Movie Marathon’s recipes Movie marathon’s starting in less than 8 hours… just thought perhaps I should put down the recipe for the food… I’m gonna make hotdogs… some pretty stylish ones… Will be feeding 7 hungry people tomorrow including my family… and since I’ve been so busy re-formatting and setting up my gaming rig, I’ve only found time to go to Cold Storage moments ago (past 1am now). Got some onions, shrooms, spring onions, irish breakfast sausages, pork bockwurst, pepperoni, bacon, shredded mozzarella, hot dog buns (almost couldn’t get them) and a little bottle of Jacob’s Creek Chardonay as my trump card. I’m prob not gonna make all of them tom cos its too much work… but since I’ve thought of it… these are really simple ideas. Hot dogs are meant to be simple. And I plan to do just that… with just a bit of flair… Da Shroom Dog *steamed bun 1) Irish Breakfast Sausage Sauteed. 2) Cheat Alert! - - - Sauteed mushrooms, and add the cream of mushroom soup with just a bit of water. Black pepper. Sauce can be reheated in microwave. Remember no salt needed. 3) Slap the sausage on the bun. Drizzle the mushroom sauce on top. Chilli sauce and mayo if preferred. Classic Dog *steamed bun 1) Chop onions into strips, sauteed on a hot pan with salt and pepper. Pour Chardonay. Simmer. Reduce. Can be reheated in microwave. 2) Irish breakfast sausage sauteed. 3) Butter the bun, slap the sausage in, onions on the top. Mustard. The Japroney *toasted bun 1) Sauteed Garlic Pork bockwurst 2) Sauteed Pepperoni 3) Wrap the sausage with pepperoni. 4) Slap that onto a buttered bun, mozarella on top. Into the oven 150*C for 8 mins. (ensure bun was frozen) 5) Top it off with cold mayo for contrast. For the Love of Bacon *toasted bun 1) Sauteed bacon. 2) Scrambled eggs. 3) Put them into the buttered bun, 120*C oven for 5 mins. 4) Serve with cold mayo for contrast. Chilli/tomato if preferred. Thinking… should sauteed the sausages first. so… 5 irish sausages first up. Go with da shrooms dog and classic dog first. Followed by saute-ing the shrooms and onions for the classic dog.. 2nd round… Jabroneys. ooo yeah… The freedom to play. A tiny discourse on Gaming. The 10 things about life… 1) its a gift. 2) Its painful at times. 3) Its a plethora of opportunities. 4) Its about choice. 5) Its about knowing. 6) Its about relationships. 7) Its more about you than you really think. Its meant to be good. 9) Its full of sin at times. 10) Its love in its material form. 10 “nots” about life… 1) Its not always about you. 2) Its not always easy. 3) Its not perfect, but perfectly imperfect. 4) Its not always right. 5) Its not always about money. 6) Its not a curse. 7) Its not based on facts… but meanings rather. Its not always about facts, but feelings. 9) Its not always about passion. 10) Its not going to last forever. I’m sure that there are perhaps another thousand things to add. Like fear, anger, joy, sadness… humility etc… Strangely… I’d like to write a bit about gaming now. I believe that its taken the world by storm (ahem or is it my life?). Its like some kind of infection or epidermic spread throughout the masses of the tech era. I’m quite sure, that this genre/discourse, has not only been vastly misunderstood by a many, but also seriously underestimated. I never realized how big the gaming world (not industry) really is, and how complex the gaming world has evolved over the years. Not to mention, how billions of dollars have been made here. However keeping in mind its not always about money… But its this whole different experience that radically changed our lifestyle, that brought us to a different dimension when the trend began in the 80s till today. I remember when I was a small kid, the best toy I ever enjoyed wasn’t really Transformers… but the first Sega video game console. And I’m sure that some of us also remember, that you could rent a game to play at a game shop for a fee back in those days. But between that time and now… I just went, “Wow! So much has changed.” And I kind of pity people who never appreciated this hobby because it opened up so many doors and paths for creativity and a great deal of fun. Of course… not everyone was born with great hand-eye coordination… but there’s always the “rookie” or “very easy” mode for most games. The thing that I find really so fascinating about the gaming world, is how people actually assume the role of someone else and seek to complete tasks and goals. Its basically simulation. And its done in such an attractive and colorful manner. The moment you start playing the game, you actually get to play the role of someone else and get to experience something you’d never experience in real life. You even get to feel things that you’ll never feel in the real world. Take for example the games that I’ve played. Call of Duty 4, you get to play as 2 main characters, 1 is in the special forces, and the other is a regular marine. When you play the story mode… the game assumes that you know everything about being a soldier, and the other members on your team trust you enough to complete the goals assigned to you. Its not just about shooting and killing people now, but accomplishing a much more meaningful task like securing a strategic point, clearing the area for an airstrike, and going on a rescue mission etc etc. The game has become so unique, that you actually feel like you’re not only watching a movie, but you actually have control over your character. You are actually “him”. Although this post has masculinity written all over it so far, one cannot deny that gaming has truly broken down gender boundaries. When “The Sims” was released, it brought out the natural domestic instincts of day to day people and was put out as a simple simulation of life. At first I thought it was such a stupid game, but when the game remained number 1 on the charts for weeks… I wondered why. Turns out because there were so many women playing it. Eventually when I got to play it, I got addicted. As a matter of fact, one of the reasons why gaming has been so successful, is because women have begun to participate ever so actively. Till date, Nintendo has the majority share of video game console market because of tremendous sales on the Wii… and guess what… there’re a lot more women playing on the Wii as compared to an xbox or playstation. However, the sad thing is I still meet women and they have no idea what a “Wii” is at all. You’d figure by now its not always about gender but what goes on in your head. But how can one be ignorant about games? Seriously this phenomenon isn’t all hype, but since its inception into the modern lifestyle, games have created serious issues too… Look at the amount of piracy that’s going around, the amount of acquisitions of smaller game developers, the money, look at E3, a recognized technological convention exhibiting revolutionary game designs, exuding tonnes of creativity… Games have developed with such an alarming pace and are appealing to target adults thus requiring legislations to be passed for such games to be rated/censored. Parents have gone from preventing their kids from playing games, to letting them participate in international gaming tournaments televised live. If you’ve ever read a game magazine, you might know that the Koreans have training schools to train the world’s best Starcraft players. They do nothing but eat, sleep and hone their skills. Not to mention, education is essential to the development of games as new technologies are developed, game level designers and artists have to update themselves constantly aside from spending years in university just to make a small part of a big game. The gaming world also influences the manufacturing sector where all the electronic parts, CPUs, graphics cards and power adaptors are made… This is especially for the PC gaming world, where the