What is life? It has been a long time last since I blogged. I stopped becoz i thot it was vulnerabl to let the whole world know what you r feeling. The feeling now is horrible.Have you felt truly exhausted? Finding yourself absolutely no strength to carry on with life? That is me now.Dad has been in hospital for the last few days. Things are not looking good, he is like on standby list to die. My dad has been an important figure in my life, he has always been there, whether u like it or not. I used to be the spolit one in the house, being my dad's fave kid, i can basically get what i wan anytime! Afterall, I'm dad's precious. But in the last few years, I din get along too well with him, the number of times which I showed my temper to dad is countless and I know he was just concerned about me. Y is that you only wait til the last moments of his life then u appreciate him? Y is it so hard to tell him you love him, n he better get his ass off that hospital bed and b my dad all over again. Do u think he will ever get that chance?I love you dad, I m not ready to let you go yet. what do i have to do to remove u completely from my mind, my life and my future? karaoke karaoke with nana n xiuhui is always fun. Not only that they are extremely fun people, they are my buddies... we are ourselves when we are with each other! Standing up, dancing to FIR and Wu Yue Tian and Luo Zhi Xiang! ahah I love you gals karaoke karaoke with nana n xiuhui is always fun. Not only that they are extremely fun people, they are my buddies... we are ourselves when we are with each other! Standing up, dancing to FIR and Wu Yue Tian and Luo Zhi Xiang! ahah The Story of You 16 October was the fateful day that I first knew you. At first, I thought you are just one of them, looking for sex partners and fuck buddies. I hardly paid any attention to you until you came to ask my work, real estate. I started to pay slightly more attention to you and you asked for my number. I was hesitant. Should I or should I not. I gave it to you.The fierce exchange of smses started on that very night. You were firing me with questions. Several in a message, afterall how many questions can you squeeze into 160 characters. Still, I needed more to prove that you weren’t one of them. The very next morning, I replied to your last message from the night before, you said that you were waiting anxiously for it. It has been a while last since I met someone like you. Still smsing until I reached office, and had terrible blisters that very day. It was without doubt that I shared that information with you. Later that day, you called me for the very first time, telling me what are the remedies for blisters, because you went to googled for it. It kept me smiling for the rest of the day. You said I made you a happy man that day.You asked me what sort of music I like after you shared that you prefer live band, Maroon 5-type. I told you without hesitating that I love Jay and MayDay. That night, you couldn’t sleep and wanted to talk to me. I asked you why and you said that you don’t need a reason to come talk to me. You sang to me “Yi Lu Xiang Bei” and “Gong Lang”, that moment, I knew I was gone. The next day, you couldn’t wait for me to reply to your message. And I find myself falling for a guy I hardly know for 48 hours. You confidently asked me if I am falling for you, I avoided answering you by asking you the same question. You said “I haven felt like this in a long time, I want to be happy too”. You caught me there, I was yours. That night, I felt fear, fear that if you brought me to such a high place, it would be awfully painful if you dropped me. You said that you will never let go of me, a precious gem to be held in your arms. You were too good for me, I knew that was true but I refused to believe it. The charades of messages went on for the next few days, chalking my bills to 1200 smses. I wouldn’t mind, although we have to find a solution. Shared with nana that I might have found “the one”, she told me to be careful, don’t invest all your feelings in it, I was too happy to heed that advice.Dinner treat by senior partner, I was reluctant to go home. I had plans to go Zouk, you asked me to be a good girl, and to ask you the next time I go. I asked why, you said you had special privileges with your card, I asked you to give me a supplementary card. You asked me for my details. I laughed it off. You started calling me “baby” and I called you “darling”. I laid my cards on the table, and told you that for you, I am willing to take the step and commit to someone after 3 years. You told me that I have made you feel like you haven’t felt in the last 2 years since your ex hurt you. You promised not to let me go, and want to be with me for a long long time, you said that you do not have the capability to hurt anyone anymore. I trusted you with all my heart. One day out shopping, I saw this beautiful Gucci bag, and told you all about it! Your reply was “that’s why I asked you which supp card you want”. Why was my reply, you said “Because I love you from the bottom of my heart” You were perfect. You kept me smiling until we had our first quarrel. You said