I Confess: Drawing I wish you’d grow up. Some days you prove to be wiser beyond your years. I feel small and young and I have so much to learn from you. Then, in a singular moment, you pull the curtain tail and I’m reminded why I draw lines. You|Me I Confess: All Of A Sudden I Miss Everyone Yes, it’s a One Tree Hill title. But the point is, I do.. I do miss everyone. I miss my friends from home. I miss my friends who are not at home but are overseas. I miss my girls, I miss my cousins, I miss my family. I miss my dog (which is no longer my dog btw), I miss so many things of home. I miss the places I frequent, I miss the familiar dusty air. I miss my bed. I miss Jenna, I miss Amos, I miss Adrian. I miss Chew. I miss Ai Leen. I miss Li Yen. I miss Ally. I miss Becky. I miss Jac, Joe, Jules, Amanda and Sharon, I miss Edwin, Tai Uei, Ho and the bunch, I miss Yong. I miss Clement, Daniel and Benji. I miss Anna, Anita, Kel, Carrie, Jin, Paul, Linora, Fikri and Caleb. I miss Zeck, Aaron, I miss Ethan Kathia, and Cheryl. I miss Ee Mei. I miss Yen. I miss Andrew. I miss Boon Hock. I miss sitting with friends at Pink. I miss group studying in a dull room at Uni. I miss sitting at the foyer studying all by my lonesome. I miss shopping at One Utama. II miss bumping into people in places. miss driving my Kancil. I miss chicken baked rice at Sweet Bean. I miss Tuesdays with Swensens and Adrian. I miss chatting with mom at the dinner table or living room and lazing on the couch like a cat. I miss being in my own house and I miss healthy soups from mom. I miss dancing around my room. I miss Zone X when my Internet fails me. I miss the occasional trips to the parents room and sleeping on their bed. I swear - there’s something therapeutic about their bed. I miss my shower and my 4 door closet with 2 full length mirrors. I miss my bolster. I miss washing my toilet and stepping in to clean myself thereafter. I miss casual meet ups with friends over Ms Read or the likes. I miss watching movies at GSC. I miss stressful hunts for parking at One Utama. I miss limau ais and roti canai (read: not prata). I miss my lecturers and their jokes. I miss hanging out with them. I miss not knowing what to eat and ending up in Momo Talo and 10-minute tea breaks at conveyor belt sushi parlours. I miss Gills and Le Opera. I miss that tai chow in Lucky Garden and lunches at Wok Hei. I miss cutting my hair with you. I mis the availability of Nicholas instead of counting days to the next trip to KL to get a hair cut. I miss lying next to you on the red couch and falling asleep. I miss seeing your family and playing with Monty. I miss eating beef goulash and the other beef thing. I miss sleeping on yor bed and your blasting shower. I miss playing sudoku with you and I miss sitting in your car with my head on your shoulder and drifting off to sleep. I miss holding your hand while you drive and singing to Queen or Phantom of the Opera at the top of my lungs. I miss talking to you a few decibles higher and you saying “shh… shh.. don’t need to speak so loud” and I’m merajuk and keep quiet.. for a whole of 2 minutes and resume my chattering in my loud excited voice. I miss seeing you on Saturdays to do absolutely nothing because we’re so boring like that. I miss not having to fill my time with various friends everytime I go back home. I miss freedom and sleeping at 5am. I miss Malaysia holidays. I miss highways and driving at Old Klang Road. I miss those sick toll gates. I miss the magnificent view of KL city outside my window. I miss seeing my high school and noticing that the girls look exactly like how I did years ago when I was their age. I guess we are manufactured. I miss hokkien mee, authentic bah kut teh, and char koay teow. I miss ham chin pang and yau char kuai. I miss goreng pisang (pisang goreng, I know) and I miss nasi lemak. I miss real curry puff and good Ikea food. I miss chicken rice and wan ton mee. I miss Baskin Robbins and Italiannis. I miss King Pie suppers and I miss mom’s cooking. I miss ochien at Jalan I don’t know what. There’s so many things of home I miss. I definitely miss you. I confess: the ghost of you summer’s ended and without a trace time goes by - while you remain funny how i thought i walked on through with my heart in one why do i still cry for you dying to get close to you why do i still fear to face the ghost of you how i tried to get you of my mind but you return - all the time i believed i could just let you go like the fool i am why do i still cry for you dying to get close to you oh baby why do i still fear to face the ghost of you i’ve been trying to release you to get my feet back on the ground still i need my hope to hold on to even if i know i should back away it’s just a part of me that