wow. it's almost two months since i've last blog. finally, SIP started. it's already the 3rd week.i wonder how's everybody is doing.. hmmm.. miss lotsa people.. although was darn happy when pei ru is just a few units away from my company.. i've only seen her a couple of times.. kinda disappointed.. was hard to have private talk as well.. everybody wants to find out what everybody is doing.. hmm.. though i understand that everyone is curious about each other's doing.. yet we cant reveal nothing because of some confidential paper we signed.. in case we leak out any info.. well, things were pretty fine so long as you're used to it.. i understand that it's natural for people to want to compete with another.. in my company, we hasn't really been given much responsibility unlike ru's company.. which is much smaller as compared to mine.. but people are friendly.. that's what i like about the environment.. female working environment.. except for da bosses.. all males. hmm. got to know another intern from Nan Yang Poly... her bdae falls on the same date as me! how coincidental.. and the funny thing is that me and jean, the nyp girl and xue ting has the same horoscopee...! xue ting is dec baby.. almost a yr diff from her.. i dread working.. not that it's not fun.. it's always challenging.. i cant stand working life.. everyday waking up at 630.. rushing to work.. the routine work.. cant stay out late.. as it is.. i'm starting to fall aslp.. and it's only 10+?! how early.. i miss everyone! cant wait for sat's class.. =D get to see everyone agaaainnnn.. yes, people. i've been busy. busy dating. hahaha. =) hope things.. will turn out well! wow.it's almost two months since i've last blog.finally, SIP started.it's already the 3rd week.i wonder how's everybody is doing.. hmmm..miss lotsa people..although was darn happy when pei ru is just a few units away from my company.. i've only seen her a couple of times.. kinda disappointed.. was hard to have private talk as well.. everybody wants to find out what everybody is doing.. hmm.. though i understand that everyone is curious about each other's doing.. yet we cant reveal nothing because of some confidential paper we signed.. in case we leak out any info..well, things were pretty fine so long as you're used to it.. i understand that it's natural for people to want to compete with another..in my company, we hasn't really been given much responsibility unlike ru's company.. which is much smaller as compared to mine..but people are friendly.. that's what i like about the environment.. female working environment.. except for da bosses.. all males. hmm.got to know another intern from Nan Yang Poly... her bdae falls on the same date as me! how coincidental.. and the funny thing is that me and jean, the nyp girl and xue ting has the same horoscopee...! xue ting is dec baby.. almost a yr diff from her..i dread working.. not that it's not fun.. it's always challenging.. i cant stand working life.. everyday waking up at 630.. rushing to work.. the routine work.. cant stay out late..as it is.. i'm starting to fall aslp.. and it's only 10+?!how early..i miss everyone!cant wait for sat's class.. =Dget to see everyone agaaainnnn..yes, people.i've been busy.busy dating. hahaha. =)hope things..will turn out well! had a bad night. couldn't sleep well..can't even tell if i was aslept..what you said comforts me.. but still.i believe that there are still other things that's worth happy about...the biggest me2you bear in that store.. imagine i get hold of it.. but where can i put it? i believe it's onli good to look at.. but not own it.. yes!! my eyes are bigger than his.. muahahaha.. ;Pafter 5 tries!!! maybe he's more interested to take photo withhhhhhhh.................. *grins* picture says too much.. :) my last blog entry before i hibernate.. haha.. i didn't expect myself to break down when i read her story.. our stories so similar. the path she had chose is like a signal.. for me to follow her. i could have been. but i never try. i've hang on for too long.. 54th month? 