best and latest hardware translates to the ultimate gaming experience for the end consumer. Someone has also made a million dollars in real life cash just by playing “Second Life”. Again… truly fascinating. I’ve also personally played a lot of games throughout my life… and I enjoy playing so much because of the thrill and excitement you can get from life-like games. I remember when I first saw Gears of War, I thought it was just so over the top gory that I thought it was a bad game… but when the PC version was finally released, and since it came as a package deal with my gaming mouse, I tried it and was blown away by the whole story and experience. You’d never feel such a harsh and challenging environment to deal with ever… and its something fresh and different from the normal mundane world that we really live in. So if you really find that life is such a bore… why not try playing a game? What’s love got to do with it… Its become less clear as the years go by… I used to think that love was simple, but I have to admit… I probably made it more complicated than it was really meant to be. I still remember very vividly what it felt like to fall for someone for the first time. But now, I seem to have forgotten how that’s supposed to come about. Well, I guess its the hormones for the most part… Doesn’t really mean I don’t have hormones now… just that the way that I feel towards things have changed so radically from the past. We all go through phases and stages in our lives, which at times makes or breaks us… and just leads us to another place. But honestly, who would have thought that you’d end up the way you are now. There’s just so much stuff going on out there, and when there’s so much stuff, it adds so many additional questions and makes what we originally knew so bloody confusing! Till the point we have to keep asking ourselves whether what we’re doing is right or wrong. When I was in my teens, I really thought that I knew everything only to stumble through reality and discover the backstage how the world really worked. Sure this is part of growing up, but I never thought that there’s that much shit out there. Especially when it comes to love relationships… Too naive… really too naive. I’m just taking a pause for the moment to reflect on things… I haven’t really done that in awhile since I’ve been able to occupy myself with activities that I love and enjoy doing. I’m exercising regularly at least thrice a week, been playing pool, games, sports, meeting up with friends… and managed to squeeze a really hearty bbq along the way. Its really enjoyable to do all these when the chances come by. Contentment, isn’t really a bad thing. It doesn’t exactly lead to complacency… but it should lead someone to be happy. Despite living the lifestyle that I sought after my exams were over… I realized that I might have forgotten what it meant to be in love… and what it meant to love a special someone. Time has really flown and its been over 2 years since I was attached… and although I’ve been getting to know ladies, I just couldn’t take that extra step to give a peck on a cheek or hold a hand. Maybe that’s because… they just aren’t really good choices to begin with. So why spend time with them? The answer just begs a shitload of hypocrisy and selfishness on the surface… but I think deep down in everyone’s heart, we just don’t want to be alone throughout our lives. This is precisely the problem… Has love been degraded till a level where it exists just to prevent us from being alone? Are people tying the knot… just because love has become something practical, because the worst thing that could happen is to die alone without anyone being there for u? Are we… as adults… losing our perspective towards what love means. Because I for one have to admit, might have probably lost some perspective and direction. Love is the very fundamental thing that makes us different from other species. Yet, it has been misunderstood. Perhaps because that’s why this magical 4 letter word is so special… because it isn’t just purely something like giving… its also receiving. Its not always about patience either, in fact sometimes anger needs to come into play for it to make it work… You also can’t live on love alone, neither can one live without it. It even involves the economy… Does money really make the world go round, or is it really love that makes the world go round? Another funny thing is that we can actually choose to make love complex, or make love simple. I guess the only thing that I can say with utmost belief about L-O-V-E… It was, it still does, and will always remain…… fascinating. Mini Upgrade 1 This post probably takes my geekness up another level… this being the first level of upgrading. Hooted… Asus Republic of Gamers Maximus II Formula motherboard, Seagate 640gb 32mb cache SATA hard disk with an external hard drive enclosure, and Enemy Territory Quake Wars. I was really thrilled and excited to change it and up the cool factor on my rig. Here’s the Maximus II Formula Motherboard as it is… its the coolest motherboard I’ve ever seen in the market. Above: Pic of the southbridge Below: The northbridge (looks damn stylo) Specs can be found here if you’re really interested, otherwise… here’s where I start taking everything apart again. It was a little harder that I thought… but it was nevertheless interesting to do this for the first time. basically unplugged all external cords and opened up the shell… pulled all the PCI cards and ram out first… Followed by taking out the entire motherboard… Once the motherf**ker’s out, just had to remove the heatsink and clean up the contact surface with isopropyl alcohol (i.e. my mother’s nail polish remover)… Worked like a charm. It was so clean that I could see wordings on my Intel Quad processor… Now… for the new kickass engine to be put in… Reset the Intel Quad processor and the heatsink on top of it. Before and after… my old Asus P5K Pro on the right side. Plan to use it to setup another rig for my bro sometime down the road. My old board still works well. Managed an overclock from 2.4ghz to 3.2 ghz stable on my Intel Q6600. Hopefully won’t face much probs when installing new stuff on it next time. Prob is… the power connector is situated at a terrible place. Will serve as a backup one for now… Now… time to fit the spanking new motherboard into the casing… Startup went very well, installed everything back on the formatted 320gb harddisk. This baby could actually overclock up to 3.7 ghz but the heat was just too much. Settled for 3.4 ghz overclock… still damn fast. There were a plethora of manual overclocking settings to choose from, which can be very confusing and time consuming to play around with all those settings. I decided to change just 2 settings and leave everything else to run on auto. Worked well and pretty stable. Next post… Mini upgrade 2 will feature my new Thermaltake Armor+ MX midtower chassis… a real beast if I might add… One word…… SHIOK. Lost in Translation I found the original movie going cheap at Bangkok… I’ve never bought so many things at one go before, I even had to buy a new bag to put all the new stuff in. I think I like Bangkok. Perhaps even love it more than I think I do. Almost everything I found can be cheap and good, just the way many of us like it. I finally did my bunjee jump off a 50m crane. It all happened within the space of 15 mins when our taxi driver cum guide pointed to the bunjee site while driving past. It all happened really fast. We reached the place, took a look, I saw that u get T-shirt for pple who’ve jumped, and the cert that came with it. Price: 2000 baht. Less than 100 sgd. Cheap, gd track record. Go. I then found myself hopping into the elevator with my legs bound by some heavy duty velcro and sturdy ropes… the next thing I knew, I was going up, and