Jade Seah says Fuck on National Television Beibei's looking for a job so I took a photo for him to attach to his Curriculum Vitae. The Coolest Screensaver We've Seen in a Long TimeCute, cute Japanese girls :P Man dies after sex with horseThis is horrifying! Bestiality never made sense to me. Math is necessary! Picture Source: J!NX T-shirt DesignI've started giving tuition since last week; Primary 5 Math. Giving tuition never really crossed my mind as a job to take up. EVER. I've subjected to the notion of "having to be good at something before you can teach it", and I'm not so much of the top-notch student back in my days in school. Plus, having uncontrollable groups of pre-schoolers in my old job teaching IT, I don't think I'm "teacher" material. But I'm trying, anyway: The Father said "go try it out!", and he always thought teaching is a good profession. And the extra money's good.Tuition kid's one of my mom's ex-student. Well-behaved chubby-cheeks boy, very shy, apparently very weak in math: he scored 18 marks outta a 100 for his last exam! His mother wasn't demanding him to get an A after my guidance, just hoping that he'll "just pass". Low-expectations. Cool for me.For the first tuition session (coincidentally, my birthday) I went through his textbooks and assessment books, going through the various topics. And the second session, I did exactly the same thing. I made him copy the times table hundred of times. He must be bored. I know I was.The boy was shifting in his chair far too much, and so I popped the question: "Do you like Math?"Boy shook head."No, you cannot not like Math. It's really useful!"I asked him whether he knows what's a cheque book. He said his mom had one."You know why they made you "write the numbers in words" all the time? Because when you write a cheque, you'll need to write the numbers in words!"Yes. Write $2303 in words. Two Thousand Three hundred and Three Dollars Only. They made us write those things repeatedly when I was the boy's age, but it's a 'skill' I only started using when I was working as an admin staff in my 20s: the 10 years in between of not needing this particular 'skill' had made me rusty when I had to use it again to write the salaries of ex-colleagues and bills. "Do you have a DS Lite?" I asked. Ah, a smile from him. That got his attention, my attempt to be "one of them", to "fit in". I saw him fiddling around with a Gameboy earlier when I came over to his place.He shook his head, but mentioned that his friend has one.Do you want one? I asked, writing the numbers "320" on the paper, explaining that that's the estimated cost of a Nintendo DS Lite."How much pocket money does your mother give you everyday?""$4""Okay, let us see how many days of recess you must skip before you can get a DS Lite" I said. And so we did our math: $320 is 80 days worth of $4 pocket money. An estimated 20 days of school per month = 20 days of pocket money."4 Months without recess. Can you tahan or not?"He shook his head, grinning shyly.Gave him more examples to think about: what if he agreed to do household chores and his mom gave him $2 everytime he mop the whole house? Will the extra allowance bring him closer to his "DS Lite Dream"? I could also use the example of the frivolous plan Charis and I had in order to get us to Art School, but better not lah: that story will be more suitable when he's.. of age.I hope I left the tuition kid something to think about after that particular tuition session. Of course, his mom and dad could just buy him a DS Lite easily without him having the trouble to go through the thinking-process of how to save up for the device. But hopefully he'll use it someday. Knowledge is not king, APPLIED knowledge is king, afterall. Flea Market Time! Harlie and I are organizing this. Click on eflyer to follow! She's doing the Vegetarian thing Charis, owner of 2 young beautiful birds, found the irony of continuing to indulge in chicken wings and nasi ayams, and decided to try the vegetarianism thing out. Wheelie the African GreyMSN Conversation with the new found vegetarian:Charis: I'm almost through my third vegetarian day!JY: I ate Wheeler's cousin just now. He was on some rice.Charis: You are such a cheebye.JY: And I ate his unborn cousin just now as well.Charis: .....I hate you.___I'm such a wonderful friend. The perils of Facebook. Joyce "Panaj" Arriola, want to keep a secret also dunnoe how to do it properly, har? It's too bad that Harlie has set her settings for her Funwall's News Feed to her friends! I don't care. You owe me a present now. Burfday! My 24th was a blast :P And this is how me and the other birthday girl Natasha looked when we are blowing something :P Doing the "Karen Cheng" Attempting a "Karen Cheng" on my 24th Birthday, before heading out to meet mai pals. No nice party frock here. Only a "lousy" Threadless Tee! Tee and jeans is what I'm gonna wear, coz I've got no shoes to match the nice dress I've got. Seems like my left foot has expanded ever since my injury...arrgh, yet another thing to add to my long list of problems. Hopefully Charis didn't think of wearing the same teeshirt today to my mini