16 discs within 24 hrs. no ollie, i’m not gonna oogle over rain, becoz…er….he is not that shuai anyway i know he is yours! but many parts of the show made me feel the heart aches all over again. i remembered F once put forth this question to me when i was with the bf “if i ask you to leave him, would you?” it was so shocking and embarassing, but i asked him why. to which he replied “because he doesn’t deserve you. you deserve so much more. and i can give u all these.” such moments always sets me into my silent mode. on one hand, F’s right. but some part of me simply perseveres, and i didn’t know why. until i watched full house, and 智恩’s line was “虽然喜欢他很痛苦，但我也觉得很幸福。” maybe ba, maybe that was what i felt. 好累了，我的心真的受伤了。 i’ll blog after i come back from china. bitches like you should rot in hell! and i shall have the final laugh! man, i’m no angel. but i see myself as a good enough friend. i do my best, i try even harder. and if i can tolerate, i will. but when i can take it no more, thats your dooms day. so tell me, whats wrong with me? i’m happy-go-lucky. most of the time, i take sarcasm well and swallow any hurt. when friends are in need, i would be there if i can. no one has any complains bout me yet. but you, you brought out the devil in me today. you, who thinks everyone is treating you as a queen just because you are pregnant. you, who thinks everyone will give in to you. you, who shamelessly gotten urself pregnant and felt so happy. you, who i once treated as a good friend. today on msn, the first thing she said was “confirm going china le ah? hahaha” me: ya she: fun meh? me: what has it gotta do with you? she: nutting ah…you put on ur nick, isnt that what you wanted? ppl to ask you bout it. hahahaha me: no, its for ppl to know i wont be in sg. and not for ppl like you to snigger. WHATS FUCKING WRONG WITH SUCH PPL?! THEY SHOULD GO TO HELL AND ROT THERE FOREVER! i dunno wats wrong in being urself and baring ur true self to ur friends. i dunno why is it that there are ppl who needs to inject spikes and sarcasm in their words. i dunno why there’s a need for ppl to constantly OVER brag bout certain things. i dunno why i need to endure all these nonsense. i conclude, I AM SO SO ANGRY! bitch, wake up ur idea. NOW. MELTED!! i’ve been a bad girl again today. i didn’t study much. instead i spent my time cleaning up my room. is it good enough to atone for my sinful day, slightly? went to collect my pants and tops. and i once AGAIN got sucked into buying another shirt. haha…okies lah, GSS now and its nice, so….yea its an excuse but i figured no harm since i’m working officially, and i need to be in something more than tshirts ya know? it was supposedly an ntuc-buying-fruits-because-i-am-on-a-diet night. but, i sinfully bought so much stuff. like another top. like a watch(exams coming mah! i need a watch! okies its an excuse) like the air purifier(mommie wanted to buy it too. but the darn salesman was damn shuai!) like a pink bra. like….NO MORE LIAO LAH! its scary to know that i actually bought them at the very very small sun plaza you know?! okie…speaking of that salesman, i therefore conclude, i’m a sucker for guys with nice-electrifying eyes equiped with long eye-lashes. and yah, this guy got em. and i shamefully stared right back at his eyes, not once, not twice, not even trice. but every single time that i spoke to him. can you guys imagine how shameless i was?! i bet he knew…cause he looked backed at me with a tingle in his eyes! or maybe its just his eyes…hahaha.. and he looked like mixed blood leh…he got aaron kwok kind of look… but i think he’s a bad boy. tattoo all over his arms. wat a pity. and before we left, he gave us his no, saying we could call him if we need any help. so my mom asked “is it ur real no not?” “of coz real lah!” he turned to me, “dont believe u try to sms me now.” hahahahaha…i would LOVE too k?! but i is shy. wat an enjoyable ntuc adventure… The BIG red bomb damn!!! my friend is getting married! okie its shot gun, but still!!!!! and we are still 20. i’m in shock lah. ignore my ramblings 24 weird facts… i got tagged by the babe of lah.cc. its an honour eh? 1. i just did my tonsilectomy-cut off my balls, at the base of my throat thats it. hurts like hell. 2. i treat different people differently. angel to most, devil to some. 3. i usually don’t speak the truth. if i’m hurting, you have gotta find out urself. 4. which means u have to read the pain from my eyes. 5. but i tend to hide with my happy-go-lucky attitude and laughter and smiles. 6. its enough for me to conclude my life is a facade. 7. i get real lonely at night, where its all quiet… 8. i have fetish for boys with dimples. 9. i have a dimple on my right cheek. 10. my fingers are short. 11. but my palm isn’t tat small. its still proportionate! i think.. 12. i have my hair growth 2 inches below my bra strip now, but i’m not satisfied. 13. i think i’m tall, for a girl. 14. i’ll die if i study without music. 15. or travelling anywhere without it. 16. my heart is too numb to cry. 17. that i resort to listening to sad songs, stories, and watch sad movies to tear. 18. i like the smell of glue and whiteboard markers actually. hee. 19. i like pink. but i cant go out in all pink! 20. i keep secrets to myself. there’s absolutely no one whom i tell him/her everything. 21. i’m a selfish person. 22. my maternal instincts acts up when i see babies. and i just feel like getting laid and having a kid. 23. i don’t care about what i wear. i’m happy as long as i’ve clothes on and i don’t look too sloppy for the appropriate occasion. 24. i have broad feet. once again, everyone is tagged. unless babe and kookie and ollie wants to do it again? but i think they would murder me. haha… so i’ll tag verysian, fey, and those who are reading and wants to do it. drop me a tag and ur url yea?   bye bye see you soon kampong babe is going password protection on her mumblings. kookabaru and ollie has finished their exams and enjoying their lives now. fatboylee has been missing from blogsphere for the past couple of weeks. zavalta is busy working and occasionally feeling fucked up cause of that “guy”? the princess here has just taken a break from work, only to focus on preparation for exams. -sighs- first paper on the 5th…i’m going into hiding soon. hee. looking forward to 14th june…where hell ends and good times begin. yay!