definitely not looking down at all. On the way up, I asked the guy, “how many times u’ve done it?” he replied “never before, I’m too chicken” and I said “You’re LYING” but deep down probably believed him. When we reached the top, he motioned me to hop to the edge, and NOT to look down. Everything looked really nice up that high. But I was already starting to get really worried, and the guy told me “Don’t think. Just jump.” repeatedly… My mind was simply going back and forth. I wanted to jump, but I could feel my instincts starting to fight back. I just kept telling myself, “Just do it..Just do it..Just do it..Just do it..” Within 10-15 secs standing there, I jumped, my eyes automatically shut and I immediately yelled out all I could muster. It was pure madness. After the initial 50m drop, came another few more recoils up and down, and I just kept yelling till I finally stopped bouncing. It was a massive rush. I was really tired and probably went into shock, bcos when I finally got unstrapped, I couldn’t really remember what it felt like to take that leap of faith (or perhaps stupidity). Nevertheless, I felt really happy that I made it come true when I kept saying I wanna do a bunjee jump since 2001. I’ll be uploading the video soon over the weekend. I was really happy with the shopping I did at Chatuchak weekend market too… highlight was the Deuter backpacker haversack for 900 baht, and a Levi’s denim jacket for 950 baht! Also finally bought back Absolute Mango vodka from DFS. I so wanna buy more… just have to wait. On the downside… really poor planning by the friends I went with. Wasted money on air tics because no one checked to see if there were cheaper promotions, nobody initiated any hotel booking… basically, no one thought ahead. I probably will not travel with them again… at least not to Thailand. 6 days with them was a bit too much for me, and I was really glad to be back home so I could get away from them for awhile at least. I realized I don’t really like that much of free and easy on a trip… there must be some plans to make it more meaningful and enjoyable. More tours to come I hope. Paprika or Teriyaki? I’ve finally succumbed… weeks after saying that I wanna cook but haven’t. Had dinner with RN at Ajisen at IMM and coincidentally she had to go to Giant to buy some canned topshell. So just bought 2 deboned chicken thighs, a pack of white button shrooms on offer, and just got home to marinate them. First piece was marinated with a little garlic, salt, a dash of dried oregano and rosemary, and smothered some paprika just to try it out, some black pepper, and just a little bit of sugar. I realized that a bit of szechuan pepper might bring out more flavor come to think of it… but nevertheless, just try to see how paprika will taste like on its own as its my first try at it. Second piece going asian style, just a bit of salt, garlic, oyster sauce, teriyaki sauce, a bit of pepper, a dash of hua diao and some sesame oil. Both chops in the fridge overnight, will freeze them tomorrow morning. When I’m free just take them out to defrost and sear them over a low heat, skin down with the lid on. On a separate note, had a rather interesting weekend. Highlight was probably spending the night at E’s place, at the rate where things are going, I feel a little worried about whether things are going to get a little more serious than originally planned. I don’t really feel attracted to her, but the company has always been good and it has gotten confusing as to whether its because of the atmosphere when I’m with her, or whether I really like her. I guess I just have to be more careful nowadays. Thinking that meeting more girls might be a better option… At least someone healthier as opposed to the current E whom I usually smoke and have beers with. well… lets just take this one thing at a time. Tomorrow’s another round of pool matches at GF. I drew my last 3 games… and hoping that I’ll perform better tomorrow when I face other players. I’ve not played since Saturday and I’m hoping that my stroke hasn’t gone haywire. Hope for a lighter load of work tomorrow as well… conserve some energy for the matches at night. Wanting more… and needing less Doesn’t really bode well for 20 years down the road. Anyway… I’ve just started to work out for the past couple of weeks since my exams were over. Finally got the gym membership and making use of lunchtime to work out. Had a sucky haircut which was my fault because I ruined my hairstylist hard work of trying to make sure the form of my hair was right. All gone to waste when I went to the barber for reservist callup. On the bright side, I finally won something in a competition after a couple of arduous matches when my opponents just dragged the match everytime its they’re turn. Just won $15 voucher from the loser pool. At least its a start. Also, my cue case finally arrived! So happy! woo hoo! Mean lookin case man. Although I haven’t been winning as many games as I hope to… I feel that my game is slowly getting better each time I play. Just need to play with more confidence, and practice a little bit more and not try to overdo anything, be it pool or other things in life. Striking a balance hasn’t always been easy, but recently since I’ve started going to the gym everyday, I feel a little more energetic everyday. Just hope for even better days to come for 2008. With the way I’m playing my pool now, I’ll begin to beat players that are better than me. Running about 2 clicks everyday, should help to burn my mid section out by the end of the year hopefully. I’ve also been abstaining from eating too much meaty things… I realize my digestive system doesn’t work that well with any sort of protein overdose other than fish. My colleague who used to be a personal trainer, advised not to strain too hard during workouts but focus on moderation and retain enough energy to want to workout again the next day. So far its been working, and it really feels good. Can’t wait to workout again tomorrow. My mood for cooking has also come back… and I’m hoping perhaps to whip out chicken chop or pan fried fish this weekend. Though we’re supposed to have a movie trilogy thing at RN’s place, but now facing the problem of not being able to find Ocean’s 11, 12 and 13 for the mini marathon. If in the end this doesn’t materialize, I really wonder what should I do… Oh yah… I need to re-organize my room. Too many lecture notes and unsightly files. Made a comeback… Quite frankly, I was really lucky today. Since the last team challenge, I lost 0-7 to K, who was in the national youth team. Today, my team was up against yet another tough opponent, Home of Pool Team 2. Played the 2nd singles match, and realized that my opponent due to his seeding in the national rankings, had to give me a one rack head start. I started off really shaky… able to pot the 1st shot, but missing the 2nd. Then a stroke of luck came along where I had ball in hand, and did a 4-9 combination shot to up my score. My opponent had a good reputation, but he had an off day and kept missing a lot of shots that I expected him to make. But he still made some terrific shots to keep the score level. I found myself breaking, and potting the 9 ball on the break… a first in my competition experience. After which I got a little bit frustrated with how I was playing… I realized that I was just playing scared. And I realized that I gotta show a little more confidence and flair in my ability. I’ve just been underperforming too much. I began to express my frustration… and somehow or rather, it let me loosen up and focus on my shots even more. I found myself potting ball after ball, and chasing my opponent from behind to level at 6-6. He was extremely frustrated and lost his temper… to a point that he slammed his cue on the table and gave me ball in hand for no