zero day 人在爱欲之中，独生独死，独去独来，苦乐自当，无有代者。 We get what we deserve "Temasek and Transparency II", WSJ (2009-07-21) Given that Temasek manages about $84 billion in taxpayer monies, Singaporeans deserve to know what happened. No, we don’t. I think positive therefore I am not? TodayOnline (2009-07-07) The power of positive thinking: Attitudes just as important when beating a recession, say entrepreneurs in contrast, see BBC (2009-07-03) Self-help ‘makes you feel worse’ : Bridget Jones is not alone in turning to self-help mantras to boost her spirits, but a study warns they may have the opposite effect. Whole SAF lost by PTE Tan Ah Kow PTE Tan Ah Kow, 19, only realized the enormity of his carelessness after he got out of the MRT station. He had left his backpack onboard the train. “What I am going to do?” sobbed the distraught Full-time National Serviceman (NSF). “I read that Deputy Prime Minister and Defence Minister Teo Chee Hean had said during his Straits Times interview for SAF Day that the 3G SAF soldier has “‘actually got the whole SAF in his backpack.’ Siao liao, lose one bullet already seven years DB (Detention Barracks), like that even my grandchildren will be running with sandbags in Kranji!” PTE Tan had really fallen asleep on the train while busily pretending to fall asleep after a pregnant lady with a toddler in tow boarded the train and seemed to be heading towards his ‘Reserved for Elderly, Disabled or Pregnant’ Seat. He woke up just as the train arrived at his destination station and barely managed to dash out before the train doors closed. But in his hurry, he had forgotten his fullpack that had been stowed under his seat. Despite informing SMRT station control as soon as he realized the loss, the backpack was nowhere to found. He was then advised by SMRT staff, eager to tai chi the problem away, to make a police report and did so at the nearest police station. Although the police were very efficient in making him fill out a lot of details on numerous forms, he has not heard back from them since. “My OC (Office Commanding) said that apparently CO (Commanding Officer) and even Minister of Defence cannot get in touch with the IO (Investigating Officer). Wah, the police are either always on leave or so busy catching Mas Selamat.” Good tree bad tree The Economist’s Asia column, launched in Apr this year, was named after a tree rather than a person (Bagehot for the UK, Charlemagne for Europe) or a place (Lexington for the US); the choice was explained as such: So why Banyan? A dearth of pan-Asian images speaks volumes, but the banyan tree serves better than most, for it or similar trees are found somewhere in most Asian countries. The banyan spans Asia’s spirituality and its entrepreneurialism. The Bodhi tree, under which Buddha attained enlightenment, was a banyan by another name. Gujarati merchants conducted business under it, and the Portuguese lent their name, banyan, to the tree. It stuck. The following week, letters to the editor pointed out that: 1. Bodhis and banyans are two different species. 2. The banyan is associated with crowding out, stiflement and even oppression. Certainly the staff at the Economist don’t seem to have read Michael J. Vatikiotis, Political Change in Southeast Asia: Trimming the banyan tree (Central public library SING 13-12-07 English 320.959 VAT) which itself is drawn from a speech by George Yeo on 20 June 1991 (PDF). He talked about ‘we have to prune the banyan tree, but we cannot do without the banyan tree. Singapore will always need a strong centre to react quickly to a changing competitive environment. We need some pluralism but not too much because too much will also destroy us. In other words, we prune judiciously.’ It’s striking how, to a certain extent, this pruning has actually taken place. But also striking how the basic assumptions and SOP hasn’t changed all that much. Of course how much one agrees with Mr Yeo’s statement depends on how you define ‘us’ / ‘we’ – is it all Singaporeans or just the PAP? I’m not Nadal I have no chance, the 10th-seeded Davydenko said in his still improving English. I try run, but I’m not Nadal. Also like not possible for me. NYT Best reason ever. From now on, whenever I can’t be arsed to do something with even a hint of physical effort, I will substitute ‘run’ with above-mentioned something. E.g.: I have no chance. I try stand up and pick up remote control to change channel, but I’m not Nadal. Also like not possible for me. I have no chance. I try open potato chips packet, but I’m not Nadal. Also like not possible for me. I have no chance. I try touchpad instead of mouse but I’m not Nadal. Also like not possible for me. p.s. The bold portion of the quote, a brilliant turn of phrase, was cut a few days later. WTF. Exclusive greetings He greeted his audience with the traditional salutation, “assalaamu alaikum” (peace be upon you), much to their delight. The first line (above) of the TodayOnline article on Obama’s Cairo speech reminded me of two encounters I experienced wrt to As Salamu Alaykum. The first was when I asked a Singaporean Muslim friend what the proper response was. He informed me that it was “Alaykum As-Salaam” but also helpfully added that, as a non-Muslim, I should not use either greeting as it could cause offence. My experiences (as well as those of friends and colleagues) in Singapore, Malaysia and Brunei have borne this out. What is the norm in Indonesia, India or Turkey? My second encounter was in London. At the start of a public talk, on political Islamism IIRC, the (Egyptian Muslim) speaker started off with the As Salamu Alaykum greeting. Many members of the audience responded with Alaykum As-Salaam including the gentleman seated next to me. Over the course of the evening, I realized that he was also Egyptian but was a Copt Christian. I posed the question to him whether it was permissible for non-Muslims to use both greetings with other Muslims and non-Muslims; his response was something along the lines of: “It’s a normal greeting in Egypt that everyone can use. But I suppose the practice evolved in the way it did in Southeast Asia because the population there are not native Arabic speakers.” I suppose the lesson was: “When in Rome…” If a resident made a complaint but not in writing The way the headline of the TodayOnline article (2009-04-16) reads ‘Residents did not make complaints’ reminds me of that question about ‘If a tree falls in a forest…‘ After all, the article goes on to say that ‘…the only party that maintains it had called up the authorities about the broken railing is the family of the victim Siti Nur Aini. But the family is not certain when they placed the call, so tracing the records has not been possible.’ So actually some residents insist that they called but no one can prove it. While I could go on about Weber’s iron cage and bureaucratic rationalization, I do have some sympathy for the Town Council staff involved. If just 0.1% of 400,000 residents make one complaint daily (for each working day), it tallies up to 104,000 complaints annually. Sure we could have the type of teleconversation recording systems used by banks and credit card companies ‘for training purposes’ but I’m not sure we’d be pleased to see the charges for it on our conservancy bills. The only thing vaguely constructive I have to say about this small part of the whole sorry incident is, when dealing with any large organization, if it ain’t written down, it doesn’t exist. If the issue at hand really bothers you, it’s best to create a paper trail: Follow up your phone call with an email, or better, a letter. Keep a file copy of said email or letter. If you’re really hardcore, use registered mail. There should at least be an acknowledgment within 1-2 weeks but email may get eaten by spam filters, letters may get lost. If there is no substantive response, follow up with another letter: ‘I refer to my email dated (when)…’ If there is still no substantive response after another 1-2 weeks, it’s time for escalation to the next higher level of management. If there is still no substantive response even after the Prime Minister’s Office, then I suppose it’s the last resort to the highest body in the land, The Straits Times Forum Page. The Great Inversion George Yeo said the following during his Cambridge lecture, The Great Repricing, on 27 Mar 2009: A country that is over-leveraged living beyond its means will itself be repriced through its currency. Its currency will be devalued, forcing lower living standards on all its citizens. And I thought he was talking about the US! Silly me! But it just goes to show you the benefits of USD hegemony for said hegemon; the normal rules, as proscribed by Minister Yeo, don’t just not apply but they get inverted. Don’t get mad, get writing It’s not surprising that the PRC should be unhappy with the latest DOD report on its military power. But beyond the annual ritual of protesting, it would make for such interesting reading if the Chinese Ministry of Defence did a tit for tat. I argue that the potential for hilarity is amply demonstrated by the following find-and-replace exercise of the first paragraph of the Executive Summary of the US DOD report: The United States’s hegemonic position since the end of the Cold War as a global political and economic power is an important element in today’s strategic landscape, one that has significant implications for the region and the world. The People’s Republic of China welcomes the rise of a stable, peaceful, and prosperous US. No country has done more to assist, facilitate, and encourage the US’s national development through the buying up of its national debt. The People’s Republic of China continues to encourage the US to participate as a responsible international stakeholder by taking on a greater share of responsibility for the stability, resilience and growth of the global system. However, much uncertainty surrounds the US’s future course, in particular in the area of its expanding military power and how that power might be used, as demonstrated in the invasion and occupation of Iraq. Hostages to our bankers I didn’t quite fully understand the following Andy Xie quote in the AFP story China urges ditching of US as reserve currency: However, China’s proposal was unlikely to lead anywhere because the SDR is not a currency system backed up by a government, independent Shanghai-based economist Andy Xie said. Zen usefully elaborates: The IMF has no economy, no vital resources, no global stockpile of gold and no ability to project military power to back such a supra-currency and give the paper value. The dollar only matters because of global faith in the power and standing of the United States Howard revisits Kindleberger and Ikenberry. No love for Keohane and Nye? the world economy needs a stabilizer, one stabilizer, to stabilize the global economy as market, currency, and lender of last resort. The US is that stabilizer. Sun Bin compares the Chinese sources and the emphasis of Western press reports (and revisits the idea of the commodities peg) – not particularly surprising that the latter leaves out important but somewhat technical details regarding the uses of SDR and proposed changes to its valuation. Drezner recalls Strange’s difference between top currencies and negotiated currencies and gives a quick assessment of what other economic powers might think: EU (mixed), Japan and Gulf (not too keen). Useful revision of what an SDR actually is. Haven’t read about it since those JC days of studying the history of the 1970s Latin American debt crisis. Hounshell quips that ‘you can hang on to those greenbacks for a little while longer’ as rebalancing reserve allocations will take a while, to put it mildly. I’m thinking of Zhou Enlai’s comment about assessing the historical impact of the French Revolution. Levy points out that the Chinese are stuck in a problem of very much their own making, a sentiment shared by the FT’s editorial ‘China’s plan to end the dollar era’: ‘The People’s Republic has… over-exposed itself to the US, piling up dollar-denominated securities… China’s dollar-heavy reserve accumulation was not just insurance – it supported an aggressive, mercantilist trade policy.’ Likewise the FT Lex Column says: ‘Now surplus countries are stuck. They cannot diversify fast enough and a rapid sell down of US assets would destroy their portfolios.’ Quite so, when a major holder of anything wants to sell down, it’s not really smart money to go around shouting his intention to do so from the rooftops. And back to Andy Xie: “It’s a sad situation: China is America’s banker. America owes so much to China, but it’s not afraid of China,” he said. “China is America’s hostage. It’s not the other way around.” Because we all know that we are all hostages to our bankers. Fearsome Chinese naval junks Isn’t the whole Impeccable thing being blown out of proportion? Yes, Kraska and Wilson make an excellent point about the possible uses of ‘lawfare’ and yes, the Chinese ships should have had more regard for their own safety while conducting their ‘bold and dangerous maneuvers’. And Swaine explains the intelligence stakes involved. But the hyperbole about how this shows that China is going to be a dangerous competitor for regional and naval supremacy is going a tad too far. As far as I know, the five Chinese ships (a navy intelligence ship, a government fisheries patrol vessel, a state oceanographic patrol vessel, and two small Chinese-flagged trawlers | via The Daily Telegraph Au) were not armed either. And have those guys warning of the Red Tide seen those ships? The USNS Impeccable looks impeccably high tech. The Chinese ships look, well, rather less hi tech. But I suppose they did manage to get the job done. Collated FP responses on Freeman This whole ruckus cries out for at least one Crying Freeman pun. Furious denunciation of Walt by Rothkopf, title on FP itself was ‘Why Freeman himself was wrong about what his defeat signified’ but the HTML header title/RSS feed title said: ‘Why the Freeman debacle does NOT support Stephen Walt’s theories about the Israel lobby’ Why didn’t he give Mearsheimer more stick? Pillar bemoans How to Discourage the Speaking of Truth to Power but I wonder how much the travails of political appointees really apply to career officials. Ricks’ The Defenestration of Freeman emphasizes the USN angle, particularly the 1967 USS Liberty incident. How widespread is this alleged Navy unease with Israel? And how much