Season Finale of Dexter (S2) Honestly, it’s a bag of mixed reviews for the ending in my opinion. Loyal supporters are assured of a season 3, that’s for sure. However, the problem with lots of drama series is that the longer the series gets, the plot either becomes too emotionally intense or they become too draggy. With most, being the latter. Good part of the ending was Dexter remained free from the chains of the law. The painful part was watching Debra having to choose between the love of her life and the love for her brother. Been in that shoes too many times. But for once, i got to see Dex and Rita getting it on between the sheets.. I just hope Season 3 is better. Of rain, pizzas and more rain.. The weather over the weekend was terrible, to say the least. All plans over the weekend were shelved including attending a friend’s birthday party at East Coast. Considering that i was really looking forward to getting out for a walk, the rain was a bummer. But because of the rain, I found time to brush up on my culinary efforts. Notice I mentioned efforts and not skills because of the obvious. Old boy once taught me the joys of pork fat melting onto a pan of potatoes and sprinkled with lots of oregano. The last time he cooked it for us, it left me with tears in my eyes because of the sweetness of the potatoes and the tenderness of the meat. I tried the same with a cut of rib-eye that was marinated with lime, soya sauce, cooking wine, and black pepper previously. Somehow, searing the meat was like an ode to Old boy all over again. After all, that was how he was. Sweet and tender. That was Saturday. Sunday was spent mixing pasta with pesto sauce on Sunday for dinner. And yes, he taught me that as well. Cutting the long beans, carrots, corns, crab meat, bacons and mince meat was easy but the difficulty was coordinating the right amount of milk with the pesto sauce. I lost count of the number of times my tasting spoon dipped onto the pesto sauce. I don’t really know if I was a good student, since I was banking on serendipity to guide me through but I guess the meals I cooked were decent enough. Now, if only I can have an epiphany on how to make foie gras. Protected: Protected for a reason This post is password protected. To view it please enter your password below: Password: Lawry’s @ Paragon Sumptuous, succulent and surprisingly, salty. A company celebration brought us to Lawry’s at Paragon for lunch where we feasted on the physical and the aesthetics. The interior of Lawry’s reminded one of the old English facade, with the high ceilings, classic cornices and the solid wallpaper decorations adorning the walls. Considering that the cheapest cut in the menu costs about S$59, i guess all of us would like to eat in a S$59 environment as well.. Now, back to the meat. Most of us had the Lawry’s Cut (approximately 285g) and each prime cut comes with the spinning salad, mashed potates, choice of vegetables (either cream spinach or cream corn) and yorkshire pudding. But because the meat was so tender and appetising, i was hungry 4 hours later. Sigh, talk about hitting the sweet spot.. Anyway, if you’re interested, DBS card holders enjoy 1-for-1 on the ala carte menu during lunch so if you’re around the corner and a dbs cardholder, pop by and feast. Serenity With each touch and stroke, his eyelids grew heavier. I stayed in a corner, running my fingers down the same spot, and watched his eyes close. Despite the pain, he remained silent and steadily, the breathing slowed to an inaudible pace. The snores followed subsequently and the boy slept, peacefully unaware that I was (six feet) under the bed, crushed and pushed by his sheer strength. But I laughed it off anyway. And for the first time, in a very long time, I finally realised why I never had dreams of him. Because I don’t need dreams to tell me that he knew just how to make everything alright. Infallible I’ve come to a stage of realisation that i cannot deal with it anymore. Not from an emotional point, a mental point, a physical point or a psychological point. I am tired, resentful, hurt and withdrawn. I do not feel a sense of acknowledgment, a sense of relief or a sense of sensibility in my actions. I can’t sleep, i barely have my appetite, I’m popping pills and perhaps even drinking, every day. This isn’t me but yet i am now. And what lies beneath is a choice. The Cynic, the Deceptive and the Eye The mere sound of the word ‘oncology’ is enough to strike fear in the hearts of many. Tomorrow is my scheduled appointment with the oncologist. As much as work is the excuse, i guess the main reason for the hesitation is the fear of finding out the truth. Perhaps, in the process, i have encountered and heard of stories of men and women, God-fearing alike, who ask Him why them when things do not go their way. Yet what pains