The American DreamSo many times this past week, watching the parade of American athletes at this year's Olympics, I've thought to myself how much I love the United States!Many of our country's citizens were born in other places, but came here to seek the American dream.Without them, past and present, we certainly wouldn't be the international force we are now. And I mean on all fronts - athletic, political, scientific just to name a few.What a wonderful country.Have a great weekend. The Nature of ThingsIn keeping with the new earth-friendly lifestyle I've recently embraced, the Husband and I have started composting.I got tired of throwing all of my vegetable scraps away everytime I made a salad.So I have read here all about how to compost in an indoor urban apartment setting. We throw old scraps into a bin (making sure to keep our "greens" and "browns" in good proportion), and periodically stir up the contents to get the primordial sludge going. The results, which we expect in 2-3 months, should be a high-nutrient super soil that is really beneficial for my potted plants.Although, all good intentions aside, I think that when things start getting stinky and gross, I'll probably buckle to yuppie pressure and invest in one of these expensive, odor free, color-coordinated automatic composters.I'll keep everyone posted. Saturday ThoughtsThis was just about the most heartbreaking thing I've ever read about the actions of a lawyer.Oh, and did anyone watch the U.S. swimmer Michael Phelps win the gold medal in the 400m individual medley? What was up with the playing of the U.S. national anthem during the medal ceremony? It was like a Chinese orchestra had recorded it, but got it totally wrong - verses were repeated, and the national anthem was abruptly cut off 10 seconds from the end. Even President Bush, who was sitting in the audience, looked puzzled. Well, even more than he usually does. Eyes on the PrizeA coworker recently had eye surgery. Asian blepharoplasty, to be exact.It seems that she was unhappy with her lack of double eyelid, as well as her epicanthic folds. Both are common among east Asians, but not Caucasians.So she had it all fixed. The plastic surgeon added a double eyelid and reshaped her eyes.She now has freakishly large eyes, like a Japanime girl.I can't bring myself to tell her that she looked better the way God made her. The Honeymoon is OverWe're back home!Whew. After a month traveling around Europe, getting repatriated to the United States has been an adjustment.I'm still in awe of the fact that all of the street signs here are in English. I keep walking around and muttering to myself, "Wow, it's so convenient!"I went to the supermarket tonight, and in looking at all of the prices, I kept mentally calculating what they would be in Euros.And on the subway, I bumped into someone and immediately said, "Scusi!" I also said, "Grazie!" when my doorman gave me a package.Yes, life in the United States takes some getting used to. A Stranger in a Strange LandNo photos yet, but the following observations:1. Italy is hot this time of year, and people just don't seem to need air conditioning.2. France is also hot this time of year. The beaches are terrific, but everyone (and I mean EVERYONE, young and old) thinks to seem that clothing is optional.3. Fewer things on this Earth are more intense than going to confession at the Vatican. They don't mess around there. The priest kept me kneeling in the confessional for 45 minutes!4. Nobody likes to stand in line in most of Europe. Someone even cut me off in the communion line at mass in St. Peter's Basilica. I'm pretty sure God was watching.More soon... Lune de MielThe Husband and I are leaving for our honeymoon!We're spending a month in France and Italy. So I'll be gone for the next 4 weeks.See you all in August! I'll try to post photos from the road, if my brand spanking new digital camera allows it (I haven't finished reading the manual yet).Beaucoup de baisers,THB Putting it All Into PerspectiveThe Husband and I drove out to the suburbs over the weekend to visit some friends.While parallel parking outside their apartment, I hit the curb, and upon hearing a loud CRUNCH I knew something was amiss.The Husband got out of the car and said, "Uh, you knocked off the hubcap."Sure enough, what had been my lovely hubcap was now a sad, twisted hunk of metal hanging precariously off the edge of the tire.I put it out of its misery, took it off and threw it into the back seat. The tire looked very mismatched with all of the bolts showing.I was so angry and upset at myself. I let my bad mood carry over into the walk to the friends' apartment. I