i can’t erase why do i still cry for you dying to get close to you why do i still fear to face the ghost of you baby, baby why anyway i try i’m still reminded (the ghost of you) anywhere i go i keep colliding with (the ghost of you) i’ve given up i just can’t fight it (the ghost of you) every time i look away i see the ghost of you - song by michael learns to rock; reminded one again by Yen - I Confess: Sick Parade It started on Thursday with a sore throat. Which turned into a headache with a bone-chilling cold and sneezes on Friday. On Saturday, it developed into a bad runny nose. Today’s Sunday and I’ve a dry cough. Tomorrow, I’ll have a fever or gastric I guess. And either way, I don’t want to see a doctor. It’s so stupid coz the only thing I need is a MC. I can self medicate okay. I Confess: Did You Know… Zombie by The Cranberries Another head hangs lowly, Child is slowly taken. And the violence caused such silence, Who are we mistaken? But you see, it’s not me, it’s not my family. In your head, in your head they are fighting, With their tanks and their bombs, And their bombs and their guns. In your head, in your head, they are crying… In your head, in your head, Zombie, zombie, zombie, Hey, hey, hey. What’s in your head, In your head, Zombie, zombie, zombie? Hey, hey, hey, hey, oh, dou, dou, dou, dou, dou… Another mother’s breakin’, Heart is taking over. When the vi’lence causes silence, We must be mistaken. It’s the same old theme since nineteen-sixteen. In your head, in your head they’re still fighting, With their tanks and their bombs, And their bombs and their guns. In your head, in your head, they are dying… In your head, in your head, Zombie, zombie, zombie, Hey, hey, hey. What’s in your head, In your head, Zombie, zombie, zombie? Hey, hey, hey, hey, oh, oh, oh, Oh, oh, oh, oh, hey, oh, ya, ya-a… Today I heard a local band sing a cover version of this song. And I remember that you introduced this song to my brother when you were Std 5. I was nine then. 14 years later, this song still reminds me of you. I Confess: On a daily basis I miss you. I want you. I need you. I Confess: If a tree falls… If a tree falls, and no one saw it or heard it, did it happen? If a tree in my world fell and I didn’t tell anyone, did it happen? Yeah, it did. But if the world, my world, doesn’t know about it, isn’t it as if it didn’t happen at all? I can act as if it didn’t happen and live in denial – which btw, something I like to do. Friends often wonder why I take so long to tell them about my fallen trees. They wonder why I’d tell a perfect stranger but not them. It’s because you are in my world and you matter. Perfect strangers don’t live in my world. And when I tell you, it really happened. And I’ll have to face reality. So I ask again, if a tree falls, and no one saw it or heard it.. did it actually happen? I Confess: A Fadeaway And that how the song played out. I Confess: Silver lining around a dark cloud ‘your ability to make clear definition and relate to people and their varying personality, it makes you an extreme pleasure to get along with’ I Confess: She… My little cousin Natalie is 4 years old. Her lungs are as strong at Whitney Houston’s and her vocal range by far surpasses Mariah Carey. High high G? Honey, her’s are off the charts! She never fails to wake me up on Saturday mornings and the occasional weekday mornings with her morning vocal exercises. Her day-to-day look is disheveled and sweaty after the many hours of running around the house and upstairs and down. She throws a tanturm when things don’t go her way and learnt how to give the “if looks could kill” many know I’ve got down pat too. She lets out this shameless screams and cries at the top of her lungs when she wants to be carried and we want her to use her legs and walk in the mall. She eats her food, and her dad’s food, and her mom’s food and my food. She drinks the soup and spits the saliva into the soup when she’s blowing the soup to cool it down. I jokingly tell me friends that the only time you’d find her adorable is when she’s sleeping. . . . I lie. She’s most adorable when she asks for me when I’m not out for lunch with them. “Where’s my che che? Where’s my che che Erin?” She’s most adorable when she curls in my arms and sleeps on my shoulder. It hurts like a bitch but it doesn’t matter. I’ll be worried that she’s drooling but that doesn’t matter either. She’s most adorable when she calls me to wait for her when I’m climbing up or down the staircase. When she joins me, we hold hands and walk the rest of the way. She’s most adorable when she hold her hands out coz she wants you to carry her the rest of the way. I tell her every time I carry her that she’s getting heavier and one day I won’t be able to carry her anymore. I