celebration. And hopefully I don't bump into Cakie along the way there, who bought the same tee recently too. Else, one of us has gotta flip the shirt over, and it has gotta be Charis, because Birthday girls are supposed to be treated with extra niceties on their special day. YA RLY.KTHXBAI. Apparently Jamie Yeo only has one kidney. She looks young! Like 16! Ah, Audrey. I guess you owe them both a meal. Jesus is on Myspace. And he's looking quite hamsum too. His profile:About me:Genesis 17:1- I am God Almighty Adobe Photoshop: Typing Chinese Characters Yo Audrey! I found the way!Edit-> Preferences->General-> Show Asian Text Option (Select Textbox)Note: This tip is only applicable for Adobe Photoshop 7. The Internet's down. KNN, dunnoe what happened lah. I can't surf the net on my computer for the past 2 days. Use 2 different Internet Browsers also cannot! Here's the summary:1) There is nothing wrong with the Internet Connection: I'm still able to use MSN Messenger.2) There's nothing wrong with the router the family's using: tested it with my mom's friend's Asus Eee. 3) I've switched off Windows Firewall already lah.. I don't even use it in the first place. 4) There's nothing wrong with my wireless adaptor as well.Well, usually I do some googling to find solutions for any of mine or my friends' computer problems and many problems as well (mold and mildrew, anyone?), but now I couldn't do that. And running back and forth from my bro's computer, trying out different solutions is fucking leh-cheh. Arrgh. So much for a Diploma in IT. Well my brother, armed with his Degree in IT, he also cannot solve the problem... so this is troublesome. Anyone got tips? Waxing. Man getting his chest waxed. Vay funny. Especially when they reached the hair around his nipples. Telling them how to appease us is keeping them in power. Yes, we complain a hell lot. We seem to demand a lot from the Gah-men. About the lack of bicycle-docking stations at MRT Stations. Not enough exercise facilities. Not enough jobs, not enough cash. All the complaining is "telling" them how to take care of us, and yes, they deliver. Wireless.SG? Yes, we haz. Plenty of covered walkways? We haz. Food reflexology paths? We haz. Lifts on every floor on HDB Flats? We haz. Job fairs? We haz. We demand, they supply. We complain, they try to deliver. We're the customers, they are serving us as well as they can. Our complains tell them exactly how to appease us in many different ways, and all they're asking is for you to give them your support in the next general election. No one bites the hand that feeds you, huh. So what if Singaporeans stop complaining about material things? The ruling-party wouldn't know how to entice them anymore, right? Which gives them more reason to NOT vote them for the next general election. Could this be a method used to get rid of the ruling party? Just a crazy thought from me. Audrey is such a cheebye Audrey: You should see some of these guys... they are like parachutes man! Yes, must go through 6 months BMT those types!Me: Yah my brother was training those overweight men last time.Audrey: Then how come your brother never train you?Me: Wah lao!Audrey: What?Me: What are you trying to say? Are you trying to say that I'm fat?Audrey: Aye I'm being objective here loh! I never say you fat! Don't go and put words in my mouth!______I lub Audrey Saving time: Keeping my earphones tangle free I was a real mess. Still am. And trying not to be. Family, friends, colleagues, ex-colleagues are prefectly aware of my mess, from what they see on my desk and room. "It's my creative mess", I used to like to think and say, but nah, what rubbish was I sprouting back then? *FACEPALM*A definite messy place would be my bag. Or bags. What you'll find: Handphone, jangling keys, letters, notebooks, magazine, the random sweet/tidbit wrapper, some book that I'll read halfway, and of course, the MP3 Player. The MP3 Player that is accompanied by pesky wires that tangle up one too many times: I've spent many minutes of my life on public transport, untangling those damn wires.In the attempts of saving some time: I thought of buying those fish bones cord-keeper that they sell around some music shops. The design's nice, but forking out SGD$7-9 a teeny-weeny piece of plastic is kinda silly.The wonders of the Internet has provided cheaper alternatives of tangle-free wires.Lifehacker has tips of coiling the wires in Figure of 8. I preferred the one featured on Instructables: fashioning a cord-keeper out of an old credit card.There was no old credit card lying around the house: I found a cardboard piece instead, as seen in the picture above. Of course it looked damn un-pro, after I've done scissors works on it. It was meant to be a keychain which I didn't use in the end: a purchase made around 4-5 years ago while I was still in school. The artist actually drew the DAMN CUTE octopus caricature on the small cardboard piece, so it's the one and only in the world. Heehee special siah.My earphones quality are of the average. Bohemia Bunny would pay SGD$150++ for her powderful earphones, but I only paid below SGD$25 for mine. I've already damaged the previous one that came along with the MP3 Player, and someone who kills / loses thing easily should never posses earphones that cost more than some MP3 players.Coiled up properly. The artwork now hides behind those wires. Artist must be sad.All tucked nicely, and ready to go! Praise thee, Internet, for wonderful tips.