The long and short about The 2012 Olympics Games Mark Richman: Good evening ladies and gentlemen, and a very warm welcome to the closing ceremony of the 2012 Singapore Olympic Games. I am Mark Richman, your host for tonight, and with me is the very sporty and outgoing Jade Jia.Jade Jia: Oh hi everyone, I am Jade Jia! *Flashes megawatt smile*Mark Richman: For those of you who have just joined us in this live telecast, you are witnessing history in the making! Our city state managed to amass an unprecedented haul of 2 gold medals, and we are closing it with a big bang tonight right here at the National Stadium.Jade Jia: Yes Mark, it has been the most incredible games indeed. At the same time though, I’m feeling a tinge of sadness because this will be the last event that is being held at our beloved National Stadium before its closure for demolition. Mark Richman: I know exactly how you feel Jade, but not to worry. I have been to the last few ‘last events’ that the National Stadium hosted, and I’ve always felt cheated, er, I meant inspired afterwards because they just keep having those ‘last events’. I think the National Stadium is the very epitome of the Singaporean ‘Never Say Die’ spirit!Jade Jia: Very well said Mark! You make me feel like singing Count On Me Singapore now!Mark Richman: Well Jade, you make me feel like Mari Kita, eh, I meant feel like singing Mari Kita too, haha. . . . Anyway, let’s have a recap of the most memorable events in the games before the closing ceremony begin!Jade Jia: The most talked about event is of course the Men’s Marathon, in which Singapore won its first ever Olympic gold medal by Olympian Goh Ah Kim. Mark Richman: In what was one of the most controversial moves in the history of Olympics, several athletes were disqualified mid-way through the race after they were caught littering. Jade Jia: For their blatant disregard for our country’s image as a Clean and Green city, not only were they disqualified from the race, they were also fined $500 each. Mark Richman: Racing associations around the world have been crying foul over what they perceive to be draconian measures by the Singaporean authorities. But just between you and me Jade, I think they got away lightly because if they were in Malaysia, they would have been charged with sodomy. Jade Jia: Indeed Mark. Anyway, thanks to the many years of civic education, our very own Goh Ah Kim was the first athlete to cross the finishing line without breaking any rules and won the well deserved gold medal. Kudos to him!Mark Richman: Moving on, Singapore made history when 2WO (RET) Hock Kian Peng became the oldest Olympic gold medalist ever when he won the Men’s Archery. Mark Richman: In our interview with the 60 year-old 2WO (RET) Hock after his win, he revealed his exceptional archery skills were honed during his stint in the armed forces, where he used a lot of eye power and arrowed his subordinates into doing unpleasant duties on a daily basis. Jade Jia: 2WO (RET) Hock’s triumph was however overshadowed when he was caught making out with the very buxomy Ms Coral Chen of the beach volleyball team after supper in the Olympic Village. Mark Richman: Come to think of it Jade, didn’t you lose to Ms Chen in the finals of Miss Sembawang Universe a few years back? Jade Jia: Oh, we are like the best of friends now! In fact, looking at her in her well-filled bikini top and tanned complexion makes me feel like hitting the beach right now!Mark Richman: . . . . Eh Jade, you didn’t just say something offensive on national TV right?Jade Jia: Huh? What are you talking about? Mark Richman: I swore I heard you referring to Ms Chen as a bitch!Jade Jia: . . . . I meant ‘beach’, you dumb f%#k!Mark Richman: . . . . Eh, I think it’s time for a commercial break!. . . . (five minutes later). . . . Mark Richman: Hello everyone, and a very warm welcome back to the live telecast of the closing ceremony of the 2012 Singapore Olympics! Mark Richman: Due to unforeseen circumstances, the lovely Ms Jade Jia have to leave us tonight. But not to worry, you still have me, haha.Mark Richman: And joining me now is Mr Pierre Dom Perrier, our Chef de Mission for the Olympics!Pierre Dom Perrier: Bonjour! I’m Pierre, your Chef de Mission, but I won’t be cooking anything tonight. Haha, just kidding. But I really won’t be cooking anything. No kidding!Mark Richman: So Mr Perrier, how would you rate the performance of our athletes in this Olympics?Pierre Dom Perrier: Mon dieu! After the gold-winning feats in the Men’s Marathon and Archery, I can only describe our performance as terrible!Mark Richman: Huh?!?!? Eh, Mr Perrier can you care to explain that please?Pierre Dom Perrier: You see, given that the maudite vache USA athletes get only a puny USD$25,000 for a gold medal compared to our $1 million, it is inconceivable that we only manage to achieve 2 gold