dread that day. She’s most adorable when she calls “che che Erin” in the mall and runs up to me to hold my hand and walk with me (Even though I swear every one who sees us gives me a look as if she’s my daughter - seriously, so what?). She’s most adorable when she laughs her infectious laugh, which makes you laugh. And when she knows that you’re tickled by her actions, she’d do it again and again and again to hear you laugh at her antics. She’s most adorable when she greets you with the brightest grin and sparkling eyes when you come home from tired from work. She’s most adorable when she holds your hand and doesn’t let you go. So you have to watch Dora, or Barney or some other mind numbingly boring show with her. She’s most adorable when she flashes her sweet smile and looks up to you with her innocent eyes. What can I say? I love her - noisy, disheveled, dirty and sweaty Natalie. Coz she makes it so friggin’ worth it. I Confess: I think fate does exist Like how MU won the Champions League. Like how pride comes before a fall. Like how Bryan and I are not meant to rock climb together. Bah! Week One, we climb. Week Two, we were busy - and I was waiting for my shoes to come down. Week Three, we climbed. Week Four through Six, we rested Bryan’s poor ankle that got sprained in Week Three. Week Seven, I had returned from the heartland. Week Eight - today - the gym’s shut for wall safety reasons. What the… !@#$!!!! I Confess: With my pots of paint All the world's a stage, And all the men and women merely players: They have their exits and their entrances; And one man in his time plays many parts... This must be my favorite quote of Shakespeare. Because it speaks of how people are players. Players of a game we call ‘Life’. It was a discussion with a friend, a mother and quiet thoughts throughout a book and a recollections of a past movie that leads me to this post. When outside, I’m the proud and pampered, doe-eyed upper middle class. I exude an aura of snobbishness and have the perfect single arched eyebrow and look of disdain to complete this arrogance. I preen at myself in front of mirrors. My clothes further emphasize my social status, and my accent - apparently not local or Asian. I sashay on the catwalk. I am, a star. The boys want me and the girls want to be seen with me. In the solitude of my room, I cry in a corner. Deafening music blasts from behind the brother’s door. In her room, mummy is pretending to sleep. Daddy is in the sister’s room. And my room is filled defeat, loss and evil. The thing about life is that in every family lies a dark secret no one must know. Because if they do, we become vulnerable. We long for the Happy Families and are willing to do whatever it takes to get it - no matter the cost. We’re so good at this game of Charades, we fool even our broken selves. But one unintended glance into “my” life and you’ll find out, that every individual carries a dirty secret - and the facade is a fairy tale we create to make it through the day. And it has semblances to your dark secret. There are about 6 billion people on this earth and we’re all the same. We all carry a hidden past no one must find out. With a sigh, I reach for the concealer, And one single stroke, I awaken into reality. I Confess: Schizophrenia There’s two Erins. The Malaysian Erin, the Singaporean one. The Malaysian one clubs 5 times a year. The Singaporean one broke through that quota in 2 months. The Malaysian eats like there’s no tomorrow, doesn’t exercise and believes in the powers of sleeping the fats aways - and stays thin. The Singaporean one eats a man’s fistful of rice (for dinner), exercises and don’t get enough sleep - and is gaining weight. The Malaysian one (now) feels stress leave her system when she crosses the border into her home. The Singaporean one feels stress pile the second she crosses the border into her home. The Malaysian one dances around her room. The Singaporean one hardly ever does. But I suppose some things never change. They’re both mad shopaholics and only getting worse as the aging years comes with an increased spending power. I Confess: Laxatives I believe in prunes. I feel so much lighter now it’s not even funny. I feel like stuffing my face till I turn purple now. Hahaha! Except that I’m so full it’ll probably go northwards. I don’t advice you to eat them in public. This is a public service announcement brought to you by erintan dot com. I Confess: We are the champions, my friend (again) Glory glory Man UNITED!! Glory glory Man UNITED!!!! Glory glory Man UNITED!!!!!! And the REDS go marching on on ON!!!!! United’s flag is deepest red It shrouded all our Munich dead Before their limbs grew stiff and cold Their heart’s blood dyed it’s ev’ry fold Then raise United’s banner