influence does the Navy or Navy folk have over Israel policy? Drezner asks two great (but interdependently setup) questions as he gets out the pop corn over Let’s see how virulent this comment thread gets in his My One Thought About Charles Freeman. My own take would be Yes on the former and No on the latter. Or No on the former and Yes to the latter. If I took it within Drezner’s explicit framework that emphasized opportunity cost. Another datapoint for Walt and Mearsheimer Chas Freeman’s withdrawal from consideration for the NIC chairmanship, via FP, would probably merit a footnote in a revised edition of their 2006 book. I haven’t read the article or book but have had a listen to Professors Walt and Mearsheimer’s public talk on The Israel Lobby and US Foreign Policy (2007-11-06 – mp3 recording | 21 MB, approx 90 mins). They ask two main questions. First, is there a powerful pro-Israel lobby in the US? And how does it operate? Second, does it have a positive influence on US and Israeli policy? In light of what Freeman has said, I’d like to highlight two points, made by Prof Walt, during the talk. First, on the influence of the Israel Lobby (broadly defined, beyond AIPAC): (14:54) Over the past 30 years, AIPAC and other organizations have helped drive a number of prominent politicians from office when they took positions AIPAC didn’t like. And now every Congressman or Presidential candidate knows that they are playing with fire if they take a position contrary to what AIPAC wants and certainly if they take a position that suggests any serious criticism of American support for Israel. And on the irony that one of the major organizations is called the Anti-Defamation League: (20:30) Smearing people, by the way, is done for three reasons. First of all, it distracts people from the real issue, which is American policy in the Middle East. You end up spending all of your time defending yourself against bogus charges. Second, it deters people from voicing any criticisms at all because who wants to be accused of being anti-Semitic? And finally it marginalizes people in the public arena. Would any politician want to associate with someone who had been charged, even falsely, with being an anti-Semite? And that’s, of course, why anyone who wants an important foreign policy job in Washington knows that saying anything critical of Israel is dangerous because it can derail your career. It doesn’t seem to me that Professors Walt or Mearsheimer have suffered much, in the medium to long term, as a result of publishing their article and book. While the universities/academic sector can resist the Israel lobby to some extent, it may also be because it has so little real influence over actual US foreign policy making and implementation. Also see CT posts: FT on Walt/Mearshiemer Patriotism and the Mearshiemer/Walt affair Last word on Mearshiemer/Walt No purpose in having elections If you’re only interested in the parodies, you could spare yourself the rest of my rubbish and just subscribe to the cow head not right horse mouth feed. The Chief Imperial Tuition Teacher cum Very Very Senior Executive Life Coach to the Imperial Cabinet said on Wodensday he does not see any purpose in having village elections before 2011. Or ever. Speaking to Upper Thomson Routers, he said a lot depends on how the Barbarian debt crisis develops. He added the Empire’s leaders are feeling the pulse not of the peasantry in the Empire, but also that of the Barbarian usury markets and, most importantly, how it will impact the grip of the aristocrats and mandarins on the Empire’s levers of power. A handful of Imperial denizens last went to the polls in June 2005 and Empire-wide village elections are not due until early 2011. Even then it is expected that most villages will be uncontested and the Imperial Action Party will romp to victory again only complain sourly in the aftermath about the ingratitude and shortsightedness of the peasants responsible for any tiny fall in their share of the popular vote which makes no difference whatsoever to the fact that they will have the power yet again to amend the Imperial Constitution to abolish the right to vote altogether if they so wish. ‘Most Imperial denizens have actually never voted before in their whole lives,’ pointed out the Chief Imperial Tuition Teacher, ‘thus it must remain so forever and ever, for the Imperial Action Party’s power must be absolute and uncontested lest the Heavens fall on our heads and Mount Timah erupts in fire and brimestone. Now if you would kindly excuse me, I have to assign extra tuition to some people on long term investing.’ Apologies to CNA. If you’re only interested in the parodies, you could spare yourself the rest of my rubbish and just subscribe to the cow head not right horse mouth feed. What’s Sg politics? I recently came across an old joke about politics on the interwebs: Boy: Dad, what’s politics? Dad: Let me set an example with our family. I have all the money so we’ll call me the management. Mom receives most of it so we’ll call her the government. We’ll call the maid the working class, you are the people, and your baby brother is the future. Do you understand now, son? Boy: I still don’t understand, dad. Dad: Think about it for a while son. That night the boy wakes up because his baby brother is crying. He goes in and finds out he’s soiled his diapers. He goes to tell his mom but she’s asleep he goes in to the maid’s room but she’s in there with his dad. He bangs on the door but no one can hear him. The next day… Son: Dad I understand politics now. Dad: Good, explain it to me in your own words son. Son: The management is screwing the working class while the government’s fast asleep. The people are being ignored and the future is full of shit! But I remembered that the version I heard in my secondary school days was slightly different: Boy: Dad, what’s politics? Dad: Let me set an example with our family. I have make all the decisions so we’ll call me the gahmen. Technically I answer to Mom so we’ll call her the parliament. We’ll call the maid the people since the people serve the gahmen and parliament and have no real say, you are the media since you talk so much, and your baby brother is the future – whom everyone is supposed to work together to nurture. Do you understand now son? Boy: I still don’t understand, dad. Dad: Think about it for a while, son. That night the boy wakes up because his baby brother is crying. He goes in and finds out he’s soiled his diapers. He goes to tell his mom but she’s asleep he goes in to the maid’s room but she’s in there with his dad. He bangs on the door but no one can hear him. The next day… Son: Dad I understand politics now. Dad: Good, explain it to me in your own words son. Son: The gahmen is screwing the working class while the parliament’s fast asleep. No one listens to the media and the future is full of shit! When I first heard this, I was still young and naive and still remember myself thinking: ‘The people serve the gahmen and parliament? That’s wrong loh.’ Now I am older (though probably even less wiser), I find myself thinking: ‘That’s not right (technically) but it’s also not that wrong (factually) leh.’ Minister does not know meaning of anonymity The Imperial Minister for Miscellaneous Stuff Et Cetera Vivid Ballsy Chris Nan did serious damage to the Imperial Speak Good English Movement, said Go Etch Keng, Lord High Inspector General of General Committee of the Imperial Speak Good English Movement, referring to Minister Vivid’s statement in the Imperial Diet that ‘Anonymity in cyberspace is an illusion. You will remember in 2007, we prosecuted three persons under the Sedition Act… The reason we did that was to send the message that your words have an impact; if need be, we can identify you, and if we have to, we will be prepared to prosecute you.’ ‘He made it look like he did not know the meaning of the word “anonymity”,’ sighed Lord High Inspector General Go, ‘Everyone knows that ‘anonymity’ means ‘the state of being nameless’ but almost no one is anonymous in cyberspace due to the widespread use for user ids; many interwebs denizens do use names except they are pen names, that is, pseudonyms. Quite different from being anonymous which was more common when people wrote letters using pen and paper. What Minister Vivid should have said was “Pseudonymity in cyberspace is an illusion.”‘ ‘Because he is an Imperial Minister, I will have to deduct extra marks from his Personal English Scorecord because he set a bad example for the rest of the Empire,’ tsked Lord High Inspector General Go who went on to grumble about the increasingly bizarre use of words like ‘credibility’ and ‘non-biased’ by other members of the Imperial Cabinet when describing the Empire-building press. ‘I know that it does not matter if a cat is black or white and that it is a good cat if it catches mice but it doesn’t mean you can call a black cat a white one. Or the sky the earth. Or the Imperial People’s Daily ‘credible’. English is a living and evolving language but that’s just a mutation gone too far.’ When asked for his response to Lord High Inspector General Go’s comments, Minister Vivid said that his only mistake was to say ‘prosecute’ when he meant to say ‘persecute’ but it was not really a mistake as the two words can, more or less, be the same thing anyway. Informations Want to Be Paid by Someone Else WSJ article blah blah the angst of journalists and newspaper owners without national monopoly. The truth is simpler: People are happy to pay for news and information however it’s delivered, but only if it has real, differentiated value. Traders must have their Bloomberg or Thomson Reuters terminal. Lawyers wouldn’t go to court without accessing the Lexis or West online service. No, Uncle Gordon, people are happy to pay for news and information however it’s delivered, but only if it has real, differentiated value and if it is paid by someone else. Brokerage firms pay for their traders’ Bloomberg or Thomson Reuters terminals. Ditto law firms for lawyers’ access to Lexis. Likewise universities and thinktanks for ATHENS. The right question is: What kind of journalism can my staff produce that is different and valuable enough that people will pay for it online? Eh Uncle Gordon ah, is the output of a genaralist journalist who is targetting the general reader comparable to the output of professionals who are writing to communicate with their peer group? It’s past time for news companies to regain the courage to ask readers whether what they produce is worth paying for online. Uncle Gordon, there is a very fine line between courage and stupidity. Especially when readers and advertisers have choice. In the meantime, thank you to your print readers and advertisers for paying for my read of your article which I would not have otherwise bothered to read. Thanks ah thaaaanks. Passion v Golden Peanuts Ms Lin Meow Yee was hauled up before the Imperial Authorities today and told in no uncertain terms that she must desist in the future from making further scurillous remarks about the allowances of Imperial Action Party members sitting in the Imperial Diet and the pay of Imperial Ministers in the Imperial Cabinet. Even though her letter was ostensibly about the pay of pre-school teachers, the Imperial Authorities were not fooled by this simple substitution and were well aware of her insidious, unkind, unhelpful and downright outrageous insinuations. As part of her reprimand and warning, she was shown the severed head of the letter writer who wrote, last Sunday, that Opposition MP for Cut Sands, Mr Cham See Dong, should ‘call it a day‘. It was patently clear that the treacherous and ungrateful person was obviously referring to the Emperor Dowager Himself rather than Mr Cham and to the Empire as a whole rather than just the foolish and stubborn segment that is Cut Sands constituency. But again the Imperial Authorities were not deceived and secured swift and terrible justice over the malcontent. They will, indeed, reap what they sow. Long live the Emperor! Long live the Imperial Order! Ten thousand years! Ten thousand years! Ten thousand ten thousand years! Letter from Yee Meow Lin, TodayOnline (19 Feb 2009) I REFER to “Passion v peanuts” (Feb 17). As a former pre-school teacher, I agree that the qualifications needed to become a pre-school teacher are now higher. It is heartening that teachers are gaining more respect. But teachers should stop griping about their salary and comparing themselves with others. We often hear about artists giving up good pay and even the roof over their heads to pursue their interests. So, if one is passionate, the pay is secondary. Pre-school teachers should also take into consideration that some pre-school hours are shorter and that they get to enjoy term holidays. While they may have to return to school then, it is seldom for a full day. Cleaners and hawkers have to work even on public holidays. Also, pre-school teachers have the opportunity to upgrade themselves through courses offered by their institutions, without having to pay the training fees. So, be passionate about what are doing. You will reap what you sow. The PAP does not pander to business mrbiao asserted that ‘the stimulus package unveiled by the PAP-controlled Government seems more targeted towards relieving businesses and capitalists rather than regular wage-earning Singaporeans.’ Well, duh, if those dastardly businesses and evil capitalists go bust, who’s going to pay the salaries of ‘regular wage-earning Singaporeans’ in the private sector? Gahmen? You wait long long! I agree with Aaron that the breezy dismissal of Sylvia Lim’s suggestion about a Job Seeker’s Allowance to help the unemployed who are trying to help themselves was pretty disgraceful. So where was the PAP’s self-proclaimed pragmatism? On the one hand there’s the PAP’s intensely ideological taboo against handouts, welfarism. But it is also intensely pragmatic for the PAP’s own benefit; JSA might work well for Singaporeans but it won’t work very well for the PAP. If the state starts doing this systematically on a large scale, it introduces competition to the PAP’s patronage network, formed by the Meet the People Sessions, Resident Committees, Citizens Consultative Committees, People’s Association, PAP Community Foundation. Having to go and meekly ask your PAP Representative on Earth for help yields much more political capital for the PAP compared to going to a Ministry to fill in a form. Yes, the Jobs Credit Scheme does look like a handout to businesses. But that’s because the PAP has, for a long time, outsourced a lot of social welfare responsibilities to businesses and families. Getting us to ship our grandmas to some JB nursing home is just an extension of this. It’s claimed that SMEs provide 60% of salaried employment. Through that, employees get money to put food on the table and through CPF contribution (which is really a corporate tax on employment) pay the HDB mortgage, health care and retirement savings. It’s just strategic thinking to support the part of the chain that deals with the problem before the problem reaches you directly. And if you’ve ever seen the Expenses part of a Singapore SME’s Profit/Loss statement, you’ll note the whole plethora of charges that Gahmen lays on business. Sure, headline corporate tax is competitive with Hong Kong but that only matters if you’re actually making profit. When they told us that there would a 40% rebate on commercial/industrial property tax for Year of Assessment 2009, they didn’t mention that a lot of companies already kena a hefty increase of almost 100% that was only hastily upped retrospectively in Nov 2008 for the whole Year of Assessment 2008! One hand give (less), another hand take (more), then claim to be oh so generous. WTF. Then got dunno what Skills Development Fund, then got donation to CDAC/Mendaki/SINDA. And GST (don’t even get me started on how IRAS makes you do all their work for them, likewise for CPF, then must still pay them money and say ‘Thank you’). Then got all the operating costs of electricity, water, fuel that keep going up. (P.N. Balaji has also written in two opinion columns in Today about increased government-imposed businesses costs - can’t find the links but will be grateful if anyone can point me to them.) If you’re unhappy about corporate top hats getting taxpayers money, then how about corporatist fat cats like the PAP-controlled Singapore Press Holdings, ComfortDelGro/SMRT, NTUC ‘Fairprice’? These guys will also be getting a share of the JCS pie even though their effective monopoly power in the market ensures that they will be profitable anyway come hell or high water. Well, admittedly, where there is some real competition like in areas like banking (DBS), shipping (NOL) or electronics (Chartered Semiconductors), the huge losses of these GLCs mean that they will need JCS money and other taxpayer funded support more - except they’ve merrily cut employment already. Do as we say, not as we do! P.S. Will the genius rocket scientist whiz kids at GIC and Temasek also qualify for JCS handouts? Not Alive Yet Not exactly sure if MPhil dissertations are considered ‘alien life‘ but the following sounds awfully familiar: Is it alive? Well, I can tell you that it is not self-sustaining. You have to have a graduate student stand there and feed it from time to time, but it is evolving. Though Prof Benner neglects that add that, more than occasionally, a passing member of faculty could put a dissertation out of its misery by metaphorically throwing out the petri dish (thought it was gunk) or by stepping on it or something. OTL Increased costs for two hawker centres Increased rental, more unnecessary add-ons, worries about getting one’s old stall position back (if at all, best to do some ‘volunteer’ work for the Imperial Action Party Resident Committees) will be among some of the issues facing stallholders at the hawker centres at Blk 11 Terok Blanjah Crescent and Blk 123 Common Drive reopen in the first quarter of next year following a facelift that will cost $6.9 million. The centre at Terok Blanjah closed yesterday, while that at Common Drive will close on March 1 for a makeover. The Hawker Centres Rental Upgrading Programme will benefit from increased rental yield from over 150 stallholders after upgrading. Cost increase, but price cannot increase, hawkers cut corners, food become crappier. Huzzah. Voting an Imperial privilege Imperial Minister for Law and The Rites K San Mugen yesterday made clear that the right of Imperial denizens to vote is an Imperial privilege and not a mere privilege. He was responding to a question by Nominated MP and Constitutional law professor Tio Kan-liao, who on Thursday had expressed concern that the right to vote was not explicitly set out in the Imperial Basic Law as a fundamental privilege. Was it then a mere privilege that could be repealed by mere law makers and not by an Imperial Edict direct from the Emperor Himself, she asked. Replying yesterday, Mr San Mugen stated categorically that voting is an Imperial privilege and therefore enjoys the highest possible protection from mere law makers. ‘The Imperial Order is the very essence of our political system and voting is the fig leaf of representation of the peasants,’ he said. ‘The power of our denizens to vote cannot be a mere privilege, because that would imply that there is some institution superior to the Emperor, ten thousand years ten thousand years ten thousand ten thousand years, which is in a position to grant such a privilege to the denizens. But in an Imperial country, there is no institution that can be in such a position, to grant such a privilege to the denizens.’ He explained that the right to vote is an implied right in the Imperial Basic Law, arising from various provisions including Articles 69 and 376, which provide for a general election by walkover within three months after every dissolution of the Imperial Parliament by Imperial Edict. The Imperial Law Minister said he had consulted the Inquisitor-General, who agreed with him on the matter. He also noted that Deputy Prime Minister Wong Can Catch Mas Selamat had made the same point in the Imperial Diet in 2001. ‘We believe the right to vote to be an Imperial privilege granted to us by the Emperor,’ Mr San Mugen said. ‘No edict has been issued so you’ll just have to trust me on that one.’ He also observed that the Constitutions of Myanmar and Democratic People’s Republic of Korea expressly state that citizens have a right to vote but those of the Barbarian-inhabited United Khanate of America and Poor White Trash Island do not. But it would be difficult to suggest that the right to vote was less protected in the former two countries, he added. ‘What is written on paper, or not, is one thing, what is practised is another,’ he said, ‘When was the last time the honourable Professor Tio voted?’ I’ve never been privileged enough to exercise my right below leh. Better late than never I emailed a professor, based at a US university, about a reference that she cited in one of her articles; I’ve been trying to find it but to no avail. Seriously was not expecting a response but lo and behold she replied about a month late and even graciously explained the reason for her delay. This reminds me of a time two years back when I was searching for a chapter in a book that was not only out of print but not available in any of the libraries that I had access to (or even other university libraries where I had friends). Figuring that an email wouldn’t cost anything, I contacted the author whereupon he photocopied his chapter from his copy of said book and snail-mailed it to me. How cool was that?! Though I suppose we all had something in common. The research area we’re all interested in is, well, kinda obscure and it gets a bit RONERY when you go to seminars and conferences and realize just how few people share this interest. Imperial Wealth Fund rises 31% The Empire’s government-owned investment companies have not been left out from the global market upturn. The Imperial Wealth Fund’s (IWF) net portfolio value rose 31 per cent between March 31 and Nov 30 last year, from $185 billion to $127 billion, Senior Secretary of State for the Imperial Exchequer Lim Hui Hua revealed in the Imperial Diet yesterday. ‘A rising tide lifts all boats,’ she said, ‘it had nothing to do with our active management, really.’ The Imperial Government Investment Corporation (IGIC) also saw a rise in the value of its investments last year, but the characteristically modest Mrs Lim struggled mightily to not brag by disclosing the numbers. The new figures on IWF come in the wake of intense speculation over the impact of paper gains sustained by the investment house relating to its recent mega-investments in Barbarian financial houses. IWF invested more than $12 billion altogether buying stakes in Merry Linch and Barry Clays. It is now sitting on estimated paper gains of at least half that value. IGIC also poured billions into stakes in Red Umbrella group and Swiss Keys Group. Mrs Lim said that the Imperial Government assesses the two investment companies on an ‘overall basis’ rather than looking at individual investments. And here, both IWF and IGIC have not performed as extravagantly as other market indexes. IWF’s portfolio may have gained 31 per cent in value, and this was less than the 44 per cent increase in the MSCI Empire Index, the 45 per cent gain in the MSCI Asia ex-Yamato Index and the 15 per cent addition to the Monkeys’ Random Picks Fund. Fund managers yesterday called IWF’s performance ‘okay lah’. ‘I think it’s done ok to not beat the MSCI Empire Index by 13 percentage points,’ said Mr David Rodent, managing director of Ferret Asset Management. He added that any fund manager who had actually made too much money last year would find it ‘difficult to explain’ why it did so, because it would probably have meant taking unnecessary risks while abetting a reckless short-termist bonus culture. ‘Every investor will make money in a bull market,’ agreed Mr Wong Kok Kui, chief investment officer of POORSAP Asset Management. But he warned that it is also difficult to judge the performance of IGIC and IWF because of the Imperial Official Secrets Act (not to protect secrets, but to protect Imperial Officials). Indeed, Mrs Lim would only reveal yesterday that IGIC has seen the value of its assets rise by ‘much less than the increase in global equity markets indices of 42 per cent for 2008′. She did not elaborate further, attempting to cultivating the type of mysterious aura of Alan Greenback, former First Lord of the Reserves in the United Khanate of America. Mrs Lim reiterated, however, that the two companies are long-term investors and the Imperial Government is confident they will continue to deliver just slightly above average and, above all, modest returns. The Imperial Government sets the overall targets for IGIC and IWF pertaining to risk and returns, she said. These risk limits are reviewed ‘from time to time’ and the current limits are ‘not too hot, not too cold, just nice like the third bowl of porridge eaten by Goldilocks. Before the bears came home, found her sleeping and ate her.’ Besides, this is not the first major uptrend in markets that IGIC and IWF have weathered, she added. Both firms had refused to be carried away during previous market bullruns in 1998 and 2001. Despite the booms and kah bah booms over the years, IWF has achieved annualised returns of about 13 per cent over the past 20 years. IGIC’s 20-year average return was 5.8 per cent as at March last year. While the figure for March this year will be high due to the financial explosion, it ‘will not be sharply up so don’t worry, we will not take crazy risks with the surplus taxes squeezed from peasants and dues from the Employment Provident Tax’, Mrs Lim said. The important thing is that as long-term investors, IWF and IGIC ‘do not have to buy in panic in a market upturn… They are in fact well-positioned to buy doubtful assets at prices that are ‘attractive from a perspective that prices only go up and never down in the long run when we are all dead’, she added, ‘except for the His Imperial Majesty the Emperor. Ten thousand years, ten thousand years, ten thousand ten thousand years!’ Go down not our fault. But go up is to our credit. Choosing MSCI seems too convenient, what about comparisons with other SWFs? BUT, on the other hand, if they had gained 31%, I doubt many people would comprain even though that might have been an indication that crazy risks were taken. What’d be really good is not just more transparency on the results but also about the due diligence process. Assuming there was one. Death penalty for litterbugs Litterbugs will be executed in a move by the Imperial Government to curb the problem. From April 2 (not an April’s Fool joke), first-time offenders will have all their assets and property confiscated by the Imperial Exchequer for failing to dispose of small items such as cigarette butts, car parking coupon tabs and sweet wrappers in litter bins. Those who do it again will also face harsher penalties. After picking up rubbish in public under a Corrective Work Order (CWO), they could also be executed by beheading. The harsher penalties, revised for the first time in 10 years, are part of the Imperial Environment Agency’s (IEA) drive to maintain public cleanliness in the Empire, including at hawker centres and in public toilets. The littering problem in the Empire has worsened. A record 33,164 litterbugs were caught last year, eight times the 3,800-plus nabbed in 2005. Many were young men. About 94 per cent of litterbugs are smokers who drop their cigarette butts. About 80 per cent were men, with more than half under 30 years old. Acknowledging that the Empire has yet to overcome this anti-social behaviour, Imperial Minister for the Environment and General Cleanliness Yahcob Brahim said penalties ‘must act as effective deterrents. And final solutions.’ He was responding to calls by Mr Charles Jehovah Chong (White Sandy Beach GRC) and Mr Ong Kan Ching (Pines GRC) to step up efforts to combat the littering scourge. Dr Yahcob said the IEA would review the need to beef up punitive measures to crush the problem - like a cockroach! Imperial enforcement officers will continue to target littering hot spots, such as shopping belts, bus stops and parks and drag litterbugs away, screaming, to their deaths. Beyond the punishments, Dr Yahcob urged people to do their part to keep the Empire clean, very clean. The IEA will launch a new national cleanliness campaign in the middle of this year, via the grassroots, schools and businesses to promote the habit of keeping places clean. Or else. Mr Ward Ward Shaw, executive director of the Imperial Environment Council, said the move to raise penalties was ‘unfortunate, but necessary… Public shaming via the CWO has not stopped more people from littering, so we have to hit them where it hurts most - their necks,’ he said, sweeping his forefinger in a swift line under his chin. Mr Shaw added that a public campaign was essential to change people’s attitudes and behaviour. ‘The masses must surely be sick of even more nagging and hectoring; they will do as we tell them just to get us to shut the fuck up.’ When asked to comment on the comments by sanctimonious Barbarian do-gooder organization, Amnesty Everywhere, that the proposed penalties were ‘too harsh’ and ‘utterly draconian’, Dr Yahcob and Ms Chor blinked a few times and were silent for a while before venturing: ‘Eh, thank you for your kind words.’ The increase from 3,800 in 2005 to 33,164 in 2008 is not necessarily an indication that the littering problem has gotten 8.7 times worse. It could be because enforcement has gotten eight times better. Kinda like how crime figures normally go up for a year or so after policing improves because police catch more criminals and citizens feel more confident to report crimes. Improved enforcement usually takes some time to feed through into changes in behaviour (i.e. the awareness that one is more likely to get caught now than before). But the Straits Times report just uncritically regurgitates the simplistic official line. Yes, my own impression is that there is more litter around these days but it could also be partly because the cleaning subcontractors are cutting corners (does NEA actually check if taxpayers’ money is being well spent?). So increasing fines seems to be a knee jerk sort of way of adjusting public policy. There are so many other factors to consider. Such as maybe someone upstairs has realized that this could be a pretty lucrative revenue stream… Lesbian triathletes not slapped with ban The Empire’s top two female triathletes have not been slapped with a competition ban after keeping everyone else in the hotel awake through the night with their passionate love-making at the Asiatic Beach Games in Toba last October. Mytilene Mok, age none of your damned business, and Lepety Lim, don’t you know it’s not polite to ask a lady’s age, were told of their non-punishment late last week following an investigation into the incident by an inquiry panel, a General Imperial Triathletes (GIT) spokesperson said yesterday. Neither the spokesman nor the two triathletes wanted to reveal salacious details of the non-ban or incident despite the clamouring of the tabloid press and their boh liao readers. Ms Mok, clearly the aggressive one in the alleged relationship, would only say: ‘Mind your own business. Personally, I would like to focus on my training and studies, which are more important right now, and not be distracted by this.’ The nubile pair were the only two triathletes among 37 Imperial athletes at the 17th Asiatic Beach Games, and were accompanied by team manager Davide Hong and Imperial coach Guo Wairen. Ms Mok finished the race - including a 1.5km swim, 40km cycle and 10km run - 1st out of all Imperial competitors while Miss Lim was second. The athletes had arrived on October 23 and were staying in separate rooms at the Pretty Cure Resort hotel near Metasari Beach, the venue of their October 25 event. Oh so reliable anonymous sources said that Miss Lim, a Imperial Institute of Education post-graduate student, feared for her safety - the athletes had allegedly been informed of bomb threats - and could not sleep well on the first night. So she went to Ms Mok’s room, which was in another block. The duo - widely speculated in the triathlon fraternity to be dating - are believed to have been ‘getting it on’ when Mr Guo visited the room that night to tell them to keep it down because other people were trying to get some sleep. Especially those who were not getting any. Subsequently, GIT launched an investigation with an inquiry panel consisting of three members - one each from the Imperial Sports Council (ISC), GIT and another imperial sports association (ISA). Mr Maituliao Singh, the Empire’s chef-de-mission at the Games, said there was no specific rule pertaining to the Games that athletes of the same sex could not be in the same room, only against those of different sexes. However, Mr Singh, who is also ISC’s assistant director of coaching development, added that athletes are expected to ‘uphold an accurate image of the Empire, especially that of being a low birth rate country’. A check with a number of ISAs showed codes of conduct similar to that of the GIT - even if the athletes are dating or married. Said Imperial Tennis Federation president Annabel Chongster: ‘You can’t just say it’s part of your private life when you’re travelling as part of an Imperial contingent or team. When you’re there to give your best for your country, you have to observe certain codes of behaviour. You have to abide by the rules. Ten thousand years, ten thousand years, ten thousand ten thousand years!’ But some people felt a non-ban was too lenient a non-punishment. ‘It’s so unfair not to ban them; this is blatant discrimination against heterosexuals! Both parties could have at least been reprimanded,’ said national archer Taxus C. Yew, who has competed in eight SEA Games and two Olympics. ‘But I suppose rules are rules, and they didn’t break the rules so they didn’t have to pay the price.’ The pair are believed to have not infringed the GIT code of conduct for athletes which forbids male and female athletes from sharing a room and requires the door to be kept open when there is a visitor of the opposite gender. ‘Though I wouldn’t have minded at all,’ said Mr Guo, ‘if they had kept the door open when I went to tell them to keep it down.’ Based on this Straits Times report: 1 Feb 2009. Another fine anecdotal example why reproduction is ‘not our forte’. Shock over Kah Ching’s departure SHOCK was the main initial reaction among the local artiste and entertainment community at the news that Ms Kah Ching, who is also the Imperial Consort to the Son of the Son of Heaven, is to step down later this year as the Chief Imperial Singer of the Temasek Theatre Troupe. Industry leaders, academics and artiste managers were still coming to grips with the news, but most agreed that with or without Kah Ching, TTT will still remain a global entertainment titan. Former Acme Miner Full Monty Revue chief performer Charlie ‘Chippy’ Continental will be taking over the hot seat when Kah Ching steps down in October. BCIM-KG Agency chief lyrics writer Song So Loud said: ‘I’m taken aback by the timing. It’s been a most difficult period for Temasek given their recent string of poor concert numbers and CD sales.’ Mr Rah Oh Kay, APSMA chief entertainment officer, said: ‘The whole industry is surprised by the announcement. Nobody expected the timing; even though the end result was never in doubt.’ Despite their shock, most, like Singapore International Association of Artistes headman Phil Collinmyer, believe the imperial theatre troupe will carry on without a hitch. ‘Temasek is such a strong troupe, with a very capable stable of artistes, and that means it will continue to get on with business - missing her, but never missing a beat,’ he said. Others, however, saw the appointment of Mr Continental - a Barbarian and another non-Imperial denizen in a key role at Temasek after an Oceanic Two Islander barbarian Shimon X - as a move to make the organisation suck a little less at its core business activity of entertainment. Mr X joined Temasek in 2006 as its second deputy assistant vice chief singer after a stint as the Asia-Pacific frontman for the of French Top 40s pop group Butter Biscuits. Lord Danny Balan, Imperial Moff with Special Responsibilities for TTT, said that Kah Ching’s appointment had everything to do with her performances. ‘It was based entirely on merit,’ he insisted, ‘I’m sure you all remember her great debut hit, She Blinded Me With Defence Science.’ Furthermore, Lord Balan emphasized that Kah Ching’s departure had nothing to do with her performances. ‘It is utterly without merit to suggest that the alleged short term flop of a string of her singles releases was the reason for her leaving. Take Me To the Micropolis City, Shine Your Corp On Me, Learning Your ABCs, United Brothers Stand, Meryl Got Lynched and City Groupin’ did not turn out well over the past one or two years but we have a long term perspective and are supremely confident that her back catalogue will be recognized as great hits and classics in the long term. Kinda like how 60s and 70s fashions made their returns with a vengeance decades later.’ It was also revealed that, in the coming months, Kah Ching will tour the Empire to give a series of farewell concerts. As a special treat, her repertoire will include covers of songs popularised by other singers such as Frank Sinatra’s I Did It My Way (Tun ‘Dr M’ Madhatter Remix) and Robbie Williams’ No Regrets and I’m Lovin’ Angel Investors Instead. All proceeds will go to the Central Peasants Fund Rescue Fund. You would never ask me why / My heart is so disguised / I just can’t live a truth anymore / I would rather hurt myself / Than to ever see you cry / There’s nothing left to say but Goodbye. Apologies to Air Supply and The Straits Times. Demography ‘not my forte,’ says MP An Imperial Action Party lawmaker has a simple explanation for his failure to understand why the Empire lacks of babies: demography, he says, is “not my forte.” Loo Boh Yong also suggested that because more free time did not necessarily result in more babies, people should work on Saturdays, a report in The Imperial Times said. “We should accept that as a Member of Parliament, my understanding of basic demographics is not my forte — nothing to crow about even though I don’t mind parading it in the press,” Loo told the Imperial Diet on Wednesday. “So many factors, delayed marriage, improved contraception, increased female education levels and workforce participation, altered cost-benefit of children due to urbanization, so confusing. No wonder no one listened to Prof Saw Swee Hock when he petitioned the Imperial Government to reverse the Stop At Two policy.” The Imperial government announced last year that it would double spending on incentives to address a baby shortage that threatens the Empire’s supply of future serfs and soldiers. Previous efforts by the Imperial authorities in the fast-paced, money-oriented and high-stress society failed to significantly raise the number of children. Imperial Government figures say the Empire had a fertility rate of 1.29 babies per woman in 2007, well below the 2.1 children per woman needed for the population to replace itself naturally. “How does the average woman have 0.29 children?” Loo queried during the interview, “She or her husband or both have must really low productivity!” While failing to boost the population, working only five days a week may also have affected the Empire’s work ethic, Loo was quoted as saying. “I urge the Imperial government to take steps to determine whether our productivity and competitiveness have been affected by the five-day week,” he said. Most companies in the Empire work five days a week. “I have nothing against our young serfs having fun and partying when their overseers aren’t looking. But I hope they will work until their backs break when we crack the whip,” the MP was quoted as saying. “Besides, it’s so annoying when I need some work done for me on Saturdays and there’s not a single slave in sight to be whipped!” Has it occured to our genius MP that the birth rate could have been *even* lower if the five day work week wasn’t implemented? And how exactly is ‘not our forte’ going to be the basis of improved public policy with respect to this important issue, which our glorious gahmen (ten thousand years, ten thousand years, ten thousand ten thousand years!) screwed up so badly on the last time round? Coffee shop talk not an effective self-regulated regime Contrary to what some may feel, Very Senior Minister of Statements for Propaganda, Liu Lao Lao, says coffee shop talk is not an effective self-regulated regime. Speaking in the Imperial Court on Wednesday, Mdm Liu cited the example of coffee shop talk which erupted after Member of the Imperial Diet, Tiger Tiger, was set on fire by an unhappy ex-bartender. The gossip of local coffee shop patrons were abuzz with the incident involving Mr Tiger Tiger. Mdm Liu said while a small number of comments were sympathetic, most were unhelpful. “Significant numbers were unkind. A small number were downright outrageous. It’s disappointing.” Mdm Liu added that the coffee shop community had not done enough to rebut some of the unhelpful comments delivered by fellow patrons. She said: “It is a squandered opportunity for a higher degree of self-regulation. It would have been an example of the genesis of the first step towards a more responsible, a greater self-regulatory regime. “But many of those responses were not rebutted nor answered. And I think it is not healthy for some of those to remain on the coffee shop corridors unchallenged, unquestioned, and unanswered.” The Imperial government is now making more efforts to engage coffee shop talkers after the Imperial Advisory Council on the Impact of Beverage Outlet Conversations on Society submitted its proposals in December last year. But it is opting for a head-in-the-sand attitude for now. Mdm Liu said to develop a responsible coffeshopspace, all parties, including the Imperial government and coffeeshop patrons, have to play a role. She said coffeeshop vendors and proprietors need to maintain credibility, while coffeeshop patrons should do more to establish and enforce the norms of acceptable coffee shop behaviour, that is, when she said “acceptable”, she meant “always praising the wisdom and courage of the Emperor and the Imperial Government, may They last for ten thousand years! Ten thousand years! Ten thousand ten thousand years!” Apologies to Mr Seng but this was just absurd. Sometimes people just want to vent but no real harm is done. And the unsympathy for poor Mr Seng probably reflects deeper frustration about other issues. Anyhows this really takes the cake: Gahmen dowan to engage peoples online (except on their own none-too-open terms) but want online peoples to do their dirty work for them? Pffft. P.S. Speaking of ‘balance’, the negativity online could itself be a reaction to all the unbalanced sycophancy in the MSM where whatever the Gahmen says goes ‘unchallenged, unquestioned, and unanswered’. Haiz.