was surly and quiet for the rest of the evening.One of the other woman guests started talking about how her boyfriend just found out he has a tumor in his brain, and he needs surgery to get it excised.I was suddenly ashamed for being so upset about my stupid hubcap. It really put things into perspective.Driving home, I shrugged and flaunted my ghetto-fabulous un-hubcapped car. Yard Sale DivaThis weekend, the Husband and I participated in an event we'd been planning, scheming about, organizing and gearing up for over the last year and a half.Not our wedding, which happened in April.But our annual YARD SALE.We got together with the Sister and a bunch of other friends, including one with a house on a major street corner.We put up signs, put ads online and in print, and at 7 a.m. on Saturday we set up shop.The response was overwhelming. Our yard sale was hopping for over 5 hours!At the end of the day, we walked away with a few boxes of leftover stuff to donate to charity, slight sunburns and several hundred dollars cash in our pockets.The biggest lesson I learned?Take the following quiz to find the answer:Q: When you have a yard sale, the single most important and valuable thing you can have there is:a. Lots of $1 bills for change;b. A great location that's visible from a major street and with plenty of parking in front;c. A Spanish-speaking friend;d. All of the above, with c being the most important.The answer, ladies and gentlemen, is d! Yes, if it hadn't been for our friend M who speaks Spanish, half of our deals wouldn't have closed. He was a godsend.Among all of us who ran the yard sale, we also found that our collective skills in French, Chinese and Tagalog came in useful throughout the day as well.And that, my friends, is some wisdom from me to you on running an urban yard sale in the new millennium. Living DangerouslyI just read this article.It's all about the sordid death of a woman who led a sordid life.But I can't help but secretly hope that one day my own name will be written in an an article alongside the words, "She was involved in a strip club melee."Is that bad?Ok, I thought so.I need to get out more. Signs of AgingThe other day I realized just how old I've gotten.I was trying to set up a single female friend with a single male friend.And I said something that I never would have said five years ago, but at my age now seems terribly important in choosing a potential life partner."He's great!" I said to her. "He's cute and smart and funny. And he has a great job. He works for the City. So that means he's going to have a really nice pension one day!" Heat WaveOverheard on the subway yesterday:Dumb Rich Teenager 1: Omigawd...it's been like, so hot this week! I can't even stand it!Dumb Rich Teenager 2: I know!! It's like, in the 90s now. I was like, at my parents' summer house, and the thermometer on the swimming pool said that the water was like, over 100 degrees!Dumb Rich Teenager 1: Omigawd..isn't that like, above boiling?Dumb Rich Teenager 2: Omigawd, you're right! We learned that in chemistry! Omigawd...the water was boiling in my swimming pool!THB (to self): Omigawd, I'm going to stab myself in the head. All that for $100,000 worth of private high school tuition! Messrs. Fahrenheit and Celsius are turning over in their graves. Gahhhh!!! From Lagos With LoveSomeone broke into the Sister's Ebay and hotmail accounts last week. She's spent the past 10 days on the phone and online with both companies, trying to get her identity back.Over the weekend, I got the following email:I am in a hurry writing this. I had a trip to Nigeria visiting the Tinapa opening ceremony. Unfortunately for me all my money got stolen at the hotel where i lodged from the attack of some armed robbers and since then i have been without any money i am even owing the hotel here,So i have only access to emails,my mobile phone can't work here.Please can you lend me $2,500 USD so i can return back and settle the hotel bills i would return it back to you as soon as i get home, I am so confused right now.You can sent through western union.I have already spoken to the hotel manager, please let me hear from you so i can collect his full name and address where you can send the money tomorrow please or if possible today. This email was sent to a bunch of her friends, and some of the replies that followed were among the funniest things I've ever read.I wrote, "Dear Sister: How come you didn't tell me you were relaxing in Nigeria this weekend? I'm hurt that you didn't ask me to come along!"Sister's friend wrote, "I knew it was you, since you always refer to money as 'USD' and call me on your 'mobile phone'."Sister's Boyfriend wrote, "I thought the Tinapa opening ceremony wasn't until next month!"Husband wrote, "I guess that's $2,500 I'll never see again." Even More Domestic GoddessBehold, my latest triumphant culinary creation, the zucchini casserole:Even more delicious than it looks.And this, while holding down a full time job!Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I bring home the bacon. AND I cook it.Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go and pass out from exhaustion.But not before making the Husband rub my feet! You Know How I Know You're Gay? You Like ColdplayThings that were great about this weekend:1. Getting to hang out and have almost 72 hours of good Sister bonding time;2. Going to DC's biggest annual crawfish boil, and putting away about 50 pounds of those little suckers and several pints of beer over the course of an afternoon;3. Seeing Eugene Mirman perform live in a bar, and getting my hand stamped with one of those glowing stamps like they give you in nightclubs (something this old lady hadn't done in at least 5 years);4. Getting lost trying to find some fun nightlife in the allegedly fun-nightlife-containing neighborhood of Adams Morgan, getting fed up, feeling old and uncool, giving up and going back to the Sister's to fall asleep watching Bear Grylls hack up a dead zebra on tv;5. Going to a really good, high-quality Smoothie King rather than the scary-ass roach-filled Smoothie King that I'm always stuck going to in New York's Penn Station;and finally,6. Being able to listen to Coldplay in the car on the 4+ hour drive home, since I was alone and the Husband wasn't there to object to the choice of music. You'll Never Be AloneI'm heading down to DC to visit the Sister this weekend. I'm even leaving the office early today to avoid the traffic.The drive will take about 4 hours. I haven't had a solo road trip in many years. And this will be the first time the Husband and I will be apart since we got married.I've packed a lot of cds to entertain me along the way.Well, not that I'm going to be lonely. Driving down Interstate 95, I have a feeling I'll be surrounded by other people!Have a good weekend, everyone! Breaking FreeAfter a monogamous relationship that has lasted over a decade, I'm here to announce that I'm breaking up.I'm switching my cell phone carrier.I joined Sprint back in 1998, when I was a fresh-faced student with my first cell phone. Back then, it was a nice company, eager to offer incentives designed to keep me as a customer.10 years later, the relationship has hit rock bottom.Sprint has taken me for granted for too long. I've had it with the horrible customer service, the stores that look like something out of the Soviet Union, the lousy inventory, the mean employees. Sprint is consistently ranked at the bottom of consumer groups' ratings, and it topped (or rather bottomed?) the MSN Customer Service Hall of Shame in 2007.Thus, I'm switching. I'm joining the Husband's plan with T-Mobile.I'm so tired of it all, that I'm even willing to suck it up and pay the outrageous fee ($200 per line) for disconnecting before my contract is up. At this point, anything is worth getting away from this horrendous company.If the last 10 years mean nothing to them, then I'm walking away without looking back. Me and ElsieA post by Tara earlier this week reminded me of some childhood memories.Remember the elementary school lunches, with the plastic trays? I especially remember the little half pint-sized Borden milk cartons that we drank out of every day at lunch. They looked kind of like this:Yes, Elsie the Cow and I, we were good friends.I learned a lot of big words by reading the print on the sides of the cartons. There was a short sentence: "If it's Borden, it's got to be good!" followed closely by an arrow indicating "To Open" and pointing upward to show from which end you should pry open the little triangular corner.Well, in my little kid's mind, I always put the two sentences together:"If it's Borden, it's got to be good to open!"But sometimes the carton wouldn't open. And I would struggle with it, while the image of Elsie the Cow gazed up at me, taunting me.Her vacuous smile infuriated me."It's Borden, and it's NOT good to open!" I would yell, to no one in particular, full of the impotent rage of a second grader.In the end, I'd end up with a ragged, jagged milk carton edge, that would scratch my lips when I tried to drink it. I still have a lot of anger toward Elsie, for false advertising and cruelty. Yes, the brilliant and razor-like legal mind you see before you now was not yet fully developed. But the seeds were