The only constant is change … Yet nothing will. You know that sickening feeling that nothing will change or improve? I’m waiting, and I’m reviewing, I’m trying to change how I do things because I can’t control anything else. I have, but still that sickening feeling is there. I can live my dream life already, but what’s stopping me?! Revenge is particularly sweet Monkey has been chiding me about my flabby tummy. While I am slender by nature, I do have cellulite and flab around my tummy and thighs. He’s been swimming, albeit a tad irregularly, topping up with sit ups and crunches. I’ve been sleeping and cooking… not necessarily in that order. He nags me on a regular basis, poking at my tummy (although he knows laughing at my thunder thighs will grant him immediate death). (I also never ask him if I look fat.) In my world, they all lie. So I don’t ask anyways I’m not obsessed with being skinny. It’s actually very ugly if it doesn’t suit you. Presenting Exhibit A: However, I would like to be healthier with a better toned shape. But that is not the point of today’s post. While we were at his Uncle’s place yesterday, no one spoke about my flab… but at least 2 people hinted to him that he needed exercise. His Auntie told me outright “maybe he should come over and run with the dog”… HAHAHAHA Wants and Needs I have gone a-crazy. I have started purchasing items from Ikea and I’m aiming to get a potato masher as well. In my defense, all the items are relatively cheap and useful for the house. But the pent up frustration from looking every dollar is driving me nuts. With the stove, I’ve started craving cooking again. And now, I want this. Sleek, cheap and totally useful. I’m going to buy this at the end of the month! Pasta alla Vodka I’ve been really hankering for a plate of pasta alla vodka for a long time.. so I finally did! In the style of the Pioneer Woman (and please forgive my crappy phone camera)… I started with the garlic and a new toy.. then threw the pasta into the boiling, salted water. meanwhile, I threw some butter into the arms of loving olive oil.. after throwing the garlic and vodka in, I opened the can of tomato sauce. I couldn’t find the can opener, and when I finally did, it was wedged somewhere… by the way, this is NOT ketchup tomato sauce! and promptly added some cream after that (I used the cheap nestle canned type). The party was starting! I suddenly realised that it was just sauce, and for someone as greedy as me, it wasn’t going to be enough. But I wouldn’t be able to get my sausages out in time so I settled for something a tad spicy - chilli! Then I threw the pasta in… And count to 100! Ta Dah! Actually, the pasta was fantastic. I would put a few sausages and more chilli in it, but nothing to the sauce itself… Perhaps a little more vodka. :p growing up part 2 When Chicken was in town last week, he told me that one of the boys (N) we used to hang out with got married. I was a little insulted that he didn’t invite me, granted our history. Actually I was more surprised than anything, because when I was in KL earlier this year, he was single! The history I was talking about because N and I flirted with the idea of dating when we were teens. Of course, that’s more than 10 years ago. What the alarming thing was that the last guy that I expected to be settled down did exactly that. We are now all grown up. And damn it’s scary. Childhood friends …not really. I met Chicken when I was in Sec 1. I was back in Ipoh, and he was my cousin’s classmate. 13 years later, we’re still firm friends, meeting up every time we’re back in Ipoh together or when either of us are in each other’s vicinity (KL and SG). He’s actually occupying my spare room as I type, with his girlfriend K. Since I didn’t get enough sleep the work week before, I conked out once I reached home last night. Monkey came home after his dental appointment and brought them out for supper to Fong Seng. I honestly don’t have the words to describe our friendship. We don’t talk often at all. We’re probably not that updated with each other’s lives. We haven’t been put in a position where we have do something substantial for each other (like defend, or pay money, etc). But I know, he’ll be here for me in his own way. We’ve come a long way. When I was in Sec Sch, our friendship blossomed over a few years and I was writing to a few of them (my cousin’s classmates) for a couple of years. The rest ultimately faded away and became 2nd hand news items while I’ll always call him when I’m going back to Ipoh or visiting KL. So I was pleasantly surprised when he called me a few months back to enquire about the Liverpool match tomorrow (he’s a fan) and requested I purchase the tickets for him. Monkey went down during lunch time to buy one of the few tickets left. And so now he’s here. And I’m going to wake him up for lunch! A Taboo Saturday I will never see Tiramisu the same way again. It all started when vandalin, gooberdz, gingerbreadman, ginger, and the faithful non-boyfriend (fnbf) gathered at my place for a night of Taboo. We had dinner, where vandalin made chawanmushi. Then we ate cake. So the game started, and when fnbf started screaming “what you just ate” all of us replied “egg! pasta! mushroom!”