that it was the last time that you will ever call me and I was being stupid. I bit my tears back and told you that I was being silly and really stupid. I tried to find the tears but it was overwhelmed by the shock I was receiving. You asked me not to do such stupid things again. I asked “to you or to other guys?” You answered me in a soft tone “to me”. My tears became tears of joy.The next day, you were my loving boyfriend again. I gave my whole heart to you and was yours only. 23 November 2006. I did not hear from you the whole day, and asked if you were ignoring me or busy. Your last sms “Busy la dear, I was up since 4am!”I haven’t heard from you since. How was I supposed to react? To wait or to continue life as it is, without you. It has been 2 months, my tears never stopped. My doubts and confusion never stopped coming. I have never felt like this, like how I have never felt as loved as when I was with you. You made me fall so deep, deepest I have ever fell. You were too good to be true, it is so.I can't feel anything now, because you still have my heart. The Story of You 16 October was the fateful day that I first knew you. At first, I thought you are just one of them, looking for sex partners and fuck buddies. I hardly paid any attention to you until you came to ask my work, real estate. I started to pay slightly more attention to you and you asked for my number. I was hesitant. Should I or should I not. moved on ok le! haha :P moved on ok le! haha :P who m i kidding... i m far from 'moved on'i dun think someone who has moved on, think of him everyday, at least once every hour and still pray that he comes back to me. today is the deadline i gave myself to forget him, bullshit...i m the furthest thing from forgetting him finally single I have finally moved on... now i know y i resisted being attached to someone. the emotional rollercoaster of being loved then betrayed is too much to handle. Whatever happened, makes it hard to trust someone again. But anyhow, anything and everything can be cured by retail therapy!!! hehe Recently, i bought a pair of nine west shoes and coach shoes... under $100 together! so happy!! so worth it!...more worth than him... haha :P finally single I have finally moved on... now i know y i resisted being attached to someone. the emotional rollercoaster of being loved then betrayed is too much to handle. merry christmas! it is christmas. y do i still feel so sad?of coz i had a fantastic time with D and jh over the last few days, they had the car so... we went 140 140!!and most of the time, my mind was on him. i really thot he was injured or in mission or really occupied not to call for a month till he stupidly went to view my profile in friendster. i was on the verge of giving up... the deadline i gave myself is nearing and it was easier to let go piece by piece. but saw traces of him and piece by piece came flying back. and then, no reply again... i really hate it.pls let me go or u better do some-darn-thing merry christmas! it is christmas. y do i still feel so sad? 很好 下雨 也好 迷路 也好 空氣裡有種相依為命的味道 愛你很好 連風都知道 第一次心甘情願不想逃 當愛相隨 能完美一切不完美 當你皺眉 我陪你留在天黑的世界 我們是座城堡 愛情放在裡面 很好就算沒有人看好 幸福是因為互相依靠 愛情這座城堡 牽著手才能找到 當我們彼此微笑 請不要打擾 很好 下雨 也好 迷路 也好 空氣裡有種相依為命的味道 Here i am on a wednesday morning, 7.49am, not getting ready for work, sitting n blogging... y? becoz i m on MC. I have a case of infected tonsils, fully equipped with fever n headache... and of coz my best friend, cough. It was horrible last night, i came home n went straight to bed, ignoring the hunger sounds in my tummy... i cried n cried, becoz of pain and becoz of how much i miss him. It made me feel damn weak, but at least i was the only one who knew it, well... till now. Well.... the day has just started and i can hear my sims calling me.. (one is pregnant due to excessive love making) haha :P i better go n help her with the birth! haha the game of waiting i was neva a patient person and that's y i m always late, so that i dun have to wait too long. the current game of waiting involves a guy, someone whom i love. After no news for more than 2 weeks, the hope starts to falter and you find yourself completely lost. i know i have to let go but how to let go of something which u think it's the happiest n luckiest thing that happened to you and will change your future. I m standing at the crossroads now. Left or right... to forget or wait? i really have no idea... what to do?