medals while the trou du cul are winning a whole lot more. In fact, it is very shameful, and we have already decided to take punitive actions against the managers and coaches of our Olympic winning teams. Mark Richman: Wow, that’s a interesting school of thought, to say the least. Mr Perrier, can you share with us then what are the initiatives that our sports council will be taking to improve our chances in the next Olympics?Pierre Dom Perrier: Très bon, I glad you asked! For starters, instead of wasting money on sports that are dominated by the Caucasians and Africans such as athletics, we will focus on events that the small-framed Singaporeans excel in. In fact, we have already made a formal request to the International Olympic Council to include events such as the Subaru Challenge, the Great Singapore Sale, and Singapore Idol in the 2016 Games, which we will proudly host on Pulau Ubin. Bon appétit!Mark Richman: That’s great news Mr Perrier! Pierre Dom Perrier: If you think that’s great, there’s more goodies to come! You are going to find this unbelievable, but we have actually managed to convince Michael Schumacher to come out of retirement and lead our F1 team in the 2016 Olympics!Mark Richman: Wow, that’s very exiting Sir, but I think F1 is not an Olympic event. Pierre Dom Perrier: Is it? I ne donnent pas une merde! Haha. Pierre Dom Perrier: Anyway, you will be excited to know that we have identified the primary reason why we can’t perform at the Olympics: our declining birth rate. The logic is quite simple actually. When you don’t have enough babies, you don’t have enough athletes, and so no Olympic medals. Logique!Mark Richman: And how do you propose we increase the birth rate, Mr Perrier?Pierre Dom Perrier: Si simple! We erect more ERP gantries!Mark Richman: Huh?!?!!!??Pierre Dom Perrier: Don’t be so shocked Mark, détendre! You see, getting stuck in a traffic is a very stressful event, and stress are known to have an adverse effect on your sperms. And when you are stuck in the jam, it also represents an opportunity lost as you could be spending the time making sweet faire l'amour with your wife or mistress instead. Heh. Pierre Dom Perrier: So by having more ERP gantries, traffic jams will be reduced, people will be busy making babies, and we will eventually get our Olympic glory! Mark Richman: Wow, I’m totally convinced by your arguments Mr Perrier. Anyway, it’s time for us to stop our commentary and begin the closing ceremony proper. Thanks a lot for your time, Mr Perrier!Pierre Dom Perrier: No problem Mark! And to the wonderful audience at home, au revoir, fils de pute! Mark Richman: And a very warm good bye to you too, Mr cheesepie lanjiao bin! This is Mark Richman, signing out!With Love,Sibeh Sian The long and short about My Weekend Date Over the years, I have grow to accept this uncomfortable fact of life: Hot, single, and very desirable Sweet Young Ex-Classmates will only approach me under the following circumstances:1) When they are trying to sell me insurance.2) When they are trying to con me into some lame-ass MLM scheme (You can make so much money, Sian :D!).3) When they are getting married.I received a call from my ex uni-mate just now, which was nothing short of amazing because she was like the number one hot babe in the faculty, and I was counting my lucky stars when I was randomly picked to be her project mate last time. Despite that, I think I have spoken less than 10 sentences with her sia, heh. After some idle chatting, she casually asked if I was free this Friday, and I made the fatal mistake of saying ‘YES :D!’. And that is the reason why I will be attending her wedding tomorrow.I tried to come up with some lame-ass excuse by saying I might cause distress to her guests because I have BO, but she assured me I smell perfectly fine. Oh well. I wonder when will it be my turn to con people into giving me ang pow sia :(With Love,Sibeh SianP.S. By the way what the current market rate for wedding ang pow huh? 5-star downtown hotel, weekend rate :( The long and short about The Ex Chao Geng-er Hello everyone :D!I have two terrible, terrible confessions for you guys today:Terrible, Terrible Confession #01:1) As mentioned, I spent the better half of my morning at the toilet that day after eating the chao sng chee cheong fun. But I am a Man Who Don’t Like To Waste Food, so I ate the remaining chee cheong fun for supper that night.Ms Tan was not impressed at all when I took a Monday MC.Terrible, Terrible Confession #02:2) I have morphed into a Very Hardworking Boy.Yes, shockingly enough, I have become the model worker in the office. There are so many tasks to do at work, I could hardly find time to pee or go to the pantry. I have even been doing a lot of unpaid OT just to make sure my work is duly completed. To be perfectly frank, I am very ashamed for degenerating into a