. I was the regulator and I just screamed at him… “WE HAD CHEESECAKE!!” the topic was Tiramisu. *sian* other laugh-worthy moments include GBM and gooberdz asking “the iPhone is…” and the reply came “stupid”. They wisely decided to pass that topic (they are the 2 only iPhone users in the group)… Monkey asking me “the phone you’re using” and I answered “qwerty! samsung! pda!” (I use a samsung i780) when the topic was… (wait for it) Blackberry. Word association games will never work now also, since for some reason when I asked him “how do you feel when you see my sister” and Monkey answered “erect!”… don’t ask *facepalm* One funny moment was when Ginger had “pony” as a topic and she asked “cowboy and his magic…” (I confess I thought of unicorn). I kinda hope maybe next time Jaywalk and cowboy will join us as well.. I can foresee funnier moments! Annoying fans Finally, scientific proof on how annoying those twilight fans are! (I’m in the Phantom category) being alone I used to like being alone. I used to like cooking alone, watching tv, and going out to the library to read comics. It sometimes got a little lonely, but there was the independence. To tell the truth, I used to be so afraid of being alone. The silence, the lack of interaction and the all-to-your-thoughts scared me. And then life came alone and dealt me some hands which… adjusted what I thought and felt. Over the last 4 years, I’ve actually become so much more withdrawn. But I like doing little or nothing with little or no interaction. It doesn’t mean that I dislike hanging out with people. On the contrary, I actually like to meet up with friends and doing all sorts of wacky things. But the difference is now that I know. I know that I don’t have to bother with people like that, although I still struggle at times. You may find me mean and bitchy, and sometimes aloof. But it’s my defense mechanism trying to adjust and adapt, to balance and realign. But I survived. I try. I think I’m kinda alright. But once in a while I like to really chill out and being alone, to zone out and be myself. And this day, especially this day… This day is my day. I remember. If you don’t know by now, I remember things. I remember things that I desperately try to forget, especially incidents and words uttered that have cut into my heart. I’m not a generous person, nor a forgiving one (that I thought I was). I replay your words in my head time after time after time, reliving that moment that the knife stabbed into my heart. And to the end, it is incidents like this that really make me wonder. For everything, it is times like this that makes me really stumble and halt. Pity you will never understand. Cured with love #2 I’m still ill. headache, bodyache, cough, cold, runny nose. Monkey’s mum gave me pi pa gao and once they saw me nesting in bed, they switch off the tv. Love cures all I have been feeling unwell again, the terrible migraine and blocked noses, while this time there is a touch of sore throat and body aches. No fever though, however, it could still be flu. Talking about flu… I was calling my mum to teh her about feeling sick, and in the background I heard my father speaking very loudly: Is it H1N1? Go see a doctor! My dad hates seeing doctors, but this time he’s freaked out! Anyway, I was ill but after a shower I felt well enough to make lunch… which turned out so sucky that both of us dumped the pasta. I decided to rest in the living room instead as it’s more airy, and I had a distinct “going to puke” feeling in my mouth, so I asked Monkey to make some Lemon tea for me. After drinking it, I felt so much better and took a very short nap while he just hung out just next to me. Anyway, just to inform you guys that I am planning a overhaul of the blog, and knowing the degree of my procrastination, it might take some time to be completed. Thanks for understanding! I’m torn… …I can’t decide between getting the Vibram 5 fingers or a good pair of blades! At this juncture, I can’t