reason when there wasn’t even a foul yet. There were even a couple of racks, when I’m still left with 2 balls on the table to run out, but he just walked over and conceded the rack out of frustration. I guess he couldn’t believe how bad his form was. The last rack, he sort of gave up trying, and left some tough shots for me hoping that I would miss and result in him getting a better shot… he finally left me with a long halfball cut, where I needed to cover lots of real estate to get back for position on the 9. When he left me the shot, I was trying to keep calm and prevent myself from becoming too eager… and somehow, I felt pissed off that he’s giving away chances thinking I will miss… it made me want to pot the ball even more… so I kept my breath steady, feathered my cue on the rail for the long pot, focused really hard… and just hit it with authority. The 8 slammed home, and cueball hit 1 rail and came back all the way down perfectly for the 9. He conceded the match… and I was completely stoked. I beat a top 16 seeded national player… although didn’t beat him in his best form, a win considered a win nonetheless. The doubles was a killer match as well, with 2 strong individual players pairing up. I paired up with D and got to a head start after a combination plant on the 9, and a couple of solid run outs. We made a couple of errors and our opponents chased and overtook us, leading the charge 5-3. But luck was really on our side and we fought back to 5-6 after hitting some really good shots. They missed a crucial shot, and we ran out the table to tie 6-6 again. Clearly our teamwork was better as we were communicating our shots and helping each other out, whereas our opponents were doing the opposite and taunting each other’s egos. It went really down to the wire when they had the chance to win it, but missed the final 9 ball. D was left with a long and difficult pot with the 9 along the rail… but he stepped up his game and potted to give us a 7-6 win. Finally I’m starting to play a little better now. Seriously and for the record… I just got my gym membership… unfortunately the price of it has gone up and I didn’t get to sign during the promotion as I was having exams. But at least its just 5 mins walk away from my office, and I can use just about everything I need to lose the belly. Tomorrow will be prepping up for a swim in the afternoon. If it rains, I can still pop by the gym during lunch. I’m looking to have some breakfast in the morning, and spend my lunch hour working out. Plan to do this everyday when I’m at work, and hopefully I will see some positive results after a couple of months. I will also need to watch my diet, but I won’t give up the food I love completely, and balance and moderation is more important in the long run. It will be a challenge as after rigorous exercise, I’ll be back in the office to work. I might lose a lot more energy in the process, which is actually the whole idea… as time goes by stamina should be a lot better as I get used to the routine. I just got my first pair of Oakleys… a really stunning pair of sunglasses I must say. Probably will use them when I’m blading next time with E, cycling, and driving of course. Think at this rate, I should be exercising just about everyday. Been training at GF billiards every night since my final paper. Played with D today and he was in good form. Although I lost all 3 sets, I sense that my game is coming back slowly. I still suffer from lapses of concentration and morale when I’m playing catch up… but it feels like what I used to feel training with JL last year… in fact losing helped a lot more with my game, and saw a lot more problematic things that can go wrong when I play. Today I managed to run out just about a full rack… which was something I’ve not been able to do the past month. I just need to stay mentally focused, stop sighing and giving up too easily. Going to make payment for the new Predator case on Sat… have to wake up early Sat morning to the bank to do a wire transfer… hopefully get the order by next week. So far I’ve spent quite a lot of $$ already… actually just left with 1 pair of inline skates to go and I’ll be just about dried up for the month. But still looking forward to the months ahead where I still have time for these things that matter more to me. Supposed to meet E on Sunday this week for drinks and dinner, but she realized she forgot about her dad’s coming bday (earlier celebration). She hasn’t replied whether lunch is fine. There’s a Division 3 tournament that day… and if she can’t make it that day, I’ll prob join the competition. I suspect that I will be training pool everyday now onwards if I don’t have anything on. Not to forget, really want to thank RN for belated dinner yesterday… she’s the only friend who does this for me, and I’m very grateful to have a friend who really cares. Treated me to steamboat buffet at Coca restaurant somewhere in Orchard, and accompanied me to buy Oakleys before that. Its one thing to have many friends around you… but nothing can surpass a single true friend. Buffet was really good… though I must admit having overdose of tiger prawns. While waiting for cab home, she asked me how are things going on with E, since we seem to be talking a little more regularly than usual… In fact I had this row with E online when I told her abt RN being the BFF, because she kept saying that who knows me and RN will be an item someday. I couldn’t help but be reminded of the time I was with my ex, and she kept saying that same thing about me and RN getting together… and decided I had enough of it and told her to stop making such silly comments. Apparently she meant it in a harmless and joking manner but I was already seriously irritated… quite an interesting conversation all on MSN… but really for the record: 1) I am Supanova. 2) My BFF (best female friend) is RN. 3) RN is attached to Monkey. I’m NOT attached to RN, and never was. 4) Yes I love RN, but damn it, NOT in terms of girlfriend material let alone wife material. I don’t wish for her to be either. She will undoubtedly and unintentionally make me mentally ill if we’re ever attached. 5) Its fun that people mistake us for a couple because we can come up with creative lies to make ourselves seem more interesting and happening. 6) Its NOT fun when people really start thinking we will leave our current gf/bf for each other. 7) When fact no. 6 happens, it isn’t just irritating but really pisses us off. We complain to each other when our bf or gf says things like “you never know”. My innate response nowadays is NB and KNN. 9) If anyone messes with RN, I will KEEL HIM. I will KEEL HIM until HE DIES. 10) I don’t treat everyone of the opposite sex as “targets”. Don’t be a fool aka idiot to think otherwise. Anyway, the row with E wasn’t really much of a big deal other than a rather interesting event. I found this chemistry with her, that I can have a row with and still behave as though nothing happened 10 mins after. RN says that we have a complicated rlnship… we’re not together but we seem to be sort of like together. Realized that such a friendship can turn the wrong way if either party isn’t careful. But then, I did ask if I could date E very directly before. Hmm… we both seriously don’t have the time to commit to each other, but I think I’m already quite happy with where we are now. Just good friends and enjoying each other’s company. Can’t wait for the weekend again. Lacking in confidence Perhaps mainly because I’ve got this big stomach now, what’s more I’ve not exercised for the past few months. Which really isn’t what I want. I think I need a break from my studies… I have a very bad feeling that I might not pass all the papers this year. I’ve not prepared all that well for them, mainly because I completely lost interest in the subjects, and