Hard Worker because I used to take pride in the fact that I take home good money for just playing Spider Solitaire in the office. But aiyah, a man got to move with the times…. A recession is lurking around the corner, and I sure don’t want to be the one getting the axe. If my Boss wants to fire anyone, please let it be anyone but me, oh please!!!! I can’t afford to be jobless now because I have a mother to support, a laptop installment plan to service, and because I am still a virgin :(. What this means is that I will be blogging on a very infrequent basis, like what’s happening for the past few months here, heh. But don’t worry, I still love you all :)!With Love,Sibeh Sian The long and short about What I Had For Breakfast I had chee cheong fun this morning, very nice :D! But I think a bit chao sng, because after that I kept lao sai. Haha.With Love,Sibeh Sian The long and short about Nothing Much Really Hello everyone :D!!!!I know, I know. . . . I haven’t been blogging much! Being the good and obedient boy I am, I am sneaking in an entry now despite the watchful eyes of Ms Tan. For some unknown reason, I have been separated from my usual desk with Nerd, and relocated to a cubicle nearer to her office since the New Year office reno. Walau.I am blogging in peril because if that woman catches me blogging, that will be the end of me sia. But hey, anything for you guys :)I shall list down the reasons why I haven’t been blogging:1) I was busy partying over Christmas and the New Year.As in, I was playing Mario Party 8.2) I am too sad to blog because the digits on my weighing scale keeps getting higher and higher.Which is why I think McDonald’s 24 hr delivery should be banned.3) I have been very busy watching the latest Art Films on the internet.Heh heh heh :)4) I was figuring out how to spend the $2 million I won from Toto.Then I woke up, walau.5) It’s fashionable to close your blogs nowadays. ReallyIt’s so true regarding the last point! Just read Ollie’s blog to see what I mean. And trust me, when you have a life as boring as mine, there’s really nothing much to blog about really! You guys can’t imagine how difficult it is for me to blog. I will be staring at my monitor for don’t-know-how-long before I give up and go back to my Art Films instead. And the whole cycle repeats over and over again. Very siong I tell you. It will only be a matter of thing before the only thing I blog about is what I have for breakfast. Serious! With Love,Sibeh SianP.S. On a happier sidenote, Nerd brought me to the sibeh atas Lawry’s for candlelight Christmas dinner. He is damn romantic sia :) The long and short about Finicky Feline I am so sibeh sian. One of my favorite bloggers of all time have decided that she does not want to blog anymore :(Like many, many others, I have faithfully followed the writings of the dear Finicky Feline since a few decades back. I have no idea why but for someone who also lacks a sex life, her life seems so much more interesting than mine. Oh well. My heart is so painful now, I have decided to pen an epic poem to commemorate one of the greatest bloggers of all time:I Will Miss You, Finicky Feline!“Oh Finicky Feline, oh Finicky Feline!I will miss you and your writings, so very, very much!Your words were so funny, your nickname is so kinky.Oh Finicky Feline, I will miss you so very, very much!”-Sibeh SianWinter, 2008With Love,Sibeh Sian The long and short about Merry Christmas to Everyone :D! Ho ho ho, Merry Merry Christmas to everyone :D!!!!I am in a very joyous mood because I am going for a short getaway, which means I don't have to face the evil visage of Ms Tan (yes, she's back in the office). I will also be unable to blog during this period of time, so here's a big 'paiseh' in advanc for the lack of updates, haha :D....Hope you will be enjoying this Christmas too :)!!!!With Love,Sibeh Sian The long and short about The Prawn Peeler I know this is going to make me sound very, very cheapo, but I just had my third free dinner at Ms Tan’s place. Tonight was this stewed tofu with braised duck meat and drunken prawns, yummy yummy yum yum :D!Unfortunately, I think this is the last time I’m getting my free treat. I know this is going to make me sound very, very ungrateful, but I suspect Ms Tan’s mum is as schizo as her daughter :(I asked Auntie if I can bring Nerd along, and she sounded so happy over the phone. In fact she was very happy when she was scooping rice for the two of us. Nerd was very happy too, and he started peeling the drunken prawns and fed me. I don’t know why but Auntie’s face turned black when she saw that, and was not that nice to us after that. It was really very scary, I tell you. But we still very buay paiseh and stayed for desserts because the momo-chacha smelled so damn good :)There goes my free dinners :(With Love,Sibeh Sian The long and short about The House Visit