afford both, and both are low priority. But… argh, iWant! stupid people reproduce more because the alternative is sleeping with you. ah… but so true Michael Jackson I know that MJ mania would sprout once I got news of his death, similar to Leslie Cheung. But this is ridiculous. Roadside Dentists I got this off cowboy’s blog. Isn’t it amazing and yet so scary? But the thing that really blew me off my feet was this photo: WTF! Going home I twittered this 2 hours ago. So at that moment, actually I was on the way back from having coffee with Jaywalk at Raffles City. I was actually at Citylink, walking towards Esplanade to take my bus. I went to Guardian and saw the newspapers for today, and realised that I haven’t purchased them for today. I wasn’t looking forward to lugging them through Citylink and Esplanade so I decided to buy them at Esplanade instead so I can read them on the way back. So I got to Esplanade and went to the convenience store next to 7atenine. “Be back in a few minutes, thanks! :)” So I waited. And waited. And waited. 10 minutes and Mr “Be back” isn’t! I needed to pee. So I went to pee. And came back… and waited. And waited. Mr “Be back” isn’t back. I needed to shit. So I went to shit. And came back… and waited. Aw…. fuck it! I gave up, and went to the next 7-11. You see, I NEED my papers. SPH should hire me as an ambassador. The only issue was that the nearest 7-11s were at Citylink or Marina Square. I chose Marina Square. I walked through Esplande, crossed the road, up the stairs, into Marina Square. Then I walked past Mango, the large event space, John Little… down the travellator and past Swensen’s. 7-11! How sweet your red and white is to me now! And after a quick purchase… all the way back. So with my papers, I sat in front of Esplanade at the bus stop. And waited. Where was my bus? I waited for 20 minutes. So the conclusion for today’s terrible rambling post is… it takes me 2 hours to come home. WTF. Chappy Lauren wants to take her this sunday. :( My heart is breaking. Making soup I am making soup right now. It’s called anything soup, because I don’t have the proper ingredients at home, and the minimart at the condo is CLOSED DOWN again, wtf. And I think I made a little too much for the both of us. Ah well, I can make freezer meals with it! I’m waiting for it to boil right now… and it’s taking a long time, wtf. Sleeping with the Monkey The problem with sleeping with Monkey is that one of us definitely falls asleep before the other. Last friday I conked out the moment I reached home, but now I’m still up while he’s snoring. So he’s started dropping me hints if the TV volume is too loud, or the lights are too bright, or I’m in the way. His new way, which I just discovered, was screaming and moaning and switching off and on the bedside lamp. When I was on his side of the bed accidentally, he just draped his legs all over me! Oi, the things I put up with. Sleeping with Linus Sleeping with Linus is always a sweet/bitter thing. On one hand, you really want her to stick by you, but you also know how warm it can be for them. On the other hand, she looks so cute when she’s just lying next to you, purring away. She used to wake me up by meowing angrily. I never understood why, but I now look forward to her mewing face every morning. She melts my heart and breaks it altogether. so tired but nothing achieved there was so many things that have happened this week at work. It honestly seems that I can never finish it, and can never finish the work. It’s been seriously one fucking deadline after another, with so much work done, but nothing achieved. I haven’t felt like that for this job yet, but I can tell you it’s coming. That feeling is sickening and conflicting, and the sense of dread is choking me. Something is wrong, and I hope that whatever I think it is, isn’t it. You in the room It’s nice to finally have a night to yourself, even if it is so you can work later. We’re always busy doing something, we rarely have time to just do nothing and be ourselves. Even so, there’s always some show we are trying to catch on TV, or some research we need to do, and never really just hanging and doing nothing. I haven’t had food today, except for a couple of mints. The bread I brought for my lunch today is still here on my worktable. I ain’t really hungry, but I know I will be pretty soon. The cup of coffee and the redbull is still sustaining me. On a side note, two of my colleagues (3 actually) now know I have a blog. I wonder if I should reveal it to them.. but then again, nothing for them to read either! A snoring boyfriend… …makes