4.5 years? does months years say something abt a relationship. nothing. once you lost the feelings.. it's gone. forever. oh wth. i've spend 3 hours talkin to a guy. who talked non-stop about his ex gf. who started to get more and more angry as he talks. and guess what,it's non of my BUSINESS. damn. it's not MY FAULT that I don't understand certain points.PLEASE. why cant EVERYBODY have more PATIENT with me. oh wtf. i shant think about it anymore. thank you all for the support! i'm glad i made it! :D thank you too. ^^i hate the gentleness in you.. whenever you asked me what's wrong. why so sad.it's all becuz' of you. i need someone to talk..with my bear on my lap now... i decided that maybe it is better to jus talk to him instead. arghx. i wanna share my worries with you. but you shun me off. i don't wanna move again. mom wants to shift house again cuz of neighbour issues. it's not that i dun wanna listen to her. but it's very tiring .. everytime as i'm doin my work, she comes in and say what my neighbour did to her for the day. seriously, i dunno if everything was her imagination or she being too sensitive and overreact so often. bukit batok lei. or red hill. NO WAY..........but my sis is rather keen on that idea cuz.. all the universities are located in the west or north? i aint tinkin that far already.. i hate being the oldest. i hate it when mom was so serious when she ask us to listen to what she has to say. i almost wanted to faint. so worried that she's gonna say.. dad's got retrenched. lucky, it was the idea of shifting. if retrench, then smaller flat. :(( dad say.. company not doing well. oh faint. so i asked dad if uncle (boss) will retrench the other 3 uncles who work for him as well.. he say.. probably. mom told us that 1 of the uncle told boss that there's 1 employee who has been secretly taking taxi license without his permission.. wah liew. seems scary. as if the retrenchment is.. coming. mom said that boss left almost immediately after hearing that.. when he was at the hospital for only 10 mins. *%*#%_# him. still, he should acc grandma MORE. everytime show face.. den leave. uncle was drunk. damnit. BIG MOUTH. am sure that employee's gonna get it. enough said. lemme faint. will deal with all these later. presentations coming~ gd luck...................... hopefully.. freedom's coming as well. i hate it when you don't wanna listen. i wonder if we're going thru any financial crisis. it better not happen NOW.cuz.. i dont haf any part time to back me uppppp. why do i say that? dad has been visiting ah ma by taking the train.. but he will first cycle to the interchange.. then he calls me using payphone.. wah.. double faint.. well, it was a private number laaa.. so i reckon that its some pay phone..but still, he's so nice.. called me to ask if i want any supper.. cuz' the the day before.. i actually requested that he buy supper for me.. but.. since i couldn't decide then, so he din buy anything.. and telling me that he has no $$ to watch his favourite movie (origniate frm comics) so i say.. buy the VCD lo.. den he smiled at me and say no $$.. oh that's so sadx . dad works for his brother.. for.. mani mani mani years.. even before i was born! a few years ago.. when the economy was better.. there was pay increment.. but now, he had a pay cut like one or two years ago.. i even heard abt retrenchment.. becuz of the blood relations, my uncle couldn't possibly retrench my dad and .. let the whole family goes into crisis. :( see. obligations. in turn causes conflicts. esp my aunt. forever so calculative. damnit.if i could.. i wouldn't want my dad to work for him. i believe he isn't that happy either. but its for the family. cuz.. HE'S THE MAN.. well, the only man at home too. lol. then there was mom.. always eating plain bread for breakfast.. and asked dad to buy those bread with filling in it.. cuz we're fussy and demand variety.. always place us before herself.. i guess i better scrimp and save!jus to prepare for rainy days.. oh.. shoot me. i'm sucha. :S so.. i better love my dad and mom more.. dad's turning 50 this year! woo. time flies. should be out w lesbo.. chilling.. but then. she forgot to inform me that she has no school todae.. liew. sad. i went to school becuz of her.. !_! since rozy and pei ru didnt go sch.. i was attempted to skip lec as well after drivin lesson.. but never mind.. i shouldnt skip lesson.. mom always nag. lol. should listen to her. drivin sux.. cuz he change car again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i wanna faint. tho he charge cheaper now.. BUT.. BUT.. wah liew. how to pass like that?!?! i was so frustrated the other day when i knew he change car again.. i sorta snapped at him. well, u can't blame me right?! and i was so pissed with projects. and upset that fate didn't play us out again. HE didn't stay on to watch me drive in circuit.. i wonder how was HIS test.. hope HE did well. X)here i am.. at