high Beneath it’s shade we’ll live and die So keep the faith and never fear We’ll keep the Red Flag flying here We’ll never die, we’ll never die We’ll never die, we’ll never die We’ll keep the Red flag flying high ‘Cos Man United will never die NOW FOR MOSCOW!!!!!!!!! Poetic ending I tell you. Scholes, Ronaldo and Giggs who won the championship! We did it!! . And Bolton drew. So that’s TWO FREAKING POINTS MAN!! TWO FREAKING POINTS!!! *runs around room* (Not going to make it at office tomorrow) I Confess: as i let myself go into the music if we were a song i wonder how would it sound. i think it would be an hidden emotional song. it would play a happy tune but sing a sad lyric. the melody would play to last a lifetime. but will it fade into silence…? the notes will be staccato in good steady, playing a few octaves. it will never be angry, nor would it carry a depressing note. there would be strings, there would be wind instruments. together it would be poignant and true. the drums play a steady beat. 1, 2, 3, 4. 5, 6, 7, and 8. i think of the singer. i think of a voice reminiscent of sarah mclachlan - but the singer is unknown. the singer’s voice is mesmerizing. but is haunting to a point. the song would bring hope to those who believe in its forever. the song would bring life to those who immerse themselves in it. those who cannot identify with it, will find their spirits lifted. if we are a song and this is the tune and song, do we continue or write the end? I Confess: And the awards goes to… (omg I must be insane to even post this up…) Seriously. If ever there was a competition on worst dressed person on holiday, I would win, hands down, no questions asked. If there was ever a Worst Dressed Club/Community/Country, I’d be President. If there was.. you get my point. Exhibit A Exhibit B Exhibit C Exhibit D Exhibit E Exhibit F Exhibit G Exhibit H There’s more, and worser ones where it all came from but I’m too embarrassed already. So here’s one slightly better pic of me so that you won’t die of a heart failure. I swear, my next holiday I will look better. Well, I’ll try to look better. Disclaimer: All pictures were not photoshopped. Though, I think it’s quite obvious too P.S. - Now would be the time to console me. *ahem* I Confess: I waited Today I sat quietly hoping you’d come… . .. … …. You never appeared. So I left, leaving behind all thoughts, memories and future dreams. I Confess: Random conversation excerpts to remember Conversation excerpts… Yen: So guess where I’ll be staying? Me: Where?! Yen: Oxford Street!!! Me: ??? Yen: You remember Monopoly? Me: Yup! Yen: It’s one of the green ones. Me: Ooooohhh!!!!!! +++ Me: See my stamp pad! *shoves a pretty box with little valentine stamps and ink pad into the webcam* Isn’t it pretty. Roger: Isn’t it for 5 years olds? Me: No, it’s not! It’s pretty! And it’s got all these valentine pictures! (turns the box and sees “Recommended for children below 5″ Me: …Oh, it says “recommended for children below five”… (after the conversation and while blogging this) Sees “NOT recommended for children below 5″ -_-’ In all fairness, the Borders price tag was blocking it… +++ I swear la, I can be so bimbotic sometimes. I suppose I haven’t really written anything personal and relevant lately.. so here’s an update of my life so far. Anyway, settling in the Land of Neverending Sales has its ups and downs. I’m missing KL less and less as I’m introduced to more and more people. Learning a lot in terms of work. Spending lots and assimilating well into the culture here (read: shopping, eating, desserts, clubbing, walk fast, talk fast). Having said that, i do miss my friends and crave to spend quality time with my select dears, darlings, babes, sweeties and sweethearts. I’ve come to realize that my “list of friends to meet” does not seem to work very well as I cannot get past the friends closest to my heart. Because I’m rotating the priority list only. Sigh. I’ll figure this out somehow. Throw a party. But even I don’t want that as I want quality time with each treasured individual. Quality, not quantity right? And I haven’t even had much time to spend with the parental figures. Anyway, as proof that I’m starting to grow roots in the Land of Neverending Sales, I’ve signed up to take dance lessons. Will be starting at the end of next month. Found me a partner to salsa with. Woots! And belly dancing. Thereafter, I’ll take up more dance classes, but for now, my schedule’s getting with rock climbing, and 2 dance classes (but on the same day so it’s not so bad). Have been toying with the idea of taking up one more dance class, but I think I need to set something aside for survival (read: shopping). I Confess: A little boyish, maybe? I was told I’m such a boy (by various