a good companion at work. :) geek or no geek this post was written on March 10, 2008. Someone needs to admit his geekdom. This was a conversation we had the other day. Me: You are so a geek. LP: No I’m not Me: Yes you are LP: No I’m not Me: Yes you are LP: No I’m not Me: Yes you are You get the idea. What’s wrong with being geeky?! Geeky is in! Bliss is… …waking up at 7am, fixing our bento sets (Yaki Soba today), and realising I still have half an hour’s time to sleep! Sadly, all these will have to change in Sept. Currently I stay only half an hour away from work, and he has to travel around 45 mins to an hour to work. The catch is I start work at 9am, and he starts at 830am. Come Sept, I’ll be the one who will need to travel an hour for work. No more half an hour naps for me at 730am! Time to sleep :) seeing you again it has been a great week. Work is terribly busy, but the assholes have left me alone, so it’s fine. the best thing about this week is meeting my bestie last weekend. we work quite well independently, but having lunch with her just makes me a happy person. :) then I caught sammyboy on the train this morning, he in his too big shirt again. I haven’t met with him for such a long time as well, it was great chatting with him for that 20 mins. finishing the week is the movie marathon at supanova’s place. well, the other 2 buddies are busy at work, so I got to bide my time! Living in the moment Would you? Thank You for the Music. I’m sitting at starbucks, at Marina Square, listening to the limited amount of music in my laptop. I haven’t done this in a long time. I haven’t felt “free” for a long time, where, despite everything happening, I feel I can be myself. Even if it is for 2 hours, I can forget everything. All my stress, my troubles, my pending-to-dos. With my headphones on, and a cup of latte, I’m “having the time of my life”. I wonder if this would be “our last summer”, before the troublesome winter comes. Life seemed easier. Decisions, perhaps in a narrow minded view, were always much easier. Life was more black-and-white, not in varying shades of grey like now. Perhaps we have “a fear of slowing dying”… then we should “take a chance, like we’re dancing our last dance”, isn’t it? Life will go on. But now, “Thank you for the music.” Living with Cats Well, before I start, a very late welcome to the new proud owner of a female ginger tabby. She’s really cute! Go fawn over here now! Linus, my cat, if you’re a rare first timer to my blog (wtf are you here I don’t know), is thumping her tail mismatchedly to the rhythm to some random song on MTV. She’s a tad better with her separation anxiety now. Her genitals are still botak, but she has since stopped tearing out the spots on the top of her head. I’ve tried very hard to give her more attention. Most of the nights she sleeps with me. However, nowadays, I try to give all 3 cats the run of the room (ever since I found out that none of the furniture will be taken by my brother, meaning I’m not worried if the cats ruin them), and Linus doesn’t like Alex much. Opening the door of the room also lets the room be cooled. Can you imagine, nowadays I have 2 fans in the room? My old room was so cooling, I never really had to switch on the airconditioning. This room is so warm and humid and cooped. I blame the odd angle. So I bought the cats a nice rattan chair from Ikea’s AS-IS section for them to scratch on. I figured that the nice rattan would have a cross between the door (which Alex scratches religiously) and my faux leather sofa (which all 3 scratches religiously). A friend of mine has expensive rattan/bamboo/leather/etc decor and furnishings, and her cat never scratches them. Her trick, she claims, is provide them with a scratching surface of their own. So the rattan chair was placed just next to the sofa/in the room/next to the door/over the sofa… and still doesn’t work. In addition, I actually bought a floor mat that has a very nice rough surface, which, they also refuse to scratch. They DO have a scratching post, but they outgrew it, I guess. Btw, the rattan chair was much cheaper than any scratching posts. It cost me only $25. A scratching post is around $30 at least. My next choice to buy cheap 2nd/3rd hand faux leather and nail it over surfaces for them to scratch, since they seem to like it. And while I feel obliged to share with you the details of the cats’ new litter and their shitting patterns, I would like to spare you the bedtime story and end with a nice plurk that makes your life better. Please read it everytime you feel like your life is going to the pits.