A Little Bit Of Home the corners of my mouth are still a little bit greasy from the half-slice of bak kwa, or yuk kon as my family prefers to call it, that i generously allowed myself to have, a few minutes ago. the wonderful sweet meat is from a little shop that i stumbled upon while walking along Allen Street in Chinatown today. this is the first time i’ve seen bak kwa being sold in NYC, and i was so glad and relieved to have found the shop. i couldnt wait to sit down and open the packet to have some bak kwa! and now that i have, i am experiencing that sticky and double-chinned but satisfied feeling that i always get when i eat bak kwa. this city always gently holds out to me little slivers of home when i least expect it. i had some very fascinating conversations with several fellow freshmen the other day. it was during an event for international students, and while talking to this Swiss guy who seemed to know a fair bit about Malaysia, a Polish guy joined us and shared that he was vacationing in Penang during the 2004 tsunami. so we all started talking about Malaysia, much to my delight. the Swiss guy seemed to have the impression that KL is a very ugly city because he was told that we have many highways and that the city is very pedestrian-unfriendly. undeniable on both counts, but i assured him that there are very, very few cities in the world that are more beautiful than KL to me. the Polish guy then chimed in and said that he found it very amusing that Malaysian girls seemed to hate getting tanned, because when he was at the beach in Penang, he noticed that a lot of Malaysian girls darted quickly under trees or were constantly in long-sleeved shirts despite the heat. i couldnt help but laugh because i immediately thought of Tze Ching. and Darren.. although he isnt exactly a Malaysian girl. and Ket Ying, this girl from high school whom we used to call ‘puteri lilin’ because she would always hide in the shade during morning assembly at school. the novelty of people knowing about Malaysia’s petroleum industry and Anwar Ibrahim has worn off a little bit, but i got very excited when i spotted from across the room, a guy wearing a shirt with a Malaysian flag on his sleeve. he was in the middle of a very heated discussion, and i was fidgeting for about 5 minutes wondering if i should just interrupt and ask him why he was wearing that shirt. i eventually did, and he told me he was in KL last year for a Model UN conference at ISKL. i got even more excited and squealed that i lived really near there. “oh my god, you live in Ampang?” he asked, equally excited, and i was extremely impressed that he pronounced it correctly (äm-päng, not ām-pāng). he went on to say that he thought the best thing about Malaysia was the mamak stalls, also pronounced with the correct ‘a’, and that he loved tosai with dahl. amazing. he knew and could remember so much about KL even though he was only there for 4 days and was at a conference most of the time. it kinda mitigated the slightly depressing conversation with Swiss Guy who heard KL is ugly and the one with Polish Guy who said his first observation of Malaysians was that they nonchalantly threw trash everywhere. after all these weeks of talking mostly about politics when the topic of Malaysia comes up within my new friends, it felt strangely - but i guess not unexpectedly - good to talk about something trivial like mamak stalls. apparently the one that Model UN Guy went to all the time was in Taman Sri Ukay, because he lived there with his host family. to hear a foreigner say ‘Taman Sri Ukay’ in perfect intonation is an experience everyone should have. i felt proud, a glowing feeling that lasted a couple of hours, that Malaysia was so interesting to this one person that it could captivate his fancy this much. spotted in an asian mart, next to some cans of 100 plus and milo i also love hanging out with the singaporeans here because they ALL (except this guy called Chang) still have their accents and can switch back to it within a split second. lah leh mah meh wah sibeh ex. i loooove the fact that after a full day of straining to speak in an American accent and practicing Italian speech for my classes, i can meet up with the singaporeans and let my tongue loose (in a purely linguistic sense of the phrase), and we can compare notes on the little Americanisms that we’ve observed over the course of the day. like.. how everyone here holds doors open for the person behind them and how everyone in your vicinity says ‘bless you!’ when you sneeze. but of course, there are no proxies that are better than the real thing. in my first week here, i was introduced to a whole bunch of Malaysians (of course, by means of Chen Chow, because EVERYBODY knows Chen Chow…) working here in NYC. i’m really glad to have met them because they are so much fun to hang out with, and they remind me a lot of my friends back home. i met up with some of the Malaysians over a buka puasa ramadhan bazaar at the Malaysian UN Consulate sometime last week, and the array of food drove all of us crazy. it was so good to see onde-onde, satay, asam laksa, karipap, cucur udang, bubur durian, nasi dagang, nasi lemak, popiah and RAMLI BURGER all under one roof, cooked by the wives of malaysian ambassadors and delegates working here in NYC. it was also nice to speak malay again, ‘berapa kak?’, ‘pedas tak?’ ‘ni buat apa?’. even though i didnt know any of those ambassadors or their wives, it was so easy to strike up conversation in Malay and talk freely like friends. if there is any reason for our government to insist on children learning 11 years of Bahasa Malaysia, this is it. the ability to speak malay is an access to unity that i sadly take for granted when i was in malaysia. us girls very excited to see sugar cane and lychee drinks at the bazaar i was also really amused while listening to the young children talk. they all had flawless american accents when speaking amongst themselves, but they almost always reverted to colloquial malay when speaking to their parents. the kids were the ones manning the Ramli burger stall by the way, and i must say they make a very mean burger ayam special tambah sos cili! Carol is staying over with me right now, because tomorrow we’re going with the singaporeans to Woodbury Commons for a full day of fabulous shopping. i’m really glad to have her here with me :) next week Suet is coming to stay and that will be much fun too. Carol will join us, and then we will have a night of Malaysian dinner and a lot of good ol’ gossiping and catching up. i feel thankful for these little slivers of home (though sometimes they feel larger than life) that i am serendipitously finding in little nooks and crannies of New York, but sometimes bared out in the open for me to just reach out and grab at. whether in loud or subtle ways, my transition from home to away is eased by these things, and i find that every day that i spend here in this new city, i love it more and more. Envelope 4: A Sunny Card from Aarhus, Denmark i’ve always wanted to blog about the person who sent me Envelope 4, and now opportunity has just presented itself in the form of a bright, smiley, sunny orange card that came in the mail for me all the way from Aarhus, Denmark :) the Danish stamp was a clear indicator of who the sender was, though the totally perasan note on the back of the envelope was a dead giveaway as well. it said, ‘before you open this, remember that Tamtim is awesome!’ -_- so the card is from Tamtim, formerly known on my blog as Timtam before i realized too many Tims were running around with the same nickname, and formerly formerly known by his real name Jak Tim.. though sometimes i call him Lummy when i feel like irritating him. he’s currently spending a semester studying abroad at Denmark to finish up his degree in Finance, because it is his big goal in life to become a power hungry investment banker. i assure you he will do a very good job at i-banking because he actually likes the culture of staying back late to do work. and he also likes bloomberg and microsoft excel. wtf… he is one of my favorite-est friends ever, though i would never admit this to him in person. i tell Tamtim all my shit with reckless abandon, even though he’s probably the most judgmental friend i have :P he’d be one of the first people i would talk to if i were facing a problem, and also one of the first i would go to to share good news. tamtim, crabby as always Tamtim is one of those people that i got along with grandly even within the first few hours of meeting each other. he’s like one of my best friends now, but we actually only met two years ago, in 2006, through my blog! he’d been reading me since the days of my old blog at pinkskyes and occasionally he would leave me comments under the moniker ArtificiallyVerbose (hahahahaha!), but one day we started talking via email because i wrote on my blog that i desperately wanted to go watch Damien Rice in Singapore, and he offered to help me get the tickets. omg Tamtim why last time you so nice, now not nice anymore T____T anyway i never did get to go watch Damien Rice because the tickets sold out within minutes, but nevermind lah, in the end i still found Tamtim! i think if the Damien Rice thing didnt happen, Tamtim and i wouldnt be friends today. so, all is good :) we like a lot of the same things, which makes us good kakis for just about anything, be it movies, food or shopping. as is apparent with the Damien Rice thing, Tamtim and i share similar music tastes, which is awesome whenever there are gigs going on in Singapore. so far we’ve gone for The Album Leaf and Death Cab for Cutie. he’s also one of the few guy friends i have who actually LIKES watching musicals :O i usually have to beg Martian or other guy friends to take me to musicals :( oh and get this: Tamtim also watches Grey’s Anatomy and…………. GOSSIP GIRL!!! hahahaha! best. so i get to rant to him about plot twists and stupid characters that should just disappear, cos he watches all the same shows as i do. we watch Heroes too but that information is not as gempak as the fact that he watches Gossip Girl. to those who have been reading my blog for a while now, remember the supermarket series of photos where i was terrorizing the supermarket aisles from inside a trolley? well, my partner-in-crime on that day was none other than Tamtim :P actually, he’s my favorite camwhore partner because he’s so game to do anything. most people just get tired after awhile or they dont want to cause a scene. haih, but causing a scene is when the photos are best! there are very few people who know me inside out, and i think even fewer people who know how to handle me when i’m upset or angry. i dont always agree with what Tamtim has to say, but most of the time it’s a case of him saying what i need to hear, and not what i want to, and even though i get a little bit miffed at first, i always feel much better at the end of the day when i realize that what he says is right. this, among many other reasons - like the fact that he watches Gossip Girl and likes musicals :) - is why i’m so glad that Tamtim and i randomly found each other. we dont just get along, but we get each other, and i think everyone needs a friend like that :) everyone also needs a friend who will help them do their economics homework. hehe! thank you Tamtim! we got the answers back today and you were right about the electronics’ workers wages.. i also found a peer recommendation that he wrote for me for one of the colleges i applied to. i want to share the last line of the letter because i think it’s amazing what foresight Tamtim has and also how well he knows me. in the letter to the college, he says: “Perhaps the only concern I have of her being admitted to your school would be her taking on too many tasks as she has a diverse base of interests and this would put her time management skills to the test”. IT’S SO TRUE OKAY. there are so many things i want to do here, but i’m spreading myself way too thin, and i’m already feeling the massive physical and emotional drain. and i also find the sentence as a whole kinda amusing. haha. it’s very Tamtim to talk like that. ‘as she has a diverse base of interests’… hahahaha damn serious. there’s so much more i could tell you guys about Tamtim, like how he has this weird fascination with Cookie Monster, but it’s already 3 a.m here and i still have lots of work left to do. you know lah, my time management skills are being put to the test wat. so i shall end this post with a snapshot of the little note that Tamtim wrote on the front of the envelope for the postman: shy and anti-social wtf. thank you tamtim for the card! it really did make me smile :) Envelope 3: A Sunny Card from Aarhus, Denmark i’ve always wanted to blog about the person who sent me Envelope 3, and now opportunity has just presented itself in the form of a bright, smiley, sunny orange card that came in the mail for me all the way from Aarhus, Denmark :) the Danish stamp was a clear indicator of who the sender was, though the totally perasan note on the back of the envelope was a dead giveaway as well. it said, ‘before you open this, remember that Tamtim is awesome!’ -_- so the card is from Tamtim, formerly known on my blog as Timtam before i realized too many Tims were running around with the same nickname, and formerly formerly known by his real name Jak Tim.. though sometimes i call him Lummy when i feel like irritating him. he’s currently spending a semester studying abroad at Denmark to finish up his degree in Finance, because it is his big goal in life to become a power hungry investment banker. i assure you he will do a very good job at i-banking because he actually likes the culture of staying back late to do work. and he also likes bloomberg and microsoft excel. wtf… he is one of my favorite-est friends ever, though i would never admit this to him in person. i tell Tamtim all my shit with reckless abandon, even though he’s probably the most judgmental friend i have :P he’d be one of the first people i would talk to if i were facing a problem, and also one of the first i would go to to share good news. tamtim, crabby as always Tamtim is one of those people that i got along with grandly even within the first few hours of meeting each other. he’s like one of my best friends now, but we actually only met two years ago, in 2006, through my blog! he’d been reading me since the days of my old blog at pinkskyes and occasionally he would leave me comments under the moniker ArtificiallyVerbose (hahahahaha!), but one day we started talking via email because i wrote on my blog that i desperately wanted to go watch Damien Rice in Singapore, and he offered to help me get the tickets. omg Tamtim why last time you so nice, now not nice anymore T____T anyway i never did get to go watch Damien Rice because the tickets sold out within minutes, but nevermind lah, in the end i still found Tamtim! i think if the Damien Rice thing didnt happen, Tamtim and i wouldnt be friends today. so, all is good :) we like a lot of the same things, which makes us good kakis for just about anything, be it movies, food or shopping. as is apparent with the Damien Rice thing, Tamtim and i share similar music tastes, which is awesome whenever there are gigs going on in Singapore. so far we’ve gone for The Album Leaf and Death Cab for Cutie. he’s also one of the few guy friends i have who actually LIKES watching musicals :O i usually have to beg Martian or other guy friends to take me to musicals :( oh and get this: Tamtim also watches Grey’s Anatomy and…………. GOSSIP GIRL!!! hahahaha! best. so i get to rant to him about plot twists and stupid characters that should just disappear, cos he watches all the same shows as i do. we watch Heroes too but that information is not as gempak as the fact that he watches Gossip Girl. to those who have been reading my blog for a while now, remember the supermarket series of photos where i was terrorizing the supermarket aisles from inside a trolley? well, my partner-in-crime on that day was none other than Tamtim :P actually, he’s my favorite camwhore partner because he’s so game to do anything. most people just get tired after awhile or they dont want to cause a scene. haih, but causing a scene is when the photos are best! there are very few people who know me inside out, and i think even fewer people who know how to handle me when i’m upset or angry. i dont always agree with what Tamtim has to say, but most of the time it’s a case of him saying what i need to hear, and not what i want to, and even though i get a little bit miffed at first, i always feel much better at the end of the day when i realize that what he says is right. this, among many other reasons - like the fact that he watches Gossip Girl and likes musicals :) - is why i’m so glad that Tamtim and i randomly found each other. we dont just get along, but we get each other, and i think everyone needs a friend like that :) everyone also needs a friend who will help them do their economics homework. hehe! thank you Tamtim! we got the answers back today and you were right about the electronics’ workers wages.. i also found a peer recommendation that he wrote for me for one of the colleges i applied to. i want to share the last line of the letter because i think it’s amazing what foresight Tamtim has and also how well he knows me. in the letter to the college, he says: “Perhaps the only concern I have of her being admitted to your school would be her taking on too many tasks as she has a diverse base of interests and this would put her time management skills to the test”. IT’S SO TRUE OKAY. there are so many things i want to do here, but i’m spreading myself way too thin, and i’m already feeling the massive physical and emotional drain. and i also find the sentence as a whole kinda amusing. haha. it’s very Tamtim to talk like that. ‘as she has a diverse base of interests’… hahahaha damn serious. there’s so much more i could tell you guys about Tamtim, like how he has this weird fascination with Cookie Monster, but it’s already 3 a.m here and i still have lots of work left to do. you know lah, my time management skills are being put to the test wat. so i shall end this post with a snapshot of the little note that Tamtim wrote on the front of the envelope for the postman: shy and anti-social wtf. thank you tamtim for the card! it really did make me smile :) How Could They even though i am far away from home, there is great sorrow in my heart today. Raja Petra Kamaruddin has just been sent to Kamunting to begin his 2-year detention under the ISA, a period which can be indefinitely renewed at the arbitrary wish of the government. i hope and pray for big waves of change in malaysia to come soon. they cannot bully us like this. The Homework i had a mini meltdown earlier today because despite trying so hard, i just couldn’t get the hang of calculus. it’s already been three weeks of class and i still have so much trouble with the work. the lecturer is a nice guy, but he just wasn’t born to teach. i feel a lot of sympathy for him because he’s so unpopular with the classroom, but i feel a lot more sympathy for myself when i look at all the problem sets i have to complete by the weekend. the questions are probably not very difficult, i’m just such an idiot when it comes to math. i’ve been at this all evening, and i still haven’t budged from the one page i started at. heart rate after 42 minutes = 68.5 bpm? it took me an hour to read and understand what i had to do, and another hour trying to figure it out, before i finally got songjun to help me with it. even then, we both couldnt really be sure of the answer. god i hate math so much. and the guy who wrote my textbook should be shot, because it’s the worst and most incomprehensible textbook i’ve ever come across. i never thought i’d say this, but add math is so much easier in comparison. especially when you have a good textbook, a good teacher, a good tutor and Aira. sigh. things like calculus make me wish i was back home, far away from evil things like limits and secants and logarithms. but i guess i simply have to keep reminding myself that homework is just homework, and is a very small part of my new life here. i dont want to cry over calculus ever again. What I Got In The Mail: Envelope 1 & 2 i have been feeling extremely stressed out in the past week. i guess i dont really want to say why because it’s going to sound like i’m making excuses, but sometimes i wish the people who loved me would be a little bit more understanding. or maybe that is an unfair request. but why am i constantly made to feel like i am not good enough? or like i’m not putting in enough effort into this or that, that i am doing things wrongly, that my priorities are muddled. the past week has been full of such claims, and it’s so draining and discouraging. it’s a small thing to get worked up over, i know, but right now my nerves are so fried that i’m hyper-sensitive to just about anything. but something happened a couple of days ago that made me smile :) i finally remembered to check my mailbox to see if i had any letters, and amidst some boring letters from the bank, i found that i had two cards sent to me! those cards totally made my day. then the day after, i got a package in the mail. and today i got another!!! :D so! i’ve decided to start a new blog category titled ‘What I Got In The Mail’ to document the cool things people send me in the mail for as long as i’m here, whether they are postcards, photos, letters, packages or a quick note scribbled on a napkin, haha. it’s going to be my little way of saying an extra thank you to the people who so kindly took the time and effort to send me stuff :)) mail makes me so happy! the first ever package i got ever since i arrived was the one from Chew Fui, which i blogged about here. and since it’s the first package i got, clearly it must precede all else in my brand new category! so this is Envelope 1. Chew Fui sent me: 1 packet of Keebler’s animal crackers (very good!!) 1 packet of Quaker’s granola bites (which Martian finished off while he was still in NY) 2 Rice Krispies treats 1 pack of Pringles pizza stix 1 pack of Kellogg’s Yogos Bits 2 pads of Post-Its and also a card + a lovely photo of her family, with a pack of Pop Rocks taped to it. when i peeled off the Pop Rocks, there was a big smiley face there with ‘it’s kiddo, i know’ written on the card. haha! kiddo indeed!!! i havent had pop rocks in ages. nostalgia nostalgia. back in the day (wtf), each pack used to have these yellow lollipops shaped like feet that we could dip into the pop rocks. best! i met Chew Fui late 2002 when i first started going to church at TMLC. i only went to TMLC for about a year, but made some very good friends there :) we drifted apart after a while though, because i stopped going to TMLC and being the lousy person that i am, didnt keep in touch with most of them except for a few. a few years down the road, one of the TMLC guys, Michael, told me that he shot Chew Fui’s wedding, and he showed me some photos from his camera. i was so surprised to learn that Chew Fui had gotten married!!! and then Michael tells me that she’s moving to America!! this was at a time when i hadn’t even considered going to study in the US. fast forward some more years later, just a couple of days before i was due to fly off to New York, i get an email from Chew Fui saying hi and that i could come visit her when i arrive at the States. it was such a shock to me because i never knew she knew my blog existed, much less be reading it! super cool. i started jumping up and down excitedly when i saw the email, the kind of jumping up and down one does when meeting an old friend again, or when predicting the victory at a writing competition (Andrew :P). Chew Fui, i already said this before, but i’m so glad we found each other again. hahaha. during one of my breaks, imma go visit and take lots of pictures with her baby daughter!!! very cute; in the photo CF sent me, her daughter was half-frowning and half-pouting :D it’s all in the pout, i always say. Envelope 2 didnt really come in an envelope, because it’s a postcard! GUESS WHAT KIND OF POSTCARD! it’s a postcard of Hong Kong!! with a beautiful sunset picture of the harbour. sigh. there are some days when i miss HK loads and wish that i had made more use of the time i had there. the person who sent me the postcard is Mandy, a Malaysian working in HK. we’ve never met, and i dont think she’s ever left a comment or contacted me in any way, which makes the postcard all the more cooler. she says (in very nice penmanship) that she hopes a postcard of one of my favorite places will make me smile. and it definitely did :) it also made me beg Martian to go back with me to HK some time next year *prays mandy, if you are reading this, thank you so much. if you dont mind, i’d like to send you a postcard too, so pls pls do email me your mailing addy. okay that concludes the first ever chapter of What I Got In The Mail :) more soon. Life As A Concave Curve juggling is tough. Blue Skies and Pictures of College it is SO HOT today, i am practically melting into the floor. a bunch of us went for a picnic in Morningside Park nearby, but what little sunday morning enthusiasm we had was quickly worn out by the scorching sun. so we sat around playing some half-hearted frisbee (what is this Ultimate Frisbee thing?) and lazily debated the virtues of aspartame in a fake cola drink. then we trudged home. lazily. pictures of my campus because the weather has been nice enough lately to produce some photos of vast blue skies!: #1 this is a picture of College Walk, which is the quad area of the campus. i put my foot there to signify that i was in an elevated position! i was actually sitting on a really tall wall that has a statue at the end, under which is a secret spot of sublime shade and people-watching opportunity. actually it’s not very secret - lots of people love to sit and study under that statue. me included. my only gripe is that the statue isnt very pleasant to lean on cos it’s got all these painful statue-vertebra jutting out of it. and i also am always half afraid of falling off the wall :( #2 from the other side of College Walk. that huge neoclassical building in the background is where that tall wall is #3 and this is the building! it’s called Low Memorial Library, but it’s no longer a library. it’s an admin building now. it’s huge, prominent and smack in the middle of campus. #4 people usually meet and hang out on the steps of Low cos it’s nice and sunny, and is right in the midst of everything. that’s good ol’ Alma, who also provides good shade! #5 Low Steps when school started #6 and this is Butler Library! i havent yet been in there, but from what i hear, come exam season and study breaks, people camp out at the doors so that they can secure a good study place. i think i will eventually have to join them in line, because the cafes around college are so busy that they dont really let you study in there, and the closest Starbucks has harsh lighting. i miss Starbucks Telawi, the most perfect study place on earth :( #7 these are two of the residence halls! mine is the one on the right. the sky in this pic is so blue it’s surreal #8 the lawns outside my hall. also a good place to sit and study. or sunbathe in bikinis, as many people have been doing. i’m not sure if this is common practice, because when i got here, already a handful of girls were laying out blankets and tanning in bikinis. so i thought this was normal (hahaha in Malaysia confirm kena suspend), and thought of doing the same to even out my tan, but then the other day i overheard a couple of people saying that people who tan on the