me is the reasoning behind, the thought process that they have on their quest to find out the answers. Doing good deeds or volunteering for church activities will not give you the jailfree card that the Monopoly games have. Just the other day, my colleagues and i were discussing about Him. Ironic as it seems, the women in my workplace all have relationship issues while the men appear to be pretty henpacked. But that aside, with the confessions, came the knowledge that the Church of present had lost its grounding and has become too commercialized. Faith? Do you really understand what is faith or have you become like the masses, who interpret faith to be as logical as a mathematical equation? I know there is God, therefore, i have faith? As i reflect, i feel for certain that i have stopped growing, i have stopped caring and it is evident from the present relationships that i have. I know no more than how to salvage a relationship now than perhaps 2 years back. Books of knowledge have helped me thus far but i need more. And the best source? You and i both know the answer. Dark Knight Despite a two week earlier release for the Dark Knight, the cinema was packed. The theme was sombre, the movie was mature and the humor was well, dark. It’s not a kid’s movie for sure and i think all would agree that Heath Ledger was convincingly twisted. Unlike the past Batman movies, Dark Knight had a lot more angst than love. Watch it if you want but be prepared for a really long movie. And melancholy strikes For some strange reason this evening, i miss Old boy more. Maybe it was his warm embrace while we shared a moment in the kitchen, or maybe it was the love and effort he put in cooking for me, or maybe it’s the washed shirts that still have his scent on them. I can’t really explain why or how but just, i miss him alot. Wii, no thanks! Never ever get the Mario and Sonic Olympic Games edition if you are a noob at the Wii. After two hours of intense tummyaches from laughter, i have come to the conclusion that I really sucked at playing the Wii. But i have to admit, the whole interface is damn cool. Probably the only thing that was slightly frustrating was the sensor but well, maybe it’s thy player itself. Because of you For all those times you stood by me For all the truth that you made me see For all the joy you brought to my life For all the wrong that you made right For every dream you made come true For all the love I found in you I’ll be forever thankful baby You’re the one who held me up Never let me fall You’re the one who saw me through through it all - Because You Loved Me (Celine Dion) With the stress of the everyday activities, coupled with the lack of sleep, I know you are trying your best not to be irritable and frustrated. Because of you, everything was possible. Thank you. For your time, for your efforts, For your love and forgiveness. And we now have the Wii.. Of all places, in the office. Talk about benefits… Protected: Why it’s hard not to say i love you This post is password protected. To view it please enter your password below: Password: Another Day in Paradise She calls out to the man on the street “Sir, can you help me? It’s cold and I’ve nowhere to sleep, Is there somewhere you can tell me?” He walks on, doesn’t look back He pretends he can’t hear her Starts to whistle as he crosses the street Seems embarrassed to be there Oh think twice, it’s another day for You and me in paradise Oh think twice, it’s just another day for you, You and me in paradise She calls out to the man on the street He can see she’s been crying She’s got blisters on the soles of her feet Can’t walk but she’s trying Oh think twice… Oh lord, is there nothing more anybody can do Oh lord, there must be something you can say You can tell from the lines on her face You can see that she’s been there Probably been moved on from every place ‘Cos she didn’t fit in there Oh think twice… Protected: Last Chance This post is password protected. To view it please enter your password below: Password: Fighting to stay a woman Mom remarked recently that she found it hard to believe that i was not even an adult, given the things and events that i had gone through or was currently dealing with. She was, in every sense, right and so was the fortune teller. I am undergoing blood tests and more tests to determine whether i have reached pre-menopause or am i experiencing premature ovarian failure. Either way, they both don’t sound good. And to shut those on the other side of the fence, the abortion had nothing to do with it. Perhaps, like one of Dr House’s episodes, i may have become over exposed to testosterone, which resulted in the low production of estrogen. I never thought that could happen but i guess, the thin line between reality and fiction just got thinner. A step closer I have this strange