it just became nothing but a chore and a turn off to revise. I’ll be pushing 1 final round the next few days for MSM… I will start my workout regime after that accursed paper. Swim at least 3 times a week, run at least twice a week. Basically… exercise at the nearby gym everyday during lunch. Also, ensuring I have a proper breakfast in the morning. Increase fibre intake, and lessen fat intake. I need to learn to stop eating chicken skin which I can never resist. All this is very hard to do… but there’s one more thing that I really want. A tournament trophy. I hope to win something next year. In order to do that, there are things that I have to relearn, practice and confidence is a very big factor. After playing the team competitions, I was reminded how pool can be so frightening in terms of mental preparation. Even when you have the skills, when you lack confidence it is impossible to win a match. You will choose the bad shots, and you won’t execute the right shots correctly. I might be looking to practice everyday if I have the time. Tiring yes, but necessary to play competitively and win matches. That probably leaves no time for dates? I don’t really know… I think being in love should be a bonus than something I have to commit now. I feel that I should be dating but my focus isn’t on a girl now. Besides, I doubt I can find anyone who’s willing to support my passion. At least the girls I’ve dated require so much attention that I’m used to giving. I doubt I can repeat that feat again, but of course I’m still the same person. I’ve found it hard to meet women with real hobbies, who know what to do with their single lives. Some of the girls I’ve met like to depend too much on their man, which I think won’t be a good woman for me because everything is really too great a burden for me to bear. Hope to meet someone who can take care of herself and not have to worry too much. But really… I can ask for everything in the world, but I won’t get everything. I’m not being a contradict here… I’m just balancing between the type of person I hope to meet, but not set too high expectations. Come to think of it, reminded me of a random thought I had a week ago… You can always get what you want, but you can never have everything. Reminded me of a conversation I had with my financial adviser last week. We basically met up to do some adjustment to my investment profile, and she asked if I’d been to church recently. I basically shared with her that I didn’t really appreciate the approach that some of the churches have taken, and people themselves just don’t seem to be doing things right. I found some approaches rather hypocritical, which she agreed as well because some christians become deluded when taught about biblical interpretations and how they should lead their lives as directed by their pastors, who at times are not always right themselves. Though, I found it comforting that she being catholic, still finds hope and joy in actually knowing that God is guiding her. But I still find disappointment in all the history that christians have created… the crusades, the wars, the division of the church and so many contradictions of biblical interpretations across denominations. It just brings about a thought as to whether there’s such thing as real truth in the world… or… is it just about issues and things being permissible (got that from Assassin’s Creed). Though the latter would make our lives so shallow for those things that represent our character. Life would probably lose meaning. Recently I’ve been lacking in confidence in quite a few areas… I’ve not been socializing for a long while and somehow feel like I’m not myself when I meet new people, my pool is really lousy recently, and I’ve been making small mistakes at work that caused my colleague a little more trouble than necessary, add to the fact that I’ve been on leave so often makes me feel worse… and… I’m physically out of shape again. Must admit that I lost heart, and so decided to read Warrior of Light by Paulo Coelho… first page I saw was a little comforting. A warrior of light often loses heart. He believes that nothing can stir in him the emotion he so desired. He is forced to spend many evenings and nights feeling that he is one of the vanquished, and nothing seems able to restore his enthusiasm. His friends say: ‘Perhaps his fight is over.’ The warrior feels pain and confusion when he hears such remarks because he knows that he has not yet reached the place he wanted to reach. But he is stubborn and refuses to relinquish his aims. Then, when he least expects it, a new door opens. Wonder when that new door’s gonna open. I know that I’m better. Played in a team competition today. It was really inpromptu as my friend asked me to play only yesterday. So decided why not, perhaps just play and see where I currently stand. Turned out to be a totally different experience than I expected. When I started my first match, my very first shot turned into a scratch. Looking back at why that happened, then I fully realized that I was really not mentally prepared for a real competitive match. Although I knew what shots I wanted to play, my mind was not fully focused on the shots I took. Every shot I took, my brain was swirling, trying to convince my arm and stance that I will make the shots. But ultimately my mind wasn’t ready to take the level of stress in a competition. My 2nd and 3rd shots were fine, but when I missed again, my opponent just cleared the table without any problem whatsoever. He had a very good rhythm, and I could use 1 hand to count the number of chances I had on the table the entire match. I could not capitalize on his misses. I missed, he cleared all the way to the 9 without missing. I then scratched again on the break, scratched again on another shot… lost 0-7. I didn’t even put up a fight. But I still lost gracefully, and asked my opponent how often he practices. He replied “Everyday” and I felt a little better. However, thinking about losing without a fight makes me feel very sore. It was as though I didn’t really matter in that match. The doubles match I played slightly better as my partner was encouraging and helped with choosing the shots. I was obviously already out of sync… I didn’t feel fully comfortable going up to the table. I even missed a straight pot at point blank range. I was the worst player in the team today. FUCK man. Really what the FUCK. We seem to be at the advantage but when both of us missed a couple of crucial shots… the lead went to the opponents… lost 4-7. I really thought that I let the whole team down. They had faith and believed in me, which is why they asked me to play. But competing is really a totally different thing from playing on weekends. My last competitive game was almost a year ago. I’m quite mad at myself for playing so badly today. And I’m really fired up to train and get a lot better the next time. There’s no turning back. Only looking forward. I’m not gonna be a fucking loser like I was today. What makes me angry the most… is that I didn’t show the real standard that I have… that I can perform much better, but I didn’t. knnz… nbz… Turned 28 and still behaving 24 Honestly I have lots of things to blog about but… whenever I’m seated in front of this PC… my mind just spaces out in a midst of calm. I really wanna blog today but I don’t really know what to write. And I’m probably just going go on ranting without any reason just to feel shiok. S has wished me happy birthday again for 2 years in a row. I really don’t understand why she does that. I’ve not said a word to her, and she doesn’t msn me any other day either. I find it a little disturbing as to why she does it as we’ve not been speaking to each other for so long. Even my common friends don’t really know my birthday, so its just… not normal. If she just wants to