home.......................completemplating whether i should go jogging.. since i've been puttin on weight again.. hope everything's alright soon..and ah mah still in hospital.. say something abt half brain dead.. cuz blood din circulate to that part.. that's why stroke.. ah. i also dont know la. all never say properly. but mom say ah mah recovering le. hmmm. that's good. ah mah, get well soon! met up with crystal after soc lec.. the lec was onli 30mins.. but me & ru were late for 15 mins.. and we both knew that by this time.. the lecturer wld haf alreadi lock up the front door.. but she insisted on knocking.. and tried opening the door.. hoping that the lecturer will be kind enough to open.. but ah ha!! he didnt. half way while we were watching some movie clips. some students actually managed to come in by the front door............... ha. lecturer open the door for them. and they were ALL GUYS.hahaha. BIAS. the funny thing is that my lecturer is also a GUY. woo hoo. am not trying to infer anything about him.keke. so.. i decided to meet up with her.. since it has been ages that we had dinner or something.. din really wanna go home that earli either.. so we headed to parkway. i still remember the last time i went parkway was to go kbox w year1 sem1 peeps.. woo. veri veri long ago.. well.. had duck kway teow.. reminds me of manda.. hahahah. she and her ENG sch kway teow.. then.. MOS burger fries.. did lotsa catching up.. i tink was a 1-way thing.. cuz i kept bombarding her w info abt my life.. lol. sorry dear. was reali happy.. felt like.. the old times.. anyway, ytd was anni. keke. happy anni dar! X) so..another form of emotion adds on.ha.how easy is it to deal with all these?projects.test.and..you.i wanna die.lol.project tension.. not that i'm loving it. but it's inevitable.project submission. project presentations.i DON'T WANT.why cant i juz breeze thru my 3rd year! haha. sickening projects. may they DIE soon.rest in peace. amen. X_Xof cuz, i love them.it's DUMBOS you're talkin abt.leaving outside my door.. jus like that.mom said u were rude. (well, i don't care.)it's a pleasant surprise anyway.after a long tiring day,you get to sEe something you like.yet you dun haf much of it.how nice is that?!becuz we couldn't let my parents know we were together.. (well, back in sec sch)you always leave surprise at my door step instead.i love surprises laaaaaaaaaa.i still do. who doesnt?!?but, how is it possible for me to move on like that?yes yes.. i shamelessly demanded a reason..i wanted YOU to decide whether we should both move on or not.you said you dunno and ask me don't ask u such qns....well.make a choice then. everytime i goes thru this process. it makes me cry. i hate it. i hate to be neither here nor there.and.i knew you were still unhappy abt friday..all i can say is.. i'm sorry.and.i dun wanna see u watching me drive in the circuit TMR. plz.fate, don't play me like that.i cant drive @ ease.i'm the indecisive ones. i'm the one that cannot decide.why aren't you tellin what's on ur mind really?i'm happy that i receive so many dumbos.. at once..i'm upset that there's more reason for me not to give up.. however, only my thoughts didnt..otherwise, i've stopped doing anything..why?why can't i get my happily ever after?where's my knight. my prince. or princesses or whoever.i don't need them laa.too much to handle.may i rest in peace. T_T jus received a bad news this morning.. grandma was hospitalised because.. of stroke! how sad is that? when grandma is already 80+ yrd old.. weak.. and then, there's stroke. i hope there's no other illness that's hurting her.. and please...let her get well soon! Friend Dedicated to all my beloved friends! :) http://dingo.care-mail.com/cards/flash/5409/abc.swfHope 27 clickings doesn't irritate you. Muahaha.. :)) Thank you.. I hate regrets. They make me feel too remorseful. When I could be happy for the whole weekend.. I screwed them up. It's only because u don't understand why I did that.. I didn't mean to.. in any ways. I hate it when you pretend that nothing has happened. That seems to be ur forte.I pray that this emotional turbulence will go away soon. Get well soon! I did not regret doing that favour for you . What I regret was.. What I actually said to you. No idea why all that pop up. I guess I was really upset and tired from all these.I'm willing to forgo sleep for you.. But. Oh well. What had been said dealt a lot of damage to both of us. Nothing can undone my actions.. All I wanted was a chance