green should stick to the beach. hmm! such confusing americanisms. but i’m learning. #9 this is the Mathematics building, where i take my Econ and Calculus classes. buildings here are funny; they dont always open up to the first floor. the Math building opens to the third floor at ground level! #10 and that’s Havemeyer, another building of classrooms #11 The Lion, a symbol of Columbia. our collective athletic teams are called The Columbia Lions. our official color is a beautiful light sky blue :D #12 the fountain at the quad, where Scarlett Johansson’s character was last seen contemplating a postgrad degree at Columbia in The Nanny Diaries. a little bit further up from here is Hamilton Hall, where i have my Italian classes, and also where the protest scene in Across The Universe (which is an amazing movie) was filmed #13 spot the flag! :D this was taken during convocation (convocation here is not graduation, but is instead the welcoming of new students). i’m the only Malaysian international for this intake, though i’ve met two other Malaysian-Americans who mostly grew up here in the States. #14 the Pupin building, which is wayyyyyy on the other end of campus, where i have my Literature Humanities classes. my Lit Hum teacher looks so much like Renee Zellweger… #15 St Paul’s Chapel. it’s beautiful on the inside. behind it is Casa Italiana and beside it is Maison Francaise, though i forgot to take pictures of these two. from what i know, they function as some kind of mini Italian and French embassies on campus, where you can go to for information or research on both countries. #16 the inside of St Paul’s #17 more green. grass here is really different from back home.. you can sit on it and not get your bottom dirty or wet! #18 the dining hall in my residence hall. i’ve discovered that the food’s not too bad! the other day they had chinese food… jasmine rice (but they put green peas in the rice O_O) and sweet and sour pork!!! the pork tasted just like what we get back home #19 this was taken during a large Activities Fair on campus, where all the clubs, sports teams and societies would set up recruitment booths. i signed up for SO many mailing lists, but i still dont know what i want to do. i’ve shortlisted ballroom dancing, performing arts, figure skating, parliamentary debate (which has to be taken off the list because i decided not to go for the tryouts today :( sigh i immensely regret this), model united nations, political science group, the south east asian league. #20 i followed it but didnt find anything absurd :\ #21 College Walk again. oh! that red brick building would be Maison Francaise #22 the side of Low Library #23 a really funny poster i saw on campus during activities recruitment week… hahahaha i laughed so hard more to come soon! i havent actually explored very much of campus, but when i do, more pictures shall come. i really have so many things to blog about but i dont know where to start. not just about my new life here, but also things that are going on back home. i’ve also been getting more and more emails regarding US college applications, and most of them seem to be asking the same questions about how to navigate the forms, how to write the application essays, and how to increase chances of admission into the Ivy League. so to any college applicants reading this, would you guys like me to write a walkthrough post on the whole entire process and also some tips and advice for essays and constructing your application? i give good advice :D leave me a comment if you do. if enough people want it, i’ll do the post. okay, homework time :( i have another 3 calculus problem sets to finish. I Am Speechless i am absolutely speechless. a politician makes racist remarks, calling all chinese in Malaysia squatters and akin to ‘American Jews’, and upon causing an outcry refuses to apologize, saying that he did no wrong… is allowed to walk free with nothing but a mere 3-year suspension from UMNO. but a journalist, who first picked up on the news and reported it, was detained under the ISA today. article here. the Internal Security Act (ISA) is a form of detention without trial, for a maximum of 2 years, but this period of 2 years can be renewed indefinitely. a detainee is held incommunicado for the first 60 days and is allowed no contact with the outside world, be it family or legal representatives. it is a blatant abuse of basic human rights, and a convenient tool for the government to shut up anyone who’s saying anything that they dont like. there is something very, very, very wrong if a POLITICIAN who makes RACIST STATEMENTS AND THREATS is protected by the law. Times Square Shines As Bright As You i woke up today to many long emails in my inbox, from friends and strangers alike, all offering encouragement, support and their own LDR success stories, following my comments-off post from yesterday. even till now the mails are still coming in. thank you :) i’m feeling so much better and a lot less lonely now. you all are so cool! i loved reading the success stories the best, many of them about long years apart and finally ending in marriage, or high school sweethearts who are still together to this day. stories like these fill me with so much hope and encouragement. and it’s always so interesting to hear how different couples have navigated the arduous LDR process! webcams and skype are everyone’s best friend, it seems :D today was a good day and i was kept reasonably busy. got caught in a sudden downpour at one point and missed a class because it was all the way at the other end of campus and i didnt have an umbrella. all my books got wet too :( i cant wait to go umbrella shopping and buy the cutest umbrella there is. and a pair of colorful wellingtons to splosh around in! i also signed up to tryout for the Parliamentary Debate team here at college.. but i’m not sure yet if i like the american parliamentary style. it’s two-a-side and the opposition is unaware of the motion until the government start speaking. it’s a challenging format that displays excellent rhetoric, but at the expense of structure and in some cases, substance. oh wells, i will give it a shot anyway :) i’m going to be in my element because talking fast (something that i always gravitate towards despite harsh rebuke from previous trainers) in american parli is a good thing, but i already foresee myself having a big problem talking fast without segueing into Manglish. over here, they dont understand me when i speak with a Malaysian accent :( speaking in an American accent is fine, but it can be tiring. i dont know if i’m up to debating in a whole new accent.. and after a lot of thought, i decided not to write for any papers. i’m also going to do some form of dance, but i’m not sure which. either that or figure skating. or maybe equestrian. and i also signed up for the surfing club, hahaha! there’s no Malaysian club here so i joined the South East Asian League. oh and the Singaporean Club had a durian at their booth!!! i squealed and tried to eat it. i also meant to take some photos of my campus to show, but the skies were so gloomy today. so, another time maybe. but for now i will show you pictures of Times Square!! it’s an amazing place with so much to see and do, and i will definitely be blogging more about Times Square when i have the chance to explore all its nooks and crannies! #1 one of those ubiquitous hot dog stands #2 hot dog with relish, kraut, ketchup and onions! yummm :D #3 we went to watch Little Mermaid the Musical on Broadway. sigh! see my excited face!! i am swooning just recalling it. it is an excellent musical and adaptation of the Disney movie. trust me when i say the story is better than in the movie. and i say this despite the movie being my favorite Disney show of all time. will blog more about this soon, or maybe after i’ve watched a few more Broadway shows #4 Times Square at night #5 posing ala deodarant! #6 this guy and his bunch of friends saw me doing that and started imitating me in their own photos. hahaha so funny. so i snapped a pic of him! #7 and then we took a photo together! #8 me and Martian :) stupid Bank of America sign bleached the whole photo red. #9 in Times Square, even the subway station is lit up with neon signs.. #10 as well as the McDonalds!! even the police station here is done up in neon signs. #11 EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE ^_________^ #12 Martian made me do this -_- apparently because i pout a lot in photos. YA MEH WHERE GOT #13 ‘The TShirt’. only as common as the phrase “New York, New York” #14 this spray paint artist (among many others) was doing such an amazing job. that piece of work on the table was done solely using spray cans, some round covers for the planets and a little piece of cardboard that he used to ’scrape’ out the outline of the buildings. so talented #15 while we were watching the artist, suddenly all these cops started running past us O_O and running VERY quickly too! our first NYPD-in-action sighting!!! besides the men on foot, several cop cars quickly blocked all traffic at the intersection. just to nab this one woman in a tight black dress and heels. i was so impressed that they actually caught her! the above photo is them shoving her into their vehicle. i’m so curious to know what she did… #16 back to being happy after the NYPD action was over #17 i seriously wonder how much it costs to place an ad on that tall skinny building in the middle #18 a totally accidental pose, i swear!!! Martian’s just very good at capturing moments #19 but i’m better :D my favorite photo of the night. okay gotta go! have to finish Italian homework. folks back home, please eat some mooncake for me! Alone Now Martian just left New York to go home. he got on the plane 50 minutes ago. how do i put my feelings into words? i cant breathe. i’m really scared. i’m really, really scared. he’s no longer just a 5 hour bus ride away. what do i do when i cant sleep? what do i do when i need him to hold my hand? how do i find my way around the NYC subway without him? who do i look for when i need to cry? have i been wrong to have lived the past 2 years so quickly and so ungratefully? am i being coherent? i cant think straight. i was okay at first but then i found a goodbye card he secretly left for me inside my NYC guidebook. and now i am a wreck. i am a broken, sad, teary, angry, regretful, frightened wreck. i feel so lost. i feel exactly how i felt two weeks ago when we argued at Times Square and i stormed off and got lost on the subway. but two weeks ago, he was still in the same city and i could run into his arms and say i was sorry. it was so easy and so convenient and so lucky of me. i’ve never been a long distance person. i’ve never been good at it. how do i do this? Things I Learnt About College And NYC Part 1 10 things i learned in my 2 weeks here. this is Part 1. many more to come in the 4 years i am spending here, i predict. 1. tap water here is drinkable, but tastes so bad when boiled. i’ve made 3 mugs of milo since i got here, and each one tasted reminiscent of chocolate-flavored swimming pool water. i have been unfairly blaming this phenomenon on the milo powder, thinking it some counterfeit version of the good stuff i am used to, but yesterday out of frustration i decided to stick a spoonful of it into my mouth, and found it tasting very much like the real thing. hmm! after some more experiments, i deduced the culprit to be the boiled water. so now i buy really big and cheap bottles of water to boil when i want milo. 2. that i would need sunblock. you know that tan i got after the Pulau Perhentian trip? ya the tan that caused my own mother to not recognize me when i opened the door for her. so i only recently managed to get rid of half of it, so i was almost fair again right before i left KL, and very happy about it too… but after 2 weeks in this hot US summer sun, i look roasted once again. it’s not fair (literally!!! haha.. ha.. ha..), it really isnt. i thought the east coast was supposed to be the land of pasty people wrapped up in winter coats :( but my collegemates tell me with much seriousness to enjoy the sun while it’s still here. they look so solemn that i feel pressured into believing them. hence, the new tan. 3. that i will need an American credit card to buy stuff online (actually, just a Macbook so far, but i’m guessing that other American companies would also require a credit card with an American bank too?) and that AT&T prepaid lines cannot be used to call and text internationally. haih. but it said on the flyer that i can call and text internationally….. =( 4. that there is SO MUCH WALKING to do. my dorm is actually on the furthest south end of the school, and almost all of my classes are at the furthest north end of campus. i walk on average 5000 miles every day, and if you think this is exaggeration, i can assure you it is not. every night, my feet cry themselves to sleep. i’m so glad i brought several pairs of flats, but i wish i’d brought more. high heels have absolutely no use here except on party nights, because even outside of campus there’s a lot of walking and subwaying to be done. sigh. 5. textbooks are expensive. you know how in college back home, you can either photostat an entire textbook for something like RM 20 or buy a used copy for RM 50? here, used and new copies are between USD 160 - 250. no, i’m not joking. a college student here could feed a small third world country with the amount of money spent buying books in one semester. case in point: my Italian textbook cost me USD 230. that’s RM 782 for ONE. TEXTBOOK. please shoot me - i feel like i have done myself an incredible injustice. luckily, Beaver introduced me to Half.com, so i will never again have to buy overpriced textbooks from my market-monopolizing college bookstore. now i just have to starve a couple of months to make up for that exorbitant RM 782 textbook. 