ahem *waves at the two people who are still checking this space everyday*:D panic she is dead. just like that. from the time she'd found out till the last breath she'd taken, was only a span of three months.three short months.i have been a silly girl. i cannot be skipping my follow-ups. i cannot convince myself that i am fine. i cannot run away anymore.*slaps self*come on. pick your guts off the floor. you're not made of tofu....she was so beautiful. i didn't know her well, but she was so beautiful. perhaps i am a little warped. when it rains it fucking pours.i spent all of last night fighting off a very suave, very dashing, very cute playboy. one other dude was insisting on sending me home (which i wriggled out of) and some other people have popped out of nowhere suddenly to make contact.my world is a little weird right now. i kinda just feel like hiding in my safe corner, where i've been happily sitting for awhile. all this attention is a little overwhelming. a spanner in the works? hmm he is five years younger.you know what problems that will mean, don't you?he is canadian.he won't be able to communicate with the fogies. now that is a big, big problem, isn't it?is it?i've been silly enough to take on two jobs, so i haven't had time to mull over this much. it's in the back of my head, but i haven't decided to make a decision yet.jury's still out on this one. in fact, jury has taken a time-out on this one... scribbles i just want to say, google and blogger combining = donkey's balls.hairy ones too.being in a hot and humid country puts me in a bad mood 53 minutes out of every hour. fear of the unknown? quite the contrary.what is it about a mystery that makes it so enticing? when you know less, you imagine more. that's not very healthy. then you build an unrealistic imagery in your head and you're usually headed for disappointment.tsk tsk. argh it's been a long time since i felt like this.i don't like this. i don't like it at all.*smacks self in the head*snap outta it, stupid! :) i have a smile on my face and i can't wipe it off. meh i think i'm too smart for my own good sometimes. i poke around and then i find out too much. perhaps i would be happier if i didn't know so much.gotta rinse out the bad taste in my mind now.bleah. in the lead crayon is (suddenly) in singapore.it seems we're still tuned to the same wavelength.:)very much so. i knew it chalk and cheese are as different as...chalk and cheese. flying in chalk is on a flight right now. coming here.:) crayon an old flame has become a very dear friend, over the span of the last few years. this is the only man i know who would make an effort to apologise for his wrongdoings, to the women he has let down in the past. this is the only man i know who is good friends with all of his ex-girlfriends, and is sincere about maintaining a great friendship. crayon is currently residing in australia.in other news, the whiteboard marker has turned out to be on a different planet from cheese. conversations with whiteboard marker have failed to entertain cheese very much at all... sometimes, whiteboard marker would ask questions which have been answered, twice before. cheese is simply unable to tune in to the same wavelength. nope, not into whiteboard culture. all those synthetic fumes can't be good for you.in other other news, chalk almost made it to singapore for a visit. almost. a day for meat i've booked a table for 6, for 14th october (saturday) 7pm.1. yours truly2. mercermachine3. expat @ large4. indiana jones5. virgin porn star6. machineboyles bouchons is located @ 7 ann siang road.prep your tummies for all-you-can-eat fuckin' excellent fries!:) another chalk let's call him - (whiteboard) marker.which kinda makes sense. chalk is 37 years old. marker is 30. heh. chalks are older than markers, yes. and have been in use for a longer time.hehehehehe.sorry, i haven't been my naturally corny self for awhile now.well, cheese and marker have recently started regular correspondence, despite first contact about a year ago. it became quickly apparent that they are as different as night and day. however, contrary to chalk who used to try to convince cheese that chalk and cheese are wonderfully alike, marker seems to embrace the differences.still early days. we shall see. dinner vote i have been put in charge of organising a dinner gathering for bloggers by [mercermachine], incident documented right [here]. :pi guess it was silly posting the options via comments, which would probably cause a lot of mess, so i'll do this here:can interested peeps coming to the dinner please vote for any of the below? new suggestions are also welcome. :)my tried&tested haunts:[seafood][chinese][japanese skewers][posh italian][great value french steak&fries] (please ignore mushy drivel before the actual food pics and brief description)new spots i've yet to try:[wild rocket][ps cafe] (such a *ahem* useful link)[chubbyhubby on ps cafe][iggy's] (another 'useful' link)[chubbyhubby on iggy's]who's coming?:) ghost town it has come to my attention that this silly little writing pad of mine has been getting more traffic, and i just want to say - sorry it's such a ghost town in here. this blog wasn't meant for garnering viewership, it's just somewhere for me to say all the things i don't say in the [canyon]. you could say the [canyon]'s my public life while this is my private one.that said, not much happens in here because i'm still an editor at heart despite leaving the industry for a few years now. the [canyon] is where i satisfy my publishing urges to put out snippets of my life composed with pictures and words just the way i like them. a magazine of my life. :) my digital scrapbook of memories.so that's where all my spare time goes.once in awhile, i get the urge to rant a little, and that's when i'll come here. :) some ranting also happens in the [canyon]. i'm actually pretty candid on there anyway (there are locked posts for only people on my list to view though, so sign up for a free livejournal account if you're curious). i'm also naturally more vocal there in general, i guess i'm just more used to writing there.readers of the [canyon] do not necessarily know of this place (except for a select few), and i prefer to keep it that way. i don't want people to try to find out who i am inside, after looking at the glossy part of my life. that's not what i want. you can go from in to out, but not from out to in.of course, the ones who have clicked on my linked friends from the [canyon], seen my comments, clicked on my profile and discovered this place after all, deserve to find me here for being smart or just plain lucky. :) seedy not from alcohol, but from antibiotics.currently nursing a sore throat and fever. sigh. methinks my whole group of babes have caught the germs from one of our galpals who has been sick for awhile.tsk.earlier bedtime for me today! sunrise before my bedtime.this is such a strange yet familiar scene. the sun has just risen, the birds are chirping, and i am listening to the sounds of the world waking up. it will be my bedtime soon.i can find no words to describe this carefree, aimless nonchalance. this feeling of not having to be anywhere, while the world rushes to get on its feet and face the day's obligations and duties.while i...i am free.:) grrr i am extremely pissed off.[WTF] teething problems dental surgery tomorrow 10:30am.:s decision is made.i didn't think i would arrive at this so quickly. but he has unwittingly pushed me on to it. he has done an own goal. timeout cheese is taking a two-week break from the refrigerator to chill out (haw haw) and have some quiet time to herself to sort out her thoughts. much objection was expressed, but cheese would not be swayed from her course.it wasn't an easy decision. all cheeses have feelings, you know. and so do chalks. though chalks seem to be much less emotional than cheeses. a wish would clarity please find me? differences perhaps cheese wasn't as different from chalk as it seemed in the past, and different cheeses may have greater differences instead. can the cheeses reach a compromise? absence does make the heart grow fonder.it's terrible, isn't it? that it takes something like absence to remind us of how precious something is? strangers we're like strangers when we fight.it is such an amazing change, isn't it? all the good stops, and all the bad starts. ears close, minds shut down, and the hurt takes over. i tried not to throw daggers at you this time... but stood there for you to throw yours at instead. :) cheese has found the other cheese.chalk took the news very well. with some regret, for sure, and requested for a promise to remain pals.gladly promised.the refrigerator is a happy place.