That Ms Tan is truly a world class malingerer. It’s been a whole week since the marathon, but that woman is still on MC due to heat exhaustion. If you ask me, I think she’s just trying to utilize her annual entitlement of medical leave, heh.Anyway, being the very obedient subordinate that I am, I followed my Boss’ instructions and went to spy on her pay her a house visit. Knowing what kind of person she is, I was seriously apprehensive about the trip because she might serve me poisoned tea. I thus reminded myself not to accept any drinks or cookies (unless she happens to offer me potato chips, which I can’t resist).I was mentally prepared for all sorts of hostility, and was thus woefully unprepared for what was waiting for me at her place: Her very, very friendly parents.I have no idea why but Uncle and Auntie was very hospitable to me the moment I stepped into their place till I left. I think they are very extroverted people because if I were them, I would probably just shut myself in my room when my kid’s colleague come for house visits, which was exactly what Ms Tan did. Although they were very nice folks, their friendliness started to spook me a little when they started asking some very personal questions, such as my dialect group, the composition of my immediate family, and whether if I like babies. Her mum even made me stay for the Hainanese chicken rice that she prepared, which tasted a lot like the ones they sell in kopitiams. I told Auntie her rice was very nice and she was very happy :) She even told me to come for dinner often since I live nearby, which I politely declined because I am a good boy who do not like to take advantage of people’s hospitality. But since she’s preparing chicken soup, which I absolutely love, I find myself saying ‘ok’ to tomorrow night’s dinner. So in conclusion, this house visit thingy is really quite a good deal, because I get to go off from work slightly earlier and get a free dinner too. I think I shall bring Nerd with me tomorrow sia :)With Love,Sibeh Sian The long and short about Me & My Suay Mouth I have a really suay mouth sia. That Ms Tan, aka master malingerer, has extended her MC by another two days. And for goodness’ sake, it’s really not my armpit ok? The evil woman is suffering from dehydration I think. The bad news is that my Boss is very concerned about her, and have tasked me to give her a house visit tomorrow after work. He also told me to bring some chicken soup along. Being the lovely subordinate I am, I will also give her some bottles of expired vintage chicken essence, which was left over from my uni days. I hope she will extend her MC further so I can slack at work get more days to recuperate at home. I can be a really nice guy when I want to :)!With Love,Sibeh Sian The long and short about I Hope It’s Not My Fault! I am getting a bit worried. Ms Tan has been on two days’ worth of MC already!Maybe I should be nice and make some chicken soup for her.. . . . Yah right, not in a million years :D!!!!With Love,Sibeh Sian The long and short about My Very Very Long Run To all you concerned folks out there: I’ve survived :D!!!!I know I have said this before, but I will say this again: I will not, I repeat, will not subject myself to this kind of torture ever again!My day started horribly enough. Nerd offered to give me a ride all the way to the start point at Esplanade, but being the good friend I am I couldn’t take up his offer because that means the poor boy have to wake up at around 3 plus in the morning. However, I seriously regretted not taking advantage taking up his offer because my cab fare came to a staggering $30!!!! As if that was not bad enough, the cab driver lost his way and I had to walk quite a distance to the starting line. I needed to pee urgently, but couldn’t because it was so near the start time already, damn. I eventually watered the bushes of Marina South, but I am now sibeh scared that the pics of my manhood will get STOMPed or something. Walau.Even though I had the minimal of preparation, the completion of the marathon was made possible because of two main reasons:1) I was mentally prepared of what I going to go through because this was my third marathon.2) There were a lot, and I mean a lot of sexy girls to see in the marathon.Man, you should be there to witness for yourself with regards to Point #02. There were toned babes running in the skimpiest of jogging shorts and sport bras, fresh-faced helpers who dished out the 100 Plus, and not forgetting the cheerleaders who went JIA YOU! JIA YOU! when I was panting like an idiot. I wasn’t that enthusiastic about the male cheerleaders though, heh :DWhen I was finally reaching the finishing line, I saw someone whom I never thought I will be fated to meet in this marathon. But there was no mistaking the svelte figure in that familiar running attire and that bobbing