6. that the stupid Benjamin Franklin statue in UPenn that i sat on (pictured in below post) is a common peeing spot for the drunken. nice, very nice. (and just for the record, i dont go to UPenn!) 7. that you have to run early to the floor lounge if you want to watch a certain tv show. Monday nights for Gossip Girl are fine because almost EVERYONE on my floor watches Gossip Girl. yes, even the guys, but actually i think they just sit there to mock us girls screaming when GG starts. we’re so excited for Gossip Girl that night that we even bring cushions and popcorn and stuff. but Wednesday nights for America’s Next Top Model, not so lucky, because there are a couple of people here who watch Project Runway that airs at the same time, and if this week was any indication, they are ruthless when it comes to not budging or sharing the remote. but i swear to God if anyone stops me from watching Grey’s Anatomy when it comes on in late September, i will kill that person. NOTHING comes between me and McDreamy. /fierce stare 8. tipping (and tipping well) is the explicitly stated #1 rule in NYC’s moral code. Waiter Rant wasnt kidding. 9. that New York City is not safe. i’ve been getting a lot of emails from friends who live or used to live here, and most of them tell me to be careful, especially at night in the subway stations where girls often get mugged. i’ve always kinda had their warnings at the back of my head, but never really believed them… but yesterday night Martian and i were followed from the back by this homeless nutter on a bicycle. it was so scary because it was at 1 in the morning, there was nobody around, and he’d trailed us all the way from a 24/7 eatery that we’d just left. he started circling around us on his bike, muttering stuff and at one point said to us, “i’m gonna get you motherfuckers!” WTF O_O we started walking really quickly to a brighter street because we were all alone in this dark street, but he still kept following us. then someone came out from a nearby store to take out the trash, and he quickly turned around and cycled away. so scary T___T i was so glad that Martian was there with me. i dont think i’m EVER going to walk around NYC by myself after this :( 10. people here walk around campus in their pajamas. i shall too. and some random updates: i got my first package in the mail!! i got the email notification in my inbox, and i was so excited to go over to the mail center to collect the package. it was from Chew Fui :D she sent me some American snacks from her kitchen, along with some post-its (yay, i am a total post-its user and i havent bought any yet) and a lovely picture of her and her family in Virginia. thank you chew fui!!! i loved the animal crackers.. :D ooh and i just found out the other day that my college sells bubble tea. i saw this girl happily slurping a cup of very asian-looking tea and tapioca pearls, and i just about jumped on her to ask her where she got it. Cafe East at the lobby of Lerner Hall, said she, slightly frightened. and with this information, i am now happily aslurping too! milk tea with pearls two days ago, mango with pearls yesterday, honey jasmine with pearls today. and it’s even better than the stuff back home! unbelievable, i know. my classes this semester : Literature Humanities (we’re reading The Iliad right now), Frontiers of Science - a compulsory class which i thought would be lame but my professor is this really awesome guy so i think this class may just be fun, Elementary Italian, Calculus I and Principles of Economics. i could have placed out of the latter two classes because i did those in college, but then i decided not to because the syllabi may be different. but seeing how expensive textbooks are here, i just may place out. i’m trying to finish up The Iliad but Martian is here in my room disturbing me. how to study like this? is this why all those church groups used to warn us against BGR? Here It Is here it is. the first of many to come. The Tale Of The Flatiron And Other Stories at the foot of the Flatiron building - a famed and historical structure in Fifth Avenue NYC - at a little past midnight yesterday, shortly after i attempted to put up a good struggle but lost: Martian: sigh. look at it, baby. isn’t it wonderful? Me: um why is it so special.. it’s just a triangular building.. Martian: *goes off into a spiel about the building’s history* blablabla considered one of the first skyscrapers ever in the world blablablabla insert something about the wind blablabla Me: it’s only cool cos it has M.A.C on the ground floor. HEY i wonder if makeup here is cheaper!!! Martian: …. little things like the above conversation always snake their way into my days to remind me of just how different Martian and i are, and also to make me smile. to most people, this little snippet of lovers’ dialogue must mean nothing, but it’s precious to me. i really like how Martian and i share things and do things together, even though we dont necessarily enjoy it. this Flatiron building for instance - Martian has been insisting for the past week that he absolutely must show me this building, otherwise he can’t sleep. i still dont know why he likes it so much; apparently it was an architectural wonder back in its day, but i played along anyway because he was just so excited about it. in the same way, he probably doesnt understand why i like musicals so much and why i cried buckets while watching The Little Mermaid on Broadway earlier tonight, yet still brings me to these shows and sits through them even though he hates them. nevertheless, here’s the Flatiron. it’s actually triangular but you cant really tell from this picture: anyway i also want to say that Martian and i have moved up one significant rung on the metaphorical relationship ladder! this happened a few weeks ago, and i apologize for keeping so quiet about this, but i just wanted to figure out the best way to break the news to everyone, especially my parents. and after a lot of thought, i have realized that there is no better way to do this than to just be frank. after all, the whole point is that this means Martian and i are closer than ever, and that is a good thing. so… what’s happened is that… Martian now unabashedly wipes his boogers on me. i’m not farking joking. he used to be so shy about it, but now when he doesnt have any tissue after picking his nose, he’ll just, like, wipe it on me. and then he laughs. he doesnt even care if i’m wearing a new top. is this supposed to be cute? is this supposed to be endearing? is this what happens after two people see each other for too long? i will never know the answer. so i just wipe my boogers back on him. a couple of photos from last weekend, when my aunt took me to visit UPenn: 1. this is the Broken Button at Penn. Yau tells me that people apparently have sex underneath it… o__O 2. i tried to climb up onto that platform to take a photo with the statue of Benjamin Franklin, but it was quite high up so it was a bit difficult. while i was trying to climb up, campus security drove over in a little cart and started honking at me -_- then they started following me around -_- what is this!!! i wasnt damaging property or anything… 3. sigh so i had to content myself with a boring picture of sitting on the lap of another Ben Franklin statue.. which i’m sure EVERYBODY has done before… -_- *grumpy 4. you know you are Malaysian when you are very amused by things like this and MUST take a photo with it. happy merdeka everyone!! 5. and lastly, spotted at the Philadelphia Museum of Art - a funny rendition of The Scream by a 15-year-old girl called Danielle. What It Means To Be Malaysian Happy Merdeka, everyone! a bit late where you guys are, i know, but it’s still the 31st here. i had this really long Merdeka Day post drafted out in my head, but it’s a nice sunday afternoon and after a delectable lunch of mystery meat with gray gravy from the dining hall, i’m feeling too comfortably sleepy and lazy to do anything, much less kick my brain into action to write a long essay. but just to lessen the degree of my laziness, i will tell you the title of my Merdeka Day post that is now never to be. it was supposed to be called ‘What It Means To Be Malaysian’. being Malaysian, i think, will have a whole different meaning for me now that i am abroad. it’s too early now to say just how different, but it’s only been a week and already i’m feeling the slight shifts in momentum. for instance, news were so accessible back home, and conversations about the latest national or local issues happened so often because everyone knew what was going on or at the very least, were interested to know. i felt close to these issues; i knew them well and i was comfortable speaking my mind. but over here, i worry about misrepresenting Malaysia to a bunch of people who already think that Malaysia is a country of political assassination, high crime rate, errant cab drivers, racial injustice and human rights oppression. and the sad thing is, these opinions arent unfounded. i am torn between admitting that they are right (and they are), or pulling out the old ‘yes well, but not everyone in Malaysia is like that..’ line. would it be unpatriotic for me to do the former? and conversely, would grasping at straws to paint a better picture of Malaysia cause me to misrepresent the country? we had a discussion the other day about classroom culture in our respective countries. they asked those of us who were encouraged to speak up in class and debate with their teachers to stand on one side of the room, and those of us who were brought up to NOT challenge our teachers to stand on the other side. on the other side, it was just me, one kid from Corea and four kids from China. the rest of the room, and that’s something like 40 people, were on the side where they were encouraged from young to speak up in class and challenge their teachers to nurture individuality and critical thinking. some people later asked me to explain why i was on that side of the room, and i said something like, “in Malaysia, they say they want you to speak up and form your own opinions, but when you do it, especially when you say something in disagreement with a teacher, they think you are disrespectful or speaking out of turn.” back in high school, i actually did not speak up much in class, because well, NOBODY spoke up much in class.. but i remember during the times that i did, i would get remarks like “you cikgu ke saya cikgu?” (are you the teacher or am i the teacher?) or impatient looks. also, i remember how we were generally not encouraged to engaged in discussion. teachers come in, write on the whiteboard and blab to a bunch of faces, give homework and leave. they are friendly with us and everything, but in the classroom, they dont ask us what we think, they dont encourage us to speak up if we have differing opinions, they dont make it a learner-centric environment. it’s pure regurgitation from one source to another. this is my view on our education back home. and i shared it with my new collegemates who were very baffled that such a system was meant to educate and shape young people’s minds. and then i felt uncomfortable after that, and i wondered if i should have said all that, or if i should have sugarcoated anything. what would people think of Malaysia now? the truth? is that a bad thing or a good thing? for every day that i’ve been here, the first thing i do when i wake up in the morning is check my email and read Malaysiakini. i always introduce myself as Su Ann from Malaysia, and i make sure that my new friends call me by Su Ann and not some truncated version. i brought a big Malaysian flag to pin up on my wall. i’m always happy to talk about Malaysia, both the good things and the bad. i brought lots of Malaysian food to share and cook if there are going to be cook-outs. i am always polite and i force myself to talk even when i’m too tired to hold conversations or simply dont feel like speaking, because i dont want people to think that Malaysians are unfriendly or unsociable, or that Malaysians cant be intelligent because they are products of a discouraging education system. over here, i’m not just me.. i’m also a Malaysian. like i said earlier, it’s too early for me to tell what it means to be Malaysian over here in NYC, but i’m sure it will be clearer and clearer to me as i navigate the next 4 years. and it’s going to be an adventure :) i spent my Merdeka Day in Philadelphia (a city in the neighboring state Pennsylvania) with Martian and my aunt. i was soooooooooo happy because my aunt took us out for Malaysian food in this restaurant called Banana Leaf!!!!!! what we had: roti canai, which was crispier and thinner than what we’re used to back home. something like roti tisu, but tastes exactly like roti canai! gooooooood hainanese chicken rice. awesome rice, but the chicken was just a tad drowned in soy sauce. nasi lemak with the best achar ever!!!!!! this brought tears to my eyes *emo char kway teow!!!!!!! kangkung belacan, which i just HAD to have cos i missed it so much. this is my favorite vegetable dish of all time. i was so happy they had this on the menu…! cendol with real gula melaka… *heart* sigh so blissful. it was such a good dinner. everything tasted like the real thing back home. over dinner, my aunt told me that it was surprising that i was homesick, and that she thought i was the last person to be. well.. i definitely dont hate the fact that i’m here in America and away from home; i love it actually. i love all the new things and the excitement of change, the fact that i’m going to be learning so much and i’m going to be seeing a lot of things that i’ve never seen before and that will change my outlook on life forever. i am always going to be grateful for this opportunity that i got. but the thing is.. my life back home was great. so