to care and a simple "thank you".Now is the best time to break free. my life has been too happening!so happening that i've simply toooooooooooooo much to talk about.muahaha. as if. jus plain lazy. last fridaywas suppose to go home immediately after lesson end so that i can go for a jog in the evening.. but.. after much procrastination. i ended up joining T08 for class outing..however, had some last min changes because they went swensen instead...hmmm.. i wish i'm still working actively.. i needa kaching kaching badly. :(it sux feeling penniless.so..i went to have a hair cut instead!but many ppl commented that i look da same.went to kimage @ pei ru's suggestion.hmmm. my stylist suggested that i keep the length cuz she felt that it suits my face better. (oh so sadx. means i've look terribly ugly cuz' i had short hair for quite some time.. booo.)my stylist is only 19!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.shocked.this is one of the times whereby i feel lousy abt myself..i've no skiLLs.lol.note: apply OB's concept - low self-esteem. but i definitely enjoy chatting w her.. it's the fren fren kinda feeling.. cuz we're of the same age ma. gave me lotsa tips on hair treatment.. ans all my W-H-Ys..am thankful that she's so patient.muahaha.so while me n ru were havin our hair cut.. rozy waited for us. kekee.had dinner at magic wok.. pei ru commented that we ordered too much. lol. love da vermicelli and the kway tiao . tom yam soup. oyster omelette.how wonderful. hanging out w the 2 of them. enjoyin simple pleasure in life. :))i love da food.. cuz it's so flavourful! lol.bet they added lotsa MSG.. -.-''hhhmmm. walk ard marina square (unwanted memories..) after rozy left to meet her boy.. keke.. so sweet la. it's abt spending quality time, wasn't it?headed over to esplanade to chill.. jus chattin.. was cool.. like the atmosphere..thank you girls for listening! :))hope i haven bother you peeps..sat n sunusual slacking days.. practically slack on both days..dad cooked my favourite crispy noodle!was a little salty..but definitely flavourful!nowadays.. dad will try to cook something on sat.. whenever me n sis are at home..i wonder why he's so good.yes, yes. i'm hard to please.isn't it nice to have sucha dad.n i heard he's gonna cook this sat too.. prawn mee or something. lol.lemme see if i've any craving.. muahahaa. like my dad's a chef.and.............ms. piggy here. overslept!!!!!!!!!!!!!!was sucha perfect day to watch the final of WC. since there's no sch on monday..IFeltDUMB.oh. shoot me.but well, WC's overrrrrrrrrrrr.i wanted France to win............oh.so sadx. :((monboo.stupid day.was happily slacking at home.. (cuz no school!) going driving after that.like some drama drama. this had to happen.dread driving recently because mr. instructor's car spoil. (i din even had a chance to say BYEBYE to old kok kok car but.. i'm reali comfortable driving her. she's.. GONE.. scrap off.) so he started renting car from another co. with UGLY BOARDS sticking on the car.the boss said that it's a moving advertisement. it's the yellow board with red wordings at eunos mrt carpark. (i don't wanna mention name cuz.. there isn't a need for me to further advertise. :) ) BUT.SO UGLY.i look totally uncool driving the damn car.since it's totally different car model. i'm not used to driving it which resulted in feeling like i've drove for the first time.kept stalling the car throughout my lesson.i so wanna dig a hole and bury myself in when i stall 3 times straight.ARGH.i hate it when PPL LAUGHING AT ME when i'm driving.damn u.once i get my lic.i'll make zillions of copiesANDi'll throw them at you.totally disgusting.while waiting for the green light. there was this man who was a passenger actually turn to me and LAUGH at me.why?i bet it's becuz.i'm a GIRL.well well.we can't run away from the fact that sexism still exist.nevermind, that motivates me to work hard and get my lic @ my first try.so so so.while i was waitin for my turn to make u-turn.i saw HIM.of all people. HIM.way too drama i thought..so i kept turning around to see if it's HIM.. i couldn't reali see carefully but i felt was HIM.. of cuz, i never wanted the person to be waitin behind me to be HIM.and so..i screwed up my drivin after i confirm it was HIM.there's part of me wantin to impress HIM with my drivin skills..tho i'm still an amateur driver. i should be good enough since my prac test is abt 2 wks time.but hell no.my soul.totally lost it when i knew it was HIM.ah.was it