keep in touch… why not every other day but my bday? I’ve finally done 2 papers and am left with the last one on 3 june. I must say that I simply cannot wait for that to be over. Just the thought of going through the whole process again is so draining. I can’t seem to reconcile the idea that I must get a relevant degree, and feeling so bad every single year. Not having worked the entire week feels surreal. Normally a week passes by very very quickly when I’m working, but this week of exams felt like it was one whole month. The irritating thing is everytime I try to log on to the network at home, I’m never able to receive any emails. So I just give up doing any work when I’m on leave. Have a feeling my boss is gonna comment on that some day soon. Recently just got a new omen… not as nice as my old flame. But still plays well enough. I’m hoping to train more regularly the coming year, and get back my tournament standard of play. I’ve not done any break and run out this year… and I really hope to do it after my last paper. I know that I still got the talent to win… and I still believe that I can win something. For my birthday wishlist… is a leather 2b4s Predator instroke case. But I’ve not managed to get it yet. Perhaps will order one later in the week. I pretty much exhibited raw geekness today by completing Call of Duty 4 single player. Its really such an awesome game with lots of interactive cut scenes, sniping, rescuing, infiltrating, bombing and shooting. You get to nail the baddest guy not once but twice. But in all this indulgement of passions and hobbies… I still felt that lack of total completeness. I guess only a woman can fully complete a man. I guess that we will meet in due time, but now… I have this stereotypical view towards dating single women… most of the time they are hoping to get lucky and meet a man who’s rich and handsome. Well… I’m also probably guilty vice versa anyhow. RN is looking to set me up with someone, which I anticipate can be a little awkward due to some historical event. Need to turn in soon… back to work tomorrow. My discipline’s on holiday Seriously bad. I’ve hardly attempted a CL exam question this week, and all I can think of is doing everything other thing. Why? Because I’m so bloody distracted coupled with the notion that my attention span has grown so much shorter with each year’s birthday. On a more positive note, M actually shared that I have to “love” CL, MSM and POA for just this moment. Seriously. And get to know the subject before sitting for the exam (wedding?). Meaning I’d be on a date everytime I study, which is rather fitting as the single male who just can’t get himself laid even if he wanted to. Might as well get laid every night with the exam notes. Urgh… would I just fucking stop the holidaying! Need a higher level of confidence I’ve finally covered P/L, BS and CFS… and I just need to up my confidence level in doing the questions for the next few days. Hopefully by Sat and Sun, I would deem myself ready to take on the 3 hour trial run for the entire paper. Though I still have a few small topics to cover but shouldn’t be too much of a problem. I’ll be on reservist next week at Jurong Camp II… Its a bitter sweet kind of thing because although its not extremely physically demanding like some other units, I wish I was actually able to spend the entire week just cramming all that CL and statute law into my already saturated brain. Nevertheless, I still think its better than having to study after a tiring day at work. Work has been intense… its been that kind of period where I always have to be on my toes in case I miss out something that I’m supposed to do. Even though writing down helps… time is still the enemy. Urgh… I’m a lot more stressed out than I think I am. I’d better sleep earlier. zzzzzzzzzzzzz………… “They must’ve felt the loss as well…” “Yes I guess.” With reference to my recent departure from the church and the people whom I’ve met there. Z has been asking me out more often recently to meet up with her friends, albeit with good intentions to open the windows and doors to me. In fact I met up with a whole bunch of them today… and it seemed all too familiar ground. Asked me why I left, how long since i stopped going to church, invited me to join them… as expected I replied with a resounding “No thanks.” They seem like a really nice bunch of people, but I wasn’t going to go through that entire process again which has led me in circles. In contrary to what one of them told me, that when she “backslid” she was avoiding issues and going around in circles… It was just the plain opposite for me… being in church for so many years… I’ve had enough of going around in circles within the boundaries of Christianity. There’s just too much confusion going on with all the mess that christians ourselves created. In fact, I’ve grown tired of the idea that you can have a relationship with someone you’ve never met and heard from, and the idea that all the crap that we people have to go through, is just a test of our faith. Boy… that just seems to “lock me in” doesn’t it. I’m even embarassed to admit that I’m a christian after all the mess that has been going around. It is also, sad that I actually pointed out that I never really cared for my previous cell group members. Really. Sad. And here I am thinking that simply leaving would make me less of a hypocrite. How odd and ironic… perhaps even obnoxious. So this is really who I am. Some selfish asshole. ha! I’m truly damned… perhaps will never really reconcile until I have but no choice to concede that I need God more than anything else. Really… stop talking to me about God and spirituality. Friendships and love holds so much more value in truth and reality. It just came to me. But then I completely forgot that train of thought. Doesn’t really happen all the time, though I wish my mind didn’t have to wander that far off. Had ciggies and drinks with E on Sunday after a few weeks of being busy with our own schedules. Dinner at Cha Cha Cha, talked about gossips at work and how things ought to run the way they should and us having to put up everyday nonsense. Not to mention, how lowly we were paid as compared to some other people who can’t even handle a simple assignment properly. After that we strutted across to Wala Wala for 1 for 1 drinks, and had 2 glasses of Erdinger light and a Killkeny however you spell that. It was a little over the limit as to what I’m used to drinking, but still managed to hold the composure and soberness that I’ve so publicly sworn to just about everyone I’ve drank with. Did I mention I got me new PSP Slim? *grin* Traded in my “old” blue PSP for a new silver colored Slim version. Playing God of War on it whenever I’m on the bus or blindly waiting… God of War is insanely good for graphics, gameplay, sound and its so AWESOME. Too bad no time to post some screenshots of it for provoking purposes. I’ve no plans confirmed for after my exams yet, only that I need to get my ass back to work, and exercise everyday during lunch at the gym near my office. I put on 5kg. Its crazy and its ugly. I suspect everyone in the office is commenting how large my belly has grown since I joined. Nevertheless, its not about them… but I’m worried about my health more importantly. Also, I plan to start training pool the fanatical and passionate way I know how… hoping to join a couple of competitions before my curriculum kicks off again in September instead of July. But all these won’t mean that much if I don’t mug my ass off the remaining 4 weeks till my first paper. My nerves have officially unraveled, whatever that means… and I’ve been practicing P/L and balance sheet for 2 weeks straight, trying to get my confidence up in preparation for the accursed paper that I plan to do only ONCE. I hope that I’d have grasped those 