ponytail tucked neatly in a pink jogging cap.It was Ms Tan!!!!Now I must say that usually I don’t exactly feel happy about bumping into her on the streets, but I was very excited because after a long run, you will be so happy to find a familiar face in a sea of strangers. So I called out to her and tried to catch up despite my legs which felt like lead.She turned around when she heard me, and you wouldn’t believe what happened next: The unfeeling woman actually ignored me and started sprinting towards the finishing line!I was obviously pissed by her open show of hostility, and thought to myself “Sian, you must show her who is The Man by finishing the race ahead of her.” So I picked up my pace and raced after her with the final ounce of energy that was left in me.I have to hand it to Ms Tan. Despite being such an evil person she can sure run damn well. But I am not pushover of course, and was inching nearer and nearer until I finally came along side her.Me: Ms Tan! Wait for me leh!!!!!Ms Tan: . . . . Me: Ms Tan, don’t like that leh!!!!Ms Tan: . . . . Aiyoh just shut up lah you noisy man!!!!!At that exact moment, Ms Tan lost her balance when some runner bumped into her, and to my horror, came falling towards my direction. Despite her evilness, I couldn’t let a fellow runner fall, and so I stretched my arms wildly with the hope of catching her.And that was when she fell face-first into my sweaty left armpit. Oh well.With Love,Sibeh Sian The long and short about My Marathon Preparation I will be going for the StanChart Marathon this Sunday (the full one hor, don’t play play), and the following are the preparation I’ve done so far:1) Exercised daily by taking the stairs instead of using the lift.2) Maintained a healthy diet of fruits, vegetables, and KFC.3) Bought a new pair of underwear.4) Jogged religiously on an average of twice weekly once weekly about once every four weeks for the past few four weeks. 5) Worked up a sweat by playing Wii Tennis. 6) Refrained from wanking. 7) Caught Stardust over the weekend. Being the honest boy I am, I must confess that all the above points are true except for #01. I gave up after a week because seriously, walking up two flights of stairs after a long hard day at work is not very easy. I also realized that Stardust has got nothing to do with the marathon whatsoever, but it was a very, very nice show nonetheless. I think I am not very prepared for my marathon :(With Love,Sibeh Sian The long and short about The Better Mother Updated!After relentless badgering from Nerd and Office Bimbo, I finally signed up for a Facebook account. I’m beginning to think that was not a very wise decision after finding what my limited circle of friends think of me:I am very, very disturbed.With Love,Sibeh SianUpdate:I was reading Beth’s comment about the ‘better mother’ thingy happening because I wrongly chose ‘female’ as my gender, and I thought to myself: Haha, there’s no way I am so stupid :D!Then I checked my Facebook account and discovered that I have indeed changed my sex unknowingly :( Anyway, just in case you guys are interested, I also got a vote for ‘Most Desired To Get Into Bed With’. The problem is so far I only have Nerd and Office Bimbo in my friend’s list. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that it’s Bimbo who cast me that vote. The long and short about The Real Man of Action Hello everyone!Thanks for all the love and concern, and I am very fortunately still very much alive, haha. I am really very sorry for writing that sad entry and then go MIA all of a sudden. To make up for that, I shall post a half-naked photo of myself for your viewing pleasure:Jokes aside, I really wasn’t feeling exactly happy. Matters of the heart aside, I have been getting flak from Ms Tan for screwing up at work (again). I was also very upset because she refused to let me take my annual leave, which was going to be expired. I am usually a very hum chee gentle kind of guy, but that Friday, I couldn’t take it anymore during one of her scolding sessions and I think I snapped. I left after a “I am not going to see your ugly face for the next two weeks regardless of whether you like it or not.”It felt really good when I said that, and I also felt very macho because I slammed the door too. I am such a bad boy sia, haha. But I am very scared now because I’m worried she might make me pay for the repairs. I went straight to a travel agency after that, and the travel agent was very, very happy when I told him I needed an overseas vacation for 12 days. But I think he was not very happy when I told him my max budget was $1000. Anyway, my moment of enlightenment came from a wise old man during my super extended stay in Sentosa. I was watching Rocky, and he was saying something cheem like “Life is not about how hard you can hit, but how many hits you can take”. I was very inspired, and