________P/S: Audrey saw this entry, and told me to make one for her. Ah. Good. A cheap birthday gift, she will get. Phallicity My outlining skills is still not up to standard lah. Drew this in McDonalds, digitized it with Photoshop. My productivity is much higher in Fast Food Restuarants, it seems. Alamak No doubt I've caused a fury over the past few days. And never have I thought that I'll need to have to say this on my blog: I'm entitled to have my own opinions. And as for the f-words, it's just vulgar old me writing in the style I'm comfortable with (if you find time, bother to read through other entries): no doubt unprofessional, but still, me, writing a leisure blog in my style. Some quotation I heard a long time ago, but never found meaning in it until now: "I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it" - Voltaire supposedly said itThanks for reading, Kthxbai. Aye, who's reading my blog from Stockholm, Sweden?! Reveal yourself! Strings for his Er Hu. Jiang Zemin, People's Republic of China's 5th President, has joined in the Twitter party. And he's bored, and retired as well. Check him out. I dun likes you Charis has a new addition in her family. Another parrot: a colourful guy called Shrimpy. I'm so disappointed... she should have called it Baasha!Anyway, vote for meh. By the way, I tried to say "It was horrible." Last Saturday I made a cross-country journey to the East side of our country to catch Monsoon, a theatre production by Yellow Chair Productions, the group lead by one of my juniors in Poly, Shaiful.It seemed promising: nice, professional looking poster. Cute girl. A simple storyline to look forward to: girl meets boy, they fall in love. No heavy concepts to swallow on a nice Saturday night out with old friends.My verdict after watching? As the blog title said: It was horrible.There, I've said it, honest truth, swearing on George Carlin's grave (RIP, you funny man). I'm sorry, Shaiful, there's no other way to put it. This review, coming from me, doesn't matter whether I've not dabbled in theatre in such a long time. This review, written not as a friend with nothing but praises, but a member of the audience.Now allow me to explain my displeasure.The girl, allergic to the sun, runs freely in the open, only when the monsoon seasion arrive.Where's the logic in this?And so the 15 year old Sophelia is allergic to the sun, and only "run freely in the open" when the monsoon season arrive.Erm hello, I'm not some science student and never will be lah, but SRSLY, from what I know in my almost 24 years of existence in Singapore, the concept of Day & Night is still in the works for Planet Earth, even during the Monsoon season! The sun will still continue shining over the pouring rain and dark clouds and what have you, so no way, NO friggin way would a girl supposedly allergic to the sun be allowed to run freely in wide-open fields when the Monsoon season come. But the girl dies at the end of the show, so.... it could have been all that running she was doing in the pelting rain.The lead characters talk a damn lot in the rainSophelia meets Adrian, 15 years of age, aspiring weatherman, who plays with his handmade Anemometer in the same wide-open field as Sophelia, the same place where they talked, played badminton, and fall in love eventually with each other's quirkiness: Sophelia's home-schooled and doesn't have any friends. Adrian's the geek adorning the obligatory geeky glasses. Everything supposedly happened in the horrible weather.SRSLY, have you guys ever tried having a conversation with a friend IN THE POURING RAIN?!: your hair gets into your eyes, your clothes get soaked heavy, you get damn short-fused because you are a Singaporean that carries a million electronic gadgets that happen to be not waterproof (camera/handphone/mp3player/laptop/vibrator), you have to SHOUT to your friend due to all that pitter patter going on around you... you should get my idea by now. But our two leads happily continue chattering for a majority of the 2 and a 1/2 hour play (yes, it was that long a torture). Unless we're living in some Bollywood, Kollywood or Taiwanese drama, nobody do talking in the rain, okay? Or trying to be the Punjabi Sexy.Let's just say, I'm all wrong about what I saw: you can't exactly re-create a rain scene in a live theatre performance. "They could be underneath a sheltered place! Or covered walkway!" you could argue. Aye, come on, tell me lah, who will go and play with his wind-speed measuring device in the shelter, huh?!And another one. "They could be meeting each other at night, what!" Let's go back to the concept of Day & Night, shall we? You mean the home-schooled Sophelia wasn't taught Science, har? If Nightfall occurs every single day, why the fuck does Sophelia only come out during the