*shrugs*pls give me a sign, lead me out of this torment. the game of waiting i was neva a patient person and that's y i m always late, so that i dun have to wait too long. Healthy Lifestyle I am recently having a healthy lifestyle, eating healthy n exercising! all thanks to nana. not that i mind, but i do miss those days when we wolf down a fabulous chocolate cake! haha maybe that's y we are both fatbut the exercising is worth it, badminton then fitness corner, tennis then swimming. i feel good really, gets my mind off stupid guy. actually i have to thank nana a lot, even when i stupidly decide to be cheated by the guy, she stood by me. and when my decision made me realised how stupid i was, she stood by me. she is gg back soon, and i will neva b able to let go. however, she has to go. for her future but no matter how far she will b, she will always always have a special place in my heart, my best friend. Healthy Lifestyle I am recently having a healthy lifestyle, eating healthy n exercising! all thanks to nana. MOS - Ministry of Sian Tonight was highly anticipated. We were finally going MOS after long hours of work! It has been many months last since we clubbed and nana wanted to see Sg's MOS too... but it was so disappointing!!!The crowd was terrible... felt like some secondary school dance party, nothing could prepare me for the adolescents. They are so... child-like... childish... haha and also the music... *eeekkkk* worse than Zouk... at least Zouk's mambo IS better... hahahaThe only 2 things that made me happy:-1) they checked my ID!!! long time since that happened... hahah btw, I do look old ok!!2) this ang moh from scotland, chatted me up! hahaha but i was leaving already... next time!!!so sleepy now... got to sleep for facial tmr! MOS - Ministry of Sian Tonight was highly anticipated. We were finally going MOS after long hours of work! It has been many months last since we clubbed and nana wanted to see Sg's MOS too... but it was so disappointing!!! Kickboxing Attended my first kickboxing class today... damn... shiokhahaha I initially signed up for the class because it is a hard-to-deny fact that we are in damn bad shape... everyday in office, sit eat sit, then go home eat sleep eat... so u at least need something to work your body out and that's what i got...and now... my body's aching and I m still going swimming tmr... wish me luck!hahah Kickboxing Attended my first kickboxing class today... damn... shiok backie at last haha i finally remember my password (actually i changed)life... since july 11 is filled with nana, nana, nana and erm... crystal n xiuhui (or else i get killed). i stopped blogging since she's back becoz i blogged for her benefit but suddenly... everyone's asking me... hey y u stop blogging? I din know i actually have an audience... yes huiyan i meant u. haha Actually i really find it no point to blog now that both crystal n nana are back and then if i wanted to keep them updated, they are just a phonecall or for crystal's case, she's just across the road! Life hasn't been the greatest. Of course, I have a new laptop now and that I can blog better with the laptop, now i know y. Now that I am finally 23, it doesn't make a difference. Just that you will feel that you would want your life more exciting and of course you get angry at the monotony of life. Everyday office, school, home n sleep. nothing else. And the most frustrating thing is that you can absolutely do nothing about that becoz you dun have the time and the energy to do so. Having these interns in my office reminds me of the wonderful time i had in poly, which were memorable, stupid at times but in the end, unforgettable. I am grateful that I am able to bring some of these memories with me and make new ones with them, yes i meant u, christina, crystal n xiuhui. Without you gals, i dun know what i would b now. maybe dead. Sometimes i would have conclusions about life and even suggestions on how to improve the quality of life but i always dun follow even though i do share some of the theories with my friends, maybe it is time to practise what i preach.I think we are too jaded about life. Sometimes we have to take time to appreciate life! We have to be grateful for the fact that we are able to walk, eat, talk, breathe without difficulties. Things like that comes free but without them, we are nothing. We should be able to open up our lives, embrace every laughter we share, every bite we take and love our family.Maybe if we live life the simple way, we would be able to find happiness in an easier way. backie at last haha i finally remember my password (actually i changed) World Cup is over The world cup is finally over... time to catch on with my sleep... haha I have been an Australian and Portugal fan this year... very happy with their performance, extremely happy with their cute faces. The only thing that I am not happy about is... LOSING MONEY! haha I lost every single match... ta ma de... hahahbut then now... I'm back to my work, school, manicures and books... haha World Cup is over The world cup is finally over... time to catch on with my sleep... haha I have been an Australian and Portugal fan this year... very happy with their performance, extremely happy with their cute faces. The last few days My grandma just passed away.The last few days were full of mixed emotions. I am relieved because she does not have to suffer anymore. I am sad because I don't bear to let her go. I am lost because I don't know what to do on Saturdays afternoon anymore. My grandmother was a wonderful person. She took care of us without hesitation, complaints and unconditionally. She took care of almost all of the grandchildren, 20 in total. She never got angry with us, never scolded us. However, she must be in great pain for the last few years. She don't have to suffer anymore. I love you, ah mah. Rest in peace The last few days My grandma just passed away.