of course i will miss it. i had a lot of freedom to do anything i wanted, school was easy, i made my own money, i had family who were always there for me no matter what, i had real and true friends who loved and supported me and are so much fun to hang out with, i could see Martian so often, i knew exactly where to go if i needed to buy something, i knew my own city inside out.. everything was familiar. i didnt want for anything, because i had everything i could possibly want. i had so much love and everything was just at my fingertips. and that’s what i miss. i miss the love, the warmth and comfort and the accessibility of everything. that’s why i’m homesick. of course, i do know that i’m now in an exciting new place that is bursting with possibilities, opportunities, uniqueness and also love.. but it’s different. i know i’m going to be very happy for the next 4 years, and i will have so much to share about NYC and America here in my blog, but at the back of my head, i will always miss Malaysia. i will always still want to know what’s going on back home, i will always be more than happy to talk about my country to people who are unfamiliar with it, and i will always be glad to talk in Manglish to any fellow Malaysians i happen to come across. there really is no place like home. Happy 51st Birthday, Malaysia :) guess i wasnt so lazy to write this post after all! With Love From New York i write this in a mild state of shock - a direct effect of the sudden imposed revamping of my linguistic hard-wiring. i used to think that if i ever moved to the US or the UK, i would be able to quickly and smoothly adapt to the local lingo, owing to the fact that i read a lot and talk often to friends of both countries, but after four days here, i find that i have been grossly presumptuous about my adapting capabilities. it’s not as easy as reminding yourself to say ‘kleenex’ everytime you want tissue; instead, it is about being totally cautious about what multiple names any given item may have, and then running through your head what would be the American name for it. here, it is ‘elevator’, never ‘lift’. those nametags you hang around your neck during orientation or events? it’s called a badge. ‘faucet’, not ‘tap’. and like, no sentence is complete without throwing in the word ‘like’ as a precursor to like, your articulation of ideas. i observe and soak up these idiosyncrasies with intrigue and bright eyes. yet at the back of my head, i still miss saying, ‘what lah you!’. so it’s my fourth day here in New York and i must say that things are getting very exciting. i was so tired for the first couple of days because it was non-stop speed-socializing on top of all the unpacking and settling down, and it was hard to even get a moment of alone time because everyone here is so chatty and eager to make friends. dorm room doors here are mostly left often, so people can walk in and out as they please, looking at your books and eating your cookies or whatever. that’s fine by me, but i must admit that my room door has been mostly closed, simply because i still need my me-time to do my own stuff without having to make small talk every now and then. small talk is easy, i know, but believe me it gets so exhausting when you have to repeat the same stuff about yourself every 5 minutes. however, listening to (probably repeated every 5 minutes too) stuff about my new schoolmates is a whole different thing altogether. i absolutely love it. there are so many different kinds of people here, all of whom are extremely bright and talented individuals with the most diverse hobbies and backgrounds. i met this girl who’s a contortionist on rope - basically a gymnast who does all sorts of stunts on a rope suspended high off the floor. she showed me pictures of some of her performances and i was totally awestruck at how unique her hobby was. then there’s this guy who builds robots in his free time, and he once built a small machine that would run off on wheels with his alarm clock every time the alarm goes off, just so that he would have to get out of bed and hunt it down, awakening himself in the process. damn cool right? and there are many others with equally interesting stories. mine sound bleak in comparison, but the odd thing is, everytime i talk about myself, the focal point of the conversation always falls on malaysian politics. almost everyone i’ve spoken to knows about malaysia and our politics. the first few times it happened, i was so fascinated, because i was expecting to say things like, ‘oh we’re north of singapore’. of course, Anwar is the most well-known topic among them, and one guy even knew about the Permatang Pauh win. the best part was when i was explaining the social contract to someone, and i used the word ‘indigenous’ in place of bumiputera.. and the girl sitting next to her piped up and told her friend, “oh the term is ‘bumis’” :O words fail me. i feel an urge to go read up on Venezuelan politics now. thanks to everyone who’s emailed or MSNed me to ask how things are, or left me supportive comments on my blog. i’ve been good. tired, like i said, but very good. i’ve been settling down well. when i first got here, my aunt came to pick me up at JFK armed with this huge box of stuff that i really needed, like voltage converters, adapters, snacks, water bottles, mug, tissue kleenex and vitamins. then she took me to buy furniture and things for my dorm room. and yesterday she called me to ask if i wanted a rice cooker or a water boiler! she truly is an angel :D and then of course, Martian came here with me to help ease the transition and to give me extra luggage allowance!!! he’s staying at a nearby hotel and checking out museums while i’m at school, but he’s gonna be leaving soon :( i feel very thankful that he came with me though. i feel less lonely and homesick knowing that he’s just a few blocks away from me, and of course it’s so good to be able to spend some more time with him. and speaking of luggage allowance, i really wish i had brought more stuff because i had something like an additional 20kgs that i didn’t use. should have brought Pooch, more shoes, more photos and more bags :( i really miss Pooch! (he’s this stuffed dog that Martian bought me, btw) and while i dont have my American phone number yet (soon, soon! i decided on AT&T), what i do have is my mailing address! so if any of you guys wanna drop me a postcard or a letter, which i would really really love, the address is : Su Ann Lim 5771 Lerner Hall 2920 Broadway New York, NY 10027-8358 United States of America i’m thinking i’m going to get my mom to courier Pooch to me :D along with lots of Maggi. dining hall food is balls. i’ve been eating nothing but apples and pretzels since i got here :( oh but yesterday Martian took me to Little Italy for pasta so that was good. and just to give you guys a gauge of how truly expensive NYC cabs are, a 20-minute ride from my college to Little Italy cost us 22 dollars, inclusive of a 2 dollar tip. that’s an RM 75 cab ride!!! oh the trauma! we swore never to take another cab in NYC again :\ the subway is cool but still a bit foreign to me, which is why i got lost coming back from Times Square. wuwuwu! and uncharacteristically, i dont actually have any photos of my college! hahaha! i just realized that myself. have been so busy running around that i totally forgot to take pictures. but i will take many in due time. for now, i will just have to show you the only photo i have, which is a snapshot of one page from the used copy of The Iliad i bought from my school’s bookstore. the former owner basically annotated the pages with his own contemporary interpretation of the verses: oh and i am changing the timestamp on my blog to NY time! i’m exactly 12 hours behind you guys, and it’s almost 7pm now, which means it’s time for a quick dinner before the next orientation event. sigh. i miss lots of things already. Sigh I’m writing this on my phone now while waiting to board. I’ve got a lot of things to say, like how my wardrobe looks so empty now, and how i had to choose between indomee and maggi, and how deciding what to bring was so much easier than i thought it would be, and how saying bye to everyone at the escalator in klia was so much harder than i thought it would be… but everyone in the lounge has boarded and i’m still here typing into my phone frantically, so i guess a lot of things will just have to be left unsaid. Bye bye :( The Last Leg Of Things i usually sit in the lounge at the lower deck when i take the bus back from singapore, because the seats are wider and a lot comfier, and also because there’s usually no one else there, which means i get unadulterated peace and quiet. it’s also great being able to pick whatever movie i want. but sometimes i’m not so lucky, and i get a hollering bunch of kids who in between jumping up and down the seats, fight with each other (ignoring the fact that i could put up a good fight too) over which movie to watch. i long to tell them that there really is not much of a difference between Balls of Fury and Talladega Nights; they’re both lame. but then again when i was younger i really liked Mars Attack so who am i to pass commentary. then there is the occasional lone guy who tries to keep a tete-a-tete going even though i pointedly keep staring at my book (which then gets: oh hey that’s a really good book, i read that a few years ago, have you gotten to the part where he meets the sheep man, oh you havent oh i’m sorry did i spoil it for you, but even so another book you have to check out is blablablablabla) or loudly exclaiming how i’m so tired (yeah me too haih life is so difficult these days study study study then after school have to work like a dog to earn money hey what do you do anyway? i actually run my own business blablablabla), but much to my chagrin, i sometimes find myself being very curiously drawn into these conversations. then there’s also the guy who talks too loudly and too long on his mobile phone. or worse yet, the guy who’s far too generous with his bodily gases and isn’t ashamed of it. but the other day, i encountered a new species of lounge partners: The Caucasian Expat! there were four of them - an american couple and an australian couple - and they’d all been working in Malaysia for 3 years. throughout the entire 5 hour ride to singapore, they talked about Malaysia and all the gritty comparisons that will inevitably come to anyone who’s lived in another country besides Malaysia. it started when the american lady expressed her disdain at the service in Malaysian hospitals, but the australian lady said that when she was at Gleneagles, the service was wonderful - “they even gave me little sandwiches and drinks and everything, but i suppose that was because it was a case of ‘hello, white person!’”, and ended with the american man saying with much sprightliness, “coming into singapore from malaysia is like getting out of a jungle and being welcomed into civilization” upon arrival at the Singaporean immigration. many other topics were touched on in between, ranging from our political situation and our taxis to the state of our toilets and our currency. (my favorite phrase of the day was: “it’s okay to pay extra, after all it’s only ringgit. the ringgit is like leaves off a tree!”) mostly these things made me sad, but i didnt know if it was because some of the things they said were glaring truths, or if i was upset that these foreigners had such a bleak view of my country. maybe a bit of both. i’m two days away from leaving, and i feel like there’s so much left to KL that i havent even seen or fully absorbed. i’m going to be taking away with me only fragments of a big picture, only such small pieces of this city that i grew up in. there are a lot of things i havent done, and many of these things wont fit in a suitcase. it’s been a very melancholic couple of weeks. i know i will eventually come back one day, and there will always be summer breaks, but there’s just a lot that i will be missing out on. four years is such a long time to be away. it’s going to be a time so pregnant with events, opportunities, big things happening to loved ones, new restaurants, stories, political change, exams, weddings, graduations… and i wont be here to see any of these. sigh. i dont care what anyone says.. skype just isnt the same as being there in person. i’ve been frantically eating all sorts of malaysian food over the last week. all my final meetups have been done over delicious things like a piping hot claypot bowl of bak kut teh or my favorite teochew porridge in pudu. yknow, the things i will miss. i really gotta have that SS15 rojak and a really good bowl of curry laksa before i leave. tonight: nasi lemak antarabangsa with Martian! and tomorrow, chili pan mee with the nuffnang folks! though some of my friends are being cheeky. remember the New York Cheesecake sieutheng and the bunch got me for my farewell party? last week, i wanted to eat chili pan mee for my farewell lunch with the nuffnang boys, but they took me to this place called Yellow Cab Pizza instead, and ordered these pizzas called ‘New York’s Finest’ and ‘Manhattan Meat Madness’. then just yesterday, edmund passed me a box of Big Apple Donuts from his sisters, with a note attached - “Preparing you for the onslaught!” hahaha so cute all these people. i heart. a picture from my farewell dinner with waifon, albert, skyler, arthur and nazrul, because it’s the cutest pic ever! arthur was teaching us a rude sign, so we all decided to take a photo with various rude signs: the guy who’s seated second from the left is arthur, and he and i go way back :D one day i’ve gotta tell you guys the story of arthur and i. hahaha it’s a barrel of laughs. “i hate fish” hahahaha okay shhhhh dowan to spoil it. waifon is on the furthest left and she is seriously the most sweetly garang person you will