Monsoon season when she could have came out anyday during night-time?Everything could be condensed into perhaps an hour2hrs 30 mins was about how long we sat there: the length of a Bollywood movie, without the song and dance sequence. And in a live theatre show, you are not blessed with a device called "the remote control". There's no "fast-forward" button, you see, to skip through really forgettable parts.Act 2: apparently Adrian's father died in Act 1, and it was revealed at the start of Act 2 on how he died. A bloody long monologue by Adrian's Mother & her eulogy, dedicated to a character that hardly formed an impression other than the role being taken by the rather hamsum Taufik. A bloody long monologue, that, if taken out of the play, wouldn't affect the storyline at all, other than giving the girl who was acting as the Mother a chance to drama-mama-wayang-wayang abit.What else can you remove? Remove the cheesy pop-culture references (Rihana's Umbrella). Remove Adrian's parents: their characters are pointless & doesn't move the story forward. Remove the guy that hangs around with Adrian, because a "popular guy" like him would never hang around with a geek like Adrian. Remove Sophelia's doctor: yes Shaiful, you would like to have a small part in every play you direct, but only Quentin Tarantino does it perfectly in Pulp Fiction as Jimmy. Remove that big fat guy (sorry,Aishah) that is supposedly the future Adrian, because squeezing such cheap laughs from us doesn't fucking help improve the show in the end.Kill your Sound & Lighting Crew, lahYes, we can save alot of time if we could have a faster fade-out in changing the scenes. And Sound, make your music "fade-out", don't cut completely. It's irritating. And since the play is called Monsoon, I didn't hear a drop of rain, but I have aplently of thunder instead. And yes of course, she died.Sophelia died. Yes, of course she died. Somebody/bodies in Shaiful plays always die. But we don't know why. It's not explained. But of course when we watch theatre, we're expected to make educated guesses or come out with our own conclusions: the girl has XP and she died from all that accidental exposure to the UV Rays. Or a heartbreak. I don't know. And now I don't really care.The Saving GracePraise teh Ceiling Cat, we have The Saving Grace: Chong Yi Han, one of the playwrights, stole the show, acting as Sophelia's grandmother. Clearly, he wrote for himself the best lines as well: how very sneaky of him.Other than that, there were some cheesy lines in the script which had the audiences roaring with laughter, and me going "this is so lame" and Audrey going "Yes, you did have a lame leg" and Joyce going "now Rashad has one" and roared in laughter in our own little show at the back of the theatre.______________________Okay, fine. Let's be forgiving, and look at the whole picture: the guys that put this up are a buncha youths. They don't get paid to do this. They apparently rehearsed in three weeks, whilst some of them serving NS somemore. I only paid SGD$8 to watch this. No way should I expect it to be some professional theatre stuff, right? Not quite true. I've been to school productions and gone "wow, this is good!"And Shaiful has been doing Yellow Chair Productions for almost 2 years now, but I'm still watching stuff which is of the same quality & cheesiness as I've seen from two years ago with Tainted Flower. Okay done. Now hit me with Hate Mail. Character building words "No child these days ever gets to hear the character building words: "You lost, Bobby! You lost, you're a loser, Bobby!" They miss out on that! You know what they tell a kid that lost these days? "You are the last winner!" A lot of these kids will not get to know the truth about themselves until they are in the 20s! When their boss calls them in and say "Bobby, clear the shite out of your desk and get the fuck out of here, you're a loser.""-George Carlin This is for real: Turbanizer.com! Yes, now you can find out how you look like with a Turban, with TURBANIZER! You just have to upload a photo of yourself and choose from an array of turbans available!Apparently there's a reason for Turbanizer.comWhy we made the TurbanizerRacism is driven by being afraid of the unknown. People that do not wear a turban need to connect with the turban to understand it. Turbanizer.com helps by allowing anyone in the world to visualize themselves in a turban. If someone insults your turban, just TURBANIZE THEM!-Excerpt from Why we made the TurbanizerAh, so the men with the Paghs are sick of the Turban jokes, and they built this application to laugh at themselves. That's a nice touch :PThis is how a 5-year old me look like in a Punjabi-Styled Black Turban. Those who are very fond of "Bhai What Colour" jokes is going to have a riot with this application. Bunny Cart Lily the Rabbit had her own Bunny Cart for her paralyzed hind legs, fashioned out of an old Barbie Cart. Charlie, you silly blog lurker. You'll probably enjoy this one here. You know You're a Music Major if.. Baywatch Me: Aye Baywatch is coming soon! Around August!Flo: Baywatch? Me: Yah! Erm.. oh no. I mean Baybeats.