I have decided not to run anyway anymore, but to face my demons, Ms Tan, with horns and all but with no fears. I shall be a real Man of Action!With Love,Sibeh Sian The long and short about I’m Late And so I finally made myself dial her numbers after hesitating for so long. I heard a voice but it’s not hers. It informs me that the numbers I dialed are not longer in use.....It’s better to be late than never, but when you’re late, things may be too late to change.I’m really sorry for the spate of sad entries recently. I know you guys are here to have a laugh or two, so I will try my best to make my next entry a happier one. And thanks for all your nice birthday wishes! I promise I will write something soon. I will try not to be late this time.With Love,Sibeh Sian The long and short about My Birthday Hello everyone! Sorry for not blogging much recently, but I’ve been feeling kind of depressed recently. As of today, I am officially a 29 year old virgin :(I didn’t want to spend my birthday all alone, so I asked Nerd a week back if he was free to come over for some Wii action tonight. And walau, he said he wasn’t because his KFC Girl has booked him for some stuff already. I hate to say this, but I really haven’t been hanging out with Nerd much ever since he got together with his beloved KFC Girl. I find it hard to blame him because if I have a Special Someone whom I can call my own, I will probably spend all my waking (and hopefully non-waking, heh) moments with her too. Oh well.I was half hoping that maybe he or Office Bimbo will surprise me with a “HAPPY BIRTHDAY :)!” kind of thing today at the office, but that didn’t happen. So I took a half day off in the afternoon to cheer myself up. I think that was a bad decision because I wasted it by wondering aimlessly around at Funan looking at computer stuff which I can’t afford :(I wanted to have a nice dinner at KFC, but decided to do a take-away instead because a kid was holding his birthday party there and the place was quite noisy. It was another bad decision because by the time I reach home the chicken was damn cold already. I tried to heat it up with my oven, but of all days it has to choose today to be spoilt. The coleslaw was a bit “chao seng” also :(I played my Wii for a while but it didn’t feel that fun today, so I went to bed early. But after tossing and turning for hours I ended up sitting in front of my computer instead. I wish I have the guts to call her, but I am a loser.I wish you had a happy birthday, my Sushi Eating Friend.With Love,Sibeh Sian The long and short about Faux Paus Of The Day #48976 Over dinner with a client just now:Client: My hubby-to-be and I are almost done with our wedding preparations! All we are left with is to find a good solemniser and we’ll be done :)Me: . . . . Me: Pardon me, but why would you need a sodomiser for your wedding?!?!??!There is no cure for stupidity :(With Love,Sibeh Sian The long and short about I Am A Terrible, Terrible Boy I have a terrible confession to make today.I went for lunch just now, and as usual ordered from the Chinese Cooked Food Auntie. I was about to tuck into my meal happily when I noticed something different:Instead of the usual three meatballs, I had four!Being the greedy person I am, I ate that extra meatball happily without thinking twice about it. But I’m feeling terrible now because I didn’t pay the $0.30 that an extra meatball usually cost to the poor auntie, who might need it to support her family. What should I do now?!?!?! I am a terrible, terrible boy :(!With Love,Sibeh Sian The long and short about The Trip III I’m finally back! Back to blogging that is, heh.To make a long story short, the past week had been a hellish week at work. I have been staying in the office way past my working hours and managed to reach home only at around midnight. I have absolutely no idea why Ms Tan was so nasty to me because by all accounts, I took great care of her during our week-long trip to Adelaide.The Plane Ride:Although I don’t like Ms Tan, I feel a sense of responsibility towards her because I am the only Man in this two-man trip. So I took the safety video instructions very seriously when the other passengers were busy reading/eating/sleeping. I even tried on the safety vest, which I kind of regretted because the stewardess had to rescue me after I accidentally inflated the damn thing. I knew it was not going to be a very fun trip because the only thing Ms Tan said to me throughout our ride was “Excuse me I need to go to the washroom.” I also think she’s on a diet because she refused supper, so I helped myself to her breasts. As in her portion of the grilled chicken breast, ahem.The Hotel:Horror of horrors, the apartment our Boss booked was fully booked, and there was no way we could switch to separate rooms. The only consolation was that it was two single beds instead of one