adversion for floor plans that i think i must be an architect in my previous life. In fact, one of my hobbies is actually, hanging out at new launches and show flats to get glimpses of their floor plans. No one really knows of this hobby of mine, not even Old boy. Of course, viewing of floor plans is one thing; constructing them is another. Now that the tenancy agreement has been executed, the headache of getting quotations for the minor works that i was intending to do, was next. Thank goodness there was floorplanner.com. Nothing says it best with pictures and it bridges the gap between the designers and myself. Despite the fact that it is a rented flat, it is exciting and as close as i can get to owning my “home”. Sex and the City One probably doesn’t make a difference but when there are four and all after the same thing, it doesn’t do any good on a woman’s self-esteem. For a woman after truth, probably the most painful knowledge of all is that these four and not related to each other in any way, do not want your companionship and the only company they seek is the hole between your legs. But because of the pain, there is the fuel to write. Stuck in the moment It’s not exactly a great day when the first thing you do in the office is to kill a cockroach that had probably been running around your table the past few days. For some strange reason, we had an intense discussion over a matter which we had both discussed previously. And essentially, i realised that behind the intensity was a plea. That he needed me more than anything else to help him cope with the increasing amount of work. But i am stunted for now. I must admit i must have been sleeping not to examine the rationality of the situation like a lawyer and i do wonder now, that when he’s away clearing his exams, would i be able to survive without him? Because when he’s away, it means that i have to take over his tasks. With everyone hoping and expecting so much out of me, it’s hard to breathe sometimes. I do love every bit of this job, despite the long hours and irresponsive counsels. Perhaps He is right. I do really need to grow up even faster. Dr. House That’s an estimate of the floor plan of my soon-to-be-but-also-rented flat. After shifting once and having to shift again, i decided that getting a whole unit made more sense, considering that i fall short of HDB’s requirements to own a flat. And i guess i was lucky enough to land a whole unit at Eunos and i managed to bargain the rent even lower. After all, earning a higher rental income also meant having more taxable income isn’t it? Now that’s left is signing the tenancy agreement and the purchase of furnitures. As it is, my co-tenant and i already have differing viewpoints on furnishings for every other aspect of the house apart from our rooms. Oh well. Living with Old boy has made life so much easier that it takes a while to adjust to another person’s preferences. He has always given me the freedom to do what i want although he does explicitly tell me what he doesn’t like to be done. I miss him. Full circle Marriage is another stage in a person’s life. As more of my friends and relatives walk down the aisle, some a second time, and some their first, it makes me wonder if any one of us with the awareness that a union will not last, would step in to advert a possible crisis. I found out recently that a friend of mine was going to marry a girl who brought him many problems at work and on the personal front. Relentless were his daily calls to me to discuss his pains and when he talked about getting serious with her, it became increasingly difficult to be patient with him. I stopped answering his calls therafter. Thinking back, I may not have been a very good friend by doing so but I couldn’t bear to attend the wedding, with the knowledge of the cracks already present within the relationship. It’s not that I didn’t try to help them. I did but the difference was, she didn’t want any help. A lot of us think that a marriage or a kid may be the saving grace to any broken relationship / marriage. Having seen and experienced it myself, there’s no foolproof solution for any relationship. It always comes full circle I guess. Temptation of Liberty The reviews for GTA 4 have been hard to ignore, especially after hearing a friend talk about his alter ego in the game. The ability to be rash, to hunt down and gun down carelessly, to speed around recklessly and be the rebel without a cause. Who wouldn’t want to step into another person’s shoes for one night? I do believe we all have a kid in us. Not the childish part of playing with dolls or playgrounds but the desire to be young because you know you’ll be forgiven for most of your mistakes. Yet, there’s always a thin line between reality and fantasy. And i know for one, that i do have problems with