others) because: I walk on grass (with and only with my crocs which btw, are ballet flats). I watch football. I speak football. I wake up for football. I come home and the first thing I do is switch on the computer before I check my make up. I will check my football scores and reviews before everything else. I have footie fox to give me all my football scores. I rock climb (Yes! Again! Woohoo!) That said, I cannot wait for Barca vs Man Utd tomorrow morning. The picture of Nou Kamp gives me goosebumps and butterflies in my stomach. Let’s GO MAN UTD! I Confess: Lose Yourself I stare in the mirror today, and I don’t like what I see. The wax smile, the painted eyes. The perfect calligraphy to hide the character within. My eyebrows furrow as she frowns back at me. I’ve been in a relatively pensive mood lately. Something a dear friend said to me online as we were catching up on how we’re doing. He does not know the impact it had left on me and how much time I’ve spent thinking of his careless ribbing. But reality bites and suddenly I’m standing in front of the mirror and realize that the person I’m staring at is not the person I used to be. But that does not scare me. Identification is the first step to recovery. What scares me is the thought that maybe, just maybe, this is who I’m supposed to be. And I just never knew it. I Confess: English lesson Seriously. It’s spelt WEIRD. Spelt W-E-I-R-D, not wierd. It’s THEIR, not they’re, not there. And they all mean different things! It’s DEFINITELY, spelt D-E-F-I-N-I-T-E-L-Y, not definately. It’s its and it’s. IS is not the same thing as ITS or IT’s. it’s surprise, spelt S-U-R-P-R-I-S-E and not suprise. BAH!!!! I Confess: Yet another random meme 1. What kind of blogger annoys you the most. Stupid posts. Annoying writing. And those who takes pictures of absolutely everything. I don’t mean pictures of food and friends. I’m talking about those who literally take pictures of everyday rituals and posts it up as if the readers do not know how to do it already. A completely random example, in no way pointing out to a particular person - the process of drinking water. “I walked into the kitchen [inserts picture of kitchen here] and grabbed a glass [inserts picture of glass here]. I went to the jug [inserts picture of where the water jugs are] and poured water [inserts picture of pouring water into the cup]. And I drank it [inserts picture of blog author drinking]. It was so satisfying [inserts picture of satisfied looking face].” ANNOYING LA! WALAU! As if people don’t know how to drink water! 2. If you were to be stranded on a deserted island, who are the 3 blog buddies you would take with you, and why? McFab bloggers. A clear sign that the others should start blogging too. 3.Where is the place that you want to go the most? A mountain. 4. If you can have 1 dream to come true, what would it be? Lots of money so I don’t have to work. 5. What do you feel like doing right now? Do something productive. 6. What are you afraid to lose the most now? Everything. 7. If you win $1 million, what would you do? Invest. And spend the interest. 8. If you meet someone that you love, would you confess to him/her? No. 9.List out 3 good points of the person who tagged you. Well I wasn’t tagged, but since I stole it from Jenifer. Lovely personality, real (as in WYSIWYG) and true. 10. What are the requirements that you wish from your other half? Brains 11. Which type of person do you hate the most? Possibly people like me. Hahaha. I don’t know. I generally don’t hate people. And if I dislike someone, it could be reasons of which I don’t even understand sometimes. 12. Which do you prefer from your other half? A hug or a kiss? A kiss on the forehead. There’s something so “taking care of you” about that kiss. 13. If you have faults, would you rather the people around you point out to you or would you rather they keep quiet? I think it’s abut finding the right time to tell me my flaws. But I dare say I know my flaws too. 14. What do you think is the most important thing in your life? Life itself. 15. Are you a shopaholic or not? Are you a foodaholic or not? Both. I’m a unrestrained shopaholic who lives to eat. 16. What kind of electronic device/gadget you own that you like most? Tough one. Because I can’t live without my computer (and everything that goes along with it), my mobile phone(s), my DS Lite and my MP3 player. 17. If you have the chance, which part of your character you would like to change? My tactlessness, inability to say no/reject someone and some more 18. What makes you feel disappointed? Not succeeding. 19. If given a chance, do you want to see your future? Tempting. Very tempting. I don’t know. 20. What does your friends labeled you as? Hmm, latest label? Heartbreaker.