Queen, heh.I really pity Ms Tan’s future hubby because, my goodness, it was a pain in the ass sleeping with Ms Tan. The mad woman insisted on burning this weird smelling aroma therapy oil at night, and it drove me mad because I absolutely cannot stand aroma therapy. To make matters worse, I forgot to pack my 風油 and there was no way I could rid myself of the horrible headache. The Socialising:Our Aussie host was very nice and hospitable, and brought us to a very nice and filling breakfast the next day. He also asked me if I had a good night’s rest, which I unfortunately have to reply “No I didn’t because she was driving me crazy in bed with her oil and I forgot to bring mine.” There was an awkward silence after that until my host broke into a nervous laugh, which I have no idea why because I don’t find that funny. Ms Tan didn’t find that funny either because she looked very pissed.I hate to say this, but there’s really nothing much to do in Adelaide. I think Ms Tan really enjoys the casino though, because she spends most of our free time at night there. Which was a good thing for me, because I could read the Playboy National Geographic I bought undisturbed :)The Presentation:Besides the site visits and socializing, the main reason why we were in Adelaide in the first place was to give this big-assed presentation to our very important Aussie partners. I thus got the shock of my life when Ms Tan took out my Playboy magazine from her briefcase. Ms Tan was equally shocked too, and that was when I realized I had mistakenly placed the slide handouts into my briefcase instead of hers, and left my Playboy in hers instead. But being the very Clever Boy I am, I rectified the awkward situation by shouting, “I bought donuts for everyone :)!”The Plane Ride Home:I accidentally inflated the damn life jacket again!I think Ms Tan don’t like me very much.With Love,Sibeh Sian The long and short about The Trip II Updated!I’M BACK :D!!!!Yes, I have somehow managed to survive a nightmarish 7-day trip with the nightmarish Ms Tan. And trust me, it was not a very pleasant experience. Just take this simple conversation I had with her while we were posing for a picture for an example:Me: Ms Tan, I look nicer with my left profile or right profile in pictures huh?Ms Tan: . . . . Ms Tan: Your back profile looks nicest.I rest my case. More about my horrible experiences tomorrow.With Love,Sibeh SianUpdate:Really paiseh to everyone! This was unexpected, but I was saddled with an incredible amount of work by Ms Tan ever since we came back from the trip. I would have thought she would be nicer to me after everything that we’ve been through together in Adelaide, but obviously I was wrong. Then again, maybe it was precisely because of what we’ve been through together in Adelaide that she is so nasty. Heh. More about my horrible experiences tomorrow maybe the day after tomorrow I promise some day after today :) The long and short about The Trip The Good News:I can’t believe this!The Boss just summoned me into his office just now. Office Bimbo was supposed to go on a working trip to Adelaide starting this evening, but she can’t make it at the very last minute. So I am going on the all-expenses paid ‘vacation’ with allowance instead :) The Not-So-Good News:I doubt I’ll be blogging for the rest of the week.The Bad News:Office Bimbo was supposed to go with Ms Tan. Meaning I will be going with Ms Tan instead. They were supposed to share a twin room, and I’m keeping my fingers crossed they have amended that arrangement :PWish me luck :D!With Love,Sibeh SianP.S. I am going home now to pack my Ling Ling :) The long and short about What I Learnt From Dieting People, my diet plans for the last few days may not have ended with any pounds shed, but I learned two very, very important and valuable lessons instead:Lesson #01:Never ever start a bad habit, no matter how innocent it may seem at that point of time.For me, it was that single piece of Chicken In A Biscuit that did me in. I thought it was just a bite so it’s not gonna matter, but it did. That single bite led to one whole packet, which in turn led to the McDonald’s, which in turn led to my 3-piece meal at KFC the next day. I officially announce here that my dieting has ended as a complete disaster.Lesson #02:Having two double cheeseburgers with mayonnaise after midnight is damn shiok :)With Love,Sibeh Sian The long and short about Day 2 (+ 3 Hours) Of Diet I finished one whole packet of Chicken In A Biscuit by myself.Even though I have Resolves of Steel, I unfortunately also have Fingers of Hunger who naughtily dialed McDonald’s delivery just now. Then my Mouth of Greed asked for an upsize. Walau.With Love,Sibeh Sian The long and short about Day 2 Of Diet That damn chicken on the packet of Chicken In A Biscuit is screaming “Eat me! EAT ME!”, but I shall resist because I have resolves