already being sown by this childhood trauma. Freedom!!!The Husband and I received our Certificate of Marriage in the mail last week, from the City Clerk's office.Everything looked fine, except for one kind of major error.In the space for the name of the marriage officiant, the Certificate states that we were married by one Mr. William Wallace.So I guess he wasn't captured and tortured after all. In fact, he has survived to this day, and apparently is an official marriage officiant registered with the State of New York.I really wanted to leave it as is, so we could tell everyone for the rest of our lives that we were married by Braveheart.But in the end, practical legalities won out, and we had to go and get it corrected.Still, intending no offense to the very nice priest who married us, I like to think of what could have been.We could have had the paparazzi at our wedding... Wifely DutiesIn the several weeks that I've been married, I've been trying to be more domestic. This has included cooking dinner as much as I can, so that the Husband and I can save money and enjoy at least one meal together every night after a long day of work.This has been difficult, as cooking does not come naturally to me.It's in my genes. My parents have told me that neither of my grandmothers was a particularly good cook.And as for my dad, my mom says the following: "I'm lucky he's not a very picky eater."The Husband is a much better cook than I am, and insists that he doesn't care if I ever cook. But I look upon this as a personal mission - I want to improve my cooking. And as long as he's willing to be my guinea pig, I'll keep trying.So far my success has been mixed.One the one hand, I've made some great dishes.On the other hand, every time I start puttering around in the kitchen, he gets up like Pavlov's dog, and opens the living room windows.He knows that as long as the air is circulating, I won't set off the smoke alarm and inadvertently summon the Fire Department.We're already working well as a team. Different Points of ViewWhile upstate 2 weeks ago, I picked up and read a copy of Into Thin Air by Jon Krakauer. It was an account of the 1996 Everest disaster, in which several people died while returning from the summit of Mount Everest.I immediately became fascinated by the story.I'm now reading The Climb, by Anatoli Boukreev, which offers an account of the events that differs significantly from that of Krakauer.In his book, Krakauer was extremely critical of Boukreev's actions on the mountain. Boukreev's book is in part a response to Krakauer's allegations.I confess that reading both books, I find Boukreev to be a lot more (and I mean a HELLUVA lot more) believable. And the more I read, the more disgusted I am with Jon Krakauer. He's accusatory, judgmental, arrogant and doesn't check his facts. And the popularity of his book basically helped him to destroy Boukreev's reputation. For no reason.I have now resolved not to read any more of Jon Krakauer's books. Including that one about the guy who dies in the bus in the wilderness. On Tuesday night, Frontline is doing a 2-hour special on the events leading up to the Everest disaster. I'm interested to see how they're going to present these differing accounts.Boukreev is no longer here to defend himself; he died in an avalanche in 1997. I hope Frontline presents a balanced view.If not, I'm immediately withdrawing my financial support of PBS and diverting it to the Anatoli Boukreev Memorial Fund. After EffectsI didn't mean to go this long between posts. It's just that our internet connection went down last week, and we've just managed to get it back up with the use of a screwdriver, some duct tape, some twine and a piece of chewing gum.On top of that, my computer keeps crashing. I believe the poor machine may be on its last legs.So for now, I'm still connected, but very tenuously.Also, the dishwasher chose the week after our wedding to crap out on us. A foot-deep river of suds all over the kitchen floor!Did I also mention that I have about 200 thank-you cards to write?Yeah, I'll be back in a bit. All Around the TownSo here is a photo from my wedding day.After the ceremony, we drove around New York City and had the photographer take "renegade" photos of us in popular spots. One of them was Times Square! Here we are. You can see a curious crowd of onlookers forming as they see us approaching! Back to Life, Back to RealityI'm back!My wedding was really terrific. Many agreed that things went amazingly smoothly, and there were no mishaps - either major or minor.One of my friends said she'd never seen a bride so calm on her wedding day. Another