ever meet. it’s hard to explain :P albert is behind me doing this very complicated series of rude motions with his hands. i met him at this play called Endgame, and i was very amused to see his confused and completely mind-boggled face after the show. i swear his eyes were glazed hahaha. nazrul is second from right, and he is one of the coolest guys ever. nazrul, i’m so glad we met :) skyler is on the furthest right, and working with her was a truly fun experience because there’s just so. much. to talk about! she’s also damn angsty wan, as you can see from her blog :P and here’s the luggage bag i just bought. it’s so humongous that i can curl up in it, and there’s still extra space. and once i fill it with all the shoes and bags i plan on bringing, i hope i figure out where to put all the rest of my stuff :\ so many things to bring, so little luggage space. and dorm room space, too :( apparently i only get 110 sq feet. i’m going to be a mouse! Plurking My Days Away hellohelloe! in between crazed attempts to cram my entire room into two suitcases, teary final meetings with loved ones as well as other frantic preparations for a long 4 years away in the US of A, i am here to introduce to you all the best ever micro-blogging tool i’ve had the pleasure of using [...] The Sparrow i worry for the state of the world if loneliness is left to fester in the hearts of people, if education continues to be inaccessible to some, if the first thing on people’s minds is to always be cynical of good intentions, if there are people who misuse good intentions, if psychopaths can freely roam the earth without a huge warning sign above their heads, if carbon emissions and cruelty are allowed to permeate the air, if bad air never gets cleared up, if the police are self-employed, if the first reaction to potental threat is to wage war first, and finally, if the wrongest people continue to hold power and recognition. with all this going on and perhaps a lot more that i blissfully remain ignorant of, i don’t imagine it impossible that the world will explode should a sparrow land on the tip of the planet. i worry when i wake up. i fret before i sleep. but at the end of the day, the burning question remains: what can one person do? Knots the air conditioner keeps switching on and off by itself; that never used to happen. are there many things that will subsequently change, i cant help but ask myself. today i packed all my clothes, shoes and vagabond earrings and scrunchies into a bag and left, leaving the cardkey on the shelf. i must admit i was a little upset by the vehemence, but we cant all be sentimental packrats. i did leave my pink bathrobe behind, but i’m not sure if i will see this place again, because, well, many things can happen in short spans of time, and i want to be prepared. for things like.. the shining, leonidas chocolates, radiohead songs. tomorrow i am going shopping for a really big luggage bag. it sounds like an easy task, but it’s really not. Pinkpau’s Guide to Hong Kong every now and then, i get emails from friends and strangers asking for recommendations of places to go and things to do in Hong Kong. what i usually do is forward them all a copy of an email i hastily wrote a while ago, but for a while now i’ve been thinking of doing up a proper list of the to-do’s in Hong Kong. and i finally did! it’s not going to be the best and most comprehensive list ever, because after all this is just one person’s opinion, but hopefully it will be somewhat helpful for all you folks who are planning a trip to HK anytime soon :) and if you haven’t been there yet, please do go!!! it’s an amazing city and i absolutely love it. given the choice, i would live and work there. The List, in no particular order: To Do 1. Mongkok Mongkok is, to me, the essence of HK more than any other place. it is loud neon signs, street food stalls on the sidewalks, markets, throngs of people rushing some place, char chan tengs (cafes), traditional medicine shops, DVD stores and clothing stores all crammed into one very haphazard and bustling zone, yet still retaining the gritty and rustic charm of old Hong Kong. so amazing. you cannot go to HK and skip out on Mongkok! located on the Kowloon side, Mongkok houses many of HK’s best tourist attractions, such as the Ladies Market which sells all sorts of clothes, shoes, bags, jewelery and household items; the Bird Market and the Flower Market; Fa Yuen Street which is sport shoe haven; Portland Street, the infamous red light district in Mongkok; and of course, the wonderful Temple Street (aka Miu Kai) which is in my humble opinion the best street market in all of HK. a quieter Mongkok in the middle of the night Bird Market, Flower Market, Goldfish Market and Fa Yuen Street are great places to shop at if you’re looking for something specific, but even if you’re not looking for what they specialize in, they are all very interesting places that are worth a visit if you have the time. if you don’t, however, i’d suggest going straight to Ladies Market or Temple Street - the former is more fashion-centric and the latter has just about everything under the sun. dont forget to bargain! Portland Street nearby is also worth a look-see; it’s seedy yet vibrant, and definitely intriguing at night. walking amongst all the brothels and vice dens located here is like transporting yourself into one of those HK triad movies! 2. Victoria’s Peak it’s a mountain on HK Island that boasts a magnificent view of Hong Kong, barring smog and mist. the sunset and the nighttime view here are gorgeous. take a tram or bus up from Central to The Peak, then follow the jogging trail around the mountain top till you get to That Spot where you’ll find all the photographers camping out. fair bit of walking, but the view is completely worth it. 3. Islands HK has MANY islands surrounding it, but the more well-known and accessible ones are Lamma, Lantau and Cheung Chau. visiting the islands is something that most tourists dont do because they either dont have time or are not interested in the rural side of HK, but visiting Lamma Island was one of the best things i ever did in HK. Sok Ku Wan on Lamma Island, where all the seafood restaurants are Lamma Island is a 20-30 minute ferry or sampan ride from Aberdeen and Central (i would recommend going from Aberdeen because then you’ll boat past the Aberdeen Fishermen Village, a little village where the people live on boats) and is very quaint and tranquil. i spent some time hiking around the villages in Lamma, peeking into people’s houses (discreetly and from afar!) and playing with the random pet dogs that were running around. it was great just being able to observe and be amongst their culture. later in the evening, i had a fabulous seafood dinner while watching the sunset. Lamma is famous for its seafood, but meals here can get expensive! village in Lamma Island oh and to TVB fans, Lamma Island is where that show ‘Taste of Love’ was filmed :P i would really have loved to visit Lantau Island, but sadly in all my time there i never got to go there :( from what i know of it, Lantau is more developed and more touristy than Lamma is. it’s the island on which that massive Buddha with many steps leading up to it is! Lantau is also home to Tai O, a really old fishing village on stilts that is supposed to be a very interesting visit. 4. Disneyland i didnt like Disneyland very much when i went there. it was expensive, the queues were very long, the rides were unimpressive and the whole of the place just very small. i would give this a miss, but if it’s your cup of tea, why not? 5. Partying at Lan Kwai Fong Lan Kwai Fong is the hip and glitzy party district in Hong Kong, where the yuppies, models and trendy folk are in abundance. it’s the place to go if you’re looking for somewhere to party - lots of bars and clubs in the vicinity. Martian’s favorite HK club, Volar, is here too. clubbing in HK is really different from clubbing in KL; over there, queuing in at the entrance doesnt mean you get in. they are really selective with who they allow to enter, and if you’re not on the guestlist, chances are you wont be getting in. so i mostly prefer just hanging out at the bars on ground-level to people-watch. oh and there are lots of yummy people to watch here :D lots of good restaurants here also! LKF in the daytime. the pubs and bars are up the road Lan Kwai Fong is located in Central, just up the road from Queen’s Rd Central and a short walk from the Mid Levels Escalator. 6. Taking the Ferry view of HK Island from the ferry another one of the things i loved doing in HK was taking the ferry across the harbour from the Kowloon side to the HK Island side. it’s just one of those quintessentially Hong Kong things to do! it’s a beautiful view at night as well if you’re coming from Kowloon and heading towards the brightly-lit and glam HK Island. in the evening just as the sun is setting, it’s even more gorgeous. and if you’re lucky, you may be able to catch one of those red-sailed junk boats sailing across the harbour! i NEVER saw one in my entire time in HK, until Martian took me on one for our first anniversary :) so yes, you can go on the junk boats too! though i regret to inform that i dont know how that is arranged :\ 7. Temples, Museums & Beaches i must say that i’ve only ever visited one temple (Tin Hau) and two beaches (Repulse Bay & Stanley Beach) in Hong Kong and no museums at all, but dont let my lack of enthusiasm stop you from checking out these places :P apparently the Hong Kong Museum of History is quite cool, and temples are really quite an important part of HK culture. as for the beaches… well, i guess as a tourist, there’s really much more to do in HK than tanning at the beach. but Martian recommends Shek O! Stanley Beach 8. Shopping a lot of people i know equate a HK trip to SHOPPING SPREE!!!, and even though i didnt shop very much in HK, i can definitely see why they say that. the fashion is diverse and up-to-date, you can put together the quirkiest styles here, everyone on the street is well-dressed and is good fashion inspiration, and things can get really cheap during the sales. some places that i like to shop at: a) Causeway Bay there is a lot more to CWB than just shopping, and when i’m there, it’s usually to hunt down good places to eat or just to poke around the streets of CWB.. but there are lots and LOTS of boutiques and clothing stores here. mostly trendy stuff that’s geared towards students and young adults. jeans galore. mid-range prices throughout! CWB is located on HK Island, and i would definitely recommend some time spent here even if you’re not looking to do any shopping. lots of good char chan tengs and noodle shops here! b) Nathan Road something like CWB, but more concentrated and is one long road instead of a labyrinth. Nathan Road is located in Tsim Sha Tsui on the Kowloon side, and is heavily trawled by teenagers. mostly street wear, also mid-range prices. the surrounding area of TST also has a lot of shopping c) Harbour City in Tsim Sha Tsui THE BEST SHOPPING MALL IN ALL OF HONG KONG. it’s humongous and has EVERYTHING from low and mid range merchandise to the high end stuff like Gucci and LV. it’s a bit like 1 Utama + Pavilion and i absolutely love it to bits. i could spend all day shopping here! there’s also a City Super (excellent supermarket) as well as cinemas here. Harbour City is on Canton Road in Tsim Sha Tsui. d) Temple Street as mentioned above in the Mongkok section e) Soho in Central i spent a lot of time in Central because Martian lived really nearby when he was staying in Hong Kong. and believe you me, there’s a lot of shopping to be done here too. the shopping here is very much different from that of Causeway Bay and TST; it’s mostly quirky, quaint and themed. there are lots of these small but classy boutiques in the Soho area of Central, where the merchandise are things like pretty dresses, hats, shoes and bags by budding local designers and jewelery. there are also some really cool shops selling earrings, candles, new age books, antiques, girly things and boy’s toys. lots of places to poke around, especially if you’re looking for things and styles that are unique, personalized and quirky. there’s also this street in Central called Pottinger Street, where a short and steep street is dedicated to stalls and stalls selling fancy dress costumes. it’s the COOLEST. i’ve bought loads and loads of stuff here, such as animal ears, angel wings, pirate costumes, police and nurse costumes, wigs, hats, face paint and the like. i love this place! prices can be bargained down. a costume shop in Pottinger Street besides shopping, you can also head down to Queen’s Road Central, which is practically the artery of Central, and treat yourself to an all-HongKong crowd jostle survival :D dont leave HK without doing this! there are also lots of good restaurants and hole-in-the-wall eateries around Central, which brings me to… TO EAT 1. Dim Sum once you have HK dim sum, no other dim sum is ever going to be good enough for you. sigh the siew mai and cheong fun is just …!!! i grasp for words to describe the sublimity. anyways the place where i had the best dim sum in HK is called Fu Sing Shark Fin & Seafood Restaurant. yes they serve shark fin, *scowl*, but the dim sum here is really out of this world - fresh, succulent, delicious, authentic. an absolute MUST-TRY here is the special char siew pau, which is made in polo pau style; it’s slightly crispy on the outside but oh-so-soft on the inside, with juicy marinated barbecued pork filling encased in a fragrant and milky golden bun… MMMM. BEST CHAR SIEW PAU IN THE WORLD. go early though, because this pau runs out quite soon and sometimes you have to place reservations for it. the Fu Sing Shark Fin & Seafood Restaurant is located on the 1st floor of Sunshine Plaza on 353 Lockhart Road, Wan Chai. another place that is recommended for its dim sum is this place called Luk Yu Tea House which is tucked away in a little lane at 24 Stanley Street in Central. i went there on my first trip to HK and i quite liked the dimsum there, but it can be quite expensive. Fu Sing’s dimsum is better and more worth it! Luk Yu Tea House in Central also, you cant go wrong with Maxim’s Palace, which is a tourist favorite. it’s located in City Hall across the Mandarin. it’s not the best food and is always very packed, but it’s convenient to get to and slightly cheaper than other yam cha places. 