made of Steel.With Love,Sibeh Sian The long and short about The Things I Do To Look Good Being a Man of Action, I have decided to take positive steps towards making myself more hamsen and attractive. I am glad to report here that the heavy rain this morning did not deter me from running, and I did an amazing 100 rounds. Around my HDB flat. (Actually I lost count after 8 rounds, but I’m quite sure it was close to 100 rounds) The even more amazing thing was that I did an impressive 30 push-ups before my run as a warm up. This may not sound like a lot, but I have to remind you that the last time I did push-ups was in BMT. Heh.I was really sweaty after the run, but being very mindful of my facial condition, I actually used those blotting sheets to ‘de-oil’ my face. Being a very smart boy, I used both sides of the blotter so I can save money, haha. I also took a long bath after that, and even used a moisturizer! I still prefer soap though.Just in case you are thinking I must have had a very heavy lunch in view of my physical exertions, haha, you are wrong! My tummy is getting really bulgy, so I actually forgo my meals. It was tough, but my resolves are made of Steel. I also went for a 4 hour nap to fight the cruel hunger. It is now close to midnight, and the only thing I ate was one bao and one cup of milo during dinner just now. I think I shall go sleep soon so I don’t have to feel hungry, haha. But I have to wait for my mask to be ok first. Being a hamsen boy is very, very difficult.With Love,Sibeh Sian The long and short about My Calling In Life Really sorry folks, couldn’t blog the past few days because I was taking care of Sushi Eating Friend. Eh, more on that next time!With Love,Sibeh Sian The long and short about No Evidence Already Holy Macaroni!I tried to view KFC Girl’s Friendster account just now, but discovered that it’s now accessible to friends only. And her profile pic is not the couple shot with her ah beng boyfriend already!Like this how to show Nerd?!?!?!?!With Love,Sibeh SianP.S. Eh, just in case you are reading this, eh, KFC Girl, I’m not talking about you for the past few entries! Really! The long and short about The Bearer Of Bad News III Being the Sensitive Man I am, I decided to tell Nerd about his not-so-homely KFC Girl through some very subtle means:1) I asked Nerd what does he think of girls who profess to love KFC, but also eats McDonald’s when no one is looking.Nerd says that is perfectly ok. Damn, my analogy is lousy not very good.2) I told Nerd that one of my friend’s girlfriend is two-timing him, and I don’t know what to tell himThat nerd told me that in this kind of situation, it is better to do nothing because True Love will take its course. WTH?!?!?3) I asked Nerd what would he do if his KFC Girl is two-timing him.His reply: “LOL! That will never happen :D!”I was racking my brains for some better ways to hint him when he came over to my desk just now.Nerd: Eh Mr Sian, were you trying to tell me something this morning?Me: . . . . Nerd, you have to listen very carefully to what I am going to tell you now. *proceeds to hold him by the shoulders*Me: . . . . Girls, you can’t trust them too much because they might end up breaking your heart ok? Me: But guys are different! I will always be around here when you need me ok?Nerd: . . . . Oh Mr Sian, you are so nice to me! *proceeds to give me a tight brotherly hug*I have no idea why but Ms Tan chose that exact moment to enter our cubicle. She left without saying a word, but she looked very, very disturbed.With Love,Sibeh Sian The long and short about The Bearer Of Bad News II I have not told Nerd about what I saw that day. Yet.The main reason for my non action is because I don’t want to make that mistake I made last time with Ms Tan and her dad. So instead of real office work, I did a lot of detective work for the past two days instead. Being a very Clever Boy, I managed to worm out KFC Girl’s email account from Nerd, and after several tries and a lucky guess later, I finally managed to discover her Friendster account just now.I was to be utterly shocked because her status shows she is married!Ok ok, I think that the ‘married’ status is probably just a misnomer because she’s only 20 this year. A quick check through her photo gallery though, confirms that the guy I saw holding her hands that day is her boyfriend. After going through her testimonials I also realized they have been together for 8 months already. I have no idea what I should do now. Being the coward the sensitive guy I am, I am also toying with the idea of passing the role of bad news bearer to Office Bimbo. But whatever it is, I think I better act fast because Nerd just cheerily told me the other day that his dad knows the Tiffany people and can get a discount.See lah that Nerd, that time I told him not to eat too much KFC already.With Love,Sibeh Sian