said she'd never seen a bride and groom have so much fun at their own wedding, with no stress in sight.Others told us that ours was the best food they'd ever had at a wedding!So during our reception, we were announced as "Mr. and Mrs. THB!!" All of our friends got a really huge laugh out of that.I'm still getting photos back in dribs and drabs, but for now, here's one of our cake:Just to the left of it, you can see the special kosher-for-Passover cake we got, for those of our friends who couldn't eat leavened desserts. It's a napoleon made up of matzoh soaked in cognac, and it says "Mazel Tov" across the top. Both cakes were a huge hit, and there was no cake left over. That's right - I didn't get any cake at my own wedding!!Well, unless you count the tiny little piece the Husband ever so carefully fed me during our cake cutting ceremony... The Countdown BeginsWell, the time has come for my to take a break, delete my browsing history and parent-proof my apartment.The parents are arriving from Asia tonight. The countdown to the wedding begins.I won't be around here for the next week or so. I have to put on my bridal hat and get ready for the big day.I'll be back soon, and with some photos.When you see me next, I'll be an old married woman.Bye for now, and see y'all on the other side! The Little ThingsThe most exciting thing happened to me at work this week!Are you ready for this?I got a wireless mouse!!Like this one:Well, it's not as nice as this one. Mine was an old one from the storage room, and it was probably the first wireless mouse ever made. It looked more like this: I can't believe how happy this device has made me.Just for fun, I've been testing to see how far away from the computer I can sit, and still get it to work on my computer screen.I used to do this kind of thing with the garage door opener when I was a kid. Hours of entertainment! Famous By AssociationThe Sister works on Capitol Hill, where she's a staffer to a Venerated and Powerful Congressional Bigwig.The other day she called me at work."Hey, guess what!" she said, excitedly. "I was on tv today!"Apparently, Venerated and Powerful Congressional Bigwig gave a speech before Congress, and it was broadcasted on CSPAN.She showed me the video rerun.In it, Venerated and Powerful Congressional Bigwig is giving a speech, standing at the podium. And you can clearly see the Sister sitting behind him.Yes, for many people, being on CSPAN hardly qualifies as "being on tv."But to me, she's a movie star!! I'm so proud of her, I'm burning copies for all of our relatives! We Love You, TooActual reasons we've received as to why people can't attend our wedding:"I can't be away from my child (3 year old) for that night.""We don't want to dip into our savings.""We can't leave town while our house is still on the market.""It's right before Holocaust Remembrance Week.""It's right after Income Tax Day.""We're doing in vitro fertilization, and my hormones are set to peak on the day of your wedding.""My mother-in-law died.""My monkey died." Pot Party!!Some of my coworkers and I had a pot party yesterday.No, no that kind of party!One guy had a huge potted plant in his office that he wanted to divide, as it was outgrowing its pot size.So we all brought pots, potting soil, rooting hormone and styrofoam peanuts for root aeration.He cut up branches of his plant, and gave everyone some. We sat around and replanted the pieces and listened to the radio.Now I have a couple of cute new plants for my office.Just doing my little bit to combat global warming.It was totally worth the lost billable time.I'm convinced that since humans are natural agrarians, any angst and depression caused by endless hours in office cubicles in front of computers can be cured by some simple digging around in the dirt. Silence is GoldenI caught a really bad cold earlier this week, and I've completely lost my voice. I can't speak above a whisper.But I've found that refraining from talking often has beneficial effects.I went to Starbucks and ordered a hot chocolate.The girl messed up my order and somehow gave me a honey latte.Instead of complaining, I just frowned and said nothing."Oh, I'm so sorry!" she cried after an awkward silence. "I missed up your drink, didn't I? Let me redo it for you."I had a document reviewed by a partner at work."I'm not sure this is what we want to say," he said, pointing at some passages I'd written.Instead of apologizing and hurriedly making the change, I just sat and smiled."Well," he said, looking at it again. "I guess what you said DOES make sense..ok, we can keep it."I think I've found a new approach to getting what I want in life.