2. Porridge / Congee HK porridge is smooth and usually very simple in preparation. and also awesome :D you can get porridge in practically all yam cha spots, and they’re usually very good, but the one i like most of all is from this little congee & noodles place called Happy Garden, located on Canton Road just opposite the Harbour City mall in TST. one trip to HK, my parents and i stayed on Canton Road, and EVERY SINGLE NIGHT we went to Happy Garden for late-night wan tan noodles and century egg porridge. that’s how good it is :D 3. Char Chan Tengs HK char chan tengs are what places like Kim Gary and Wongkok CCT got their inspiration from. they are noisy, crowded, brightly-lit little eateries that are open till late, and serve fare like instant noodles, fried rice, sandwiches, that notorious honey-coated french toast and drinks. it’s a very specific kind of cuisine that is unhealthy (haha), cheap (by HK standards… still quite expensive upon conversion from RM) but comforting and sticks to your bones. char chan tengs are everywhere in HK, like EVERYWHERE, and they all really taste the same to me. there’s a chain called Tsui Wah which is supposed to be like an institution of HK because it’s the most familiar to locals and tourists alike, and the food there’s not bad. Martian and i usually pop in there for hot drinks during the winter or for instant noodles when we’re feeling peckish. even though we get places like Kim Gary and all those other HKish places in SS2, i’d definitely recommend you try the real thing in HK :) tung lai cha and kong chai meen ftw! 4. Yung Kee roast goose best and most famous roast goose in HK. it’s located on Wellington Street in Central. fat, succulent, amazing, crispy, tender, oily, delicious goose. enough said. *drools 5. Egg tarts egg tarts at Tai Cheong Bakery oh but you must. you must. YOU MUST. like dimsum, the egg tarts in HK are also a must-have when you visit. there are several famous (as in SUPER FAMOUS with long queues etc) egg tart bakeries in HK, but the one that i love most and always always always go back to is called Tai Cheong Bakery in Lyndhurst Terrace, Central. sigh so good. i have to have it every trip i go to HK. i bought some back for waimin last time and i think she fainted from how yummy it was. let me try to describe it: the egg filling is custardy, soft and sweet; the pastry is smooth, slightly dense but light, and melts in your mouth. it’s pure magic when you take that first bite and let it spread over your tongue. SIGH. please, if you trust me, you have to go to Tai Cheong bakery and buy their egg tarts. 6. DESSERT - Hui Lau Shan (that mango place) and Honeymoon Desserts Hui Lau Shan in Causeway Bay another HK institution. you see it all over the place as well, and even if you dont read Chinese (the signboard is in Chinese) it’s easily recognizable because all these mango-type places usually just jump out at you like that. Hui Lau Shan is a place that sells everything mango, be it pudding, drinks, mango with shaved ice, mango with glutinous rice, mango with sago, and many others. it’s good stuff but the novelty eventually wears off. however, the place that i REALLY like but dont get to go to often cos it doesnt have as much presence as HLS is Honeymoon Dessert. the dessert array here is much wider and much more innovative, yet maintaining many authentic desserts. my favorites here are the Mango Pomelo Sago, Durian & Black Glutinous Rice in Coconut Milk, and Mango & Black Glutinous Rice in Vanilla Cream. mmmmm :)) Honeymoon Dessert has outlets in Sai Kung, Central, Causeway Bay and some other places that i dont know of. Durian & Black Glutinous Rice in Coconut Milk, and Mango & Black Glutinous Rice in Vanilla Cream 7. Krispy Kreme only if you’ve never had them or you have friends clawing at you to buy some back for them! there are several KK outlets across HK, but the only one i’ve ever been to besides the airport outlet is the one at Elgin Street in Soho, Central. the donuts at the airport outlet are slightly more expensive than at the other stores, though! 8. Rice bowls at 7 Eleven cheap and good; absolutely amazing during the winter when it’s like 10 degrees out. i loooooove because they are cheap and so convenient - just pop the bowl in the microwave oven in 7 Eleven and you’re all set. perfect supper solution if you’re lazy to walk very far and want something hot. Rice with Minced Pork and Salted Fish, i do miss you so! 9. Noodles shrimp dumpling noodles again, nothing like the real thing. i dont have a specific place to recommend because these noodles shops are all over the place.. and they’re ALL good :) MISC TIPS 1. English is only widely-spoken in certain areas in Hong Kong, so it’s always helpful to find out the Cantonese name of the place/street/building you want to go to, as most cabbies dont really know the English name of those places, especially streets and buildings. 2. the Octopus Card is very very helpful. it’s a stored value card that you can use for public transport (buses, trams, MTR), at most supermarkets and 7 Elevens and also McDonalds :D you can get them at all MTR stations, which you will most probably be seeing very often because taxi fares in HK are just killer expensive. 3. from the airport, taking the Airport Express is the cheapest and quickest way out. there are 3 stops: Tsing Yi, Kowloon and Hong Kong Island. a return ticket on the Airport Express should cost about HKD 160 (RM 80), whereas a cab from the airport will cost HKD 350 (RM 175) and up. if you are traveling with 1 other person or alone, then the Airport Express is definitely cheaper and drops you at very strategic locations. ———– okay that’s all i can think of for now :) hope it’s helpful, and do feel free to add on to this list if you’ve got any good recommendations for things to do, places to eat at and places to see in Hong Kong!! also do feel free to ask questions, and i will try my best to answer you. What Really Matters there are the things that matter, the things that don’t matter, and lastly, the things that we convince ourselves do matter, but actually don’t. i used to think that pleasing everyone was not impossible, and to an extent, was important, and that all it takes to achieve that is simply a little bit of effort and compromise on my part. but i’m starting to see that it’s tiring. the tray’s getting a little bit too big. and i suppose it all boils down to priorities: who’s important and who’s not? i spent the past few days fretting and being hurt and upset over something that i simply could not fix or help. i also spent the past few days trying to understand why people behave the way they do - why they tell lies, why they make up fictitious sources, why they cant just pick up the goddamn phone and reason things out, why the blame-pushing, why the ally-pulling, why the vindictiveness, why the claws. i canceled a couple of dinners and movies with my friends just so i could sit down and think about how i could solve this. yeah, i have two weeks left here in Malaysia with my loved ones and this is what i do. Martian comes to KL to spend time with me, and i thank him by waving him away to tend to this reeking incident that is built upon the scraps of self-indulgence and hypocrisy. talk about priorities.. mine are certainly all wrong. so yesterday, Martian sat me down (actually, we talked standing up) to explain to me just how silly i was being. the conversation started with him saying, “i am right here in KL and we don’t have much time left together, but you rather tend to these thankless people than tend to me”, and at first i got so angry at him for being so selfish and disregarding the fact that it was important to me that this issue is solved, but as he spoke on, i realized how right he was. if there is anything that this whole incident has taught me, is that the people involved in this are so embroiled in their obsession of coming out on top, that there is just no getting through to them. it’s like talking to someone who’s senile. and i also realize that the more i involved myself in this, the more i am becoming like that too. it all comes down to what really matters and what doesn’t at all. lately i’ve been desperately trying to salvage the things that don’t matter, thinking that they are important, but not realizing that i’m sidelining the things that really do matter. like.. family. friends. Martian. intern lunches at KLCC :D carl’s jr portobello burger. sleep. milo dogs. things like that. and for what? three people who don’t and shouldn’t matter? at first i was so upset that this fracas has caused me to lose three friends, but really, after thinking about it, these people were never friends in the first place. they are relationships not worth salvaging. i wish i’d taken Martian’s advice and told them to fuck off from the start. it would have saved me a lot of fretting, and i could have gone to lunch with voon, emily, andrew and the mechanical man today. but like all nasty things usually do, this issue has taught me good lessons and showed me what’s really important. thank you to all the people who emailed and facebooked me their condolences and to all my friends who called and msn-ed to lend their support and to check if i was okay. it was really very, very touching and i am very relieved that the people in my life are not blaming me for what has happened. and then there’s Martian who always believes in me and knows how to set me straight. and A (haha), who is the kindest and most understanding person ever. and then there are my best friends who have listened to me whine and cry about this and given me some excellent advice, and my other friends who defended me when i needed it most. thanks, you guys =)) you’re the ones that really matter. i’m sorry if i have been very difficult or negligent over the past few days. and one more thing that really matters : earlier tonight, some of my friends threw me a surprise farewell party :))) i was in such a crummy mood and wasn’t expecting it at all. in fact, i almost didn’t get out of the car because i didn’t understand why i had to follow sieutheng up to darren’s house just to get something that she’d left there. but she was like, “DONT YOU WANT TO SEE DARREN’S NEW APARTMENT” and i thought, hey okay why not. i plunked myself down at darren’s computer and starting chatting on msn while sieutheng went to get whatever it was she came to get, and suddenly these fingers closed over my eyes. thinking it was sieutheng, i started swatting the hands away and telling the person to get lost hahahaha and then i turned around to see IVAN!! and then slowly more and more people started coming out of the bedroom and they all said, SURPRISE!! T____________T they even got me a cake that says “Happy Humping in the Big Apple”. hahahaha yeah these are the same bunch of people who got me that naked man cake for my birthday last year. #1 my farewell cake is a New York Cheesecake. ha-ha guys… so funny… HK later helped me scrape out the P in ‘humping’ so that if my parents asked, i could tell them the cake says ‘humming’ :D haih i felt so emo. i didnt think i was going to have a farewell party because sieutheng bluffed me and said everyone was too busy. this beats a boring japanese dinner at South City Plaza (wtf) any day. they all brought food and ice cream and stuff, and we sat around talking rubbish like we always do. i love you guys!! you all make it so much harder to leave malaysia. #2 i just wanna put up this picture cos sieutheng looks so cute #3 this is us camming with Jon who’s all the way in Canada. that’s him telling us to be quiet. stupid wan! webcam with him also wanna tell people to shut up! #4 see. he’s so weird #5 this is everybody! #6 this is everybody with Jon.. hahaha! we carried the laptop and put it amongst us the whole night. it felt like Jon was dead and we were bringing him around in an urn :\ #7 JON AND HIS INFAMOUS MOLE #8 everyone in the kitchen pretending to help Darren clean up polaroid photos from here on! #9 me and the Parrot - we used to squawk at each other in Form 2 when we first discovered that she was actually a parrot. the Faber Castell parrot is her boyfriend #10 this is Sieutheng, my angsty bestie! we were desk buddies for almost our entire high school life #11 i dont know why Ivan’s face is all crumpled here hahaha but i still love him writing this post and all the laughing in between captioning the above photos have put me in such a happy mood :) i feel better than i have for days, and it all began when i learned the difference between what really matters and what doesn’t. Randomosity i am blurry with sleepiness, disappointment and fatigue. but nevermind that. short post because i have to get some sleep lest i die 1. apologies to all the folks who requested for the password for my password protected posts today.. i’m afraid i had to remove them because there is an error with my wordpress theme that only allows the password to be used once. strange thing, that is. oh well. i guess i’m just not meant to rant under cover :\ 2. i watched Midnight Meat Train earlier tonight. zomg. never again will i. 3. i got nagged massively by an accounts lady at The Star today for not clearing the cheques they sent to me previously. it made me sad because i am TRYING my very best to navigate this life of bank accounts and cheques and ICs and visas and whatever documents that are so very confusing!! yet she still scolded me :( and didnt give me new cheques either :( 4. i went to apply for my US Visa today. the officers at the embassy are YUMMY. when the guy who took my file looked deep into my eyes through yonder dusty glass window and said, “please take a seat, we will call your number shortly”, i thought i was going to melt. he had this killer smile and these mischievously sexy eyes. and then the interviewer next to mine, who looked a little bit like Mark Wahlberg, could speak fluent Chinese. sigh. wo ai ni, embassy officers! 