fate?fate kept playing me.so..un-fair.and after driving.. met up w HIM.and he said that his instructor commented that i was steady.but before he knew it was ME.he was discussing abt me w his instructor.about my driving skills.he gave some negative comments about my driving.. (forgot wat was it.. lol. bad stuff. so, not worth remembering!)so demoralizing.. make me feel lousier.thankies.but.. thanks for elmo. lol. love it.. cuz' so big wat. muahaha.note that i didn't mention anything about school work?i wanna live in denial.hahaha.:))but i'm glad i've improved..only stall 3 times todae!lol.kinda proud of myself.muhahaa.please bless me..........i'm quite kan chiong laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.there's 3/4 of me that believe i can DO it.but the 1/4 say high chance no.J saw me boarding on the bus while i was goin for drivin lesson.. while he alighted.drama drama. fate. oh. so. sad. so packed.. projects.. school.. driving..i wanna drown my worries in da poooL!some of my latest wants.. lol.super useless stuff. (imagine c's face.. lol.)DUMBO.. i love him. lol. maybe becuz i feel dumb too. lol. crap. it cost 39.90. that's real cheap for sucha pretty thing.. $63.00.i love disney princesses.. common thing about them.. they all had happy ever after ending! :)) i would love to have that too. $199.90!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!$55.00classic! $39.90don't tell me that u love to see me smile.. laugh.. giggle.. trust me, as long as u treat any girl nice . they will do da same. so why me? don't tell me that u onli wanna see those in me. i was happy.. glad that i'm moving on again. (how many times???)after not talking to you for a wk. even when i miss you, i stop the urge to msg you. my babes felt that it's not worth. the on and off thing. the part whereby you manipulate my feelings. and then i have to see you on MONDAY. so, what's the MAIN reason that you didn't want me? wat was it that you were trying to tell me? or hint to me? not you dun wan me? then, wat was it?? i'm glad i didn't probe further either. i don't know why i had no urge.. to know the truth.why can't you jus tell me the bloody reason. but what you have been telling me all these years? F-R-I-E-N-D-S.i'm only a friend you dote on most and treasure most. how ironic!now, i don't want you. cuz.. i feel that i aint good enough for you. haiz. isn't that sadder? dont irritate me. i'm serious. i hate feeling bullied. i've never felt so kan chiong and pissed at the same time. those horrible juniors. it wasn't done on purpose, i swear. but hey. you were being inconsiderate. the printer doesn't belong to you people. don't blame me for giving you that nasty look. i'm leaving this horrible place. i wanna be away from ALL this shit. tomorrow. i'm glad i didn't go back to my sec school on friday. purposely had driving lesson scheduled in the morning. or maybe it was jus coincidental. i have no intentional of walking down the memory lane ya.there's drivin test at the end of the month. how exciting? i wanna get the lic at my first try.and i believe i can!i've been feeling useless for too long.. ha. D+. great wasn't it?never mind about that. i will work harder for other components. tell me why my right eye has been twitching all day long. oh dear. why do i still feel lonely even when i'm in a crowd? things have been pretty much the same as before.2 weeks of holiday just whizzed by like that!i'm liking T08 even better.endless of class outings.. and we even had a second chalet!! :))Kai couldn't rush back in time.. therefore he decided to pose @ where ever he was at.. interestingly, there was alex and cliffton trying to kiss JR! none of us knew about it until laterr.. a better one!quan jia fu! groupmates for 1 year..... woo. how cool was that~ girlies. :)) on a lighter note, i've finally got accepted by 1 company..gotten my placement only the day before the deadline.how screwed up was i??but I'm glad I made it! :))met up with some of the T08 at PS after work.though i'm worn out from the whole journey of concept -> work -> ps but i'm glad i went.had dinner at ps food court.. initial plan was jus to have dinner with the T08s. movie tickets are expensive on fridays. oh well.and someone jus suggested cafes... and then the movie was cancel.chill @ mind's cafe. was good for sucha gathering..choices of drinks and snacks are limited.my newest collection! : )) taken very very long ago.i miss you.. :))ps: dar, happy anniversary! was elated to receive