self-control. This is goodbye Eunos was where it all started and Eunos was going to be where it all ended. The landlord needs our room for his mom, which in effect, has also given Old boy the catalyst to move back home. So i guess this is it. The finale of everything. The culmination of sorts. Or simply, the end. I still cried like a child crying for her favourite toy. The frustrations we both put up with, the memories that we shared, the events that we have gone through together, and not to mention, the fun of just lazing around in each other’s arms, or the laughter from tickling each other. As a couple, as a partner, as a friend. This is the final goodbye. Renewed This solo trip to Bali was better than i expected. I probably did some of the craziest and silliest things i ordinarily would have never done, like parasailing, teaching a bartender how to make lime margarita, smoking Sampoerna cigarettes so that the pesky flies would leave me alone and zipping around town on one of the local’s motorbike. But the best part of it all was finally finding my peace. Liberation? With a capital L. As usual, there are tons of changes that i grapple with on a daily basis. One of which, is the loss of freedom to enjoy and be myself. Wala is no longer the same after some incidents. I can no longer go there with the usual people nor can i even be there without feeling a sense of loss. Somehow, i am made to feel that i chose this path even though i was just exercising my right and freedom to choose. It is honestly sad that things have turned this way. No matter how much i want to make people happy, i often end up the one to have the bitter taste in my mouth. If any, at all, it makes me wonder if sacrifices were meant to be liberating. Yawns.. Like LBT, when work hits you, and hard if i may add, you don’t have time for any of your leisure activities, so which means, i’ve not tried any new food stalls on the block nor have i watched any movies to provide any reviews. But Chuck, that new show on AXN, looks quite promising although i much prefer watching Jon Stewart’s Daily Show and his disses on America’s politics. Mothers’ Day was spent typing cover letters for Old boy while he painted the town red. He didn’t exactly paint it red, but he was out and i’m not resentful, just stating the obvious. Anyway, i needed that break. After that horrid evening last night with the dreadful winds; not sleeping well and all, some silence was appreciated. This week’s probably going to be the same numbingly dull week, with my involvement in some matters that requires my execution of a non-disclosure agreement. I leave for Bali on Friday evening and will return on Monday. Senior and i are headed up to the rice fields of Bali. It will be my first time to Bali after the Tsunami in 2004. Honestly, what’s really bugging me is that, i hope we get separate rooms. Holiday plans.. In the midst of dealing with the craziness of the Integration project and a couple of securitization agreements, i have totally forgotten that i will be departing for Bali next Friday. Damn, talk about a holiday that doesn’t feel an inch or even an ounce exciting. I guess it’s the company that i’m going with. Bugger! Damn the heatwave It is one of those rare occasions that i have time to do anything but the damn heatwave makes everything irritable to me. Guess i’ll just stay home and practise my drumming. Fortune Telling There are many of them around, with the famous ones in Ang Mo Kio, Hougang and Golden Mile Tower. At a recommendation of a colleague, i went to see one of them based at Golden Mile Tower. He’s a geomancer but apparently, a famous and accurate fortune teller who reads fortunes by using a turtle shell. I’m skeptic but at the same time, in need of direction and answers for certain matters. The methodology was simple. After writing down your birth dates and chinese characters, he puts three golden coins into an empty turtle shell, shakes it and thereafter hands it over to you for your turn to shake it. I was told to think about the matter i wanted to seek direction on, shake the turtle shell and throw out the coins into a bowl. This whole process repeats itself 6 times. My fortune for the year was told after some immense calculations that didn’t made any sense to me. It was going to a difficult year for me; my health would suffer; there will be changes either in my job scope or office location in the later half of the year and as to the answer that i was really seeking for, fate was against us but we would never be able to break away. And in all ambiguity, his final words to me were, “Some things in life, after obtaining it, may not be what you want and some things in life although lost, may not necessarily be regrettable either.” Rejection It’s been a while since i have been rejected. Still, it does hurt, somewhat.