5. i have exactly two weeks left before i leave for the US. friends whom i have not seen in ages, please do call me! i would love to see everyone before i go. 6. i have been exceptionally early for everything over the past few days! this is good news! the birth of the new PUNCTUAL me! 7. i miss blogging about food and restaurants. soon, soon… 8. my dinner tonight was a bowl of rice with soya sauce drizzled over it. weep-worthy, my life is. 9. the Dell XPS m1330. what do you guys think? okay that’s all i am capable of writing now. need. sleep. byebye with much love. proper post tomorrow when this pounding in my cranium goes away :( Protected: Testing Again This post is password protected. To view it please enter your password below: Password: Protected: Testing This post is password protected. To view it please enter your password below: Password: Protected: Hypocrites Part Two This post is password protected. To view it please enter your password below: Password: Protected: Hypocrites This post is password protected. To view it please enter your password below: Password: Living Life Unbuttoned there’s this pair of jeans that goes by the tagline – ‘live unbuttoned’. i stared at the tagline for the longest time the other day, and gave it some thought. what does it mean to live unbuttoned? most of us, i think, in some way or another, live our lives – be it just a small part of ourselves or in entirety – in a buttoned, stifling, closed-up state. some of us choose not to let themselves love easily for fear of getting hurt; some others have this one love of their life whom they long to touch and be close to, but have to hold themselves back because that person is not and will never be theirs. and then there are those of us who are stuck in a lifetime of forever portraying themselves as someone they are not, having to keep up appearances to meet expectations, wondering if this endless cycle of doing what they hate is ever going to end. as for me, i have always been the type to love cautiously. the moment i start loving someone, there’s always this panicky voice at the back of my head that tells me i shouldn’t put myself so far out there. and so i quickly withdraw myself, and only love as much as i am loved. the problem with this is that if the other person is just like me, then our relationship is doomed, because neither one is ever going to love the other person unconditionally. it becomes this stunted love that won’t grow. i’ve never actually been left by any of my boyfriends. i’ve been hurt by them, yes, but never have i been fallen out of love with, dumped for someone better, or simply left to be alone. in this aspect, i am spoiled, but i am not ignorant of the fact that it could one day happen to me. and so in a warped attempt to protect myself, i always scare myself with the idea that i’m going to be hurt; that the people i care most about can and will eventually turn around and break my heart into pieces, and then leave me to lick my wounds alone. i’ve become scared to love. i’m scared to be the one in the relationship who gives and gives and find out way too late that it’s all in vain. and that’s why i love cautiously, because i don’t ever want to one day find myself in the situation where i love this one person with all my heart, but he leaves me, and i never saw it coming in the first place. i would like to tell you that i am no longer like this today, but the sad truth is that i still am very much like that. i’m still this panicked girl who holds back from loving the other person more than he loves me. it’s selfish and it’s unfair, i know. especially since i have this great guy who loves me and forgives me no matter how many times i have hurt him in the past, and always opens his arms to me when i realize i’ve done something wrong. and even when i refuse to accept that i am wrong, he comes to get me anyway. he comes to save me from the bathtub, or comes to wrap his arms around me when i’m seething in self-righteousness in the other room. i have this great guy, and yet i love him with buttons on. why am i still holding back? i think it’s about time that i love – and live – unbuttoned :) i can’t and won’t have him think that i love him less than he loves me, because the truth is i love him so much more than that. i love him so much it hurts. he has to know that. and i will prove it to him. i’ll prove to him that I’m in this for the long run, and that i’ll work just as hard at this as he is. i want him to know that he’s the one who made me love and live unbuttoned. hi baby. are you reading this? you’re the one who made me live unbuttoned. i love you :) The Great Columbia Clock is still ticking away. i have so little time left. when i am there, i am going to be so scared. scared because i don’t know what’s happening back home, scared that Martian will meet someone else he likes more and leave me. scared that i’ll be lonely. but then i’ll come back to this post, read it, remember how i felt at this point in time, and i’ll be better again. the jeans that Martian and i are wearing in this post are the Levi’s® 501® :) The X-Party and Gifts for the Martian okay, first of all, an event notification! as we all know, the MTV Asia Awards 2008 is going to be held here in Malaysia this year. if like the most of us, you don’t have tickets to the invite-only awards show, fret not! in conjunction with the awards show, there’s going to be another party happening at the same time on the same day, and it’s called the MTV Asia Awards X-Party! brought to you by Celcom and Genting, the X-Party is going to be the wilder, less formal, let-hair-down twin of the awards show. the awesome Hujan will be performing, as will DJ Tony Touch and Faizal Tahir; all this plus a huge live screening of the Awards Show! X-Party Details: Date: 2nd August 2008 Time: 7pm – 3am Venue: Genting International Showroom Hosts: Cheryl Samad, Jien and Hannah Tan scoring a pair of tickets for the X-Party is simple, and totally easy-peasy for all those who are already party animals! all you have to do is go for a night out at the clubs in your best party-wear and get spotted by the purple X-girls that will be stationed at the hottest clubs in town. catch? your party wear has to have a dash of purple ;) the X-girls have been in three states in the weeks leading up to the party, but they are in KL for only one more night, which is tonight - Thursday the 31st. best of luck catching the X-girls around the clubs, and have fun painting the town purple! —————— i am free to blog right now because Martian is not layaning me at the moment. he used to get very iffy whenever i blogged (which explains why when i’m in Singapore i dont get to blog very much), claiming that i should be spending time with him instead of on my computer, but HEHE i have come up with the perfect solution for that. this is what i got him for his birthday a couple of weeks ago: a PSP! sigh yes it was expensive. but it was an important birthday, and seeing Martian’s excitedness when he opened the gift was worth every cent the PSP cost and every minute spent writing the advertorials that paid for this gift :))))) i got some of his favorite games installed in it, and now all he does is play poker and that car game - whatever it’s called - whenever he has a second to spare. so my plan to have a little bit of time to myself kind of backfired because now he doesn’t even talk to me anymore T____T and then there was one night i paraded this new short skirt in front of him and he didnt even look up from the PSP T____T me and Kitty being bored while he plays poker, haih but it’s quite funny lah cos sometimes he’ll hurry out of the bedroom, and then i’ll walk out and catch him putting the PSP down guiltily. and last week when i was busy preparing for his party and asked him to help me, he said wait ah i need to go take a crap, but he spent something like FORTY FIVE MINUTES in there, and when i looked around, needless to say the PSP was NOWHERE TO BE FOUND. haih i feel angry just thinking about it. what have i done!! sigh nevermind lah at least i have time to blog now. oh and since i get a couple of emails every now and then asking for gift suggestions, i hope the PSP idea and this bit henceforth will help you folks out a little with the gift-getting. Martian and my 2nd anniversary was on the 4th of July several weeks back, and i got him two things, one for each year we’ve been together. see, Martian has two things that he’s most passionate about - history and the environment - so i thought i’d get him stuff that’s related to both these things :) the first thing is a book titled The Chronicle of Malaysia, Fifty Years of Headline News, which is this huge and very heavy compilation of Malaysian newspaper headlines from the past 50 years. every huge piece of news from our Independence Day in 1957 up till last year is documented in that book. it makes the most interesting read for anyone at all, history buff or not, because there are bound to be newspaper articles in there that you will remember reading from way back when. we spent some time poring through the book together and picking up bits of news here and there and telling each other how we felt or what we were thinking when reading those stories or what we were doing/going through during that particular time in that particular year. the sort of stuff Martian likes to do. he’s the nostalgic kind :) this book even comes with this DVD of some really amazing footage that is split according to the regimes of our five Prime Ministers (when it came to Mahathir’s regime, Martian switched the dvd off hahaha wtf). it features videos of events such as the first ever National Day celebration, the first ever parliament meeting, the signing of independence documents, 13 May 1969, the launch of Proton, the great flood of the 70s and many other things. it was really cool seeing in video all these things i’d only ever read about. watching the footage of the floods in the 70s made me feel so proud of my country’s people. there were videos of soldiers and villagers building bridges and boats to bring people to safety, makcik-makciks cooking rice in great big pots to feed all the hungry villagers who had lost their homes, children helping out where they could, and rakyat of all races lending each other their strength and effort to make sure everyone was safe, fed and warm. it was beautiful. but that was in the 70’s. 40 years later it seems we’ve digressed somewhat. i dream that i will one day see a Malaysia like the Malaysia i saw in that video. but that’s a story for another day. hahaha Pak Lah on the cover of Asiaweek in 1984! this book can be found at most bookstores for RM 120, and is a great gift for anyone who loves Malaysian history or for older people who grew up during the times of our country’s infancy and development :) i would highly recommend it, and i plan to buy a copy for my former Sejarah teacher. yeah, Mr Mani. hahaha. he would love it, i think. the other gift i bought for Martian was to address the treehugger and greenie in him. it was … a pair of reusable chopsticks! Martian ALWAYS makes damn a lot of noise when we go out to eat at Japanese restaurants or any place that uses those disposable wooden chopsticks. he even makes noise when i take a straw for my drink :( so a pair of reusable chopsticks is something i’ve been wanting to get for Martian for the longest time, but despite hunting high and low, i have never managed to find any. but great blessings come in the form of D’Jungle People, this team of experiental learning consultants (really fancy term for people who teach you life lessons in the most fun ways ever!) who facilitated all the Brats workshops, camps and events i used to go for :) Google told me that the folks at DJP imported reusable chopsticks from Taiwan and sold them at cost price to their clients in a pledge to save trees from being cut down to be made into chopsticks, and i was just over the moon. i quickly emailed Evan of DJP (who’s a real sweetheart!) to ask if he still had stock, and whaddya know, the next day i was over at their office in PJ to pick up 3 pairs of reusable chopsticks :) these beauties are made of stainless steel and are put together by simply screwing the two halves of a chopstick together at the middle. they come in a slim and sleek case that looks like a pen and can be easily slipped into your pocket or your purse. they’re great :) i love my pair of reusable chopsticks and bring them with me everywhere i go now. the chopsticks make a great gift for anyone at all - the environment-loving people would absolutely appreciate it, and everyone else who never knew how they could help the earth will now know :) i bought each pair of chopsticks at RM 20 from DJP. give them a holler if you want some! they are absolutely wonderful people. okok Martian has finally stopped playing the PSP. YES. BEDTIME. okay g’nite all. hehe Martian is staying with me tonight :) i think it’s my secret birthday today or something. he’s being exceptionally nice to me. earlier today he took me out to have Carl’s Jr for lunch. ZOMG…… do you know how rare it is that he lets me eat junk food. i intend to treasure that moment in my little heart forever and ever.