2, and able to complete CFS and other little topics by next week. Then… it’s seriously crunch time from the 28th onwards to cram Commercial Law for the next 2 weeks till it happens on the 14th. I only have the space of 1 day between CL and POA… so I def need to revise POA immediately after my CL paper. My leave has already been approved, but I’m still seriously stretched for time. After POA, I just have 2 weeks to cram MSM like hell. And hopefully, I will step out of the exam victorious. Now I remember what came to me… I visualized that on the day I graduate, tears are definitely gonna flow. But I still got to keep things real here and now. I still have 3 more subjects to go even after passing 3 this year. Chiong ga liao… Radioactive Testosterone I received today… a purchase order for Tritium based testosterone. Yes… radioactive male hormones. Like what da hell are they researching man?? Seriously, I couldn’t help sniggering in the 10 minutes after I first saw the order. I just had to tell W and RN… W replied “Dies laughing…” and RN apparently got pretty imaginative replying: “Ya but its funny. =p I have this mental image of a guy standing in front of a radiating machine with his balls exposed and wanking haha. I know it’s not like that but it certainly feels like it” I so damn wanted to burst into laughing my guts out, but the office was in such a solemn mood that it would just be very inappropriate. Then I had the problem of wanting to laugh but can’t, and cannot help sniggering and smiling to myself for awhile. I wonder if the auditors saw me sniggering to my silly self. I had to walk out of the office and snigger all the way to the toilet. After which, my imagination started to run wild as well… thinking about seriously lame puns… then RN smsed me out of the blue saying “Superman Returns is surprisingly good” and I just had to reply “I’ll bet he’s got radioactive testosterone”. Then I thought… if I buy 4D on the purchase order number, and actually won 1st prize… and people were to ask “Wah… where you get the number?” “oh… long story… but in short, I got it by ordering radioactive testosterone.” One of those little reasons to love my job. =) When fatigue creeps in, you gotta be aware of it. And make a decision to let the fatigue set in, or fight against it. We always have a choice, even when it seems like we don’t… we really do. Our lives become what they are as a result of those choices. Its not always the big decisions, but a combination of small decisions that make the basis of a person’s future. Again… its all about the basics. And on that bombshell… I still hope I strike TOTO. Just 6 weeks away… First paper 14th May Commercial Law, 16th May Principles of Accounting… I’m not ready yet. I need to be ready asap. 6 weeks = 7 x 6= 42 days, of which 12 days consist of weekends in which 4 days have been taken up for full day lectures. Leaving 8 full days to revise 2 subjects, leaving 4 full days for each subject. 30 days of which work will be spent up to 9 hours a day. Sleep takes up 8 hours. Leaving just 5 hours for study and sufficient rest. 3 x 30 = 90 hours of study time in which 45 hours for each subject can be possibly allocated. 45 hours adding the weekend burnout of 12 hours a day, adds up to a total of 69 hours for 1 subject as of now till the first paper, not including the days of leave I really have to take. Whoever fucking said quality time instead of quantity time… better damn hell have a balance of both. Burn baby! Burn! Going for broke… Since my bro doesn’t mind taking over my PC, decided perhaps I will pass it on to him, and get another newer pumped up version. Processor: Intel Core 2 Quad Q9450 2.66Ghz Motherboard: Asus Maximus Formula/DFI X38 Memory: 2 x 2Gb Gskill DDR2 1066Mhz/800Mhz RAM Harddisk: Western Digital SATAII 250 GB + 500 GB Graphics: Nvidia 9800GTX 1GB or 9800GX2 1GB or ATI 3870 X2 1GB Monitor: Dell 2408WFP UltraSharpTM 24″ WideScreen Flat Panel Monitor / Asus VW222U 22″ Widescreen LCD 2ms Casing: NZXT LEXA Blackline SECC Casing Blue LED / CM 590 with side window Power Supply: Enermax Infiniti 720W Power Supply Unit Modular 80+ / Thermaltake Toughpower 750W PSU ATX 14cm Fan Cable Management Custom cooling: Thermalright Ultra-120 eXtreme CPU Cooler Sound: Creative X-Fi Xtremegamer Fatal1ty OS: Windows Vista Ultimate (64bit) DVD: LG DVD RW All this… end of the year? hmm… Hoping prices drop like flies over volcanic lava… no wait… I still have to save for another year of uni fees… ahh… guess it’ll have to wait. Yes! I did it! Intel Core 2 Quad at 3.2 Ghz! Must be because I updated my BIOS… duh… I don’t even know how come I wasn’t able to do it last time. Yes… I know some other geekos have reached higher clock speeds… but 3.2 Ghz with the Q6600… is faster than a $1688 QX9650 at stock speed (3 Ghz), for just $424… still a damn good deal if you ask me.  *echos of haolian resonate in the background* But its really interesting that overclocking isn’t as complex as it used to be in the past. Once would have to manually adjust voltages and other frequencies to ensure the OC is done probably… otherwise one can quite easily fry hardware if he didn’t know what he’s doing. Now, technology has advanced so much that a complete noobie can OC by just changing a few numbers in the BIOS. The result: Windows Vista loads damn fast, applications open up and run with hardly any lag than due to the internet connection. Save time, and enjoy computing. Blazing speed rules! *smiles* Went to vivo… While parking I saw this vintage classic… A 1980s Lotus Turbo Esprit. I was simply thrilled to sight it! This was one the sleekest super cars back in the 80s. Despite its immense impracticality of the rear window (seems to block the rear mirror), the condition of the car was close to immaculate… I really love the angles and it just yells out James Bond, reminding me of that Lotus submarine car. Its even got headlights that open up too! So cool man… This is a damn rare car! One would have to buy it through an auction to get one now. Had a craving for american food, and since EK raved about the Super Burger at Superdog… I had to make the trip down to try it. I’ve tried a Carl’s Junior beef burger… and its definitely not as succulent and juicy as the Superburger. This burger comes served piping hot, and you get the option of adding a sunny side up egg which I couldn’t resist. I thought that it will be so much nicer if the patty was a little bit more rare… nevertheless the saucy mix of bacon, onions, tomatoes and lettuce just brought out such wholesome goodness and mess… which is characteristic of a great burger. However its still quite pricey… compared to doing it yourself at home. Definitely will go Superdog again. Love America… ahh… Perspectives… On life. Its not so much as something that’s intensely misunderstood, neither that taken forgranted. When my the contractor bosses came to the office a couple of days ago, one of them remarked while eyes popped out “wah… zong liao! (bloated)” of course in reaction to my rounder face since I’ve put on a few kilos. But I was surprised at my own reaction that I actually remarked back, “eh!! ni ye shi zong liao leh!” (you’ve bloated as well) in all good jolly suspiciously fake tact. If anything, I think life holds a lot more value when you make in depth, informed decisions. Then again… it doesn’t have to be that in depth… what matters is that you get to decide and choose regardless of whatever reasons you have. I think that’s a beautiful part about life and being human. Knowing that you know… and getting to change and create things. Even during times when we begin to lose control, or perhaps getting ourselves into the most undesirable situations, we can make a choice to fight on, or retreat… even a little bit of both whenever we deem fit. Freedom, is truly something remarkable