your msg todae.. hee. i wonder where you are tonight. would you be able to sense the loneliness i'm having now. the moment you confirmed my status as friend. the one i love seem to disappear. i guess. i can only be the friend that you treasure most and dote on most. ironic? i wish you told me otherwise. i shall tuck away the memories. of us.. i need SOMEONE now. jus' anyone. to help me make DECISIONS abt my SIP placement. i never like making decisions anyway. i don't wanna make a decision outta desperation cuz' i know i will prolly regret it later. but i don't have TIME... oh HOWwwww! and oh, this is one of those time whereby having a BF is good. muahaha. i'm off . to drown my kan chiong-ness, worries and wateva shit feeling in the pool later. and i fucking screwed up another application. damnit. when i check this and that . something else have to happen. this time, it's the subject. WHY DIDNT I CHECK PROPERLY????? i check the cover letter TWICE. the resume TWICE. but never would i have imagine that I would have TYPED THE SUBJECT WRONGLY.. WRONG COMPANY NAME again.. first error was .. forgetting to attach my cover letter..second error was.. wrong company name in my resume.. third error was.. grammer mistake in my cover letter..fourth error was.. wrong company name in my subject.. and it limits my chances again because of another screwed up email. i'm so disappointed in myself. i'm losing another chance because of my carelessness. what a great way to end my night. or morning? I should be doing FILA now.. I've been watching tv since 7.. Until 11!!!! 7 - 8: Korean drama.. Xin Niang 18 Shui. 8 - 9: Superband revival round. Hope lucify will get in though. G-Force quite good too. 9 - 10: Women of times on chan 8. Curse Edmund Chen.. Always cheating on Fann Wong. 10 - 11: Desperate housewives! (And miss Da Chang Jin??!! I muz be crazy.) the first time i caught the show.. hot babeess.. Evaaaaaa.. TV entertains me when I don't wanna do anything but slack! Even if there's nothing but news showing on tv.. or jus commercials.. My eyes will stil be glued to the tv. :D I should be doing FILA now.. Both Manda & I are procrastinating about it now. She's off eating her mee sua. Slurp. Bedok has nice mee sua.. pig kidney mee sua? Getting a placement is still my biggest worry now. Not to mention that there's OB test on wed.. even tho it's jus a MCQ test, i'm sure it's gonna get quite tricky with the phrasing or whatsoever. And, I know many people have already been offered a position somewhere.. This whole thing sux.. Moreover, I've only been applying events company.. Some say I don't have what it takes to be in the events industry. Who cares? I'll do what I like. Even if it's doing all the shit, I'll stick to my decision. Am finally going down for an interview.. My very first interview! Muahaha. Well well, they practically called everyone who sent their resume in. Despite screwing up the application.. I stil hope to ace the interview so that he/she may consider me once again.. God bless, please.Seen a doc on sun. Puking & having diarrhoea are signs of stress (in my case) But I never thought that I was stress.. Okay, maybe when i tried to run away from home for 2 hours. Muahaha. I thought that was very dumb of me.. But he's good. I like the way he patiently answer my never ending questions and tries to find out more about my lifestyle habits. Indeed, the medicine makes my nose a little more comfort.. Please phone, RING some more.. From unknown callers please. I have no intentions of expressing any forms of emotions. Despite feeling angry and disappointed.. I know it's best that I shut up and keep it with me.Well, it saved us the trouble. Didn't it? Sigh.Our perceptions differ way too much. Another obstacle for us? I doubt I can handle it . Unknown caller oh my god.i got a shock from an unknown caller.and i thought it was for my internship???how could it be possible that the lady call me within an hour after i sent out my resume??sigh.i wish it was for my internship.i'm desperate. very.it was a lady no doubt.. but she's from DW Group Pte Ltd. ( i forgot to ask her for the company's name.. but i search for the name based on the address..)asking me if i would like to join her company for admin or sales & marketing..she mentioned that she got my number from some survey company..she asked me to go down for an interview as well.i was THRILLED to see an unknown number.BUT WHY..wasn't it from any of the companies that i've applied???God, please help.