in society. Its where humanity exhibits its true nature. Sad to say, we’re not truly free creatures either. We’re constantly bound by responsibilities, day to day productivity, and we’re always tied up with something or someone. In fact, man is bound to the consequences of the choices he makes despite his freedom to choose. We think that we’re free, yet we’re bound. We also think that we’re bound, but we’re still free to choose. I’ve yet brought about profoundness again as it turns out that I’m the wise guy in the neighbourhood. But nothing really gets me interested other than the many truths about life… and that truths can be manipulated so easily and turned into something that we’ve never thought of and yet becomes true. We find constant comfort when we understand a truth about life, and ache tirelessly when we just can’t comprehend why something is the way it is. I find this sinfully interesting if not entertaining. Which happens to be a dark side of me since all I seem to care about is knowing why, how, what and when… which reflects a very dehumanizing and hypocritical person that I’ve been trying to hide. Well, perhaps that’s why I’ve never remained in a relationship for over a year. I’ve got that “loner” look that comes from inside out. Nevertheless… as what they all say… you are who you believe to be. Nicely disguised phrase ever suitable for hypocrites. If everyone believed to be lovable one day, and scheming on another… well… you are who u believe to be? ahh… screw da hypocrites… Protected: Its not about so much about the world, neither is it so much about you. This post is password protected. To view it please enter your password below: Password: Protected: A very difficult disappointment… This post is password protected. To view it please enter your password below: Password: Memories fade… but don’t always disappear… PG, an ex sec sch of mine, dated another sec sch fren WW for a really long time… and broke up after 7 years of being together. I just read WW’s blog and came about to know that PG’s getting married within less than 3 years after the break up. One might assume that such a past ought to be buried and move on… but apparently, its just not as easily said than done… as WW wept and didn’t find it easy getting it over upon hearing the news. When S found out that her ex got married, she cried too. Also couldn’t believe that he married the gal in which he left her for… Its a feeling that perhaps us men can’t fathom. But what I do know is it reflects how much effort, blood, sweat and tears went into the relationship… Such a reaction can only reflect on how real their love was in the relationship, and will perhaps indefinitely remain deeply burnt in. Even if one were to take comfort in that it never would have amounted into anything… it can be at times crippling even. Being the idiot who wants to know it all, I really wish I understood how it felt like to feel that way… but at a price of the sensation of profound pain… I really don’t know what I’m asking for here. There’s a saying that when a woman loves a man with all her heart, mind and soul… a break up would still not be able to fully cut all ties away… perhaps leaving a forgotten emotional string attached behind… Seriously, we men are such fucking bastards. And we still have women willing to go that far just to be with us… even when we don’t want them around. We even wish that they would just leave us alone and stop caring and nagging. That’s why we get labelled as assholes, jerks and fuckers. I for one, perhaps admit to a certain degree that I can be quite the potential asshole. Perhaps a cunning and even nasty one, cos most of time I always do so “unintentionally”… yes… that’s how much of a fucking bastard I am potentially. The worst kind a gal could possibly end up with. I think if there’s anything a gal would really mind… it’d be whether her man knows what the hell he’s actually doing, and whether he’s truthful about what he knows and what he doesn’t know… damn… and I still think women are difficult… Nevertheless, love is but an ideal. But its nice to know that books like the bible actually teaches one how to love, and what it means to love. Its even nicer to know, that people go through all sorts of trials and hardship, just to be sure… that others are loved in the right way and manner… just to ensure, that love doesn’t disappear, that love will always matter. That you matter… and that very person that stands right where you need him/her to be… can and will provide the attention, and affection, that is friendship and love… despite crushing us here and there, using that same force that is love, to bring us forward to a better place. Can someone tell me how love is not a contradiction? When clearly its a source of pain and joy at the same time… Baked Scallops on a bed of mushrooms…   It just sprang all of a sudden into my mind yesterday. Sliced button mushrooms with salt and pepper on the base, spreaded with some garlic butter. Bake the mushrooms till half cooked, then place a few fresh scallops with salt pepper and garlic butter. Wonder if this would make people drool. Perhaps I’ll try it out this Saturday… Perhaps might be better to stir fry too… I’ve been rather passive recently, not calling anyone or initiating any sort of conversation or activity. Somehow, I just feel there’s conflict everywhere… knowing that I’m part of the reason, but still… its a fact that none of us really have that much in common. Despite being the homo sapiens that we are… we have the innate ability to differentiate ourselves from the rest.  Just to be politically correct, we probably have equally innate ability to find similarities within our groups.  I, for one, am only motivated by the thought of being able to play pool and win. You might think I need a life. But how can one be so sure that another needs to get a life? We just love to label others, applying our presumptuous ways on what one ought to be doing. But really… no one really knows other than your own self. Today, nothing gets me motivated other than reality. The here, now and present. Where all my senses are engaged, my heart still pumping and thoughts still run through. There’s nothing in the world that compares to life itself… Its what I used to call a miracle. But now, I don’t see God anymore. Not the slightest bit. And I don’t even think that I should feel bad about it. I fear death more than anything else, and I live each day as though it were my last. I don’t take my time and peace forgranted… I don’t work too hard, and I don’t play too hard. But I still exercise passion and invigoration. I want to live… I don’t just want the truth… I want what’s real because I realize that truth is never consistent as the times go by. Truths change across time, paradigm shifts occur ever so often. To be bound by truth, seems to pose greater inhibition to change, to openness, and even to what’s real. I seem to be searching for my own philosophy… my own ideology… my reality. On the contrary, just about all that I’ve learnt from church… hasn’t really helped me to understand more about God… but even more so about the people around us, about how we relate to one another. I seem to have reversed all the goodness that church had sought to instill in me, and I just thought that perhaps, love is taught just so that we don’t go around killing each other… exterminating our own existence in which is the very essence of everything. I just seem to have reduced the teachings into nothing more than just a methodology of another way of life. However, there’s no doubt that the teachings from the bible had real life applications and create such an impact on society that it moves towards a direction of hope and for the better. There’s no one to judge you other than yourself. We all take responsibility for our own lives.